Not quite as cold as the coldest thing you can think of at the Castle this morn, the butler is inserting fat teenagers into the furnace at a rate of knots, his Maj is tearing around like a lunatic and I broke a tooth last eve while eating an apple-so much for “healthy eating”.
U-Turn Cam has refused to join an EU financial crisis accord after pointless negotiations in Brussels.
Britain and Hungary look set to stay outside the accord, with Sweden and the Czech Republic having to consult their parliaments on it.
A full accord of all 27 EU members "wasn't possible, given the position of our British friends," President Sarkozy said.
Mr Sarkozy said the eurozone countries would sign an intergovernmental accord aimed at stabilising the currency in the face of the debt crisis, plus any other EU members that wanted to join.
He could have told them “Non” by text, now all we need is a referendum....
Is allegedly going to let learner drivers on motorways from next year, the intention is to end the situation in which young drivers can be confronted with traffic driving at speeds of 70 mph or above without any preparation.
Under the plans announced by Mr Penning, it will be possible for learner drivers to undergo some training on a motorway but only if accompanied by a qualified driving instructor.
One of the snags is that the change will not be made compulsory because of the difficulties learner drivers in remote areas of the country would face in finding a motorway within a reasonable distance of where they lived.
Since taking office Mr Penning has stopped driving test centres publicising the routes which will be used during the examination.
He has also banned the publishing of answers to the theory test to prevent candidates learning by rote.
In a further change Mr Penning plans to ban trainee driving instructors giving lessons unless they themselves are supervised by a fully qualified colleague.
Ever seen a “young driver” going down a dual carriageway....
A leaky church roof could be about to give the world the chance to glimpse the legendary Ark of the Covenant.
No one has been allowed to see the holy object, described in scripture as being made from acacia wood, plated with gold and topped with two golden angels, except one solitary elderly monk, who must watch over the Ark for the remainder of his life, and is never allowed to leave the chapel grounds.
But now the chapel – which was designed by the Ethiopian leader Emperor Hailie Selassie – has had to be covered in a tarpaulin to stop rain getting in.The water damage could mean the Ark will be moved for the first time in decades giving religious worshippers and adventurers alike a chance to see it.
Doesn’t work very well do it.......?
The head of bankrupt US brokerage firm MF Global, Jon Corzine, has told a congressional committee that he has no idea where its clients' money has gone.
An estimated $1.2bn (£760m) in customer cash is missing from accounts.
The company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy on 31 October after making a $6.3bn bet on European sovereign debt.
In written testimony read out to the committee Mr Corzine apologises to "all those affected" by the businesses failure.
"I simply do not know where the money is, or why the accounts have not been reconciled to date," he added.
Ah, the old “it wasn’t me guv” defence.
Lothian and Borders Police invited tenders for a £70,000 contract to provide sandwiches for the force, giving details of the length and flavours they were willing to accept.
The police force managed to stretch the description to 45 pages in a 10,000-word tendering document for catering firms supplying snacks to beat officers.
The force, which has up to £70,000 to spend on just 7,500 packed lunches per year, specifies that officers will require a baguette measuring 11 inches long, and containing one of 17 different fillings set out in a separate spreadsheet, which include brie and cranberry, smoked salmon and cream cheese and prawn mayonnaise.
It adds that 75 per cent of the baguettes must be made from white bread and 25 per cent from brown, and filled to “the standard size and weight stipulated by the British Sandwich Association”.
Crisps must be Walker’s, Mackie’s or “equivalent” and each packet must contain “no less than 34.5 grammes of product within the bag”.
As for the water bottles, they must contain “no less than 500ml of still or carbonated spring water” which must be “supplied from Scottish wells and springs and have been bottled in Scotland”.
Other sections of the document cover health and safety rules, requirements for environmentally-friendly packaging, compliance with anti-discrimination and anti-bribery laws, as well as a host of financial and legal clauses.
On Tuesday The Daily Telegraph reported that officers had complained “in vast numbers” about the choice of sandwich fillings in the snacks they were given, and in particular moaning that tuna, chicken and egg had a limited shelf life and exposed them to the risk of food poisoning.
Make your own bloody sandwiches then and save us seventy grand.
A cunning plan has been devised to stop the drain on resources caused by metal thieves; North Somerset Council is trialling the use of the new plastic, anti-skid covers in Nailsea after scores of metal ones were stolen earlier this year.
A total of 19 manhole and drain covers, made out of wrought iron and costing around £4,000, were stolen from across North Somerset in just 48 hours in March.
The new plastic covers cost in the region of £400 each and last for around 15 years compared to the metal ones which cost around £110 but need replacing every five years.
Three and bit times the times the price for three times the life?
Anyway isn’t an anti skid manhole cover also known as a butt plug?
That’s it: I’m orf to plumb the depths of the moat.
And today’s thought: