Thursday, 10 January 2013

Black and white Blighty: Post a crime: Abreast of Venus de Milo: Rubbish old fart: Smurfs and fags: and Garlic smuggling.

Minimal lack of warm, maximum lack of skywater, middling atmospheric movement and murky amounts of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, and now I know why their profits are up over the Crimbo thingy-a loaf of bread now costs £1.45, a bag of what used to be £1 fruit is now £1.99, my deodorant has gorn up 50p almost everything else costs more than it did before the “C” period.

The only good news is that all the electronics in the go-Juice bit have gorn tits up and they have had to close it until him/her upstairs decides that they deserve to keep trading.


Still having to use HMTL to insert pics into posts, I know what I would like to insert into the tossers at Blogger.


More than 13,000 households across the UK are still using black-and-white television sets, London had the highest number of monochrome licences, at 2,715, followed by Birmingham and Manchester, it said.
The number of licences issued each year has dwindled from 212,000 in 2000. A total of 13,202 monochrome licences were in force at the start of 2013.
A black-and-white TV licence costs £49 a year, a colour licence costs £145.50.
TV Licensing spokesman Stephen Farmer said: "It's remarkable that with the digital switchover complete, 41% of UK households owning HDTVs and Britons leading the world in accessing TV content over the internet, more than 13,000 households still watch their favourite programmes on a black-and-white telly."

Oh no it isn’t-look at the price difference plonker....


Victims could report crimes at the Post Office as 65 front desks in police stations across the capital are closed amid sweeping budget cuts of more than £500 million.
Stephen Greenhalgh, the deputy mayor of London, said post offices could be used to replace the “underused” counters as staff were typically security-cleared, used to taking cash and often had secure rooms as well.
The Metropolitan Police, Britain’s biggest force, is looking for more than 200 contact points in supermarkets, community centres and libraries where members of the public could access police services as stations close and is in the early stages of planning a trial with the Post Office.
Oh fucking great, now we will have to wait even fucking longer in the queue while some blood soaked mugger’s victim tells his story...


Stonemasonry boss Tom Finlay, 48, was standing 50m from his voluptuous hand-carved Venus de Milo when a flash of white light and an "almighty kaboom" sent stone flying through the air.
Mr Finlay said he was amazed her 30kg breasts had survived the phenomenon.
"There was a clap of thunder and the sculpture blew up like a rocket-launcher had hit it," he said.
"The lightning looked like a serpent.
"Everything disintegrated but the breasts - all that's left is what's under her hips," he added.
The 1.5m high sculpture, made of local porcelanite, was perched on a 6m steel reinforced column.
Shattered stone was strewn about the small courtyard at Finlay's Stonemasonry - near the Stuart Hwy, at Yarrawonga - where the top half of the headless Venus was obliterated about 2.45pm on Friday.
But her breasts withstood the 8m drop on to the stone mural below. Only one nipple was damaged.
Mr Finlay said he had not yet decided the fate of the surviving breasts "I might mount the breasts and hang them in my office." He said.

Whatever floats your boat cobber...


A 76-year-old man trapped himself in an underground waste paper container in Amsterdam after he clambered in to hunt for a lottery ticket.
Police said in a statement the elderly man managed to open the container and climb in Thursday because he feared he had tossed out a lottery ticket along with other used paper.
Passers-by heard him calling for help and alerted the police who freed him with the help of fire-fighters.

Methinks the daft old fart has been visiting too many wacky baccy cafes.



Four men who were dressed as Smurfs when they were allegedly involved in an assault at a 7-Eleven have handed themselves into police.
Police said a 37-year-old Pascoe Vale man had been buying cigarettes at a 7-Eleven store, on the corner of West and Pascoe streets, when he was approached by a man painted blue and dressed as a character from the 1980s cartoon, about 1am on December 16.
The Smurf-dressed man asked for a cigarette and was offered one, but demanded the man light it before handing it over.
The man refused and was later assaulted.
A police spokeswoman said the alleged victim passed out in the car park, only realising he had been assaulted when he woke up.
Earlier today, police appealed for the smoking Smurf and his three Smurf mates to come forward.
Two 19-year-old Broadmeadows men, a 19-year-old Greenvale man and an 18-year-old Jacana man handed themselves into police after the appeal.
They are expected to be charged with assault-related offences, police said.

Smokin Smurfs....

And finally:


Swedish prosecutors have issued international arrest warrants for two Britons suspected of masterminding a smuggling ring involving over a ton of Chinese garlic.
The men first shipped the garlic to Norway by boat, where it entered the country duty-free since it was considered to be in transit, prosecutor Thomas Ahlstrand said Wednesday. They then drove the approximately 1.2 tons of garlic across the expansive Norwegian-Swedish border, avoiding customs checks and thus Swedish import duties.
Ahlstrand said the men avoided more than $13.1 million in Swedish taxes through the scheme. A lengthy police investigation led to the identification of the two Britons allegedly behind the Swedish operation, which took place in 2009-10.
It was not the first time smugglers had shown a preference for garlic from China, which accounts for nearly 80 percent of world output and is often significantly cheaper than local varieties.
In 2010, Polish authorities seized six containers with 144 tons of Chinese garlic that had been smuggled into the country via the Netherlands.
It was not immediately clear whether the Polish smuggling was linked to the Swedish case.

You would have thought that they smelt them coming.


And today’s thought:
Police Post 


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