Sunday, 6 May 2012

Tory regret: Welfare to fraud: Another daft old fart: Exploding cows: Big Crab: and Playing Possum Dahn Unda.

I think we have now reached the fortieth day (and night) of falling skywater at the Castle this morn, his Maj doesn’t seem to mind and comes in every half hour or so to curl up on my lap for ten minutes to dry out and despite generous amounts of H2o we still have a hosepipe ban.

There was the expected drubbing for the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition at the “local” elections, I don’t think it was ‘midterm blues’ but the very few members of the populace that could actually be bothered to make their mark telling all politicians that we don’t trust them and no matter who is in power they are all the same.

Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise George (the quail I have just had for lunch has a bigger IQ than me) Osborne reckons that mistakes in handling the Budget may have added to the Government’s problems.

And that the so-called ‘granny tax’, ‘pasty tax’, and ‘charity tax’ and cutting the 50p top tax rate overshadowed his moves to take less tax from the low-paid.
Writing in today’s flailing sail on Sunday, he says: ‘The way the Budget was presented meant this message wasn’t heard. I take responsibility for that.’
But despite this and the big Conservative losses on Thursday, he would not abandon the Coalition’s tough austerity programme.
However he does “understand the voters' pain”....

Oh no he fucking doesn’t, he doesn’t have to worry about paying the heating, Leccy, water, go juice and food bills or the rip orf mortgage rates because WE pay them all for him and if he needs anything else he can claim it on expenses or as a last resort dip into one of his bank accounts for some of his millions-arrogant bastard.....

Allegedly Welfare-to-work providers are facing fraud checks after investigations into wrongdoing.
One in five investigations into alleged fraud at welfare-to-work providers over the past six years had "evidence of false representation" – such as forging client signatures to claim fees – with 10 cases referred to the police, the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has revealed for the first time.
The figures help to uncover the full extent of misconduct in the industry and suggest wrongdoing could go beyond crisis-hit A4e, which is in the middle of a police investigation into alleged fraud.
A further 17% of 126 cases investigated by authorities since 2006 had "evidence of procedural non-compliance", the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) disclosed in an answer to a written parliamentary question.
In total, 24 cases were found to have involved false representation and 22 had procedural non-compliance meaning almost 40pc of the 126 cases investigated had evidence of wrongdoing.  

The Dept of Witless Pillocks couldn’t organise a lazy lob in a brothel....

It seems that Angus isn’t the only daft old fart about, John Macdonald, from Eriskay in the Outer Hebrides, celebrated his 80th birthday at the weekend by throwing himself 40 metres off Garry Bridge in Perthshire.
Mr Macdonald said: “I wasn’t afraid at all. I just wished I could have had a swim in the River Garry as well.
I have had diabetes for 48 years and, when I was lying in hospital in Rio in 1964, I reckoned I would be very lucky to live past the age of 60.
“To do this then was special and I hope this gives younger ones who have diabetes something to encourage them a bit: an old guy like me managing to do a bungee jump.

Nice one, I hope he had plenty of Fixodent in place.....

The US Forest Service is considering explosives to move a bunch of frozen cows that died after getting stuck inside a cabin at 11,000 feet in Colorado’s Rocky Mountains.
The Aspen Daily News reported that agency officials are worried about the high fire danger and are looking at other solutions such as using helicopters or trucks.
The carcasses were discovered by two Air Force Academy cadets when they snow-shoed up to the cabin in late March. Officials believe the animals sought shelter during a snowstorm and got stuck.
The cabin is located near the Conundrum Hot Springs, a hiking area near Aspen in the Maroon Bells-Snowmass Wilderness area.

Or...they could use chainsaws and get the barby out.....

Claude the Tasmanian giant crab was saved from death when the fisherman who caught him sold him to a British aquarium for £3,000.
Now, after a 29-hour plane journey from Australia – where giant crab meat is a delicacy – and two weeks in quarantine, Claude is ready to meet his public.
He is the biggest crab on display in the UK and weighs a mighty 15lb with a 15-inch shell – enough to make 160 crab cakes.
Claude is 100 times bigger than a standard UK shore crab. Yet he is still a juvenile and will grow to double his weight.
Claude was caught off the coast of Tasmania last month, but was sold to the Sea Life group along with two other Tasmanian giant crabs.
He will go on display at the Sea Life centre in Weymouth, Dorset, on Thursday, and his two companions will be moved to other centres in Birmingham and Berlin if Claude responds well to his new home.
Currently he is being kept on his own in a specially made cylindrical tank, ten feet tall and six feet wide, but the aquarium will introduce some coldwater fish once he is settled.

Despite being saved from the pot he doesn’t look very happy-a bit “crabby”?

And finally:

Staff at a Dunedin park has voiced concerns about a drinking game called "possum," where players sit in trees and drink alcohol until they fall down from drunkenness, the Otago Daily Times reported.
Dunedin City Council spokesman Alan Matchett told the newspaper that local students started playing "possum" at the city's botanic gardens roughly four years ago, but the game has since gained popularity and it was not uncommon for garden staff to have to chase people away.
The gardens are located close to the University of Otago, a school with more than 20,000 students.
A university spokesman confirmed that university security staff had assisted the local council in keeping an eye on drunken students.
"There have been two occasions earlier this year where students have been located by Campus Watch [staff] in trees, drinking and causing a public nuisance in the Botanic Garden," the spokesman told the Daily Times.
"Because Campus Watch was involved in both cases, the students were required to clean up their litter and to meet with the proctor for disciplinary action."

For a proctology exam to see what happened to their brains....

And today’s thought:

The latest Coalition giveaway.


1 comment:

Bernard said...

£3000 for crab that will only make 160 'crab-cakes'.
If they mean 'fish-cakes', that is bloody expensive at £18.75 each!
Even Tesco don't charge that.