Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Dwarf economy: Nifty note: Banger bonus: Corduroy messiah: and Show me the cup size.

Warmish, wettish and windyish at the Castle this morn, the study is devoid of dead do-dahs and I am getting ready to take his Maj to the Vets to have his crown jewels excised.
He hasn’t had anything to eat since 8 of the pm yesterdark thing and is now trying to devour my feet.

Not going to be a good day.

Has ordered his sideboard ministers to come up with more "go-for-growth" policies yesterday as new figures showed that the economy grew by just 0.5 per cent in the three months to September, U-Turn Cam told ministers to "roll their sleeves up" and focus on implementing its growth strategy.
 Although the Prime Minister insisted there was "unity of purpose" in the Cabinet on the Government's fiscal strategy, his spokesman said his words reflected fears about the "obstacles" to pro-growth measures such as planning rules and clearing legal hurdles before major building projects could go ahead.
In the Commons, son of a B...aronet (and alien reptile in disguise) George Osborne rebuffed calls for a U-turn as he clashed with Ed Balls, the shadow Chancellor, who asked: "How much longer will the country have to wait before the Chancellor decides to listen?" Accusing Mr Osborne of complacency, he said the UK recovery was "choked off" by the Government's austerity package, not the crisis in the eurozone.

For once I agree with starey eyes Balls.


Apparently a new £50 note will enter circulation today, featuring images of Matthew Boulton and James Watt, leading figures of the Industrial Revolution. But the biggest change comes in the form of new security measures introduced by the Bank of England to deter counterfeiters.
One of these features, called Motion Thread, includes semi-translucent windows woven into the note that show the £ symbol and the number 50 when held up to the light.
"When a note is tilted from side to side, the images move up and down. And when the note is tilted up and down, the images move from side to side and the number 50 and £ symbol switch.
There are around 2.8 billion bank notes in circulation in the UK, including £9.9 billion in £50 denominations.

Most of which are in the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Cub Coalitions’ wallets....

A butcher shop employee in the German town of Braunschweig inadvertently handed a customer a bag containing more than 2,000 Euros ($2,835) in cold cash rather than the cold cuts she usually gets.
The 79-year-old pensioner paid five Euros for her package of cold cuts and veal steaks. She said she was surprised to find more than she bargained for when she opened the package at home.
“I was completely flabbergasted,” the pensioner told Bild newspaper. She called the butcher shop but it had already closed. So she called the police, who later returned it.
The owner of the butcher shop had packed the day’s take in a paper bag and placed it, as he usually does, next to the cash register. The employee mistook it for the customer’s cold cuts and unwittingly handed her the package.
The honest pensioner got a 100 euro reward from the butcher — and a free basket of sausages.

20 bags of cold cuts in the pipeline then...

Corduroy fans in New York are anxiously awaiting November 11 - when they hope to welcome their 'messiah'.
The city's Corduroy Appreciation Club is seeking a child who turns 11 on 11/11/11 - the date it says resembles the ribs of its favourite textile.
"That child is the messiah of corduroy," Miles Rohan, founder of the club, told the New York Daily News. "We liken it to finding the Dalai Lama."
The New York-based club said it had already been contacted by twins from Wisconsin who will turn 11 on November 11.
But they are looking for a locally based child to attend their "grandest meeting" in Manhattan on that date.
The child will be installed on a throne and treated like textile royalty after being carried into the meeting.
Members who attend the meeting will also be required to wear three items of clothing made of corduroy, instead of the regular two.

Is that child abuse?

 And finally:

A Swedish branch of a Scandinavian lingerie chain has come under fire from some employees for having them wear tags displaying their bust circumference and bra cup size.
The question is whether they're displaying the information willingly and now the Commercial Employees' Union says it may sue the chain Change over the policy, The Local Sweden reports.
A former employee claimed the tags were mandatory when she started work there and "you receive a document which states that 'name tag with size is always worn' so to me that doesn't reflect that it was voluntary. It isn't great when you're out on the town and people greet you with your name and cup size".
One anonymous employee earlier told union paper Handelsnytt.
"We have dirty old men coming into the shop looking at my cup size. Why should everyone get to know that?

I’m not that old......

And today’s thought: I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.



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Bernard said...

Good Mechanics are all of one mind,
That a Ball-race is rightly defined;
As the miserable plight,
Of a Tom-cat in flight,
From a Vet, ten paces behind !

Angus said...

Sadly his Maj lost that pursuit Bernard the nut turner:)