Showing posts with label brains. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brains. Show all posts

Saturday, 9 April 2011

Speed it up: Pay as you go: Robbing Peter to pay Paul: No frills fight: Flower pot Numpty: Political brains: and Lower the law.

Looks like another wondrous portion of warm sunny stuff at the Castle this morn; the kitchen is empty of broken thingy’s and I still haven’t washed the windows…….or the rover.
The garden needs a bit of maintenance, the hedges need hedging, the borders need bordering and the shrubs need shrubbing, the shed needs clearing out and the eight legged hairy things need evicting, the mower needs a service and me spade needs polishing, on the other hand there is the F1 qualifying on the box and I have dragged the sun lounger down from the big walk in cupboard up stairs, now what shall I do……….?

Apparently the fuzz have adopted new speeding rules that allow drivers to do up to 86mph and avoid points on their licence.
The guidelines mean motorists can pay to do a speed awareness course instead if they are caught at up to 10% above the limit plus 9mph.
Police leaders said 37 out of 44 forces had signed up to the new framework.
Previously, only those travelling at up to 10% above the limit plus 6mph could be offered one of the courses.
But the amendments were agreed by chief constables at a meeting of the Association of Chief Police Officers (Acpo) in January.
For a 30mph zone, the upper limit for a speeding course would be 42mph.
This would rise to 86mph for motorways and other major roads, although the official limit remains the same.
Acpo said the figure at which a course could be offered was a decision for individual forces, and not all would make it available for higher speeds.
Drivers can only attend one speed awareness course in a three-year period.

Far too complicated for me, think I’ll just stick to the speed limits.

Allegedly Private companies should be brought in to build a network of toll roads and high speed lanes to tackle congestion, a leading business figure has said.
Neil Bentley, deputy director-general of the Confederation of British Industry, made the plea for outside investment as he accused the Coalition of lacking a “strategic vision” for the country’s road network.
He dismissed the £200 million pledged by the Government to fix potholes as part of a strategy of “make do and mend”.
Congestion, he said, was estimated as costing British business £8 billion a year, rising to £16 billion by 2025, when traffic is expected to increase by a third.

And the cause of most of the congestion-lorries, here’s an idea-why doesn’t “industry” do away with all the slow moving, wide, polluting juggernauts and use the railway system to move goods, or even the canal network then charge foreign “transporters” to use our roads which we have paid for over and over again.

When Sean Collins wasn't sure how he'd come up with the cash to pay his court fine, he turned to a bank. The problem is he didn't ask the bank for a loan. He robbed it, instead.

The Scottish man confessed to holding up a banking building in the city of Glasgow in the hopes of stealing enough cash to pay off the £2,000 fine he'd been ordered to give his victim after being convicted of assault in June.

Collins told a court today that his conviction had lost him his job and said he was struggling to pay his mortgage, according to STV News in Scotland. So on December 7, Collins entered a Glasgow banking society armed with a 12-inch knife and a can of tuna fish designed to look like a bomb.

Then, the 28-year-old man -- whose disguise that day included swimming goggles and a bright pink scarf -- approached a teller and demanded she give him money. When she asked him if he was "having a laugh," Collins threatened to detonate what employees thought was a bomb, according to the BBC.

Tuna is dangerous stuff, especially if it comes from the sea near Japan…

What started out as an attempt by a man to shoplift chicken by stuffing the bird down his pants took a violent turn in Peterborough, Ontario last Saturday.
Police said an employee watched a man place four packages of chicken down his pants and walk out of a No Frills grocery store.
When a security guard at the store tried to stop him from leaving, the man turned violent and punched him, police said.
Jessie Adam Johnson, 31, is charged with theft, assault with intent to resist arrest and breach of probation.
He is to appear in court April 21.

No chicken….shit.

A woman who tried to 'improve' a rare Chinese vase with a hammer is having to face up to the knowledge she has knocked £200,000 of its value.
The Qing dynasty porcelain vase would have been worth £250,000 in good condition but is now expected to sell for about £50,000.
The vase already had a chip in its rim when the woman, who has not been named, knocked the rest off with a hammer to "even it out".
The woman was so unimpressed with the vase after her "improvements" she gave it away to a friend to put daffodils in.
Years later, she returned to her friend's house and saw it in her garden. Taking a new liking to it, she asked for it back.
She kept it on her windowsill and was about to throw it away when she remembered seeing a similar vase that had fetched almost £200,000 at a recent auction.
She sent a picture of it to Salisbury auction house Woolley and Wallis with an email saying: "Is it worth hanging on to or, because of the damage is it worthless and should I just bin it! It came from my great grandparents."
Clare Durham, an auction house spokeswoman said: "She emailed us with a photograph and we instantly told her not to bin it, as she was planning to do."
The vase, otherwise undamaged after the unusual re-modelling, was subsequently dated from the Qing dynasty, between 1821 to 1850.
Woolley and Wallis are now selling the piece with a pre-sale estimate of £30,000 but expect it to reach double that amount.

A spot of DIY can be very expensive.

Liberals have more grey matter in a part of the brain associated with understanding complexity, while the conservative brain is bigger in the section related to processing fear, said the study today in Current Biology.

"We found that greater liberalism was associated with increased grey matter volume in the anterior cingulate
cortex, whereas greater conservatism was associated with increased volume of the right amygdala," the study said.

Other research has shown greater brain activity in those areas, according to which political views a person holds, but this is the first study to show a physical difference in size in the same regions.

"Previously, some psychological traits were known to be predictive of an individual's political orientation," said Ryota Kanai of the University College London, where the research took place. "Our study now links such personality traits with specific brain structure."

 Study links personality traits to brain structure
 Liberals' brains linked to greater tolerance
 Conservatives' brains "more sensitive to fear"

I suppose the most surprising conclusion of this “study” is that politicians have brains at all.

And finally:

With the sun out and temperatures rising, the young women of the City law firm Allen & Overy decided it was time to do the same for their hemlines.

Unfortunately, the sight of dozens of trainee solicitors arriving for work in “very short skirts” did not fill senior partners with the joys of spring.
After several complaints about the amount of flesh on show, an email was sent to the company’s 105 trainees reminding them of the sartorial standards expected by their employer — one of the five leading firms in the City known as the “Magic Circle”.
Women were told to increase the lengths of their skirts and reduce the height of their heels or face “uncomfortable discussions” with the human resources department.
“We’ve been asked to draw your attention to the fact that HR has received numerous complaints about the way female trainees have been dressing around the office,” stated the email from Allen & Overy’s trainee solicitor liaison committee.
It went on: “The main problem seems to be very short skirts and high heels and generally looking like we’re going clubbing instead of to the office. HR would like this to be addressed ASAP so they don’t have to have uncomfortable discussions with individuals about it, especially as we’re now getting into summer and are more likely to be wearing less as it gets hotter!”

I wonder who complained.

And today’s thought: "Let's make sure that there is certainty during uncertain times in our economy." -- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 2, 2008

Saturday, 9 May 2009


Before I start just a quick mention that the Government has had their worst week, well, since last week anyway, roll on next week!

First up is-how not to get a job: how grammatical errors see CVs binned - Telegraph

Experts found that 94 per cent of job hunters risked missing out on vacancies through poor spelling, grammar or presentation on their CVs.
In some cases, applicants' attempts to impress potential employers failed through the odd missed word, with phrases such as: "I was responsible for dissatisfied customers."
For others, the omission of a single letter consigned their CV to the dustbin: "I am a pubic relations officer."
And sparing use of the comma led to seemingly embarrassing disclosures of equal note: "My interests include cooking dogs and interesting people."
From a sample of 450 CVs, researchers found that 81 per cent were laden with spelling and grammatical errors, while nearly half were poorly laid out.
A mere 6 per cent were error-free, the study by career advisers Personal Career Management (PCM) concluded.
Mistakes were not confined to applicants for menial roles either – many of the CVs riddled with errors were drafted by CEOs, professionals and recent graduates, researchers said.
Examples of CV blunders:
– My interests include cooking dogs and interesting people.
– As security guard my job is to pervert unauthorised people from coming onto the site
– I am a pubic relations officer
– I was responsible for dissatisfied customers
– My role involved coaching and mentioning
– I have excellent editing and poof-reading skills
– I relieved the conference manager
– I am a prooficient typist
– Socially I like to dine out with different backgrounds
– I get well with all types of people
– I was responsible for fraudulent claims
– While working in this role, I had intercourse with a variety of people
– Experienced sheet mental worker
– Highly adept at multi-tasting
– Left last four jobs only because the managers were completely unreasonable
So that’s why……

This one winds me up: TV classic Last of the Summer Wine among BBC targets for comedy culling - It is a vintage 37 years in the making and the worlds longest-running sitcom.But the axe may be about to fall on Last of the Summer Wine as the BBC carries out a comedy cull.It has already shelved Only Fools and Horses spin-off The Green, Green Grass.It follows in the wake of Nicholas Lyndhursts sitcom After Youve Gone and Lee Macks Not Going Out.Now, Summer Wine has been told it will not film a new run this summer sparking fears it will be axed. Creator Roy Clark said: We dont get enormous ratings these days. No one would be surprised if it goes.The shows highest audience was 18.8million in 1985. The current series the 30th gets around three million.

What is the matter with the knobs at auntie, don’t they think we want to laugh anymore, it seems that “proper” comedy without swear words or sex is now going to be confined to the bin.

I have watched “summer wine” since it started, it is a british icon, we need programmes that are decent and clean, come on BBC keep the good ones and dump the violent, sexual american “entertainment”.

This one is open for discussion- A have-a-go hero foiled a robbery by chasing a gang of thieves - wearing his wife's pyjamas.
Steve Hillier, 39, was woken by the sound of the two raiders trying to force the door of a goldsmiths shop near his home.
He grabbed the nearest clothes, sprinted over the road - and the men fled when he shouted at them.
Steve, of Lacock, Wilts, said: "I dashed after them, without realising I had put on my wife's yellow and red pyjama bottoms."
Yeah right!

Brains of Britain-
Alex Trelinski (Late Show, BBC Midlands): What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France. Alex: France is another country.
Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Alex: Wrong, sorry.
Let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Alex: Just guess a country.
Contestant: Paris.
Answers: Rome and Greece
Anne Robinson (The Weakest Link, BBC2): Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in: Prison or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.
Answer: Prison
Jeremy Paxman (University Challenge, BBC2): What is another name for "cherrypickers" and "cheesemongers"?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
Phil Wood (BBC Radio Manchester): What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil Wood: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?
Answer: 121
Richard Madeley (Richard and Judy): On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er...
Richard: He makes bread.
Contestant: Er...
Richard: He makes cakes.
Contestant: Kipling Street?
Answer: Baker Street
Question (BRMB Radio): What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Host: That's close enough.
Answer: Roman Catholic
Steve Le Fevre (The Biggest Game in Town, ITV): What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta?
Answer: Treaty of Versailles
Phil Wood (BBC GMR): What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Phil: It's got two sylla-bles... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Phil:Ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: Silence
Phil:Okay, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?
Answers: Koran&ran
Melanie Sykes (The Vault): What name is given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.
Answer: Narcolepsy
Steve Wright (Radio 2): Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungles-winging character clad in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus.
Answer: Tarzan
Chris Searle (BBC Radio Bristol): In which European country is Mount Etna?
Contestant: Japan.
Chris: I did say European country... I can let you try again.
Contestant: Er... Mexico?
Answer: Italy
Paul Wappat (BBC Radio Newcastle): How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant: (long pause) 14 days.
Answer: Six days
Daryl Denham (Virgin Radio): In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl: It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
Answer: Israel
JAMIE THEAKSTON: Where is Cambridge University?
CONTESTANT: Geography isn't my strong point
JAMIE THEAKSTON: There's a clue in the title
CONTESTANT: Leicester?
LINCS FM DJ: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
LINCS FM DJ: I was really after the name of a country
CONTESTANT; I'm sorry, I don't know the name of any countries in Spain
GWR FM DJ: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
CONTESTANT I don't know, I wasn't watching it then
ROCK FM PRESENTER: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci
CONTESTANT Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
BEACON RADIO DJ: What is the nationality of the Pope?
CONTESTANT I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
BAMBER GASCOIGNE What was Gandhi's first name?
JAMES O'BRIEN, LBC: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
CONTESTANT Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth.. er, er, three?
LOTTERY HOST: What is the world's largest continent?


And finally- Artist creates amazing matchstick model of Harry Potter’s Hogwarts - take alook at the pics, amazing, but please Patrick Acton, get a bloody life.

“I would rather be able to appreciate things I can not have than to have things I am not able to appreciate.” Elbert Hubbard


NHS Behind the headlines

Angus Dei politico