Saturday, 2 April 2011

Spelman strikes again: Piss Poor Policies Dave C is demented: ASDA petrol bonanza: Shaking Blackpool: Numpty in a park: Woodentops in a lift: and Marianne bustful.

‘Tis light, almost sunny and nearly temperate at the Castle this morn, feeling much better this Saturday, the antibiotics are working and I am off the coma inducing painkillers which will not be a comfort to some people.

There is a plethora of “news” this first day of the weekend, including the usual land of the glowing mushroom shaped sun where it seems it may take years to sort out the Fukushima debacle.
Must cross Japan off the list of countries to visit.

And over in Gadaffi land Libya's government has dismissed as "mad" the conditional ceasefire offer made by the rebel administration.

Caroline Spelman still hopes to sell off a chunk of England's forests, she has admitted to MPs, despite February's embarrassing U-turn on the issue.
Speaking to the Commons' environment committee, Ms Spelman said she wanted to go ahead with plans to sell 15% of UK woodland - the maximum amount allowed under current rules.
The decision has raised eyebrows as it follows her U-turn on the issue in the Commons last month.
Ms Spelman told MPs she was concerned about rights of access to the woodland areas, but expected the sales to continue once the problems were addressed.

Arrogant bint.

Seems to think that Britain is "back in business" after almost a year under the coalition government.
Power fuelled demented Dave cited fiscal responsibility, welfare and pension reform, corporation tax cuts and government provisions to help with the rising cost-of-living as election pledges that were being fulfilled.
The removal of top-down government targets, the immigration cap and the creation of a mandatory referendum before any further powers can be transferred to Brussels were also flagged.

I think Dave could do with a bit of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.

Hundreds of motorists raced to a supermarket petrol station after a bungling worker set the fuel price at just for just 12.9 pence per litre.
Lucky drivers thought it was an April Fool after hearing that ASDA were selling unleaded at less than a TENTH of the 129.9p it should have been.
Cars jammed the road as drivers queued for the automatic pumps at the 24 hour all night station.
And even cops arrived in case of problems as the queue snaked down the street.
The price was only changed at just after midnight on Thursday after managers were alerted to the error.
But for nearly two hours at the unmanned petrol pumps, at Asda's Rooley Lane store in Bradford, West Yorks, drivers got cheap fuel.
One man got 33 litres for just £4.
Some were content to just fill their tanks at the automated card payment 'fast lane' pumps but others took advantage of the blunder - going home and bringing jerry cans and other containers.
David Lodge, divisional manager at West Yorkshire Trading Standards, said those who were able to buy the fuel at the bargain price had every right to do so.
"Generally speaking retailers, whether they sell petrol or whatever, generally have to sell it at the price it is advertised at," he said.
"So if it is advertised at the pump at a low price, then it is just a bit of good fortune for the consumer."

Ah, the good old days, petrol for less than a pound a gallon…..

Blackpool has been hit by an earthquake — which cracked a railway bridge and toppled over traffic lights.
The tremor — which measured 2.2 on the Richter Scale — shook homes in the Lancashire seaside town when it struck at around 3.30am this morning.
Locals said their wardrobe doors were flung open while staff at Blackpool's Bonny Street police station felt the building shudder.
The British Geological Survey confirmed the small quake and said its epicentre is thought to have been in Poulton-le-Fylde, a market town just outside Blackpool.
A spokesman for Blackpool Police said: "We started to get calls at around 3.35am.
"Some may have thought it was an April Fool prank, but staff here felt the building move.
"We had a number of calls from residents. A woman in Grange Park rang up as she had been woken and thought her house was being broken into.
"Temporary traffic lights fell over while a man reported his motorbike had been knocked down.
"CCTV cameras picked up superficial cracks on the road surface of the railway bridge near to the zebra crossing.
"We sent out officers to check it out. It's known as a weak bridge anyway. It was deemed to be safe. A surveyor will be looking at it today."

Went to Blackpool once…didn’t go back, still at least it will give Energy Secretary Chris Huhne a reason to dump any new Nuclear power stations, after all there was a tsunami in Mr George’s bath at 26 Brough Avenue…..

A man hiding behind a curtain in a Barrie, Ont park was arrested following a domestic dispute early Friday morning.
City police officers were called at 2:20 a.m. regarding a man breaking into his ex-girlfriend's basement apartment. He had been kicked out and was trying to force his way back in through a window.
The man ran when police showed up, but was found a short distance away in a nearby park in the community north of Toronto.
Police said he was intoxicated and was trying to hide behind a curtain that was still attached to its curtain rod.
"Unfortunately for him, he was in the middle of the park with nothing else around him," police said.
A 27-year-old man was charged with domestic mischief. He was held until sober and released with a future court date.

That invisibility cloak needs a bit of work.

Six burly policemen called to a disturbance at a tower block had to be rescued by firemen - after they got stuck in the lift.
The officers piled into the lift at the 13-storey Brooke House in Basildon, Essex, but their combined weight was too much for it.
The men, who have been dubbed the 'slow response team', were trapped for 17 minutes before being rescued, reports the Daily Mail.
A fire brigade source said: "They had gone to make an arrest or deal with something when all six of them decided to get into the same lift.
"It was the combined weight of all of them that caused it to get stuck. The crews had to use a lift key to get them out."
Police from the Basildon neighbourhood support team had been called to the town centre tower block following reports of a disturbance.
They began their lift journey up the 13-storey building, but soon came to a halt because they were too heavy.
A spokeswoman for Basildon police said: "Whilst on their way to the scene officers got stuck in a lift for a short time and were assisted by the fire brigade who helped them get out.
"It transpired that no crime, disturbance or breach of the peace had been committed."

Makes you proud……

And finally:

The mayor of a town in France has thrown a patriotic female statue out of his town hall because its breasts were too big.
The terracotta bust of Marianne - the traditional female embodiment of the French Republic in a Phrygian cap - was an original work by a local artist, installed in 2007 at the town hall in Neuville-en-Ferrain, population 10,000.
"It was making people gossip," said one town hall employee. "Remarks were made, during weddings for example."
Mayor Gerard Cordon persuaded councillors to approve 900 euros in this year's budget to buy a replacement, a more conventional bust of Marianne modelled on the statuesque French model Laetitia Casta.
The artist who made the rejected bust, Catherine Lamacque, said she gave it outsized breasts deliberately, "to symbolise the generosity of the Republic."
The town hall bought her terracotta statue in 2007 for 1,400 euros.

Not bad, only 700 Euros per bap…..

And today’s thought: from Christina Aguilera-"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?"



Bernard said...

Obviously a "Tale of Two Titties".

Angus said...

Say no more Bernard the Dickens lover......