Sunday, 26 October 2008

Good old Oz

Just a quick one today.

An old friend of mine known as El-cleef (don’t ask), is away to the antipodes in November for a month. He is going to see family members in good old Oz.

I have a couple of reminders for him.

Don’t forget the surgical stockings on the plane.
Don’t forget to check under the dunny seat in the mornings.

And just to help him out, some Australian to English translations. So that he can communicate with the “natives”

May your chooks turn into emus and kick your shithouse door down- I am not very happy with you.

Bum nuts-eggs, for your breakfast.

A bush pig-an ugly woman, very useful.

Dry as a dead dingo's donger-very dry, as in I need a drink, or we haven’t had any rain lately. I am sure you all know what a “donger” is.

Dunny budgies- flies

Bloody Galah-obnoxious, noisy, often stupid person .

Joe Blake-a snake, so if someone says “look it’s Joe Blake”, run like hell.

Jumbuck-a sheep, not very jolly from what I’ve heard, more like nervous.

Matilda-old term for a swag, bedroll. As in "waltzing your Matilda". Not the neighbours wife.

Mystery bags-sausages because you don't know what went into them.

Noah's Ark-a shark, this is very important, if you are swimming and someone shouts “Noahs Ark” it doesn’t mean there is a boat, it means do a Jesus and run as fast as you can on the water.

Thongs-Rubber sandals or flip-flops, so if you are given a “thong” don’t shove it up your arse crack, it could be very painful.

Root-work that one out for yourself but just a hint, don’t ask a cobber for one.

So there you are El-Cleef, hope it helps and “good on yer”

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY, may your nuts never go rusty.

Angus Dei

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