Wednesday, 22 July 2009

Knickers nicker, In-line Maniac, Suggestive Sausages and a Farracitro

I am having real problems with the internet today; my diagnostics say everything is fine; I have a connection speed of 4.8 Mbps but web pages are taking ten minutes to load.

I think the server may have swine flu.

First up (hopefully):

Officers raided 56-year-old Michael Wolker's flat after he was stopped leaving a club with three pairs of used underpants in a bag.

And found more than 1,000 pairs.

Wolker also had more than 100 pairs of swimming trunks, they were all evidently in use, but had been washed and neatly stacked away,' a police spokesman said.

Wolker denies stealing the underwear, claiming he obtained them over the internet and from car boot sales.

Yeah right, most men have about seven pairs (not me of course I have at least, well eight pairs), and if they are single maybe less than that.

Because as the old adage goes “you can only wear one pair at a time”.

Wearing specially designed in-line skates, Dirk Auer made the attempt at the Trips Drill theme park in Stuttgart, Germany.

Reaching speeds of 90 kph, Mr Auer skated the 860 metre track in just over one minute.

This was a very dangerous stunt because there were so many factors to consider," said the 36-year-old, who conquered the rickety ride last weekend.

"The roller caster is wooden and so unlike rides made from iron and steel there was always a chance of the odd nail or screw that would not be entirely flat.

"If the skates were to catch a stray nail then I could have fallen and I would almost certainly have died."

Spending two months planning the outrageous stunt, Dirk also designed and made the monster skates, which took him a total of 110 hours work.

He already holds the world record for reaching speeds of 307 km/h as he was dragged along behind a Porsche GT2 and has raced down a roller-coaster wearing only his skates.

Dirk, from Gross-Gerau near Frankfurt, is considered to be the most extreme inline-skater in the world.

That is not the description I would use.

A sexually suggestive ad campaign for Mattesons smoked pork sausages has been criticised by the advertising watchdog.

The innuendo-filled radio adverts for Mattesons sausages asked listeners where they would like to "stick it".

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) upheld complaints that the ads should not have been aired when children were likely to be listening.

The ASA ruled that the four adverts, broadcast on Forth One, Clyde Radio and Real Radio, must no longer be aired at times when children were likely to be listening.

It is obvious where you would “stick it” isn’t it?

And finally:
Yet more maniacs have decided to cross a Citroen 2CV with a Ferrari – and produced a bread van which can travel at 180mph.

The bizarre hybrid took the pair five years and cost more than £150,000 to put together.

They took the chassis and engine of a speedy Ferrari F355 Berlinetta and combined it with the body of a 12bhp Citroen 2CV Fourgonnette bread-van.

And they stuck the iconic prancing pony logo on the front above the famous Citroen double chevron emblem.

The result of their efforts is a striking vehicle that can accelerate from 0 to 60mph in less than five seconds.

The car was put together by Nicolo Lamberti, 35, and Milko Dalla Costa, 51, who run the Italian Nimik rally team.

Mr Lamberti said they found the Ferrari at an "interesting price" and decided to modify it.

They had the idea to combine it with the 2CV after seeing it abandoned in the back of a garage in Turate, in Northern Italy.

That is a lot of bread for well, a bread van.


Angus Dei politico



James Higham said...

Yeah right, most men have about seven pairs (not me of course I have at least, well eight pairs), and if they are single maybe less than that.

Funny you should mention that becasue I was just looking at my tattered relics and thinking I'd buy two three-packs today, bringing the usable number to seven.

James Higham said...

Forgive this OT promotion but please support Man in a Shed’s “Silly Week” next week. Logos are available at his site. James

Phidelm said...

1). Knickers! Well, somebody had to say it ...
2). Roller-coaster blader: all that ingenuity deployed for something completely pointless. Words fail me.
3). Britsaus not bought from skilled butcher-wot-makes-own should be, er, stuck ...
4). Mock not! I dream of a stretch Trabant.
Need laugh today, is turning out to be bureaucratic nightmare!

angus said...

James no probs, I wull just carry on as usual then:)


I had a trabant once (bought it for a bet) it lasted about a week then blew up.

Bit more "cheer up" from Milligna

My Sister Laura
My sister Laura's bigger than me
And lifts me up quite easily.
I can't lift her, I've tried and tried;
She must have something heavy inside.

English Teeth, English Teeth!
Shining in the sun
A part of British heritage
Aye, each and every one.
English Teeth, Happy Teeth!
Always having fun
Clamping down on bits of fish
And sausages half done.
English Teeth! HEROES' Teeth!
Hear them click! and clacK!
Let's sing a song of praise to them -
Three Cheers for the Brown Grey and Black.

Phidelm said...

More Milligna - hoorayhoorayhooray, oh joy! Thank you.
So Trabis really ARE that bad ;-)?! 2CV van it is, then.

angus said...

trabis are abysmal: 3 cylinder two stroke engine, column gear change which breaks every time you change gear, seats about as thick as tissue paper, electrics that only work if there is a full moon, no soundproofing at all, it feels as if you are inside a lawn mower, and no I haven't cut the grass yet:)

Phidelm said...

Hm. After that testimonial for the Trabi, I'd better stick to Skoda Fabia 1.4 hatch after all (rented one for long-ish trip 2 yrs ago, was sweet as nut - the car; the trip was sh**e).
Angus, you know what happens when the grass gets too long ...
Still, good source protein/dairy/dosh and gives Ratface The BC further amusement (+ staff).

Phidelm said...

PS Trabi sounds like the Citroen AX I had 10 yrs ago - named 'Olley the Trolley'.

CherryPie said...

Makes me wonder what he did to get hold of 3 pairs of used pants...