Monday, 28 March 2011

Piss Poor Policies Dave C starts up Blighty: Census cock up: Over the top Piss: Not well for a burglar: Banana cars: and Little green men.

‘Tis warm-ish, dry-ish and light-ish at the Castle this morn, nice quiet weekend, but the phone calls started early today, the thought of more broken computers arriving at the portcullis fill me with joy…..
But the “good” news is that my rich git of a mate has broken his Aston Martin DB5 (again) so a trip out to Cobham is on the cards later.

Late again this Monday, I think I am losing the will to live.



Still the same in the land of the rising mushroom cloud, apart from a new tremor and a bit of a tsunami.
Bet that cleared out a few bowels.


The “rebels/freedom fighters” who are not being assisted by “coalition forces” have galloped along the north coast and have hit the town of Sirte, Col Muammar Gaddafi's hometown.
A rebel spokesman in Benghazi has said Sirte is now in the hands of rebel forces - but there has been no independent confirmation of the claim.
Later, Libyan government spokesman Moussa Ibrahim said three young Libyan men had been killed in an air strike on a fishing harbour near Sirte. There was "nothing military or quasi-military" there, he said.
Libyan officials say more than a week of strikes has killed nearly 100 civilians but this cannot be independently confirmed.

Ho-hum


Well, not exactly him, maybe the Government?: err no the scheme is being supported by firms including AXA, Barclays, BlackBerry, Experian, Google, Intel, Microsoft, McKinsey & Co, O2 and Virgin Media.
Dim Dave will apparently say “If you're dreaming about starting up the next great British brand - now is the time to make it happen."
He will allegedly add: "There are thousands of people out there who are entrepreneurs but they just don't know it yet. There are millions of success stories that haven't been written yet.
"So seize this moment. Take these opportunities. Make it happen - and together we can drive our economy forward."

Patronising load of old bollocks.


Thousands of householders struggled to complete the national census before the deadline yesterday because the new website logged them off before they had finished answering all the questions.
The Office for National Statistics, which is running the decennial survey, said the census helpline had received more than 555,000 calls from people needing help completing it.
Census forms that were sent to 27 million homes in England, Wales and Northern Ireland had to be completed by yesterday. The deadline for the survey in Scotland is Thursday.
Householders are required by law to complete and return the census, which contained 43 questions for each individual. Those who repeatedly refuse to do so can be prosecuted and fined £1,000.
For the first time this year, the questionnaire could be answered online. Officials urged as many people as possible to use the website to cut the cost of processing the 32-page paper forms. About a million households took advantage of the new service.
Officials claimed the census took an average of 40 minutes for a family of four to complete. But anyone answering the survey online found that if they left their screens to make a cup of tea, take a phone call or use the lavatory, the website had logged them off when they returned, losing any unsaved answers. Others complained on the Twitter website that they were unable to navigate back to a previous page to amend their answers.

Modern technology……


A man pulled his Ute off the road for a "quick comfort stop" but when he jumped back in he realised he was parked precariously close to the edge of a steep ravine.
Shifting on slippery grass, the vehicle tipped on its side and plunged down into the gorge on Mt Messenger, in the North Island region of Taranaki.
Local constable Darren Hayes said the man wasted no time opening his door and diving out saved from death by the bad habit of not putting his seat belt on until he's on the road.
"It's not what we'd usually recommend but in this case it probably saved his life," Constable Hayes told AAP.
"He's one very lucky man. He just stood there as his truck went crunch, crunch, crunch down the bank."
The Ute was not so lucky, however, and remains "very smashed up" at the bottom of the cliff.
The very sheepish driver walked two hours through the boondocks back towards home to report the incident, which happened early on Saturday morning.
His wife dutifully collected him and took him home "for a long sleep"; missing the racing event he had been headed to.
"I think he's had enough excitement for one day," the policeman said.

And probably a fair bit of excrement as well.


A suspected burglar who was chased away from the scene of a break-in was caught by British police after he fell more than nine metres down a well, a senior officer says.
The 21-year-old from Halifax, West Yorkshire, called the emergency services himself after he fell down the uncovered, 1.5-metre-wide hole in the early morning.
Minutes earlier residents in nearby Bell Street, Boothtown, had called police to report a break-in at a house, and said locals were giving chase.
'It would appear that the gentleman who fell down the well was one of the burglars who was fleeing the scene,' said inspector David Whitehouse of West Yorkshire Police.
'He was chased by a neighbour, climbed a small wall, dropped down a banking approximately 20 feet (6m) before then falling down a 30-foot-deep (9m) well.'
Fire and ambulance crews were called to the scene and fire fighters climbed down and rescued the man about two-and-a-half hours after he fell.
He was later arrested on suspicion of burglary and taken to Huddersfield Royal Infirmary complaining of back pain.
The suspect will be questioned about the break-in after his release from hospital.

Ding, dong, dell; Numpty’s in the well.


Cars made from pineapples and bananas could soon be among the fruits of the green revolution, it has been revealed.
Scientists in Brazil have used fibres from the plants to create a generation of super-strong automotive plastics.

They believe the material may not only be used to build car bodies, but also engine parts.

Manufacturers are testing the plastics and could be using them in cars within two years
say the researchers.
Dr Alcides Leao, from Sao Paulo State University, said reinforcing plastic with microscopic fibres from delicate fruits such as pineapples and bananas made them super-strong.

"The properties of these plastics are incredible," he told the American Chemical Society meeting in Anaheim, California.

"They are light, but very strong - 30 per cent lighter and three-to-four times stronger (than regular plastic). We believe that a lot of car parts, including dashboards, bumpers, side panels, will be made of Nano-sized fruit fibres in the future. For one thing, they will help reduce the weight of cars, and that will improve fuel economy

There go the cheap bananas at Tesco……

And finally:


Life on Earth may be descended from organisms that arrived here from the red planet by hitching a ride on meteorites.

To try to prove that theory, researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and Harvard are developing an instrument that may offer some evidence. It's called the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Genomes, or SETG.
Discovering if we're related to past -- or present -- Martian life involves searching for sequences of DNA or RNA molecules that are found on Earth and Mars.

Science generally accepts that both planets had similar climates during the early days of our solar system, promoting the idea that similar kindred forms of life could have developed on our two worlds.

We also know that asteroid impacts on Mars have sent enormous amounts of rock materials hurtling through space and ending up falling on Earth.

So if it can be proved that any microscopic organisms survived the trip between there and here, then we can lay claim to being called Earthlings and Martians.

And if we had some ham we could have ham and eggs if we had some eggs….but it does explain the reptilian alien in disguise-George (son of a Baronet) Osborne.


And today’s thought: People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election" - Otto von Bismarck.

Angus

4 comments:

CherryPie said...

So we are the original little green men from mars...

Angus said...

Some of us are CherryPie:)

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Trust the British to make a mess of the online census! Kind of makes me proud really....

Angus said...

At least we are good at something Welshcakes:)