Thursday, 16 June 2011

Cooking with gas: Stumpy Numpty: Down the drain: Bugarach magic: Don’t do it yourself: and a flying sheep.

Tipping it down at the Castle this morn, just returned from Tesco after purchasing the usual-stale bread, gruel and pussy food, and I dropped into the fuel forecourt bit to buy a pint of petrol, went in to pay and I see that the recession has hit hard-Tesco is now giving just one point for every two gallons of go juice-half of the previous amount.

That should help turnover.

His majesty has discovered rolled up foil balls, he has a nice collection of  twenty or so which he hides under the wardrobes, behind the washing machine and anywhere else he can think of so that I will make another and then recovers them and puts them all in a neat pile.

I won’t mention the Microsoft word....still trying to recover my data.....

The Piss Poor Policies Coalition Millionaires Club has announced that 800,000 of the poorest pensioners will be among the first to receive the new Warm Home Discount, worth at least £120 this year.
Payments are also expected to be made to disadvantaged families, the disabled and the long-term sick.
Energy companies are to be required by law to give rebates totalling £1.1 billion over the next four years, three times as much as they provided under the previous voluntary arrangements.
The regulations introducing the new scheme are already in force, according to the Department for Energy and Climate Change. The Energy Secretary, Chris Huhne, said: “The Warm Home Discount will give the most vulnerable pensioners practical help to manage rising energy bills through an annual rebate. Energy companies will be required by law to provide this support.”

And what will the “Energy” companies do? Put up their prices to cover the loss.

For five years Sean Murphy was driven to distraction by a painful blemish that no amount of creams, ointments or doctors' appointments could cure.
So he came up with his own radical and permanent procedure to remove the stubborn wart forever - he blasted it with a 12-bore shotgun.
But not only did the blast take off almost his entire finger, it also left him facing 15 years in jail for the illegal possession of a firearm.
Yesterday, with only a stump to show for the middle of his left hand, and a suspended 16-week prison sentence, he insisted he had no regrets.
“I’m happy with that,” he said outside Doncaster Magistrates’ Court, South Yorkshire.


A businessman tore up and flushed a handful of 'fake' £20 notes down the toilet - only to later find they were real.
The man, who does not wish to be named, was among a number of businessmen led to believe their cash was counterfeit on the Western Isles of Scotland.
It happened after bank staff became suspicious of £10 and £20 notes on the Isle of Lewis and a police inquiry was launched, reports STV.
The town's banks and many local shops stopped accepting £10 and £20 notes and purchased ultra-violet scanners in a bid to catch the counterfeit notes.
But the 'fake' notes have since been scrutinised by experts from the Serious Organised Crime Agency who pronounced them all absolutely genuine.
The businessman complained: "This is a right mess and it was caused by the RBS and Bank of Scotland.
"I tore up the £20 notes returned to me by the bank as fakes and I put them down the toilet to stop them getting back into circulation.
"I thought that was my public duty. How do I prove that and who is going to compensate me?"


A small French town has come under scrutiny by the official cult watchdog after droves of visitors descended on it, claiming it is the only place on Earth that will survive a 2012 apocalypse.
A report by the watchdog, Miviludes, published yesterday said the village of Bugarach near Carcassonne should be monitored in the run-up to 21 December, 2012, when the gullible say the world will end, according to a supposed Mayan prophecy.
Bugarach (population 200), has long been considered magical, partly due to what locals claim is an "upside-down mountain" where the top layers of rock are older than the lower ones.

Mr Fenech said he recently visited Bugarach, and found six settlements set up by members of the American Ramtha School of Enlightenment. Other "gurus" and messianic groups have been organising fee-paying conferences at local hotels. "This is big business," he said.

Good luck with that....

Sales of suicide kits, like the do-it-yourself asphyxiation hood used by a man to kill himself late last year, could soon be outlawed in the state of Oregon.
The state's House of Representative passed the bill on Monday to ban the products. It must now be considered in the state Senate, which passed similar legislation in May.
Sponsors say the bill would in no way impinge on a landmark 1997 state law legalizing physician-assisted suicides for terminally ill individuals in Oregon.
Washington is the only other state with such a statute on the books.
The newly passed Oregon bill was sparked by notoriety surrounding an elderly California woman who sells self-asphyxiation kits through a mail-order business, and the December suicide of one of her customers from Eugene, Oregon, 29-year-old Nicholas Klonoski.

 No repeat business there then....

 And finally:

Fire fighters risked life and 'lamb' to rescue a sheep - which was stuck on the roof of a house.
Residents dialled 999 after the sheep was spotted scrambling across roof tiles in the remote village of Pontycymer, South Wales.
A team from Bridgend Fire and Rescue Service took 40 minutes to bring the animal down from the terraced row using a Large Animal Rescue appliance.
A spokesman for Bridgend Fire and Rescue Service said the sheep had got onto the roof by climbing up from a garage at the rear of the terrace.
He said: "We have never had anything like that before, though we have found sheep in some difficult places. 

I am not even going to mention those boots by Wellington.

And today’s thought: Anywhere is walking distance, if you’ve got the time.


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