But I see the world has not stopped in my absence and there are plenty of “stories” to comment on.
Brazil: that’s the one with the Amazon, have come up with a novel idea: save water and the country's forests by urinating in the shower.
Television ads show cartoon dancers, sportsmen and aliens relieving themselves while showering in order to avoid flushing.
The ads are produced by an environmental group that says each household can save more than 4,000 litres of water a year by avoiding one flush a day
Way too late with that innovation.
Instead of getting help he decides to start it by spinning the propeller by hand and it starts!
Snag is that when the plane started it became airborne without him and travelled about 300 metres before it crashed in a ditch and rolled over.
No-one was injured in the mishap but police say the plane is a write-off.
Is this the same sort of thing which stops men from asking for directions?
Kodak Lens Vision Centres have carried out a poll, and have discovered that men spend almost a year of their lives staring at women.
The average man will spend almost 43 minutes a day staring at 10 different women.
That adds up to 259 hours - almost 11 days - each year, making a total 11 months and 11 days between the ages of 18 and 50.
Mark Ireland, spokesman for Kodak Lens Vision Centres, which carried out the poll, said: "Men are renowned for looking at women but it's interesting to find out exactly how long they spend eyeing girls up.
"A year of their life is a long time to spend with their eyes fixed on the opposite sex.
"However, men have their work cut out if they are going to impress a woman as they spend half the amount of time gazing at guys."
The poll of 3,000 people revealed the supermarket as the location for the most ogling, followed by a pub and nightclub.
Women rely on the traditional "ogling hotspots" with pubs or bars their most popular locations.
But whilst the majority of men and women feel flattered at being gazed at, guys are more likely to enjoy it with 19 per cent saying it makes them feel happy, compared to just nine per cent of women.
More than half of Brits have also been left red-faced after being caught looking at someone.
A third have ended up arguing with their partner over their roving eye; with one in 10 have even split up with a partner because of it.
The staring has worked for some with 35 per cent of Brits saying they started a relationship with someone they eyed-up.
The study also found that more than a third of Brits would miss being able to admire the opposite sex if they couldn't see, whilst another 71 per cent would miss their partner's face.
And 61 per cent of people are worried about their eyesight fading.
A whole year-Nah-two years at least and it isn’t staring at women that makes you go blind.
So: there’s this 18 year old Slovene tourist in Croatia, and he wanted to try a "B-52" cocktail at a bar in Novalja on Pag Island, sadly he forgot to blow the fire on the rim of the glass out and set fire to his clothes.
The young man was taken to a regional hospital in Zadar for treatment of his burns, the daily Jutarnji List has reported in its online edition.His life is reportedly not in danger.
But he is being made to take an IQ test.
A British survey suggests women prefer real men with beer bellies and hairy chests to Metrosexuals with tight shorts and manicures.
The survey of 5,192 women, conducted by Lion Bar Ice Cream, found 80 percent of respondents now consider metrosexual traits including hair straightening and frequent sunbathing to be turn-offs.
The poll also found one in 10 women questioned in the survey like the smell of beer on a man while a fifth of those polled said they are attracted to men with a bit of body odour.
This is great news for real men this summer, a Lion Bar spokesman said. "They can get their roar back and ditch the moisturizer, manicures and tight shorts this summer -- leave that for the footballers.
British blokes can als
o wear their Speedos with pride, even if they have a bit of belly and welcome the wolf whistles as they walk down the beach” he said.
That’s me set up then, but what is a “Metrosexual”?
Angus Dei politico
Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE