Monday, 24 August 2009

Big Buzzy French things, Big noisy French air guitars, French Gnome Nicker, French Jokes and dire que?

You may notice a theme to today’s post this is purely coincidental, and is no way a slur on the French, the French way of life, French insects or French gnomes, no French people, French animals, French garden ornaments or invisible French guitars were harmed during research for this blog.

I have many friends in France, mind you they are either British or American.
Some people may be offended by the material below, if you are don’t read it.

Tomorrow I might insult another country, but they don’t own my water supply company.

Having said that:


First up:





Tourists are being warned to steer clear of Asian hornets that are colonising France, after swarms of the aggressive predators attacked seven people.

The bee-eating hornets, instantly recognisable by their yellow feet, are rapidly spreading round France and entomologists fear that they will eventually cross the Channel and arrive in Britain.

Hundreds of the insects attacked a mother on a stroll with her five-month-old baby in the Lot-et-Garonne department, southwestern France, at the weekend before turning on a neighbour who ran over to help. The baby was unharmed.

They then pursued two passers by and two Dutch tourists on bikes. The victims were treated in hospital for multiple stings, which are said to be as painful as a hot nail piercing the skin.

In the same week, a cleaner in local primary school came under attack after disturbing a hornet nest hidden in the ground.

The Vespa velutina, which grow up to an inch in length, is thought to have arrived in France from the Far East in a consignment of Chinese pottery in late 2004.

They first settled in the forests of Aquitaine, but quickly fanned out to surrounding areas, thriving on rising temperatures linked to global warming and the lack of indigenous predators.


Yeah, like I am going to get close enough to see if the little buggers have yellow feet.







Frenchman Sylvain Quimene has won the 2009 Air Guitar World Championships after wowing judges with his acrobatic dance routines and outrageous outfits, the event's organisers in Finland said.

Parisian Quimene, who performs under the stage name of Gunther Love, took first place in the competition in Oulu, northern Finland late on Friday evening (local time).

The 28-year-old clad in a skin-tight golden leotard, impressed judges with his imaginary guitar solos and backflip moves.

Although the United States may have given the world rock and roll, the country's air guitar heroes were no match for the French flair of Quimene.

He picked up 35.1 points and beat off tough competition from last year's winner, American Craig "Hot Lixx Hulahan" Billmeier.

Billmeier and his compatriot Andrew "William Ocean" Litz finished in joint second place behind Quimene with 24.8 points.

Air guitarists taking part in the competition had to perform a 60-second song of their own choice - by pretending to play rock or heavy metal without an actual instrument.

A jury then awarded marks to each performer based on the choice of music, stage presence,
technical merit and artistic impression.#



Great, winning a contest for non existent musical instruments must really boost your moral.








Police in Brittany have arrested a 53-year-old man accused of stealing 170 garden gnomes and other ornaments, Der Spiegel reports—to the surprise of the many who figured the Garden Gnome Liberation Front was behind it.

The entire stash was squeezed into the man's 215-square-foot garden, a sight police described as "a real mise en scène on green-painted stones." Local residents eager to get their pilfered pixies back have flooded the authorities with calls, but the accused thief apparently repainted some of the ornaments beyond recognition, meaning the reunification of gnome with garden might have to wait.


Here today Gnome tomorrow.



Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? A: Nobody knows. It's never been tried. ---Missouri Republican Rep. Roy Blunt

Q: Why are there so many tree-lined boulevards in France?
A: Germans like to march in the shade.
Q: Then why are the French chopping down the trees now?
A: The Arabs like to march in the sun.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish" says the genie.

The Welshman says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Wales."

With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in Wales was forever made fertile for farming.

The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country. Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France.

The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."





MONTREAL – In Lara Croft's latest action adventure, part of the wildly popular Tomb Raider video game series, the lithe heroine can demand of her evil doppelganger either, "What the hell are you?" or, "Qu'est-ce que tu es, exactement?"

And that's exactly the way Quebec wants it, from now on. French language rules on video games come into force today prohibiting the sale of new English-only video games in Quebec if a French version is available.

It's causing a lot of consternation among retailers and gamers alike, who fear the rules will lead to delays in video games arriving in the province, and may not accomplish what the law intends, which is to promote and protect the French language.

Ronnie Rondeau, co-owner of the eight Game Buzz stores around Montreal, said he even fears bankruptcy.

"I'm afraid it's going to cost me my business," Rondeau said. "If it really was going to make a difference, I'd be for it, but only a small number of people want to play in French. The rest don't care.

"And money-wise, it's going to hurt."

Toutikian, who said he has friends who learned English playing video games, added, "I don't think it will encourage people to buy the French version."

In the past, technical aspects, such as different game console versions sold in North America versus Europe, prevented even games released in France from appearing in Quebec. The result was that Quebec had mostly English games available.

The gaming industry adopted deadlines to comply with the province's language charter and the "language police," the Office québécois de la langue française.


OK, Ok, I know the last one isn’t about France; do you have any idea how hard it is to defame a country?


Angus


AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico

2 comments:

James Higham said...

The Garden Gnome Liberation Front

Classic although it is theft, I suppose. I like the group which goes round to French cafes and peers at diners, pointing out certain things in their eating habits and having a good laugh, before moving on to the next cafe.

angus said...

You just can't allow some people in public places:)