Sexy flossing: Big wombat: Grassroots loonies: Rewarding the “non performers”: A story with a moral: Pissed orf in Paignton: Chilean rats: and Attenborough’s head.

An “interesting” start to the day at the Castle this morn, after yesterday’s downpours it is sunny, damp, warm and very muggy, the study is still overflowing with non computers, the hip is still making me hop and his Maj has brought me a “present”

Not really, it is a toy I purchased for him and he carries it everywhere.

I see that Women who want the best chance of having a baby should make sure they floss their teeth regularly, say doctors.

According to the “experts” poor oral health is as bad for fertility as obesity - delaying conception by about two months.

Odd that, I always thought sex was the best way.....

And Dahn Unda

Scientists have found the skeleton of a "giant wombat" which lived some two million years ago.

The plant-eating marsupial would have been the size of a four-wheel drive car and weighed three tonnes, experts say.

Its bones were found on a farm in north-eastern Australia's Queensland state.

The find is one of Australia's most significant pre-historic discoveries ever because the skeleton is complete, experts say.

It is the first time a complete skeleton of a Diprotodon optatum has been uncovered. 

You wouldn’t want that taking a dump in the flower beds.....

Up in La-La land (otherwise known as Conservative headquarters).

Allegedly Boris Johnson is the favourite among Conservative grassroots activists to succeed David Cameron as party leader, a survey has found.

The Mayor of London, who will seek a second term next May, is favoured by 57 per cent and the Chancellor George Osborne was preferred by 43 per cent.

Tim Montgomerie, editor of the ConservativeHome website which carried out the poll, said: "Boris has recently been putting lots of clear blue water between him and the Cameron Government and the Tory grassroots clearly like what they see."

Mr Osborne is viewed as the most impressive Cabinet performer, followed by the Work and Pensions Secretary, Iain Duncan Smith; the Education Secretary, Michael Gove; the Foreign Secretary, William Hague, and the Home Secretary, Theresa May.

He, he, he, LOL!!!

It has been said

That a civil servant “who wasn’t performing” was given a £100,000 pay off, according to Cabinet Office Minister Francis Maude.

In a speech to hundreds of civil servants, Mr Maude criticised the “madness” of rewarding poor performance in Whitehall and said it had to stop.

He also disclosed that he was planning to force tens of thousands of civil servants to move out of Whitehall in central London to save money.

Mr Maude told civil servants at the Civil Service Live exhibition in central London: “I was told the other day that HM Government has paid more than £100,000 to get rid of someone who wasn’t performing. This is madness. 

You think?

Over to the land of organ donors

New York State’s helmet law crashed, struck his head on the roadway and died from his injuries, state police said on Sunday.

Philip Contos, 55, was riding among a large group of motorcyclists staging an organized protest ride in western New York near Syracuse against the state law requiring all motorcyclists to wear helmets.

The Parish, New York, resident crashed on Saturday on Route 11 in Onondaga, New York, and was pronounced dead later at a local hospital, state Trooper Robert Jureller said.

"The doctor felt that the death could have been prevented if he simply had been wearing a helmet," Jureller said. "He hit the brakes, lost control, was ejected and struck his head on the road. He suffered a skull fracture."

 And the moral is........

Dahn in Devon

A knife-wielding robber fled a Devon shop empty-handed after the 68-year-old owner told him to "use the knife or p*** off".

Brian Hammond was confronted by the hood-wearing man with a six-inch knife who demanded all the money from the till.

But the robber got more than he bargained for when the feisty owner picked up a screwdriver and faced him down, reports The Mirror.

Mr Hammond, who has run the newsagents in Paignton, Devon, for 15 years, said he was not prepared to meekly hand over his hard-earned money.

"I came out of the store room and he was standing there with the knife. He demanded money from the till. I thought he was joking until he came around behind me and I knew he was serious," Mr Hammond said today.

"I picked up the screwdriver, which was on the counter and told him 'either use your knife or piss off'. To my surprise, he did."

Two years ago he chased two thieves out of the store and into the street after they targeted his shop.

He said the police had warned him on that occasion that he risked facing assault charges if he had caught them.

 One up for us.

Left to the cold place in South America

A restaurant in Chile has is serving fried rat with potatoes as one of its main courses.

It is a traditional dish in parts of neighbouring Peru but has shocked diners in Santiago, says Las Ultimas Noticias.

Marco Barandarian, the Peruvian chef of the Barandarian restaurant, said: "Here people get all disgusted and ask how we can serve such dish but we have eaten them forever in Peru."

Mr Barandarian added: "The meat is red and tastes much better than rabbit. It is like pork and we serve the whole rat, head included."

 Yum, yum, don’t tell his Maj.....

 And finally:

Up in the Smoke

The mystery of one of London's most gruesome murders has finally been solved after a coroner today ruled that a skull discovered in David Attenborough's garden was that of Julia Martha Thomas.

The discovery was made in October last year when the Planet Earth star was excavating an old pub in the garden of his Richmond home - less than 100 yards from where Mrs Thomas was murdered, chopped up and boiled by her housekeeper.

Callous Kate Webster pushed her twice-widowed employer down the stairs, strangled her and chopped her body up and boiled it and giving the dripping to local kids to eat.

Days after the slaying a box was found in the Thames by a coal man containing a 'mass of white flesh' and Mrs Thomas' foot was found on an allotment in Richmond while Webster stole the identity of her employer and even her false teeth.

But it is not until now, more than a century after the murder in 1879 and Wesbster's hanging that the head of the strict Presbyterian will finally be given a proper burial.

Bet Richard is a bit envious.

 That’s it: I’m orf to stock up on fat teenagers. 

And today’s thought: The severity of the itch is proportional to inability to the reach it.

Angus