Dumbing dahn: Boomers “costing” the NHS: Big Tablet: Don’t piss orf Icelandair: and her Maj wants a dishwasher.

A middling amount of lack of warm, a massive amount of lack of solar stuff, meandering amounts of atmospheric movement and missing amounts of skywater at the Castle this morn.

I have taken advice from those who visit this piss poor blog and am using Google “Chrome” to post this, don’t really like it because it doesn’t have all the bells and whistles I am used to on IE but needs must.

Bloggers “advice”:

The photo upload icon is not appearing for some users on Internet Explorer. We're investigating the issue and will update this post as soon as we have more information.

In the meantime, you can workaround this issue by using a different browser (such as Chrome or Firefox) or temporarily switching to the Edit HTML mode of the compose editor.

Thanks for that.

Just a comment on the “Ronseal” clones-You do get what it says on the tin; a pair of rich, useless, overeducated, inexperienced mind numbingly arrogant twats.

According to “experts”

The male of the species is getting dumber, Dr Gerald Crabtree, a biologist from Stanford University in the US, thinks that human intelligence peaked at the time of hunter-gatherers and has since declined. He says “genetic mutations” have slowly eroded the human brain’s intellectual and emotional abilities.

According to Dr Crabtree, whose hypothesis has just been published in the journal Trends in Genetics, our ancestors had to think more critically and creatively to survive. When the right decision could mean the difference between life and death, they always had to be at the top of their intellectual game.

With the advent of industrialisation and our mastery of the natural world, that need became less apparent. As a result, natural selection has been weakened and the door opened to genetic mutations that leave us just a little bit dumber.

Dr Crabtree’s hypothesis suggests that all humans are getting dumber. But other research finds that really, it’s mainly just men.

For 100 years men outperformed women in IQ tests, right up until the latest figures were released this July. They showed that women had caught up with men and in many countries had taken a slight lead.

One possible explanation is that women’s lives have become more demanding as they juggle raising a family and doing a job. Another is that women may have a slightly higher potential intelligence than men but have only been able to fully realise it in the last few years.

The research, by renowned IQ expert James Flynn, does offer one crumb of comfort for men. It contradicts Dr Crabtree’s assertion that people are becoming progressively dumber.

“In the last 100 years the IQ scores of both men and women have risen but women’s have risen faster,’ said Flynn. “This is a consequence of modernity. The complexity of the modern world is making our brains adapt and raising our IQ.”

We are fucked guys......

And according to Tory MP Dr Phillip Lee

The NHS can't go on being free if selfish baby boomers consult GPs for the slightest aches and pains and
bother the doctor with minor complaints when their grandparents would have grinned and borne it, and have unrealistic expectations of what the health service can provide.

And his solution is that we are going to have to start paying for some medical services at the point of delivery.

And according to Andrew M Brown who edits The Sunday Telegraph's Comment pages and also writes about mental health and the influence of addiction on culture.

We should applaud Dr Lee’s courage in stating politically unpalatable truths, and his common sense. (He is refreshingly honest, for instance, about how difficult a job dispensing prescriptions is: “It’s like counting Smarties.”) We need to accept reality rather than hand over even more problems to the next generation: if we want to continue to enjoy the sort of health service where GPs are on hand to fuss sympathetically over every twinge, and dish out expensive medicines in vast quantities as well, it is going to cost us more money. Either that, or we will have to learn to be as tough and lacking in self-pity as the wartime generation, and that’s unlikely to happen.

And according to Angus Dei-fuck orf you Twats, we pay our “national insurance” and are entitled to treatment whether you like it or not, if you don’t like being a doctor then go and get a job that you enjoy, and if you want to pay for medical treatment join BUPA.....

Lenovo has got a big one

Lenovo's new PCs have screens the size of eight iPads and can respond to ten fingers touching them at the same time.

The IdeaCentre Horizon Table PC is allegedly the first "interpersonal computer" - as opposed to a "personal computer".

At first glance, it looks like a regular all-in-one machine in the vein of the iMac: it is a 27-inch screen with the innards of a Windows 8 computer built into it and it can stand up on a table.

But you can pick it up off the table, unhook the power cord and lay it flat for games of Monopoly.

It is big enough to fit four people around it and the screen can respond to 10 fingers touching it at the same time.

As a tablet, it is a monstrosity. The screen is the size of eight iPads stitched together and it weighs 15lbs. It is almost as homebound as a flat-panel TV.

The Table PC will include plastic "strikers" for Air Hockey, and joysticks that attach to the screen for other games, including multi-player shooter Raiding Company.

Lenovo, a Chinese company that owns IBM's former PC business, said the Table PC would go on sale this summer starting at £1,060.

Spiffing, I’d like to see the case and keyboard for that.....

High above the big salty thing on the left

A passenger who became unruly after allegedly drinking too much alcohol had to be taped to his seat on a trans-Atlantic flight, witnesses and authorities said.

A photo of the subdued man ended up on a blog run by New York businessman Andy Ellwood, who said he received the picture from an acquaintance who witnessed the incident.

“My friend was on the flight and he sent me the photo because we like to trade travel war stories,” Ellwood told NBC News.

His friend did not want to be identified or talk with the media, Ellwood said, but he recounted the story to him in detail.

The passenger “drank all of his duty free liquor on the flight from Iceland to JFK yesterday,” Ellwood wrote in his blog post.

“When he became unruly, (i.e. trying to choke the woman next to him and screaming the plane was going to crash), fellow passengers subdued him and tie (d) him up for the rest of the flight. He was escorted off the flight by police when it landed.”

Icelandair did not immediately respond to a request for comment, but a spokesman for the airline confirmed the incident to Icelandic media, adding that plastic ties and tape are standard on board flights to help in such situations. 

Aerobatics?

And finally:

Her Maj is looking

For a dishwasher prepared to travel from palace to palace to accompany the Royal Family around Britain.

The travel to royal residences – including the Palace of Holyroodhouse in Edinburgh and Balmoral on ­Deeside – is a “mandatory requirement” for the £14,200-a- year-job. The general catering assistant (wash up) – as it has been formally described – will mainly work in the staff restaurant of the Royal Household but also wash other ­royal dishes too.

“You must be willing to work away from London for up to three months of the year,” says the job advert on the royal website. “You will join the team responsible for maintaining the cleanliness of the staff restaurant, wash-up areas and equipment in accordance with the health and hygiene regulations to ensure the smooth operation of the staff restaurant.”

Although based at Buckingham Palace, the successful ­applicant must “be happy to travel and work at other royal residences in the UK and at weekends”.

The 40-hours-a-week job is an official position paid for from the Civil List. Experience of a similar job is “desirable”. The closing date for ­applications is 15 January.

Be cheaper to buy old Liz a pair of marigolds....

That’s it: I’m orf to give a Sony a bath

And today’s thought:

Message to Dave and what’s his name.

Angus 

Care-less NHS: Redheads, Journalists, Mothers, Bankers and Germans: Transport tossers: The Nerd Calendar: Ex Nazi only takes cash: and Brown runny stuff.

Not quite as much lack of warm bit more atmospheric movement, nary a drop of skywater and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the butler is happily feeding fat, carbon neutral teenagers onto the furnace conveyer belt and his Maj has discovered the joy of ambush from under the cover on the garden table and chairs.

Blogger still won't let me post pictures unless I edit in HMTL, which takes ages and is a real pain in the rear exit (just like Blogger), I know because I have just spent an hour or so editing this post.

And it keeps freezing up and crashing due to some "long running script"


Anyway here is Fridays load of old bollocks...

 

Apparently U-Turn Cam

 

Has finally admitted that piss poor “treatment” in our ‘Orspitals is killing and maiming the not so well.

The Prime Monster reckons that there is still a "long way to go" to raise standards of care in the NHS in England, and that he wanted to make improving care one of his top priorities for 2012 plus one.

But he insisted progress was being made, pointing to initiatives that were being rolled out.

He highlighted a new "friends and family" test starting in April and the extra ward rounds being put in place.

The "friends and family" test, which has already been announced, involves all hospital patients being asked whether they would recommend the place they were treated in.

Mr Cameron described it as a "flashing light" to alert hospitals if fewer people started replying positively to the test.

 
Which is total bollocks of course because when you are lying there in a piss soaked bed with tubes in most orifices you are not going to tell the “medics” that are “treating” you how badly they are doing as they stand there holding an eight foot tube ready to shove it up your rear exit.

Try again Dave....

 

All across backed up Blighty
 

Every weekend in January, one of these five groups will receive 10pc off full-price bottles at Oddbins.

According to the company blog  "The 'cap' on maternity and paternity pay is just an innovative use of a three letter word beginning with 'c' which sounds different but still means 'cut'," the group writes. "With inflation almost tripling the capped figure, the net result is that mums and their families will be even worse off in 2013.

"On top of which, on Monday the government will be removing or reducing child benefit for approximately 15pc of families... Why can’t our politicians provide a childcare system that doesn’t strong-arm a hugely important part of the county’s workforce into making a choice between their career and children?"

From January 11 until January 13 it's the turn of bankers and journalists. Urging the public to focus on the "good things that banks do", Oddbins bemoans the fact that the word "banker" has "become a derogatory term used to refer to only a select group of rogue investment bankers".

The following weekend (January 18-20) Angela Merkel could grab a bargain. On top of praising the German Chancellor for steering her country through the financial crisis and striving to bring fellow eurozone countries back into line, Oddbins also says it's time the UK moved on from the Second World War.

Lastly, Oddbins is aiming to break "the final taboo" and embrace redheads. "We love your hair and think 2013 should be the year we all put this nonsense behind us," the company states.

 

No wonder it is called “Odd Bins”; just what we need- a bunch of German, red headed, journalistic, banker mothers staggering about pissed as farts...

 

Transport across the world

Has its fair share of Pillocks.

Thank him/her upstairs for the AA.

 

East a bit to the land of red headed banker mothers

A calendar for nerds who find old computers a turn on has been created by technology fans in Germany.

The Nerd Calendar features ancient technology being fondled by models dressed as gorgeous geeks.

One blonde is seen lovingly caressing the joystick of a classic Atari games computer during the photo session in Frankfurt.

Other models get to grips with 1970s and 80s computers like the original Apple Macs, Commodores, and the Sinclair ZX81.

Classic computer fan Jan Kaufmann - who dreamed up the calendar - explained: "I just wanted to make the kind of calendar I'd always dreamed about when I was a boy."

 

Get a fucking life Herr twat....

 

East a bit more to a state within a country

 

Visitors to the home of the Ex-Nazi El Papa can only pay by cash after card payments for museum tickets, souvenirs and other services were blocked by Italy's central bank over money laundering fears.

The tiny city-state can no longer use electronic payments because the Holy See has not complied with European Union safeguards against money laundering.

As a result, Deutsche Bank Italia, which has provided the Vatican with the electronic payment services for 15 years, had its authorisation halted on December 31.

Highlights of the Vatican Museums include the Sistine Chapel

The Vatican says it is working to rectify the situation affecting thousands of tourists that flock to the Vatican Museums, which include highlights like the Sistine Chapel.

The museums, and tours of the Vatican’s ancient underground paces, with their entrance fees and popular souvenir shops, are a big money-maker for the Vatican.

Tourists have complained about the inconvenience. Fluger William Hunter, an American tourist, said: "A lot of tourists don't have cash on them, so they have to get Euros and don't know where to get them."

The central bank said a routine inspection found that Deutsche Bank Italia had not sought authorisation when it first started providing services at the Vatican, according to the Corriere della Sera newspaper.

 

And finally:

 

Somewhere in a physiotherapy dept at a Norovirus infected NHS ‘Orspital

 

That’s it: I’m orf to purchase a “Larry” (just in case)
 

 

And today’s thought:

So how much discount did you get at Oddbins....

Angus

National Harm Service: JC balls up: Signs of the “end of the world”: Climb every staircase: Not Mushroom for art: and The Dwarven Helm.

Still chucking it dahn, still a lot of lack of warm, still not a glimmer of solar stuff and still being blasted by atmospheric movement at the Castle this morn, the toofache is a bit better after several doses of antibiotics and his Maj has decided that the nice dry litter tray is preferable to sitting in the rain to do his business.

 

All across Foundation Trust Blighty

Patients both young and old are being killed by piss poor treatment, by even piss poorer medics and some “nurses” that would be more at home in a slaughter house.

That is not to say that most of those unfortunate enough to end up in ‘Orspital manage to leave alive and in reasonable health, but there does seem to be a growing number of patients that do not.

And the reason for this downturn in “care”....

 

My belief is that it has been the “Foundation Trust” frenzy, that point where financial targets replaced patient care, where ‘Orspitals were given autonomy from control and allowed to do as they wish.

The point where patients became a financial drain, “clients” or “customers”, where nurses became “assets”, doctors became even more egotistical than they were and “the management” became lord of the wards.

I have seen it first hand, my local butchers shop (Grimly Dark); before “Foundation trust status” was a reasonable place to be ill, it was a bit shoddy but the attitude of the medical staff was almost human until “it” happened, then the atmosphere changed, those in the beds were downgraded from the priority of all and sundry to a cost effective bag of organs to be moved along the conveyer belt as quickly and cheaply as possible to emerge (or not) at the exit whether they were cured (or not).

And the only control of the management lords is the CQC which is about as much use as the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition when it comes to looking after our wellbeing.

 

So a plea to “those in power”, rescind the Foundation Trust status of our ‘Orspitals, return control to the people, do away with the boards of directors, the multiple layers of management, the atmospheric salaries paid to those who rule, spend the money on better training and more importantly better nurses and doctors, better facilities for the ill and a better NHS for those who actually pay for it.

 

Meanwhile east to the land of stables and childbirth

Apparently according to archaeologist Aviram Oshri JC wasn’t born in Bethlehem on the West Bank south of Jerusalem but in Bethlehem of the Galilee 7 kilometres from Jesus’ childhood home, Nazareth.

Allegedly there is proof, according to the archaeologist, that what Israelis call Judea – the other Bethlehem in the West Bank – was not even inhabited when Jesus was born.

 

Ooops.....

 

West a fair amount to the place where there are not a lot of plumbers or builders

Residents of Koniec Swiata have accused outsiders, who believe the Mayan apocalypse prophecy, of nicking the towns signs and making their daily lives difficult.

‘Our name means literally End Of The World, so once the doomsday hunters found this out they wouldn’t leave us alone,’ said 50-year-old local Roman Adamus.

‘We’ve lost six of them this year so enough is enough and they’re coming down.’

Irritated neighbour Marianna Warszawska added the people that were pinching the signs were causing a lot of problems.

‘I’ve lived here all my life and these people are a bloody nightmare,’ the 85-year-old said.

‘Hopefully they’ll leave us alone when the world doesn’t end.’

 

 Seems that her wish may come true....

 

East again this time to the land of everything

 

A 300-foot staircase along a mountain face in the Taihang Mountains in Linzhou, China is the next best thing if you want the same feeling you get when mountain climbing. The hike up the stairs provides a great experience one will not easily forget, and no special gear is needed.

 And the snags-However, due to safety and health concerns, the management has qualifications before anyone is allowed to ascend. Climbers must be under 60 years of age and are asked to fill out a form confirming that they do not have heart or lung problems.

 

Glad I’m 61.....

 

West to the land of fiscal cliffs

Boston-based artist Corey Corcoran uses mushrooms as canvases for his original illustrations.

The size of his works ranges from six inches to two feet, depending on the mushroom canvas, and the theme mostly revolves around plant life, insects, and people.

 

Edible art-nice….

 

And finally:

 

Fancy something to keep your dwarf warm?

Well now you can purchase the dwarven beard, helm forged from yarn for your favourite small person.

 

Must get one for the butler...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to buy a bullet ticket

 

And today’s thought:

Time to get fit.

 

Angus

Willy Windsor: A grand (and a bit) Days Work: Private Finance Idiot: Tesco Bird Bandits: Scum Villages: Treegonometry: and an Eight year old snack.

More than a lot of lack of warm, minimal amounts of atmospheric movement, minus amounts of skywater and missing solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

 

 

Allegedly Pippa’s sister has been banged up by some tall bald bloke and is in ‘Orspital with a touch of morning sickness, that’ll teach em.

 

All across up the duff Blighty

Doctors are earning £1,200 for a single day’s work due to high demand for out-of-hours GPs.

Some are even being paid bonuses for going out and visiting patients rather than dealing with them over the phone according to the Daily Turdygraph

Younger GPs are shunning the traditional route of working their way up in a practice, they say, in favour of locuming which enables them to earn up to £20,000 a month.

Carmen Marshall, who runs The Locum GP Consultancy in Luton Beds said hourly rates, had risen in the past five years because of a paucity of GPs.

She said the £1,200 figures tended to be for 12-hour shifts on bank holidays.

A spokesman for the British Medical Association said locums were in general paid less than partner GPs. He added: “Locums have always been part of the workforce.”

 

No wonder the NHS is going tits up...

 

Son of a ........Baronet

And alien reptile in disguise George (I have an IQ lower than a turd) Osborne is to announce a new generation of PFI schemes, but allegedly he will introduce safeguards to ensure the taxpayer shares in any profits.

Companies involved in the private finance projects will also be forced to disclose their profits following fears that unjustified “windfalls” have been made at the expense of taxpayers because of poorly designed schemes.

In his Autumn Statement tomorrow, the Chancellor will announce a programme called PF2, to replace the original scheme. It will be used to finance a new generation of hospitals, schools, roads and other taxpayer-funded projects.

“Mr” Osborne will also disclose that he will save £2.5 billion by helping Whitehall departments and local authorities to renegotiate their current PFI deals.

The Government is committed to paying £229 billion in the coming decades for PFI schemes that were agreed by previous administrations to build public services. The schemes have been undermined by allegations that taxpayers are forced to pay hundreds of pounds for basic maintenance such as changing a light bulb.

More than 20 NHS trusts are facing serious financial instability and resultant problems with paying for medical services because of the costs of the schemes.

The first PF2 project is expected to be a £1.7 billion scheme to rebuild and renovate 219 schools. Work is expected to begin in the spring.

The “Chancellor” will also outline plans for an expansion in gas-generated power stations, with 30 plants to be providing electricity by 2030.

This marks a victory over the Liberal Democrats, who wished to move towards greener energy.

 

Oh good, can’t wait, mainly because I will be dead by 2030......

 

Norf of the border

A 24-hour Tesco store has resorted to closing late at night in order to evict a couple of persistent visitors.

Two birds – a robin and a 
pigeon – have been making themselves at home at the Tesco Extra store in Inshes, Inverness, defying repeated attempts by managers to bar them. The pair has taken to circling the checkouts and loitering in the cafe window, searching for scraps of food dropped by 
customers.

Managers have now been reduced to cutting the store’s opening hours in an attempt to deal with the birds as effectively as possible, while keeping the inconvenience to customers at a minimum.

An assistant at the supermarket said: “We’ve had to start closing the store for a while at 11pm, when it’s quiet. All the staff has to go to the staff room and wait while the birds are chased out of the store.”

 

Morrisons has better fruit and veg.....

 

Right a bit to the land of the “Dam”

Amsterdam is to create "Scum villages" where nuisance neighbours and anti-social tenants will be exiled from the city and re-housed in caravans or containers with "minimal services" under constant police supervision.

Social housing problem families or tenants who do not show an improvement or refuse to go to the special units face eviction and homelessness.

Eberhard van der Laan, Amsterdam's Labour mayor, has tabled the £810,000 plan to tackle 13,000 complaints of anti-social behaviour every year. He complained that long-term harassment often leads to law abiding tenants, rather than their nuisance neighbours, being driven out.

"This is the world turned upside down," the mayor said at the weekend.

The project also involves setting up a special hotline and system for victims to report their problems to the authorities.

The new punishment housing camps have been dubbed "scum villages" because the plan echoes a proposal from Geert Wilders, the leader of a populist Dutch Right-wing party, for special units to deal with persistent troublemakers.

"Repeat offenders should be forcibly removed from their neighbourhood and sent to a village for scum," he suggested last year. "Put all the trash together."

There are already several small-scale trial projects in the Netherlands, including in Amsterdam, where 10 shipping container homes have been set aside for persistent offenders, living under 24-hour supervision from social workers and police.

Under the new policy, from January next year, victims will no longer have to move to escape their tormentors, who will be moved to the new units.

A team of district "harassment directors" have already been appointed to spot signals of problems and to gather reports of nuisance tenants.

The Dutch Parool newspaper observed that the policy was not a new one. In the 19th century, troublemakers were moved to special villages in Drenthe and Overijssel outside Amsterdam. The villages were rarely successful, becoming sink estates for the lawless.

"We have learned from the past," said the mayor's spokesman. "A neighbourhood can deal with one problem family but if there are more the situation escalates."

 

Take note Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition---"We have learned from the past,"

  

Back in almost Crimbo Blighty

 

The formula for decorating the perfect Christmas tree has been cracked.

Getting the correct ratio of lights and tinsel is also crucial to lighting up your life, say students at Sheffield University's maths society.

Their calculations suggest the tree-topping angel or star should be precisely one tenth the size of the tree. The number of lights required is found by multiplying the mathematical constant Pi (3.14) by the height of the tree in centimetres.

For example, a 183cm (6ft) tree needs 574cm of lights (183 x 3.14) or 18ft 9in. But perfection is only obtainable with 37 baubles and 920cm (30ft) of tinsel.

'The formulas took us about two hours to complete,' said formula creators Nicole Wrightham and Alex Craig, both 20. 'We hope they'll play a part in making Christmas a bit easier for everyone.'

The work was commissioned by department store Debenhams.

Christmas decorations buyer Sarah Theobold said: 'The formula is so versatile it will work for a tree large enough for the Royal Family at Balmoral but also on trees small enough for modest homes.'

 

Nah: the picture is what the perfect Crimbo tree looks like-still in the ground....

 

And finally:

 

Left to the place where mammals are kept in captivity

An eight-year-old girl has had a lucky escape after a dolphin she was feeding bit her at a US theme park.

Jillian Thomas was holding out fish to feed to dolphins at Orlando's SeaWorld when she got an unexpected surprise.

While she was feeding the usually friendly mammals, a dolphin lunged at her and nipped her hand.

The girl, whose parents posted the video on YouTube to make other people aware of the dangers, suffered three small puncture wounds.

Jillian's father, Jamie Thomas, told local media the family were angry at the theme park for not warning them of the dangers of dolphin feeding.

"We felt powerless," he said.

"We thought, look, we've got this video, let's make it public, and let's try to put some pressure on SeaWorld to make some changes."

 

How about realising that feeding a large mammal with teeth by hand could be a bit chancy you twonk....but did it do it on Porpoise.....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to bung my flash memory in the oven

 

And today’s thought:

One dahn one to go.

 

 

Angus

Lifestyle NHS: Bouncy injuries: Capsulated char: Cambridge terminators: Half an Ark: and the worst scam........ in the world.

Numbing amounts of lack of warm, niggling amounts of atmospheric movement, Nano amounts of skywater and not a glimpse of solar stuff at the Castle this morn, I wasn’t able to post yestermorn because I couldn’t access my Google/blogger account thingy, quite miffing but I did manage to start on the clean up after all the decorating.

 

The “Lifestyle” NHS raises its moronic head again

According to Tory MP and GP Phillip Lee those of us who are unfortunate to suffer from ‘lifestyle-related diseases’ such as type 2 diabetes should be made to pay for their prescriptions.

Lee said that to ensure that people could continue to access care when they needed it; the NHS needed a fundamental reform. He told the audience at the Institute of Economic Affairs that the government and the public needed to recognise that the way the NHS had been set up for a generation of ‘stoic’ British people was now no longer viable and take steps to reform it accordingly, otherwise the health system faced what he alarmingly described as ‘collapse’.

In order to encourage patients to take responsibility for their own health, as well as saving what he estimates from FOI requests to the Health Department to be around £400 million, Lee proposes removing the right to free prescriptions for those with diabetes and other similar illnesses. He also praised the Danish system of giving a patient a budget for their prescriptions, which they would have to top up themselves if they exceeded, and suggested that all GPs should dispense medicines. Insisting that this was not part of a desire to privatise the health care system or prevent it from being free at the point of access, he said: ‘I just think that we have got to have an affordable system that rewards individual responsibility.’

 

This is the thin end of the wedge that could lead to smokers, drinkers and the not so slim being charged for treatment from the dear old lady.

 

But what about those “other lifestyle” medical needs-the joggers who damage themselves wearing out the pavements, the weekend footballers who damage others on the pitch, the speeding drivers who crash and damage themselves and others on the black, pothole infested driving things and all other self inflicted injuries from diy, athletics, rugby, tennis, squash and other assorted “pastimes”.

It will never work; we pays our stamp and we are entitled to treatment, no matter what the cause of our “illness” is, smokers pay way more tax into the coffers than they take out from the NHS, excessive drinkers are just a pain in the arse and should know better, larger than life people should probably consume less fatty stuff (if they can afford it), but none of these “lifestyles” is the concern of  The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition, Blighty is supposedly a “free” land where we pay our taxes, some of us obey the laws, and the function of Government is to keep us safe, control the economy and keep the fuck out of our business.

 

Sadly “they” have done none of these things, so “they” look for someone to blame-us.

 

According to “experts”

Excitable children suffered an “alarming increase” in injuries while jumping on inflatable’s, Researchers studying hospital statistics found a 15-fold increase in wounds including broken bones, head injuries and cuts since 1995.

Fractures, strains and sprains were found to be the most common injury, with one in five hurt children reporting damage to the head or neck.

Current advice from the Boys’ Brigade, the youth organisation, cites statistics showing approximately 10,000 injuries arising from bouncy castles in the UK every year.

It claims 4,000 of these were caused by playing on inflatable’s in private homes, while the remainder were at public events.

Most of the injuries are caused by children bouncing off the inflatable and onto the ground, being hit by other children or just falling awkwardly” the charity’s guidance notes. “

Researchers writing in the journal Paediatrics are now calling for safety guidelines, as they find 43 per cent of all bouncy castle-related injuries are caused by falls.

Other painful accidents were caused by children attempting spectacular stunts or colliding with one another.

 

Simple solution-don’t inflate the stupid things...

 

Somewhere over the teabag

The latest thing in the world of brews is Tê, a pod-based tea maker prototype which could signal the demise of the very bag itself.

The firm behind the new system claims it features "a disposable capsule and the ability to reduce brew time and increase drink quality".

The Tê system brews tea in two minutes, rather than the traditional four that is recommended by tea companies, it also allows users to select the strength of their tea; prices of capsules would vary depending on the quality of the tea, and the machines would likely be cheaper than some coffee machines.

 

Tea bags are recyclable, what do you do with the plastic capsule?

 

According to Cambridge “researchers”

The Centre for the Study of Existential Risk (CSER) will study dangers posed by biotechnology, artificial life, nanotechnology and climate change.

The scientists said that to dismiss concerns of a potential robot uprising would be “dangerous”.

“The seriousness of these risks is difficult to assess, but that in itself seems a cause for concern, given how much is at stake,” the researchers wrote on a website set up for the centre.

The CSER project has been co-founded by Cambridge philosophy professor Huw Price, cosmology and astrophysics professor Martin Rees and Skype co-founder Jaan Tallinn.

“It seems a reasonable prediction that some time in this or the next century intelligence will escape from the constraints of biology,” Prof Price told the AFP news agency.

“What we’re trying to do is to push it forward in the respectable scientific community.”

He added that as robots and computers become smarter than humans, we could find ourselves at the mercy of “machines that are not malicious, but machines whose interests don’t include us”.

 

If we are still here the centre will launch next year.

 

Who pays for this bollocks...?

  

Staying with the end of the world thingy

 

Lu Zhenghai from Urumqi, China was afraid the rumours about the apocalypse happening in December of 2012 might be true, so he decided to follow Noah’s example and build an ark.

He spent all his life savings of 1 million Yuan ($160,500) on building his apocalypse proof boat, capable of keeping him safe in case of a disastrous flood. The vessel, designed by Lu himself, is 21.2 meters long, 15.5 meters wide, 5.6 meters high and displaces about 140 tons of water. It’s not much to look at, but Lu claims that once it’s finished, it will fulfil its purpose.

The new Noah started working on his DIY ark in 2010, but after two years of constant spending, he has exhausted all his financial resources. With less than a month to go before the dreaded deadline, the boat still needs about a million Yuan in equipment to be ready.

Just in case the 2012 apocalypse doesn’t happen, Lu plans to use his boat to offer sightseeing tours on the Tarim River, combat floods and provide ferry services.

Maybe he could go to the bank for a loan-after all they won’t need the money after December...

 

And finally: 

Got this in the email this morn (when I finally managed to log in).

angusdei@live.co.uk:

Information reaching my desk shows that you are the next on the list to receive a compensation amount of 500,000.00 GBP (Five hundred thousand Great British Pounds). You are receiving this compensation because your email, amongst others, was submitted to us by the anti-fraud unit of the Interpol as previously scammed victims. This compensation was provided by the United Nations as reconciliation.

We have instructed our bankers to transfer 500,000.00 GBP to your bank account without delays. Details of our bankers are as follows:

Bank Name: NatWest Bank PLC – Edinburgh Branch – United Kingdom
Tel: +447024055365
Fax: +447040905126
Contact Person: Sharon Burnett (General Fund Manager)

Please kindly send the below information to our bankers to enable them transfer your funds immediately.

1. Full names
2. Residential address
3. Phone/ Mobile number
4. Fax number
5. Email address
6. Reference code (Your reference code is HM-099118)
7. Bank account details
8. Copy of your international passport or driver’s license

You should send the above details by fax. Their fax number is +447040905126. They will transfer 500,000.00 GBP to your account as soon as you have faxed your information to them. It will take only three working days to receive your funds.

Please inform us as soon as you receive your money

Best Regards

Rt Hon Alistair Darling MP
Chancellor of the Exchequer
HM Treasury
1 Horse Guards Road
London
SW1A 2HQ
United Kingdom

Tel: +447024075301

 

Spot the error...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a butchers at Sesame out in the East

 

And today’s thought:

R.I.P. NHS

 

Angus

Universal cock up: Pay per tick NHS: Les épouses françaises d'armée gets em orf: Orange-dog-knife-hospital: Hanging out in Frisco: and Parachuting Pussy.

Not a lot of lack of cold, even less atmospheric movement, just as much solar stuff and oodles of condensed skywater at the Castle this morn, the saga of the study is continuing at the speed of time, another couple of trips to the "recycling centre” on the cards for today and I have just returned from the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco-bit of a surprise Whiskas meat in jelly (his fave) has gorn dahn to three squids from £3.68 so I stocked up, and his Dreamies have gorn dahn from one squid and thirty nine pees to £1.00.

 

Oh joy I am a happy bunny...

 

No Dorries Dahn Unda this day, maybe tomorrow.

 

According to the Independent

Online benefit claimants will from next year be asked to verify their identities by giving a password to one of a list of private organisations that includes a credit check company, international telecoms giant and a global defence company.

The Government yesterday announced its first seven partners in its controversial national Identity Assurance scheme which will allow online access next year to the new Universal Credit programme.

The initial partner organisations selected by the Department for Witless Pillocks includes: Post Office; Experian, the credit reference company; Cassidian, the defence and security division of the pan-European aerospace giant EADS; and the American global telecommunications giant Verizon.

The Identity Assurance scheme, revealed in The Independent last month, is intended to revolutionise the use of public services without creating a Government-run national online identity system. Ministers hope the programme will become a model for Identity Assurance for online access to all public services. Online users are given a choice of which partner to identify themselves with but the information on which government service is then accessed by the user is not shared with the third party organisation.

The other digital identity partners selected by the DWP for the first stage of the project were Digidentity, a Dutch-based digital company, Ingeus, an Australian welfare to work company, and Mydex, a British personal data company. Between them the companies, plus an unnamed eighth partner organisation will be paid £25m for their involvement in the project.

Other identity partners, including the High Street banks, may be introduced to the system as it is rolled out across Whitehall. Ministers hop the new identity model will “prevent ‘login fatigue’ [from] having too many usernames and passwords” and save public money by increasing trust in online services. The system is likely to be adopted by local authorities nationwide.

 

Couple of point:-what about those who do not have access to the Interweb thingy, and what the fuck has it got to do with the Post Office; Experian, Cassidian and any other “private” company?

 

And staying with the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition

Elf Secretary Jeremy CHunt has come up with a cunning plan for hospitals to be paid according to how many patients recommend its services to others, under a new NHS 'mandate' which sets out ministers priorities for the health service.

From April next year all patients staying overnight in hospital plus those attending A&E departments will be asked if they would be happy for their friends and family to be treated at the same hospital.

In October this will be extended to all women using maternity services and 'as rapidly as possible thereafter for all those using NHS services', the document said.

For the first time results in this area will be attached to finance. The report added: "Hospitals with good scores on the 'friends and family' test will be financially rewarded.

The details of how the payments will work have not been decided yet.

 

Another half-arsed half thought out balls up on the cards then, the only good news is that if it comes in Grimly Dark ‘orspital will be well and truly fucked.....

 

Over/under the channel/Chunnel

Hundreds of French women have bared their backs in a Facebook campaign for the payment of their soldier-husbands’ salaries. The French Ministry of Defence's faulty payments system has left them in the lurch.

Their Facebook group is called “Un paquet de Gauloises en colère”. And for this group of angry French soldiers’ wives, posing semi-naked has become the only way to protest against a computer glitch that has left their husbands unpaid. The Facebook campaign, which features wives, girlfriends, daughters and supporters of serving soldiers, baring their backs, has more than 17,000 members.

 

17,000: that’s more than all our soldiers put together.

 

Over to the home of fruit and the land of fall

 

When Christopher Lilje showed up at Firelands Regional Medical Centre at about 3 a.m. Tuesday, he had a knife sticking out of his chest, a Sandusky police report said.

Lilje, 18, told police he was using the knife to peel an orange when he tripped over his dog in the kitchen of his family's Hayes Avenue home. When he hit the ground, the knife plunged about 3 inches into his right pectoral muscle, the report said.

Lilje's mother told police her son's screams woke her up. She rushed downstairs and found him lying on the floor, the knife protruding from his chest.

Lilje told the Register late Tuesday he's doing much better, other than an aching chest.

"My dog follows me around wherever go. I tripped," Lilje said. "I'm doing a lot better now, just a little sore."

 

Numpty-who uses a knife to peel an orange?

 

Still in the states

Two dozen pro-nudity activists assembled on the steps of San Francisco City Hall on Wednesday to protest a proposed municipal ban on public nakedness.

"We are here today in response to an attack on our fundamental freedom, our freedom to be ourselves in our own city," disrobed rally organizer Gypsy Taub declared as her fellow activists displayed signs saying, "Nudity is Natural" and "Nude is not Lewd."

The nude protesters, including one using a cane and another in a wheelchair, walked with DiEdoardo two blocks to the federal courthouse, where an officer refused to allow them to enter disrobed. DiEdoardo, who was fully clothed, went inside to file the court papers.

 

Naked ambition?

 

And finally:

 

The best advert so far this year

 

Swedish insurance company Folksam asked their customers how they should best advertise their services.

Customer Eva, a cat lover, asked to see skydiving cats spelling out her name in the sky while R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" played in the background.

Go on watch the video- you know you want to...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to have a dig in the garden-well you never know...

 

And today’s thought:

 

And I only came in to pay the car park charge

 

Angus