Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Blighty is broke: Fuelling poverty: Golf gamble: Lexicon of regionalisms: Winnebago parking: and Rhubarb, rhubarb.

Warm and wet with a whimsy of opaque air at the Castle this morn, the fallic Glu has really taken hold again-I have this urge to find a Portuguese Tart and I am up to three boxes of Lemsip’s a week.

Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise George (I can’t find my purse) Osborne has finally discovered that the Government 'has run out of money' and cannot afford debt-fuelled tax cuts or extra spending.
George (I want to go back to my own planet) reckons that there is little the Coalition can do to stimulate the economy.
So after what seems like a decade in “power” George (I may have to sack two servants) has laid the blame on “that lot who spent all the dosh”-Labour for his lack of fiscal know how. 

But George (My pension would only be £32,977) has decided that he will stand firm on his effort to balance the books by refusing to borrow money. “Any tax cut would have to be paid for, in other words there would have to be a tax rise somewhere else or a spending reduction.”
“In other words what we are not going to do in this Budget is borrow more money to either increase spending or cut taxes.”

In other words George-fuck orf and take the rest of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition with you....

According to “campaigners” more than nine million households will be living in fuel poverty within four years unless the Government directs £4bn a year from carbon taxes to families in greatest need.
More Britons die every year from living in a cold home than on the roads, they said, with the situation expected to worsen sharply because of soaring utility bills.
A new study has revealed that there are a million more households already living in fuel poverty compared with previous estimates, taking the total to 6.4 million. The study, by energy efficiency experts Camco, suggests that the total will hit 9.1 million by 2016.
A petition is being launched today at www.energybillrevolution.org to raise support for the Energy Bill Revolution campaign. It is already backed by more than 50 charities, unions, consumer groups and businesses, including Save the Children, the National Pensioners' Convention, Consumer Focus and the Co-operative Group.

The good news is-actually there isn’t any......

Is Camp Bonifas’ golf course in Panmunjom, featuring only one hole — a 192-yard par 3 —designed to give some of the 50 soldiers stationed there a bit of entertainment.
Instead of “members only” signs there is a nice reminder- “Danger! Do not retrieve balls from the rough; live mine fields” greets visitors before they step onto the course, which contains an Astroturf putting green and, for some reason, a gun tower.
The minefields surround the hole, and at least one mine is said to have exploded due to an errant slice.
The course was named after U.S. Army Captain Arthur Bonifas, who was one of the few American soldiers killed during the ax murder incident of 1978.

I can think of a few sideboard Ministers that should try it-after the sign has been removed...

Language lovers are celebrating the nation's diverse and colourful lexicon with the soon-to-be-published final volume of the Dictionary of American Regional English, also known by its acronym, DARE.
Which contains such gems as- a drinking fountain is called a bubbler in Wisconsin, a dry-land fish to Kentuckians and Tennesseans is an edible mushroom. A tadpole is a pinkwink on Cape Cod. And a toad-strangler in the Gulf States is a turd-floater in Texas and Oklahoma and a fence-lifter in the Ozarks; all three describe a heavy rain.
And ask for a pickle in Nebraska and you might get a lottery ticket.

Super, as the old saying goes- Blighty and America-Two nations divided by a common language

Fishermen participating in the annual Lake Winnebago ice fishing contest over the weekend found themselves scouting for their modes of transportation after 36 parked vehicles went through the ice, authorities said Sunday.
"We had some cars that got wet," a dispatcher with the Winnebago County Sheriff's Department said. "We had cars parked on the ice like it was a parking lot. Usually they do park out on the ice. That's not unusual. It's just that they parked too close together. It was too much for the ice conditions this year."
Tournament organizers for the Battle on Bago reportedly warned people about parking on the ice Saturday, but some had trouble finding spots elsewhere and parked on the lake anyway. Of about 50 cars parked on the ice, four were submerged more than half way, 18 were partially submerged, and 14 sunk to the top of their wheels, according to the sheriff's department.
"They all started early in the morning. Throughout the day with the sun and everything else, vehicles started to sink," the dispatcher explained.
The ice was about a foot thick.
The lake is shallow where the cars were parked, and tow trucks were called in to pull out the cars. No one was in the vehicles and no one was injured, the dispatcher said.
The tournament was Friday and Saturday. Sturgeon spearing season on Lake Winnebago ends Sunday.
Several other cars had broken through the ice earlier in the month, authorities said.


Probably thought the ‘no parking’ sign meant ‘car wash’ in Wisconsin...

And finally:

The woodentops in the Smoke has published a list of 30 plants that can help homeowners protect their gardens from thieves, including giant rhubarb and gooseberry bushes.

The guidelines on "How to stop garden thieves" state that people can 'make their home more secure' by planting giant rhubarb - which has 'abrasive foliage' - and 'spiny' gooseberry bushes.

The advice - which even gives the Latin name for the plants and bushes - states: "Your garden, as well as your house, has valued possessions that thieves would love to steal.

"It also has equipment that could help them break into your house.

"Most burglars are lazy. They look for easy ways of getting into a house or garden (and) by taking a few simple precautions you can reduce the risk of being burgled and make your house and garden more secure."

It then lists all 30 plants, stating 'Here are some suggestions for plants to use', adding jokingly: "We have tried to identify the plants mentioned by their correct botanical name, but we cannot guarantee that the plant you buy will not grow into a small, fragrant flowering shrub with no more thorns than a daisy."

Here are some of the Mets suggestions:

Creeping Juniper, Blue Spruce, Common Holly, Giant Rhubarb, Golden Bamboo, Chinese Jujube, Firethorn, Shrub Rose, Pencil Christmas Tree, Juniper, Purple Berberis, Mountain Pine, Blue Pine, Oleaster, Blackthorn and the Fuschia-flowered Gooseberry.

And you could also have Aralia, Chaenomeles, Colletia, Crataegus (including hawthorn/may), Hippophae (sea buckthorn), Maclura, Mahonia, Oplopanax, Osmanthus, Poncirus, Rhamnus, Rosa (climbing & shrub roses), Rubus (bramble), Smilax Prickly ash (Zanthoxylum).

And in many years you will have a burglar proof garden-I prefer the electrified fence but I have got a twelve foot mock orange-if you can dig the bloody thing up you can have it.....

And today’s thought:

Golfcraft carrier.

And now back to bed...


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