Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Piss Poor Olympics: No work-no benefits: Emergency toenails: Plastic Woodentop: Crossed wires: and Acapulco cocks and prostitutes.

Weather-same as yesterday plus a lot more than a whimsy of mist at the Castle this morn, the study is still full of ex parrots, and the garden is still only half vandalised because of the lack of dryness. 

Not being that interested in next year’s Olympics I didn’t bother to apply for the ticket lottery, but most of the 1.9 million people who did in the six-week first round of ticket sales ended up empty-handed.
A total of 1.2 million people received no tickets, with only 700,000 – 36 per cent – successful.
The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition however has spent nearly £750,000 on 8,815 tickets for the “extravaganza”.
The Department for Culture, Media and Sport (DCMS) has been allocated 213 tickets for the opening ceremony, which cost £194,525, and 41 top-priced tickets for the opening ceremony, at £2,012.12 each. It has paid £71,490 for 143 tickets for the closing ceremony.
The DCMS submitted bids for tickets for the entire Government and, it is believed, its allocation will be shared out across all departments. Apart from £29,530 spent on tickets for the diving event, which will feature Tom Daley, 224 tickets have been bought for track cycling at the Olympic Park velodrome.

Hope “they” enjoy it.

People unemployed for more than two years could be forced to do compulsory community work or have their benefits cut, U-Turn Cam has announced.
The Prime Monster said people who failed to find work despite “intensive” mentoring for two years could be made to do 30 hours of community service a week for 26 weeks a year.
Under the “three strikes” rule, people who refuse to do the community work would initially lose their benefits for two weeks. A second refusal would cost four weeks of benefits and a third refusal would cost benefits for 26 weeks.
He said he wanted to teach people that they could not expect to claim benefits “in a generous compassionate society like ours” but not look for work.

And the jobs that the unemployed couldn't find are?

Women not being able to remove false fingernails and a man wanting his sick dog treated are just two of the “inappropriate” reasons why people go to accident and emergency, research found.
One father even rang 999 for an ambulance after being bitten on his ­finger by his guinea pig.
Other bizarre examples include a girl pleading for help after a hair dye disaster and another wanting someone to cut her toenails because she could not get a ­chiropody appointment.
One mother also took her child to A&E because he had stepped in dog excrement and she wanted staff to clean it off. And a ­distraught woman begged nurses to remove paint stuck in her hair.
Now a national campaign has been launched urging people to go to the right place for NHS help.
The Choose Well campaign ­features short films of these ­scenarios played by actors and is on YouTube.

Nice to see that Numptys are still around in force.

In an effort to reduce bad driving a dummy police officer holding a camera has been erected at the side of the road.
The fake police officer can be seen standing on the Zhengjiang Section of the Funing Highway between Shanghai and Nanjing in China.
It is hoped that its presence will deter people from driving unsafely.
If it doesn't, while the police officer may be fake the camera isn't and it records all the cars that pass the section of road.

Crafty lot those Orientals...

In Columbia, South Carolina, silver Jeep owner Andrew Jernigan connected jump-leads to 21-year-old friend Delaney Mills' red Volkswagen.
While attaching the jump cables to the batteries of the cars, they accidentally crossed the wires, attaching the positive cable to the negative terminal on the battery and vice versa.
After Andrew started his car up, the rubber melted off of the jump cables, making it impossible to remove them from the batteries of the cars. The battery of Andrew's jeep began to smoke.
"While calling 911 to report the case to the fire department, the battery caught flame. The fire began to spread very quickly across the entire engine of Andrew's car.
Within the 15 minutes that it took the fire-fighters to get to the scene, the flames had engulfed about three-quarters of Andrew's entire car and the flames reached about10 feet in height

 Mind you there was a 50/50 chance of the morons getting it right...

And finally: 

A surprise inspection of a jail in the Mexican resort city of Acapulco unveiled 19 prostitutes, two sacks of marijuana and 100 roosters for cock fighting, authorities have said.
The discovery came as 500 federal officers prepared to transfer some 60 inmates to maximum security prisons overnight Sunday to Monday, said Arturo Martinez, spokesman for federal anti-drug operations in the western state of Guerrero.
Police also found six female prisoners in the men's section of the jail, as well as sharp weapons, two peacocks, and luxury items such as plasma TVs, he said.
"We're investigating the probable culprits," said Martinez, spokesman for the federal operation which is working to stem a wave of violence blamed on organised crime in the region.

Fairly bleedin obvious I would have thought....and yes that is a picture of a “cell”.

That’s it: I’m orf to look for some dark sky with my Galileo gadget.

And todays Olympic thought: Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria.
I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."


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