Thursday, 27 September 2012

No Nurse NHS: Magna Plonker U-Turn Cam: Mona 1: The Frozen Dead Guy Festival: Autonomous motors: and Sparkle.


Still chucking it dahn, still a ludicrous lack of warm stuff, still less than that atmospheric movement and not a light of solar activity at the Castle this morn.
 
Bit late, had to go dahn to Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and his Maj's food run and spent more than a while hunting for an illegal tungsten lightbulb or two.
 
And just to cheer up we old farts here are a few old “jokes”.
 
 

 

‘OLD’ IS WHEN….
Your sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer, ‘Pick one; I can’t do both!’

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot…

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

 

 

Since the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition wasn’t elected to power they have managed to vanish almost 6,000 nurses, midwifery and health visiting staff.
Health Minister Lord Howe said: "There are always fluctuations in the workforce, and the reality is that there is almost a thousand more clinical staff working in the NHS than there was in May 2010, including nearly 3,500 more doctors, and over 900 extra midwives.
 

Someone is telling porkies-wonder who? And note that the Minister for Elf Howe didn’t mention “Nurses”.

 
 
 

It seems that our beloved Prime Monster has displayed the result of his very expensive Eton education on the Letterman show.

U-Turn Cam managed to:

Get the answer to who composed Rule Britannia wrong, quoting Elgar instead of Thomas Arne.

Leave the answer to what Magna Carta means in “proper” English unanswered (great charter).

But he did manage to get the place and date correct (1215 as the date the Magna Carta was drawn up and Runnymede as the place of signing).

And he admitted he is "not very popular at the moment", pointing to austerity measures and cuts as a possible explanation for his low ratings.

 
At least he got that right...

 


Allegedly a younger vision of the 'Mona Lisa' is due to be unveiled in Geneva, the Swiss-based Mona Lisa Foundation organising the event says detailed research over three decades strongly indicates it is an earlier portrayal by the Italian genius of the world's most famous painting.
Foundation member and art historian Stanley Feldman said: "We have investigated this painting from every relevant angle and the accumulated information all points to it being an earlier version of the Giaconda in the Louvre.
But Martin Kemp, Oxford University professor and world-recognised authority on Da Vinci, argued the Geneva portrait is probably a copy of the Paris version by an unknown painter who simply chose to make the subject younger.
"So much is wrong," he said, pointing to the fact - among others - that the foundation's portrait is painted on canvas and not on wood, the artist's preferred medium. 

 

Woodn’t you know it....

 
 

 
The frozen corpse that has inspired a Colorado town's whimsical "Frozen Dead Guy Days" celebration may soon be put on ice somewhere else, but festival organizers said the body's removal will not have a chilling effect on the annual event.
"We will continue on whether or not Bredo Morstoel is here," festival owner Amanda MacDonald said Wednesday of the man whose body has been packed in dry ice outside Nederland, Colorado, since 1993.
A financial dispute between Morstoel's grandson, Tryve Bauge, and the man hired to replenish the dry ice on a monthly basis, Bo Shaffer, has led to Bauge threatening to move his grandfather's body out of Colorado.
Each month for 18 years, Shaffer has hauled 1,700 pounds (770 kg) of dry ice - carbon dioxide in solid form - to a remote shed above Nederland to keep the corpse of Morstoel at minus-24 degrees Fahrenheit (minus-31 degrees Celsius) and in a state of cryonic suspension.
But Shaffer said he quit after Bauge refused to pay for the rising costs of fuel and ice, which has made the endeavour unprofitable.

 
So the ice man doesn’t cometh then...

 

California Governor Jerry Brown on Tuesday signed a bill clearing the way for self-driving cars to jockey with human-operated vehicles to test the technology on the state's roads.
"Autonomous vehicles are another example of how California's technological leadership is turning today's science fiction into tomorrow's reality," Brown said during a signing ceremony at the Google campus in Mountain View.
"This law will allow California's pioneering engineers to safely test and implement this amazing new technology."
The legislation backed by state senator Alex Padilla lets driverless cars be operated on public roads for testing purposes as long as licensed drivers are behind the wheels to take over if needed. 

Bit bleedin pointless then...

 
And finally:
 

 

A cross-eyed cat named Spangles is making a name for himself after his proud owner posted pictures of him wearing costumes online.
Three-year-old feline Spangles has won thousands of followers on his Facebook page after owner Mary Buchanan began posting daily pictures of him posing in costumes.
Buchanan, 25, a college student from Spartanburg, South Carolina, adopted the tabby cat from a neighbour when he was five months old.
"Spangles was born on July 4th, so with the Star-Spangled Banner that's how I got his name", said owner Mary Buchanan.
“He was born with one cross eye, but he’s never had problems walking or anything."
“He’s never run into things, or wobbled. He can see perfectly fine. He has been checked out by a vet, and no surgery is needed to correct his sight.”


Bless.....

 
 

And today’s thought:
The porky pie man.
 

 

Angus

2 comments:

James Higham said...

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

LOL. Like it.

Angus Dei said...

:)