Showing posts with label #silly week. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #silly week. Show all posts

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

A bullet proof bear, Randy Emus, Sign language, wheel falls off Virgin and the Wookey Witch (result)

Guess what: it’s raining again, I don’t need a sun bed I have rust, and am a nice shade of ……well rust.

First up:

BOULDER, Colo. — it took three rounds from a shotgun, five bullets from a handgun and two shots from a rifle to kill the 120-pound black bear that broke into a Boulder County home early Monday morning.

The bear break-in was the fifth time in a week hungry bears have gotten into Boulder County residences, all while the residents were home. That has wildlife officials urging area residents to take precautions and bear proof their homes.

Brenda Fischer's barking dog woke her at about 2 a.m. Monday morning. When she went upstairs to investigate, she found a bear in the kitchen of her home on Poorman Road, between Sunshine and Fourmile canyons.

Fischer quickly returned downstairs to wake her two children and her husband.

"As soon as I moved to try and make a place for him to get out, he charged me," Fischer continued. "That's when I shot him and he kept charging me. I shot him a second time, and he kept charging me. I shot him a third time and he was finally disoriented enough for me to get away."

The first two rounds from the 12-gauge shotgun were birdshot and the third was rubber bullets, according to a report by the sheriff's office. The Fischers escaped through a bedroom window, leaving the wounded bear inside the house.

When officers arrived on the scene at about 2:30 a.m., they found a bloody bear trying to claw his way through a screen door.

Sheriff's Sgt. Lance Enholm, after determining that the bear was severely injured and would need to be put down, fired his .45-caliber handgun five more times at the animal.

"(The first shot) struck the bear in the head, and it immediately reacted and began flopping around and growling," Enholm wrote in his report. "... I fired another round from my handgun, again striking the bear in the head. This didn't appear to have any impact on the bear, and it kept coming towards me."

It was shot number nine, however, this time from the sergeant's .223-caliber rifle, that finally felled the bear; a final round ended the bear's suffering, according to the police report.

And I get annoyed when a fly gets in.

Seven-year-old Edward the emu, from Katherine, 300 kilometres south of Darwin, has been sitting on an empty nest and trying to round up his female owner, Patrena Arriston, whenever she comes close.

"It's starting to get a bit frustrated and when I go in there to pet it or feed the chooks and stuff like that, I sort of get rounded up," Ms Arriston said last week.

She appealed for anyone with a truck or trailer to help deliver a female emu, located 800 kilometres away, to Katherine to give Edward some much-needed company.

Today, Ms Arriston said a trailer should be available for use by the weekend.

"Hopefully we're going to get that at the end of the week.”

And hopefully, so is Edward.

Rothschild Village (Wisconsin) President Neal Torney says he's used to people misspelling his first name, but on Friday, such carelessness left him baffled.

The state just erected a new sign on Interstate 39, and the only word spelled correctly on the giant, green billboard is "exit," a fact that has local officials and residents dumbfounded.

"How do I politely say it shows some incompetence on someone's part?" Torney said in between laughs over the sign, which reads "Exit 185 Buisness 51 Rothschield Schofeild."

Greg Frank, general manager at Decker Supply Co. of Madison, the firm that manufactured the sign for the Wisconsin Department of Transportation , said the company takes full responsibility and will pay to make the I go before E in "Schofield" and make other fixes.

Frank said the company is working to have the sign corrected today. The cost of removing and rearranging the lettering will be minimal, he said.

He also promised to double check the work before hanging the repaired sign.

If that was done in the UK they would get a “B” or even an "A" minus

I believe I have mentioned Tricky Dicky Branson’s problems with transport such as High altitude balloons and Atlantic crossing speedboats, now it seems that the Virgin Curse has spread to his airlines.

The Boeing 737 was preparing for take off when a wheel fell off, nobody was hurt in Saturday's incident on a Sydney-bound plane which was taxiing towards the runway at Melbourne airport, the Australian Transport Safety Bureau said.

"The axle between the two wheels has fractured and that's caused the right front wheel to separate," a bureau spokesman said. "I understand that as a precaution Virgin Blue has inspected their fleet."

The Australian Licensed Aircraft Engineers Association said the incident, which is being probed by safety investigators, could have been catastrophic.

"In this case, we were lucky that the failure occurred on the ground. The release of the wheel assembly in-flight could have seen a loss of aircraft," association secretary Steve Purvinashe said.

"Unless action is taken, future incidences could be much more serious."

They certainly could, you might have to eat the food.

And finally:

Wookey Witch watches her hole

The new employee at Wookey Hole has taken up residence in her cave, 3124 Witches applied for the broomstick including 278 mothers in law and the lucky spellbinder is……… estate agent, Carole Bohanan who will be known as Carla Calamity, the Witch of Wookey Hole.

Miss Calamity, who admits to being several hundred years old — it would be impolite to ask how many — beat 300 other witches to the most coveted job in covendom.

Miss Calamity, who wore sparkly stilettos and described herself as a “glamorous witch”, will now give up her job selling homes and instead greet visitors to the limestone cave complex. She said that the £50,000 a year pro rata salary was only appropriate for the best witch in the business.

The broomstick was passed by Jane Brenner, Wookey’s witch for the past six years. Mrs Brenner said: “We didn’t want anyone who would scare the children. We wanted a good witch to meet and greet people and act as an ambassador for the attraction. This isn’t just a cushy job.”

The contenders were whittled down from 300 to a final 15 who included a photographer, a dive master, an aromatherapist, a local journalist, a tattooist and a stonemason.

The queue began to form at 5am. First to audition was Sharon Shaw, who calls herself a “hedge witch”. She was dressed in brown sacking, accessorised with a bleached rabbit skull and a piece of antler hanging from the metal belt around her generous waist.

Another, forgetting that her role was to welcome young children to the caves, said she had been going for “the zombie septicaemia look, with a little bit of leprosy”.

John Turner, another of the judges, was understandably nervous at the consequences of failing to pick the right candidate. He said: “One candidate is carrying around a bottle of her own urine.

She drank half of it before we could stop her.”

Wonky Wookey Witch?


Angus Dei politico


Monday, 27 July 2009

Silly Week, Saudi Sex, Exploding patios, One Small Step and Jacko’s Hooter

Bloody pelting down this morning in ‘Ampshire, but I managed to get to the “smash and grab” to stock up on Lemsip.

This week has been designated “Silly Week” by Man in a Shed, which to be honest makes no difference to my blog at all, but I have attempted to find even dafter tales than usual just for today, and the slideshow with music is a product of my warped view on politics.

First up:

Our Gord:

You have to press the PLAY button, it's a video.

Brains in Trousers

A Saudi man has been arrested for boasting about his sex life on television, the English-language daily Arab News reported on Thursday.

Jeddah resident Mazen Abdul Jawad was arrested after he appeared last week on "Red Line," a programme on Lebanon-based LBC television which is also popular in Saudi Arabia, the newspaper said.

On the programme Jawad said he first had sex with a neighbour when he was 14, and he also described in detail some of his later adventures.

He explained how he uses the Bluetooth function on his cell phone to try to pick up Saudi women, who are forbidden to mix with or reveal their faces to men who are not related to them. He also gave a recipe for an aphrodisiac.

Jawad could face charges under Saudi Arabia's strict Islamic sharia law of speaking openly about vice and admitting he engaged in pre-marital sex, it said, adding that if convicted he could be
jailed and flogged.

Doesn’t he watch the news?

A Russian warship preparing for a holiday celebration accidentally fired a dummy artillery shell into the courtyard of an apartment building in Vladivostok on Friday, officials said.

Nobody was hurt but the shell's impact broke windows and left a small crater outside the nine-storey apartment building in Vladivostok, a port city on Russia's Pacific Ocean coast close to China and Japan.

"There were no explosives in the dummy shell," Roman Martov, a spokesperson for Russia's Vladivostok-based Pacific Fleet, told AFP. "The reasons why the rocket-assisted projectile flew a greater distance than it had been assigned are unknown," he added.

Local police said in a statement that the impact shattered the windows of several apartments and scattered fragments of rock and glass on nearby cars, but added that there were no injuries.

The warship that fired the shell was taking part in rehearsals for Sunday's planned celebrations of the annual Navy Day holiday, which traditionally include a ceremonial procession of warships and mock naval battles.

Please take note Russian Navy: NAVAL BATTLES

Thirty-eight-year-old Neil Allen Armstrong, a financial services professional from Symmes Township in suburban Cincinnati, says he constantly gets calls and packages from autograph seekers, school kids and reporters. He tries to explain he's not the Neil Armstrong who was the first man to walk on the moon. But people don't always believe him.

Neil Alden Armstrong, the 78-year-old former astronaut, lives in nearby Indian Hills. He rarely appears in public but was back in the news recently with the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 mission.

Armstrong, the non-astronaut, says he has never met his namesake but would welcome the opportunity. For now, he'll continue telling people he's not that Neil - just an average Joe.

I have the same trouble: people are always mistaking me for the Lamb chop of God, but that is AGNUS DEI you dyslexic morons.

And finally:

MICHAEL Jackson's false nose has gone missing, according to reports from Hollywood.

A respected US magazine claims Jackson kept a jar of prosthetic noses after his own was damaged beyond repair by years of intense plastic surgery

Rolling Stone has published claims from a witness who saw Jackson's body on an autopsy table in Los Angeles and insisted his false nose was nowhere to be seen.According to his testimony there was a small hole where his nose should have been.The unnamed witness said: "The prosthesis he normally attached to his damaged nose was missing, revealing bits of cartilage surrounding a small dark hole.

However, the late performer's former housekeeper confirmed the star kept a selection of fake noses. Adrian McManus said: "His nose was always a problem. Now and again he wore plasters around the side to cover or support it. It was severely caved in."In his closet he had a jar of fake noses and stage glue, which he told me he used for disguises – but some were similar to his real nose, just without the hole.

"The Rolling Stone report laid bare the horrors of decades of plastic surgery on the star who was obsessed with his looks and died at the age of 50.

It is believed that after at least six nose jobs, Jackson's nostrils were almost too narrow for him to breathe when dancing.Meanwhile, a former financial adviser to the singer has revealed he was the person who recently turned over to executors $5.5 million (£3.3m) which had been "a secret between Michael and me".Dr Tohme made the disclosure after documents showed administrators of the estate had recovered the money and personal property from an unnamed former financial adviser.

He said the money, which came from recording residuals, was earmarked by Jackson for the purchase of what was to be his "dream home" in Las Vegas.

There, is that lot silly enough?


Angus Dei politico