Sunday, 25 November 2012

Giant flying Freudian penis: and The Lord of the building sites “artistic” snaps.

I don’t normally post on Sundays, it is not a religious thing but just that I can’t be arsed, and I am sick of watching the 104 “updates” being installed on my “new” desktop computer so I thought this tale might amuse a couple of readers.

I was woken at 5.30 of this am by a blast of wind through the master bedroom (and no it wasn’t the curry I had last eve but atmospheric movement), and then as I crawled out of the four poster to close the window ( I always sleep with the window open-even in the depths of the cold stuff) I saw a giant Freudian penis (cylindrical object) shoot up vertically past the glass covered orifice, and attached to said giant Freudian penis (GFP) was what looked like one of my metal garden chairs.

The GFP then descended past the window to land with a bit of noise on the patio and took orf across the garden dragging said heavy garden chair at more than a rate of knots.

Donning my slippers I sort of dashed dahn the stairs and into the garden in my jim-jams (funny place to have a garden I know but strange things go on at the Castle) I then managed to catch the chair attached to the GFP (which turned out to be the cover for the chairs and table which reside in the other garden (not in my jim-jams), there followed a game of ‘chase me’ as the wind caught the GFP and dragged me and metal chair up and dahn the lawn a couple of times before I pounced on the errant GFP, deflated it and threw it into the undergrowth (see shaky pic).

As I limped back into the Castle covered in skywater and wet earth his Maj was lying on his back on the window sill with his mouth wide open, I swear the little sod was laughing....


This came from an old (Anonymous) friend

Is regarding the Lord of the Building site and his ex-collection of “erotic photos from the world of high fashion” which came up for sale back in 2003.

Allegedly the owner of “A (Very) Private Collection: Fashion and Eroticism Photographs 1970-1990 –was keen to remain anonymous.”

The Sunday Times noted the collection was initially thought to be that of an ageing roué, with an eye for the ladies, who was now desperate for the 100,000 or so pounds the collection is expected to bring.

The paper then received a tip the seller was the prodigious collector and former Tory treasurer, Lord Alistair McAlpine, who is hardly short of a quid (or £310,000 or so).

But the nice old Lord of the B&B had kindly donated 700 photographs by the likes of Bob Carlos Clarke, David Bailey, Terence Donovan, designer Karl Lagerfeld and others to the Art Gallery of NSW.

The marketing manager for Bloomsbury Book Auctions, which is handling the sale, would not reveal to Sauce the identity of the seller, except to confirm it was an institution rather than an individual.

Despite the art gallery’s director, Edmund Capon, being a friend of Lord McAlpine, the peer knew nothing of the sale until contacted by the Sunday Times.

When Sauce contacted McAlpine, who is busy with the upcoming opening of his B & B, formerly a 14th century convent in southern Italy, his lordship was more miffed by the sleazy title.

“I’m not put out, because if they [the art gallery] want to sell something I gave them, that’s their business. The fact is I just think it was very silly to sell these things.

“While they might not seem of great importance to a curator or photographer sitting in Sydney, which isn’t the epicentre of the new world, they are considered to be an important collection.”

The works are described by a Sunday Times critic as influential, daring and highly formalised and that the clothes depicted “signal glamour and the high-life, not sleaze”. “The pictures in this collection were shot as high art, but their effect has been to spread this kind of eroticism throughout the culture,” the article said.

“This collection is extraordinary because it captures the moment just before we chose to make eroticism banal, an environmental itch rather than a secret delight.”

Back at the B & B, Il Convento di Costantinople, near the town of Marittima in Puglia, prospective visitors will be pleased to know that while it has no erotic photos, it is crammed with other works from the host’s vast art collection, including a substantial number of Aboriginal artworks…


I’m saying nothing, but I thought you might find it interesting-especially the fact that he had a phone back in 2003, unlike now....


And whatever you do-DO NOT RETWEET THIS (I can’t afford it).





Bernard said...

This, to me, sounds more like it -

Mind you, I read that a person would need in the order of£800K to defend a libel case.

Bernard the broke!

Bernard said...

"I’m told that Sally Bercow has been given similar advice, and so we must now wait to see who the first British citizen with the balls to tell McAlpine and Reid to f**k off might be."

Go for it Angus! :)

from -