What a “fine” EU: Show me your Russian tats: Big, empty Nazi hotel: Stay away from Limpopo: Tractor beam: and Radio presenter has a swim while texting.

Bleedin cold, bothersome amounts of white fluffy/scrapey, scrapey stuff, not even a flatulent amount of atmospheric movement and less solar stuff than you could shake a bikini line at, at the Castle this morn, his Maj is keeping well away from the windows and the butler is feeding fat, carbon neutral teenagers into the furnace faster than the GDP is falling.

 

After all the non promises from U-Turn Cam about the European community thingy

 

The EU has struck back, apparently the European Commission announced legal action against the UK Government for failing to honour an EU leaders' agreement in February 2011 to "complete" the internal energy market by transposing EU electricity and gas directives into UK law by March 3 2011.

Despite two warnings Britain has still failed to comply with two measures designed to open up energy competition for the benefit of the European energy sector and its consumers.

The Commission said it was now asking the European Court of Justice in Luxembourg to impose daily fines of 148.177 euro (£125,000) for each of the two directives which have only been partially transposed into domestic law.

 

That’ll help us decide....

 

East to the land that used to be Soviet, Socialist and a Republic

Allegedly the Russian Defence Ministry is attempting to clampdown on homosexuality with a new handbook that recommends recruits and contractors be checked for genital tattoos, like the image of a “face” on the recruit’s penis.

The Russian newspaper Izvestia on Thursday published details about how recruits would be given a thorough examination and face questioning about their sexual history.

Signs of “promiscuity” could indicate mental instability, addictive personality and suicidal tendencies, according to the documents.

“The reasons for tattooing may indicate a low cultural and educational level,” according a machine translation of the handbook provided by Google. “If set to the impact of external incentives, such as persuasion, direct coercion, it will be evidence of compliance of young men, his tendency to obey the will of another.”

The “knowledge of symbols tattoos help the officer the best way to organize work with a specific person. Particular attention should be paid to the tattoos on the face, on the genitals, buttocks. They can testify not only about certain personal settings, and possible sexual deviation.”

After the examination, authorities hope to determine if the recruit has a “tendency to perversion,” meaning homosexuality.

 

Does Eton allow tattoos?

 

Left a bit to the land that used to be ruler of most of Europe

Stretching for over three miles along the white sandy beach on Germany's Baltic Sea island of Ruegen lies the world’s biggest hotel with 10,000 bedrooms all facing the sea. But for 70 years since it was built, no holiday maker has ever stayed there. This is hotel Prora, a massive building complex built between 1936 and 1939 by the Nazis as part of their "Strength through Joy" ("Kraft durch Freude," KdF) programme. The aim was to provide leisure activities for German workers and spread Nazi propaganda. Locals call Prora the Colossus because of its monumental structure.

Prora lies on an extensive bay between the Sassnitz and Binz regions, known as the Prorer Wiek, on the narrow heath (the Prora) which separates the lagoon of the Großer Jasmunder Bodden from the Baltic Sea. The complex consists of eight identical buildings that extend over a length of 4.5 kilometres and are roughly 150 metres from the beach. A workforce of 9,000 took three years to build it, starting in 1936, and the Nazis had long-term plans for four identical resorts, all with cinema, festival halls, swimming pools and a jetty where Strength Through Joy cruise ships would dock.

 

Not a lot of happiness there, maybe Ex Nazi El Papa could buy it as a summer retreat.

 

Dahn a lot and right a whimsy

Fifteen thousand crocodiles are on the loose after escaping from a farm hit by flooding.

Residents have been warned to stay indoors as wildlife experts try to capture the man-eating beasts.

One was spotted on a school rugby pitch and others have been found trapped in branches of trees after the flood waters fell.

The alarm was raised when all 15,000 Nile crocs at the Rakwena farm in South Africa’s Limpopo province fled their pens which had been opened on Sunday to stop flood water crushing them.

They have since been spotted all over.

Farm boss Zane Langman said he has recaptured “a few thousand” of the reptiles in the dense bush around the property.

But he added: “More than half are still missing.”

Nile crocs can grow up to 16ft and reach speeds of 8mph when running and 22mph swimming.

Commercial crocodile farms breed the animals for their skin, which is used to make belts, shoes and bags.

There is also a small market for the meat but most often it is fed to other crocs, as they are cannibalistic.

Langman, who said it is easier to recapture the beasts at night as their eyes shine red in the dark, also told how he went to rescue friends in a flood-hit house.

“You wonder the whole time if you’ll make it there. When we reached the people, the crocodiles were swimming around them. Praise the Lord, the family was all alive.”

 

Fuck that......

 

Up Norf and right a fairway

A team of scientists has created a real-life miniature "tractor beam" - as featured in the Star Trek series - in a development which may lead to more efficient medical testing.

The microscopic beam - created by scientists from Scotland and the Czech Republic - allows a source of light to attract objects.

Light manipulation techniques have existed since the 1970s, but researchers say the experiment is the first instance of a beam being used to draw objects towards light.

Researchers from the University of St Andrews and the Institute of Scientific Instruments (ISI) in the Czech Republic say development of the beam may be an aid to medical testing, such as in the examination of blood samples.

Normally, when matter and light interact, a solid object is pushed by the light and carried away in a stream of photons.

However, in recent years, researchers have realised that there is a space of parameters when this force reverses.

The scientists have now demonstrated the first experimental realisation of the concept.

Professor Pavel Zemanek of the ISI said: "The whole team have spent a number of years investigating various configurations of particles delivery by light.

"I am proud our results were recognised in this very competitive environment and I am looking forward to new experiments and applications. It is a very exciting time."

Dr Oto Brzobohaty, also of the ISI, said: "These methods are opening new opportunities for fundamental phonics as well as applications for life-sciences."

  

Spiffing, I have my own tractor beam; snag is all I can attract is tractors....

 

And finally:

 

Norf a bit to Brummy land

 

Capital FM newsreader Laura Safe is the one making headlines rather than breaking them after she strolls straight into a canal in Birmingham while engrossed in a text to her boyfriend.

CCTV cameras in the Mailbox shopping district of Birmingham recorded the moment a radio newsreader walked straight into a freezing cold canal while composing a text to her boyfriend.

Laura Safe, who works for Capital FM's breakfast show in the city, can be seen texting as she walks down a flight of steps, unaware of the canal side a few feet in front of her. Seconds later a splash reveals she has fallen in, and she briefly flails around in the freezing cold water.

Ms Safe was pulled to safety moments later by a passer-by, with her health if not her pride fully intact.

 

News reading Numpty

 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a row about Quantum theory

 

And today’s thought:

It's the tractor beam bones; she's checking out my tattoos

 

 

Angus

The Grain train: Academic Twats: Toilet hostages: Three arses and an ass: Naked in the snow: Burning Brunost: and la puanteur françaises.

Lots of lack of warm, much less atmospheric movement, loads of frozen skywater and limitless amounts of lack of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, didn’t post yestermorn because of a “medical emergency”: his Maj decided to test out Newton’s law of plummeting fruit and fell out of the master bedroom window, he landed OK but smashed his face on a stone pot on the way dahn-blood, snot and drool in bucket loads.

Worried that he might have broken his jaw I got him dahn the Vets for a check up, and apart from a bloody nose and a “painkiller jab” he survived, and after giving the nice man £36 we went home and spent the day sleeping on the four-poster. 

This morn he is eating, doing his business and chasing invisible things around the garden, and apart from a slight limp from the jab is just about back to his “normal” self.

 

And Lovely Blogger has finally sorted out the IE picture upload thingy.

 

Just watched shit for brains “Dave” on Auntie

As he rambled on about Gord knows what with a bit about the EU and the next election, problem is I phased out after about three minutes and went to make a cup of coffee.

Anyone know what he actually said-or meant?

 

Apparently the reason that stale bread costs £1.45 a loaf dahn Tesco

Is that five multinational company’s control 90 per cent of the world’s grain trade, charities called for fresh action to crack down on tax avoidance by global corporations, claiming that the lives of 230 young children could be saved every day if firms paid their proper dues in the nations where they operated.

The new campaign challenges U-Turn Cam to take the lead in championing measures to stop tax-dodging by companies, prevent farmers from being forced off their land and ensure western nations live up to their promises on aid.

More than 100 charities and faith groups led by Oxfam have formed the largest coalition of its kind since the Make Poverty History campaign eight years ago. They are being backed by the billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates and civil rights activist Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

Allegedly five multinationals – ADM, Bunge, Cargill, Glencore and Louis Dreyfus – control all but ten per cent of the world’s grain supplies.

 

Bastards.....

 

All over leafy lane Blighty

Leading ‘academics’ have told Patrick McLoughlin, the Transport Secretary that pay as you drive road charging should be introduced to tackle congestion and cut carbon emissions.

In an open letter they warned that ploughing more money into Britain’s road network will only generate more traffic.

Signed by 32 leading transport academics including Prof. David Banister of Oxford University and Prof. Peter Mackie of Leeds, the letter called for a radical rethink of strategy by Whitehall.

 

Here we go again, a load of tossers that exist in their ivory towers in a city that hates motors think they know how to save the world by pricing motorist’s orf the road.

There are many solutions, one of which is to charge “normal” road tax for the first car registered at an address, charge double for the second car, triple for the third and so on, this would make people think twice about stocking up on transport and may even reduce the piss poor parking problems we all suffer from both at home and out and about.

 

East to the land of most things

 

Hundreds of Chinese factory workers angry about strictly timed bathroom breaks and fines for starting work late held their Japanese and Chinese manager’s hostage for a day and a half before police broke up the strike.

About 1,000 workers at Shanghai Shinmei Electric Company held the 10 Japanese nationals and eight Chinese managers inside the factory in Shanghai starting Friday morning until 11.50 p.m. Saturday, said a statement from the parent company, Shinmei Electric Co., released Monday.

It said the managers were released uninjured after 300 police officers were called to the factory.

A security guard at the Shanghai plant said Tuesday that workers had gone on strike to protest the company's issuing of new work rules, including time limits on bathroom breaks and fines for being late.

"The workers demanded the scrapping of the ridiculously strict requirements stipulating that workers only have two minutes to go to the toilet and workers will be fined 50 Yuan ($8) if they are late once and fired if they are late twice," said the security guard, surnamed Feng.

 

Good for them, especially the more mature workers as it can sometimes take more than two minutes just to “get going” when one is an old fart...

 

West to the land of white powdery stuff

Three thieves who tried to burgle a shop had to abandon the raid - when their getaway donkey made too much noise.

The trio had to ditch their ill-gotten gains in the early hours break-in in Colombia after the donkey started braying and alerted police.

The group had stolen rum, oil, rice, cans of tuna and sardines from a shop in the tiny town of Juan de Acosta, reports Noticias Caracol.

They planned to load the goods onto ten-year-old donkey Xavi, which they had stolen earlier, and make their escape.

But it let out a series of 'hee-haws' and the trio decided to ditch the animal, which was still carrying the stolen items, and make good their escape.

Shop owner Fabio Orozco said: "They came through the roof to rob. They took rum, rice, everything."

The donkey was detained in the town police station for 12 hours until owner Orlando Olivares was notified and came to collect him.

 

Better than a burglar alarm, and it mows the lawn as well....

 

All over white fluffy stuff Blighty

A new craze has emerged-getting naked in the snow, it all started when care worker Leanne Myers, 40, stripped to her undies to pose for a picture playing guitar in the snow with 25-year-old neighbour Danielle Smith.

In a bid to cheer up workmates Leanne posted the picture on a Facebook page she set up called “Wiltshire, let’s get naked in the snow!”

She also invited friends to strip off for their own goose-bump photos in the snow - and 250 people have taken up the challenge in just three days.

Leanne, from Durrington, Wilts, said yesterday: “It is totally amazing, I really had no idea it would take off like this.

“People have really embraced it, and a lot of the pictures are of friends of friends, but now there’s some coming in from people I don’t know.

“I’ve had interest from Abu Dhabi and America and people messaging me saying ‘we’re not in Wiltshire, can we send in a pic?’

“They are welcome from anywhere, as long as they are kept tasteful.”

 

Bugger, knew there would be a snag...

 

Right a bit to one of the upper countries

A truckload of burning cheese has closed a road tunnel in Arctic Norway for the last six days.

Some 27 metric tons of flaming brown cheese (Brunost), a Norwegian delicacy, blocked off a three-km (1.9 mile) tunnel near the northern coastal town of Narvik when it caught fire last Thursday. The fire was finally put out on Monday.

"This high concentration of fat and sugar is almost like petrol if it gets hot enough," said Viggo Berg, a policeman.

Brown cheese is made from whey, contains up to 30 percent fat and has a caramel taste.

"I didn't know that brown cheese burns so well," said Kjell Bjoern Vinje at the Norwegian Public Roads Administration.

He added that in his 15 years in the administration, this was the first time cheese had caught fire on Norwegian roads.

 

That looks something like my toilet deposit this morn, mind you if a bakers van crashed into it they could have Norwegian rarebit....

 

And finally:

 

From across the British Sea

A stinking cloud of gas has been hanging over large areas of England after a leak at a French chemical plant, sparking thousands of calls to emergency services.

The sulphurous stench - likened to rotten eggs - is said by officials to be completely harmless.

But police in Kent, Sussex and Surrey began to receive floods of calls from concerned residents on Tuesday morning - and by afternoon there were reports of the unwelcome whiff in Oxfordshire and as far north as Northampton.

The gas, called mercaptan, was accidentally leaked from a factory in the northern city of Rouen and before long had drifted over the English Channel.

It is sometimes added to natural gas to alert people to gas leaks

The National Grid, which would normally deal with up to 10,000 calls countrywide in a day, had received an "unprecedented" 100,000 calls by 2pm.

The stench was reported as far north as Northamptonshire

Sussex Police said: "The smell is from an additive to the gas which has an unpleasant aroma but is not toxic and there is no danger to the public."

The Health Protection Agency (HPA) said the gas had diluted since entering the air over England, and, although it may cause some people to feel slightly sick, it will dispel naturally.

 

I blame the French obsession with garlic...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to get some privacy visors

 

And today’s thought:

Orf the menu

 

Angus

U-Turn Cam goes minority: EU can fuck orf: Nollaig Festive Ale: The Computer rack: £10,000 Pineapple: and a bit of Quantum jumping.

Chucking it dahn, many, many knots of atmospheric movement, quite a pile of lack of warm and not even a glimpse of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco, the place was almost empty apart from the interweb robots and the odd old fart. 

I see that the Mayans got it wrong-again and we have all survived the apocalypse, but I did watch Her Maj in 2D and enjoyed a nice Crimbo dinner with His Maj, had a chicken salad on Wednesday a chicken curry is ready for tonight and tomorrow I might have a change and have chicken soup.

 

The annual Crimbo toof-ache has arrived and I am orf to see the toof doctor at 11.20 of the am.

 

I see that our shit for brains Prime Monster

Has decided that the majority of voters in buggered up Blighty are no longer of interest to him, and he thinks that the ConTories need more black and Asian Conservative parliamentary candidates.

U-Turn Cam reckons that he regards building support among voters from immigrant backgrounds as the biggest challenge facing the Tories in their quest to "detoxify" their image among large sections of the community.

And that the ConTories unpopularity among ethnic minorities could spell disaster at the next election.

 

Worry not tosspot Cam; it won’t be the lack of ethnic minorities that will scupper your chances.....

 

According to the Guardian/ICM

Most people now want Britain to leave the EU, allegedly 51% would vote to take Britain out of the European Union, against 40% who wanted to stay in.

They mark a slight increase in euro-scepticism since autumn 2011, when 49% wanted to leave the EU. There has been a significant shift since 2001, when a poll showed that the public wanted to remain in Europe by a margin of 68% to 19%.

When asked to provide a “school report grade” type rating for the EU, voters gave it a D+, diverging somewhat from the Nobel committee which earlier this year awarded the institution its peace prize.

Britons appear to take an increasingly dim view of the continent’s bureaucracy, as it struggles to contain the single currency crisis.

Earlier this month, the Prime Minister told MPs that while he did not want Britain to leave the EU, an exit was “imaginable”.

 

Sooner the bloody better...

 

Norf of the border

A Scottish brewer has taken the concept of the traditional festive beer to its logical conclusion by creating a drink from the tips of spruce trees.

Based on a Viking recipe, the Alloa-based Williams Brothers Brewing Company has produced Nollaig Festive Ale, which incorporates parts of the Christmas tree to give it a suitably Yuletide flavour.

The ale has proved so popular - all 800 bottles have sold out despite a hefty £13 price tag - that next year Williams Brothers will increase production to 10,000 bottles.

Brewery chairman Scott Williams said that the idea came from their interest in recreating ancient brewing techniques - most famously with their heather ale.

The spruce ale uses the tips of the tree, picked in spring when the growth appears, before brewing begins in April.

“It’s used as a spice,” Williams said. “Imagine you’re making a stew and the 
malted barley is the meat and gravy, the spicing usually from the hops. Here it’s the hops and the spruce. It goes into the boil and all the resins and flavours are extracted from the tips which are then fermented.

 Glad I don’t drink.

 

East to the land of recession and no radiation whatsoever

Comes the perfect pressie for those who just can’t be arsed.

 

 

Back in tropical Blighty

 

A pineapple nurtured over two years using traditional Victorian techniques at the Lost Gardens of Heligan, near St Austell, Cornwall has been hailed the world’s most expensive piece of fruit – worth a whopping £10,000.

A team of gardeners led by Nicola Bradley created tropical conditions using small greenhouses heated by a chemical reaction between 30 tons of manure plus horse urine and straw.

The gardens have been growing pineapples the same way since the 19th century – when they were rented out to wealthy families as a dinner table decoration.

Eight pineapples are growing at a cost £1,200 each. But the one now ready could fetch £10,000 at auction because of its rarity, although it is set to be eaten by staff.

 

They are only a squid dahn Tesco....

 

And finally:

 

Fancy a different life?

 

Well now you may be able to have one or thousands; according to Stephen Hawking, Michio Kaku and Neil Turok, all of whom are responsible for life-changing breakthroughs in the field of quantum physics,and  have all suggested the existence of multiple universes.

And Burt Goldman has hypothesized that you could be living out their lives in an alternate universe.

Apparently if you think about all the decisions you’ve made that led to who you are today. If all these decisions caused a split in your reality, each time creating a new version of yourself in a parallel universe who also goes on to make a certain set of choices thereby splitting their reality, you can begin to imagine the infinite versions of yourself that exist.

Now imagine what you could accomplish if you could somehow tap into these alternate universes to meet and learn from these alternate versions of yourself. Imagine the wisdom you’d learn. The opportunities you’d recognize, the skills you’d acquire, and the pitfalls you’d know to avoid.

By meeting these alternate selves, you’d essentially be tapping into a sea of knowledge and experience. But how, might you be asking, does one access these alternate realities? That’s where Quantum Jumping comes in.

 

Or total bollocks as it is known in non scientific circles.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to use some plastic electronics

 

And today’s thought:

R.I.P. Jerry

 

 

Angus

Patten of greed: Dorries Dahn Unda: U-Turn Cam says EU can wait: Lord of the aisles: Hotel Hell: Isa going to pray for rain: and Redemption coupons.

Lack of cold stuff, not a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less solar stuff and loads of condensed skywater at the Castle this morn, still putting coloured stuff on the study walls, still collecting stuff for the “recycling centre”, still knackered, still nursing the left hip, still wishing that I never started decorating.

 

Ex Hong Kong big knob and now Aunties top trust knob

Chris (what recession) Patten is apparently under a smidge of pressure to bugger orf after it has emerged that he has more than one or two other jobs paying him an extra pile of cash a year on top of his £110,000 stipend from our license fee for three or four days a week.

.
Allegedly he gets nearly £80,000 a year as an adviser to oil giant BP for two meeting and advice, plus up to £40,000 from energy company EDF for four meetings. 

The BBC said: “Lord Patten is absolutely committed to sorting out the BBC’s problems. This is taking up the vast majority of his time at the moment. A number of his other roles only require two to three days a year.”


Yeah right....

 

And Dahn Unda

Last night it was my pleasure to watch Nadger Dorries munching away on a lambs testicle and other savouries such as an ostrich anus.

It seems that Nadine entered the jungle promising to bring serious political debate to the masses and claimed that it would provide her with a platform for discussing political issues, including her desire to see the abortion limit reduced to 20 weeks and her support for Boris Johnson.

 

Life’s a bollock isn’t it Nadine (I would like to point out that I only watch the “Bush tucker trials” containing darling Dorries, not the rest of the baarmy crap, ITV 9.30pm)

 

And staying with arsehole MPs

The Prime Monster has yet again postponed his EU referendum pledge he originally planned to deliver it as a 2015 election manifesto promise at October’s Tory conference, along with a vow to win back key powers.

Senior No10 sources last night admitted the PM’s EU speech may slip to January next year — but no later.

And his reason for his procrastination-it would upset other European leaders ahead of a budget showdown.

Maybe it was one of his balls Nadine munched on....

 

Over to the left a lot and up many, many feet

A United Airlines flight from Denver has landed safely in Washington, D.C., after its crew reported an emergency because a passenger began praying in an aisle.

KUSA-TV reports the plane was escorted by military jets after the crew declared the emergency. The plane landed Thursday at Dulles International Airport.

The Denver TV station reports that the crew made the decision because a male passenger started praying in the middle of an aisle. 

And the reason for all this panic?

United spokeswoman Megan McCarthy says a passenger wasn't following flight attendant instructions for landing.

 

Wing and a prayer?

 

Right a jot to the land of legal wacky baccy

 

There is a place where for $30 a night you can expect sod all:

Its website warns guests that: “The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel has been proudly disappointing travellers for forty years. Boasting levels of comfort comparable to a minimum-security prison, the Hans Brinker also offers some plumbing and an intermittently open canteen serving a wide range of dishes based on runny eggs”.

They are advised that a park bench may be a better option, and not to expect fresh air, any space, or luxuries like a large bed, TV or swimming pool.

The owners have called its broken elevators and lack of hot water “eco-friendly” and the hotel is also helping to save the planet by making guests dry themselves off with the curtains, saving washing of towels.

And "GUESTS book here at their own risk and will not hold the hotel liable for food poisoning, mental breakdowns, terminal illness, lost limbs, radiation poisoning, certain diseases associated with the 18th century, plague, and etcetera."


Amenities include:

- A basement bar with limited light and no fresh air.
- A concrete courtyard where you can relax and enjoy whatever sunshine is able to pass the high buildings on either side on the extremely infrequent days when it’s actually sunny.
- An elevator that almost never breaks down between floors.
- A bar serving slightly watered down beer.
- Amusing witticisms and speculations about former guests’ sexual preferences scrawled on most surfaces.
- The Hans Brinker Budget Hotel, Amsterdam Luxury Ambassadorial Suite (featuring the Hans Brinker’s one and only bathtub).
- Doors that lock.

Sounds like somewhere Dorries would enjoy.

 

Back Dahn Unda again

 

It's been hot and dry in Mt Isa lately. Extra hot and extra dry, in fact, the northwest Queensland mining city has been so hot and dry that locals have taken to their knees to pray for rain.

“I've got callouses on my knees I've been praying that hard," Mt Isa mayor Tony McGrady told news.com.au today.

Mayor McGrady has spent much of the week urging locals to attend today's official "Prayer for Rain" community meeting.

Now in its ninth year, the event got off to the best possible start in 2003 when 25mm of rain fell the night after the rain prayers, breaking one of the town's longest ever dry spells.

Things are almost as bad this year. Just 20mm of rain has fallen in Mt Isa in the last six months, and the Leichhardt River is bone dry.

If they want to pop over here with a bucket I could sell them a drop or two...

 

And finally:

 

Over to the Eastern bit of what is left of Europe

 

A Russian coupon site is offering a 50% Discount on Redemption just in time for the Mayan Apocalypse.

And more than a few Numptys have taken up the offer; over 100 people have bought the coupon.

According to the offer posted on Russian site Kupon Klub, it’s just 500 roubles ($16) for indulgences offered by an Italian Catholic church that has offered to pray for the forgiveness of your sins at half price.

All someone has to do is buy this holy coupon and send its unique number to an email address mentioned on site. No matter how much you’ve sinned over the years, you can buy just one coupon for yourself, but you can get as many as you want to have your loved-ones’ sins forgiven as well.

According to Lifenews.ru, the organizers of this campaign believe the number of sold coupons will be in the millions, but with 37 days to go to expiry, only 110 people have bought the discounted indulgence vouchers.

How much is $16 in proper money?

 

That’s it: I’m orf to see if my particles are decaying

 

And today’s thought:

Anyone seen my rear exit?

 

 

Angus

IPSA and austerity: £1.5 billion sprouts: Dahn Unda fuels: Rainwater tax: Smart E Pants: and a Big bike.

Out of atmospheric movement, oodles of lack of warm, overdone on the solar stuff and only a smidge of skywater at the Castle this morn, last day of putting white glossy stuff on the woodwork-just one door and a few yards of skirting to go.

 

Next to the leaning tower of Westminster

Allegedly IPSA (the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority) has come up with a cunning plan to increase costs during this age of “austerity”, they want to bump up MPs salaries from £65,738 to £92,000 per horriblis annum from 2015 under plans to link politicians’ pay to average earnings.

In a consultation document yesterday Ipsa dismissed the idea that their salaries should be linked to those of higher-earning public sector professionals, such as doctors or head teachers.

It said, however, that there could be a case for a “simple formula” to determine MPs’ pay increases during a five-year parliament.

“There have been suggestions that we could base the level of MPs’ pay on a multiple of national average earnings. We could then also index MPs’ pay so that it would remain at the same multiple of national average earnings each year,” it said.

“At the moment, MPs’ annual salary is approximately 2.5 to 2.9 times national annual average earnings, depending on which measure is used.”

Its review said suggestions for the appropriate multiplier for calculating salaries had ranged “from 1.5 to 4 times national average earnings”.

On the basis that the current average pay is £23,000 a year, four times that amount would produce a pay packet of around £92,000 for MPs.

It also rejected the notion of basing remuneration on performance or time served in the Commons and suggested a link to earnings before entering parliament would “disadvantage some candidates”.

 

But don’t forget- we aren’t all in this together...

 

And right a bit to the place of pointless Pillocks

Apparently bollixed up Blighty may face an extra £1.5 billion bill to pay for the increased costs of Brussels bureaucracy, as governments warn that the cost of pensions for EU officials is set to double.

According to the Torygraph they have seen a confidential letter, signed by Britain and seven other governments, which reveals that they are "very concerned" because the cost of EU pensions is forecast to double to more than £2 billion a year by 2045.

Eurocrats already retire on a gold-plated 60 per cent of final salary scheme – on average £57,000 each – which costs the cash-strapped national governments almost £1 billion a year. But it is growing fast because of the increased number of staff employed as the EU expanded from 15 to 27 countries since 2004.

The letter, from the eight countries that pay more into the EU budget than they get out of it in benefits, also reveals that the European Commission is demanding a 26 per cent increase to pay for the costs of its civil service for the next seven year budget period.

The proposed 2014 to 2020 budget would take the cost of the European civil service from £45 billion to £57bn, an increase that countries say is wrong at a time when national public sector workers are facing job losses and pay freezes or cuts.

 

Fuck orf!!!

 

Dahn Unda

 

An Australian Institute of Petroleum weekly report shows the national price for unleaded petrol rose 0.8 cents to an average price of 146.5 cents a litre for the week ending October 14.

The metropolitan price rose 0.5 cents to 145.1 cents a litre, while the average regional price increased 1.1 cents to 149.3 cents a litre.

CommSec economist Savanth Sebastian says fuel prices are near the highest prices in five months and the likelihood is for more petrol rises.

"The terminal gate (wholesale price) has risen by a further two cents over the past week and it is likely that fuel prices will track highly over the coming fortnight," he said.

The average national terminal gate price for unleaded petrol was 137.9 cents a litre on Monday, up 2.0 cents on a week ago, CommSec said.

He said CommSec forecast the national average petrol price could rise between two to three cents a litre over the next fortnight.

Melbourne had the cheapest unleaded fuel last week, down 1.7 cents to 142.2 cents a litre*, while Darwin remained the dearest, up 0.3 cents to 161.6 cents a litre.

 

*which works out at 90.48p per litre of go juice, lucky buggers, think I will move to Oz and get a job as a barman....

 

Back in united Europe

To the land where they are all in Blighty the Polish Gov is considering a draft law, which stipulates a tax for rainwater. Common citizens, who own a house or an apartment, as well as businessmen and traders, will have to pay for rain. The amount of the tax will directly depend on the square footage of the roof that they have in their property, Noviye Izvestia reports.

The bill was prepared by the ruling party of Poland, Civic Platform. In reality, it does not go about rain - the bill targets the collective disposal of sewage. During rainfalls, the sewage system deals with a significant load which is particularly high at such places as car parks, near major shopping centres and in industrial areas, reports The 8^th Channel.

As an experiment, this procedure has already been introduced in several cities of the country. The majority of ministers believe that the experiment was successful. The residents of Poznan, Koszalin, Bielsko-Biala, Bytom and Vrotslav have paid the tax. They pay an average of $10-15 per year, whereas the municipal budget receives $1.5-2 million, Vesti.ru reports.

 

Do not even think about it Prime Monster...

 

Left to the home of the immovable and the land of the irresistible

Scientists have developed underwear with built-in electrodes that deliver small electric shocks to combat bed sores in patients who are in a coma or who have injuries that have immobilised them.

At the annual meeting of the Society for Neuroscience in New Orleans on Monday, they reported results from a trial of the "Smart-e-Pants" system, a way to reduce the incidence and costs of treating bed sores – also known as pressure ulcers – by electrically stimulating the buttock muscles of patients.

Sean Dukelow of the department of clinical neuroscience at the University of Calgary in Canada, who led the study, said the pants worked so well in the small trial that none of the patients involved got pressure ulcers for the month of the experiment. "Most of them wanted to keep the device after they were done," he said.

 

Wonder if you can wear them back to front?

 

And finally:

 

Right to the place where water-water is everywhere

At 1,650 pounds, this bike built by Wouter van den Bosch of the Netherlands is the heaviest rideable bike in the world -- and was ridden in Arnhem (also in the Netherlands) back in 2010.

 

He’s been smoking some good shit....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check out Spintronic technology

 

And today’s thought:

Jim fixed it for anyone he could get his hands on

 

Angus

Woodentop tax: EU black hole: Scratch and sniff jeans: Dopey, happy and not bashful Numpty: and the drive through funeral parlour.

‘Tis a whimsy warmer at the Castle this morn, his Maj has finally ventured out and the butler has emerged from the dungeon after his marathon stint shoving fat, drunk teenagers into the furnace.

Le France malady seems to be abating, the only urge I have had today is for soft, chewy cheese.

 

Dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire

The chief plod has written to the local police authority asking it not to use a government grant to freeze council tax.

The money would be equivalent to a 3% rise to its part of the council tax.

But the force had proposed an increase of 3.25% from April to ease cuts to front-line services.

Maybe they could save money on less braid...

According to the slow train to news

European Union chiefs are threatening to hit Britain with a £1billion cash demand after discovering a massive black hole in their budgets.

The Brussels-based European Commission identified a £9.2billion gap in funding after over pledging money to regional projects.

EU budget commissioner Janusz Lewandowski is now planning to deliver a fresh plea for cash to the 27 member nations.

He said: “There will probably be a deficit at the end of next year for which I will have to ask for extra funding.”

The demand for more cash is on top of this year’s UK contribution to Brussels of nearly £13.5billion.

I’ll have a look dahn the back of the sofa....

Over to the bit on tip of the big thing on the left

The latest thing is Scratch and sniff jeans which smell of raspberries and can be worn for months without washing.

They have just gone on sale at Liberty and Selfridges for £135 a pair.

Makers Naked and Famous Denim, who also do glow-in-the-dark jeans, claim the smell lasts for five washes.

The jeans are already a big seller in the company’s native Canada and varieties smelling of mint, grapefruit, banana, eucalyptus and ­apple are being planned.

Spokesman ­Bahzad Trinos said: ­“Hardcore denim lovers don’t wash them for months to get an individual look.

Perfect for us smelly old farts then.....

East more than a lot

A Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs fan has paid the ultimate tribute to her favourite film - by having the entire cast of characters etched on her skin.

Annfaye Kao, 27, from Taichung, Taiwan, had the intricate art work inked across her whole back in a marathon three month tattoo session.

The colourful patchwork of cartoons was inspired by a dream she once had about the fairy tale.

Annfaye - who says Snow White is her favourite ever movie character of all time - said: 'The motive for the tattoo started in a dream.

'It reminded me of my childhood and my love for Snow White as she is so beautiful.

Should have gone to Specsavers.... 

And finally:

Back over to the left

And dahn to LA (Where else) there is the Drive through funeral parlour where mourners do not even have to leave the comfort of their own cars to peer at the coffin through their window.

The Robert L. Adams drive-through funeral home first opened in 1974 and is only one of a handful in the US, which also gave the world drive-through restaurants and banks.

‘It’s a unique feature that sets us aside from other funeral parlours,’ said owner Peggy Scott Adams, a Grammy-nominated gospel singer who took over the business when her husband died.

‘You can come by after work, you don’t need to deal with parking, you can sign the book outside and the family knows that you paid your respects. It’s a convenience thing,’ she told the LA Times.

Apparently the only drawback is that the 3m (10ft) high drive-through area may not be suitable for mobile homes.

There goes the holiday then...

That’s it: I’m orf to get my asteroids vaporised.

And today’s thought:

Angus