Monday, 14 November 2011

Offensive U-Turn Cam: Dying to be sacked: Pippa’s Padded pants: Naked Numpty: and a Nude nut up a tree.


More than a whimsy of lack of liquid metal vertical distance at the Castle this morn, luckily there is an ample supply of fat teenagers for the furnace; no post yesterday after having a peruse of the internet thingy and even managing to leave one comment on a blog-the magic signals refused to travel down the BT line to my router and stayed that way until this morn.

But I did manage to visit “Ms” sister in the smoke on the first day of the weekend, the journey was “interesting”, fog, an accident on the three lane tarmac thing, detour to Twickenham where there was an oval ball to-do and the Lord Mayors parade made extra time on the tonk.

And, every time I went under an underpass my satnav lost its signal so as I came up to a roundabout with fifteen exits I had no clue as to which way to turn.

I eventually arrived and travelled the 16 floors on the stairway to heaven (lift) and spent a nice morn/afternoon chatting and looking at the view of the Thames, Kew gardens and the smoke through the fog from the back wall of the living room.

When I returned to the Castle there was a large envelope from the NHS on the mat, who have informed me that as I have now staggered over the official old farts line of sixty they will send me a Bowel Cancer test kit in two weeks-oh joy.



So while the Piss Poor Millionaires Club Coalition has left me devoid of a pot to piss in at least I will have one to poo in.....


Apparently a senior Tory MP is considering legal action after he was reported to have made a series of offensive comments about David Cameron.
Patrick Mercer allegedly described the Prime Minister as an “a---” who was incapable of making “a sensible decision”, and suggested that he would be forced out of Downing Street within months.
Mr Mercer, who represents the rural constituency of Newark in Nottinghamshire, has referred the matter to lawyers after claiming that his comments, allegedly made at a private party, had been obtained by “subterfuge”.
Conservative sources said the party was unlikely to take disciplinary action against Mr Mercer, whose critical views of Mr Cameron are well known.


“Arse”, that the best he can do-how about dickhead, wanker, tosser, rich bastard, inept, alien, waste of air arrogant prick.....



And NHS managers have been banned from rationing treatments while patients wait to die or go private after Andrew Lansley, the Health Secretary, admitted that some hospitals were delaying operations.
It comes after a damning report found NHS trusts were “imposing pain and inconvenience” by making patients wait longer than necessary for treatments in order to save money.

It is feared health service bosses have artificially increased waiting times as a way of making savings for many years.

But the practice had become “endemic”, the NHS Co-operation and Competition Panel found, as the health service struggles to make savings worth £20 billion over four years.

Mr Lansley said in future NHS bosses could be sacked if it was found their organisation was using such tactics.


Why is it always Mañana with this bleeding Government, sack the bastards now.......        




There has been a rush on sales of padded pants to women who want to create for themselves the same sculpted behind as Pippa Middleton.
Department store Debenhams has created the £18.99 Invisible Shaping Bum Boosters which, it claims, adds two inches to the vital statistics of the wearer’s rear end and a whole 15 degrees of curvature.
At the store’s branch in the Ocean Terminal shopping centre in Leith, the pants have been flying off the shelves.
Discreet, cheek-enhancing structures built into the back of the lining give extra bulk and curvature to the wearer, turning a flat bottom into a competitor for rear of the year.
Control panels at the front also flatten the tummy to emphasise the effect, while invisible seams remove all outlines of the garment when worn underneath clothes.


Already got some, Boots call them incontinence pants.....




A man has been arrested after being rescued naked from the sea in Dorset.
Coastguards received reports of a man in the water in Poole Harbour off Poole Town Quay in the early hours of Saturday.
The town's inshore lifeboat was launched to help the man but when the crew pulled him from the water they discovered he was naked.
The man, who was not injured, was arrested by police on suspicion of being drunk and disorderly.

 Pickled Walnut comes to mind.


And finally:



A man has been arrested after police discovered him naked and up a nut tree.
The Salem authorities received several 911 reports of a man without any clothes roaming the area, KGW reports.

When they arrived in the early hours of Thursday morning, police captured the naked man in a Filbert orchard wearing only tennis shoes.

Stephen James Ellingsworth, 28, of Silverton, who also goes by the last name Frolov, was taken into custody and given a warm blanket due to the cold early morning temperature.

The man told investigators that he had been out drinking with his friends the night before and had no idea how he ended up naked in a nut orchard.

He was booked into the Marion County Jail on three counts of public indecency, with bail set at $15,000.


Hope he doesn’t have a Filbert allergy...



And today’s thought: Things NOT to Say to a Naked Man... Well, that explains the padded pants.


Angus

2 comments:

James Higham said...

Conservative sources said the party was unlikely to take disciplinary action against Mr Mercer, whose critical views of Mr Cameron are well known.

Cabinet post soon?

Angus said...

House of lords I reckon James...