Wednesday, 18 November 2009

A medical experiment-Porkie Flu


According to the infallible National Pandemic Flu Service Angus has got trotters cough, or H1N1, or swine flu as it is lovingly known.

I have checked my symptoms against the list and have been issued with an authorisation number for anti-virals.

I know I have said many times that I wouldn’t touch Tamiflu with Gordon Brown’s, but in the interest of science I have decided to prostitute myself for the public good , and anyway, every little helps.

Add that to the fact that I am a man and can’t take any pain or discomfort without falling into bed for a week, and Tamiflu is nearing its sell by date it seems the sensible thing to do.

All I have to find now is a “Flu Friend” to go and get the things for me and I am all set.

What are the symptoms of swine flu?
The symptoms of swine flu are expected to be similar to the symptoms of regular seasonal flu. People with swine flu typically have a fever or high temperature (over 38°C/100.4°F) and two or more of the following symptoms:

unusual tiredness, -Yes
headache -Yes
runny nose, - Yes
sore throat -Yes
shortness of breath or cough, -Oh yes
Loss of appetite, - No, at least not yet.
aching muscles, -Yes
diarrhoea or vomiting.- Sort of

Plus a temperature of 38.9 C,

Up to now I have been taking Lemsip, and resting, so if I may I would like to do a daily diary of how much I am suffering and the difference if any Tamiflu makes, this is of course in order to give a totally impartial view of the treatment and to illicit as much sympathy and parcels of goodies etc as I can.

As I will be confined to the house for a while I staggered out at 11pm last night to stock up on necessities so that I wouldn’t infect anyone else.

So keep tuned in to this channel for the next few days and be staggered at the scientific analysis of trotters cough.

If the posts suddenly stop, I will probably be dead, so don’t bother to leave comments.


Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico

6 comments:

Devonshire Dumpling said...

I could rush up to your Hampshire bedside armed with grapes and wearing my nurses lacy bra and lacy panties and my 8" apron and little hat, as well as wearing my fish net stockings held up with a lacy suspender belt.

I would come equipped with a bottle of whisky and an IV to install it into your arm, but on hindsight its probably only a common cold, Angus.

Anyhow, please take care of yourself and get better as soon as you can or I'll carry out my threat.

angus said...

I wouldn't come to Aldershot dressed like that DD, especially around the train station.

But it is the thought that counts:)

My "Flu Friend" has obtained the necessary and I will be starting treatment today, remember me fondly.

James Higham said...

Get better soon, Angus.

CherryPie said...

That is a pretty crap list!

I had an upset stomach in September and clocked up four of those symptoms...

I didn't have Flu of any kind!

Hope you are feeling better soon xx

Thud said...

If you pop your clogs it is more likely to be a lemsip overdose.

angus said...

Many thanks for your well wishes, it will be interesting to see if the Tamiflu makes any difference, personally I don't think it will, and yes it is a crap list CherryPie, I am going on self diagnosis:)

And a note to DD-it isn't a cold. or "man flu" it is the full blown thing, I could send you a sample in the post but by the time it got down to sunny Devon it would be collecting its old age pension, unlike you and me:)