Bleedin cold, bothersome amounts of white fluffy/scrapey, scrapey stuff, not even a flatulent amount of atmospheric movement and less solar stuff than you could shake a bikini line at, at the Castle this morn, his Maj is keeping well away from the windows and the butler is feeding fat, carbon neutral teenagers into the furnace faster than the GDP is falling.
The EU has struck back, apparently the European Commission announced legal action against the UK Government for failing to honour an EU leaders' agreement in February 2011 to "complete" the internal energy market by transposing EU electricity and gas directives into UK law by March 3 2011.
Despite two warnings Britain has still failed to comply with two measures designed to open up energy competition for the benefit of the European energy sector and its consumers.
The Commission said it was now asking the European Court of Justice in Luxembourg to impose daily fines of 148.177 euro (£125,000) for each of the two directives which have only been partially transposed into domestic law.
That’ll help us decide....
Allegedly the Russian Defence Ministry is attempting to clampdown on homosexuality with a new handbook that recommends recruits and contractors be checked for genital tattoos, like the image of a “face” on the recruit’s penis.
The Russian newspaper Izvestia on Thursday published details about how recruits would be given a thorough examination and face questioning about their sexual history.
Signs of “promiscuity” could indicate mental instability, addictive personality and suicidal tendencies, according to the documents.
“The reasons for tattooing may indicate a low cultural and educational level,” according a machine translation of the handbook provided by Google. “If set to the impact of external incentives, such as persuasion, direct coercion, it will be evidence of compliance of young men, his tendency to obey the will of another.”
The “knowledge of symbols tattoos help the officer the best way to organize work with a specific person. Particular attention should be paid to the tattoos on the face, on the genitals, buttocks. They can testify not only about certain personal settings, and possible sexual deviation.”
After the examination, authorities hope to determine if the recruit has a “tendency to perversion,” meaning homosexuality.
Does Eton allow tattoos?
Stretching for over three miles along the white sandy beach on Germany's Baltic Sea island of Ruegen lies the world’s biggest hotel with 10,000 bedrooms all facing the sea. But for 70 years since it was built, no holiday maker has ever stayed there. This is hotel Prora, a massive building complex built between 1936 and 1939 by the Nazis as part of their "Strength through Joy" ("Kraft durch Freude," KdF) programme. The aim was to provide leisure activities for German workers and spread Nazi propaganda. Locals call Prora the Colossus because of its monumental structure.
Prora lies on an extensive bay between the Sassnitz and Binz regions, known as the Prorer Wiek, on the narrow heath (the Prora) which separates the lagoon of the Großer Jasmunder Bodden from the Baltic Sea. The complex consists of eight identical buildings that extend over a length of 4.5 kilometres and are roughly 150 metres from the beach. A workforce of 9,000 took three years to build it, starting in 1936, and the Nazis had long-term plans for four identical resorts, all with cinema, festival halls, swimming pools and a jetty where Strength Through Joy cruise ships would dock.
Not a lot of happiness there, maybe Ex Nazi El Papa could buy it as a summer retreat.
Fifteen thousand crocodiles are on the loose after escaping from a farm hit by flooding.
Residents have been warned to stay indoors as wildlife experts try to capture the man-eating beasts.
One was spotted on a school rugby pitch and others have been found trapped in branches of trees after the flood waters fell.
The alarm was raised when all 15,000 Nile crocs at the Rakwena farm in South Africa’s Limpopo province fled their pens which had been opened on Sunday to stop flood water crushing them.
They have since been spotted all over.
Farm boss Zane Langman said he has recaptured “a few thousand” of the reptiles in the dense bush around the property.
But he added: “More than half are still missing.”
Nile crocs can grow up to 16ft and reach speeds of 8mph when running and 22mph swimming.
Commercial crocodile farms breed the animals for their skin, which is used to make belts, shoes and bags.
There is also a small market for the meat but most often it is fed to other crocs, as they are cannibalistic.
Langman, who said it is easier to recapture the beasts at night as their eyes shine red in the dark, also told how he went to rescue friends in a flood-hit house.
“You wonder the whole time if you’ll make it there. When we reached the people, the crocodiles were swimming around them. Praise the Lord, the family was all alive.”
A team of scientists has created a real-life miniature "tractor beam" - as featured in the Star Trek series - in a development which may lead to more efficient medical testing.
The microscopic beam - created by scientists from Scotland and the Czech Republic - allows a source of light to attract objects.
Light manipulation techniques have existed since the 1970s, but researchers say the experiment is the first instance of a beam being used to draw objects towards light.
Researchers from the University of St Andrews and the Institute of Scientific Instruments (ISI) in the Czech Republic say development of the beam may be an aid to medical testing, such as in the examination of blood samples.
Normally, when matter and light interact, a solid object is pushed by the light and carried away in a stream of photons.
However, in recent years, researchers have realised that there is a space of parameters when this force reverses.
The scientists have now demonstrated the first experimental realisation of the concept.
Professor Pavel Zemanek of the ISI said: "The whole team have spent a number of years investigating various configurations of particles delivery by light.
"I am proud our results were recognised in this very competitive environment and I am looking forward to new experiments and applications. It is a very exciting time."Dr Oto Brzobohaty, also of the ISI, said: "These methods are opening new opportunities for fundamental phonics as well as applications for life-sciences."
Spiffing, I have my own tractor beam; snag is all I can attract is tractors....
Capital FM newsreader Laura Safe is the one making headlines rather than breaking them after she strolls straight into a canal in Birmingham while engrossed in a text to her boyfriend.
CCTV cameras in the Mailbox shopping district of Birmingham recorded the moment a radio newsreader walked straight into a freezing cold canal while composing a text to her boyfriend.
Laura Safe, who works for Capital FM's breakfast show in the city, can be seen texting as she walks down a flight of steps, unaware of the canal side a few feet in front of her. Seconds later a splash reveals she has fallen in, and she briefly flails around in the freezing cold water.
Ms Safe was pulled to safety moments later by a passer-by, with her health if not her pride fully intact.
News reading Numpty
That’s it: I’m orf to have a row about Quantum theory
And today’s thought:
It's the tractor beam bones; she's checking out my tattoos