Showing posts with label alistair darling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alistair darling. Show all posts

Sunday, 18 January 2009


This is a late addition.

Before I start, there is a sad anouncement-Tony Hart has died this morning at the age of 83, I am sure you will remember him for Hartbeat, Take Hart and of course Morph, the world has lost a great talent, and I have lost yet another piece of my childhood.

Gord is at it again, he wants to set up an insurance deal so that the Government (us) underwrites the bad investments the banks have made - Insurance aid plan for UK banks. And I quote “Under the proposals, banks would examine both corporate and private customers looking for potential defaulters” and. “Our biggest banks would identify their bad loans and foolish investments, then pay a fee to a new state-backed insurer to protect themselves from the losses over a certain level."

So, it seems that banks are no longer liable for their own cock-ups, no longer responsible for the loans they made knowing that the people and companies they lent money to probably wouldn’t be able to repay, but wanted the income from interest.

It seems that WE are; WE should pour more of our money into the institutions that put us in the crap we are in.

It seems that business is no longer to be held responsible for the mistakes it makes, but mortgage holders who cannot afford to keep up their payments are still liable for the full amount although they took out their loans on the basis of hyper-inflated house prices because of the greed of those businesses (banks).

It also seems that Gord and Ali have lost the plot, they are so tunnel-visioned that they can’t see what they are doing, they are making the banks victims of the recession not the perpetrators, and as such should be propped up with billions of taxpayers money.

It seems that the Government doesn’t give stuff about the “man in the street” the pensioners, the unemployed and the sick, it seems that money is the God of Gord and Ali.

It seems that when the next election comes around Gord and Ali won’t have to worry about it because someone else will take on the yoke.

It seems that Gord and Ali’s legacy will be “We Firked up the country and then Firked off leaving the mess to someone else”.

Wouldn’t it be natural justice if Labour wins the election and they actually have to face up to their inane policies?

"Prudent people are very happy; 'tis an exceeding fine thing, that's certain, but I was born without it, and shall retain to my day of Death the Humour of saying what I think."- Mary Wortley Montagu (The Complete Letters of Lady Mary Wortley Montagu)


Thursday, 8 January 2009


BBC NEWS-The PM and the sideboard, sorry Cabinet are in Liverpool, Business Secretary Lord Mandelson will say “We will not repeat the mistakes made in previous recessions of retrenchment - stop-go policies in public investment have reduced Britain's competitiveness over many decades”.

The Sideboard (well it sounds better) will make momentous announcements such as “35,000 apprenticeship places in 2009 and 2010 and said the government was "doing everything to deal with what is a global financial crisis that is hitting Britain".

Small snag with that one Gord, you actually have to have companies a) still in business and b) willing to take on an apprentice when they are laying off skilled people.

Downing street-whoever the Firk that is said-“However, Downing Street believes it is a "worthwhile investment" to have the cabinet hearing people's views in different parts of the country”

So if you live in or near the “Pool” go along and see how many questions you can ask Gord and Ali.

Every one else has done it so I will make a few predictions.

Gordon brown’s nose will grow so long that he will have to employ a “nose bearer” thus helping one poor sod off the dole.

The sale of wood burning stoves will spiral out of control.

Half of the countries forests will disappear (to fuel the wood burning stoves).

The Government will print billions of new bank notes (so that people can use then to fuel the wood burning stoves and save the forests).

The tourism industry will go from strength to strength because visitors to the UK expect to be insulted and given atrocious service-it’s part of our charm.

Every household in the country will be given one cow; the cow will be connected to the gas inlet via a pipe and will provide enough methane to heat the house and hot water, as well as producing milk and fertiliser. This of course will also reduce global warming thus allowing the Government to meet its targets.

Gordon Brown will win the next election with a majority as big as a majority can be, and will become so popular that he is pronounced Queen, will move into Buck House and marry Ali Darling.

I must go now I am due for another session of CCBT.

“Don't measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability”- John Wooden


Thursday, 27 November 2008


Well Gord, do you think we got away with it?

With what Ali?

You know Gord the Pre Budget thingy

Oh that, yes I’m sure we managed to
Hoodwink them again.

It will work won’t it Gord?

Of course Ali Darling, and anyway
Even if it doesn’t we can still blame
the banks for not lending any money.

No Gord I mean the VAT thingy, will it make
them spend?

It’s Ok Ali, if it works we are heroes
And if it doesn’t it’s their bloody fault
for taking the pittance we gave them
and not rushing out to the shops to spend

Oh good, Gord, no problems then.

No Ali I have no problems because I am
not the Chancellor, you are

Oh good GORD!

Sunday, 23 November 2008

A Solution for Gord and Ali

Second post today, just had a shower and shave and am firing on 2 ½ cylinders.

I have just had a thought that will solve our problems in one stroke.

What Gord and Ali have to do is: reset house prices,
yes, press the reset button, reduce all house prices to their current value-approx- 20% less than they are now, and reduce every ones mortgage to the same amount.
People wouldn't fall behind in their payments and repossessions wouldn't happen.

That would put hundreds of pounds in peoples pockets each month, would eliminate negative equity, and would not involve “tax cuts” now and “tax rises” in the future.

Stuff the Banks and Building Societies’; they have got enough of our money.

People would then have money, be able to spend and “kick start” the economy.

Well Gord and Ali wadya think eh?

Worth a try.


Saturday, 22 November 2008


Still feel as though I’ve been run over by a truck, but here goes.

From the BBC:

IBM is about to start research on a new computer. The circuits will mimic the brain, it’s called “cognitive computing” and they are hoping to produce something with the level of a cats’ brain.

Two things I don’t like about this:

The word “cognitive” gives me the willies : To be, to be CBT, or to be CCBT or even to watch CBBC.


What firkin use is a computer with the “brain” of a cat, the bloody thing will spend all day chasing the mouse (I love my pussy).

From Auntie Financial giant A Darling is about to “expose” his pre-budget report, and the nice kind man is probably going to give us tax cuts and more public spending.

All very nice, the “chancellor” thinks that this will stimulate the economy, and everything will be hunky dory again.

What a load of bollocks, what got us in this firkin mess in the first place was “Ali and Gord” playing monopoly with our money, the downside of these “nice bits” is, that in a year or so Ali will hit us with tax rises and cuts in public spending, to make back the £100 BILLION that he has borrowed.

Tax cuts don’t help the millions of pensioners because they don’t pay tax, tax cuts don’t help the sick or the unemployed because THEY don’t pay tax.

So whom will it help? It is aimed at those “on lowest incomes, partly because they have the highest propensity to spend - for the good of the economy - and also for reasons of social justice."

So, Ali and Gord think that giving a few quid a week to people on the minimum wage who are struggling with paying the bills now will enable them to rush out and spend it “all” and kick-start the economy.

What firkin world are they living in, it’s OK if you are getting £150,000 a year, you can probably ride it out but, please, Ali you have as much chance of that working as you have of being Chancellor after the next election.

1984 is here (nearly), from the BEEB -£1,000 fine for wrong ID details. One of the Govs’ other brainwaves the ID card is about to crawl out from under its rock.

“Identity cards for foreign nationals will be issued from next week, with the first cards being issued to British citizens at the end of next year in a pilot project for airside workers at Manchester and London City airports.”

“The document reveals that most people will have to pay more for ID cards than the £30 fixed fee previously discussed when large scale issuing of cards begins in 2011 or 2012.
Fines will also apply if cardholders fail to report their cards lost or stolen, and will be enforceable by the civil courts.”

“Homeless people wanting ID cards may be able to give their home address as a bench, bus stop or park where they are often found.”


But this is the best bit-“ But providing false information, tampering with the register, giving out people's data without authorisation and holding false ID documents will be a criminal offence.

Anyone found guilty of unauthorised disclosure of information on the national identity register or an ID card application, would face up to two years in prison, while anyone found guilty of hacking into the ID database could be jailed for up to 10 years.”

They don’t need to hack into the system you stupid plonkers; the bloody Government is losing our data faster than it can make up excuses.

Mind you if they put the Gov in nick for ten years at least we will have some peace for a while.

That’s all for today, part two of “our first cars” will be up tomorrow, I hope.