Showing posts with label bums. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bums. Show all posts

Thursday, 30 June 2016

Stop your bloody moaning: Brown Bum: slimy German: and Oh Sssssshit....

Vast amounts of residual skywater, not a glimpse of dawns crack, a touch of atmospheric movement and a mixture of lack of cold and hot at the castle this morn. 

Since just over half of Brits decided to give the EU the soldiers farewell “they” have not stopped moaning, “they” being the 27 remaining countries who are pissed orf because a) Germany and France will have to take up the slack and pay more into the bottomless well known as the European coffers or b) the other 25 countries will have to take less money than they think they deserve.

“They” are also that very annoying Scottish “bird” Nicola Sturgeon who seems to have got her panties in such a twist that her voice has raised half an octave over the fact that Scotland apparently voted to remain and has been whingeing and brown nosing around Europe in an effort to get special dispensation for said Norf country.

Unfortunately both France and Spain have said they oppose Scotland negotiating separately from the rest of the UK to stay in the EU. 

So unless she can persuade Parliament to let them have a second “freedom” referendum, win that and then apply to the EU to join she is to use the vernacular-stuffed.



“They” includes that annoying Northern Irish “bloke” Martin McGuinness who is moaning on about "I believe that the mandate that we got during the course of the referendum to remain puts us in a very special place,"

See above Martin.

“They” also include the Bremain MPs who cannot seem to fathom that they asked the electorate a question and got an answer.

 So come on you lot, accept the truth, we are going, stop your bloody moaning and get over it, we won you lost. Nah nah nah nah nah.....



People in a Novosibirsk, Russia, neighbourhood say police have done nothing about a woman who sunbathes by hanging her legs and exposed bum out of a second-story window every day, for hours at a time.

Locals say they are concerned the skin show is visible to children, but police have yet to stop her from her near daily routine.


Anal neighbours?


German police say a driver lost control of his car after slipping on a slimy trail left by a procession of snails that were making their way across the highway.

The car -- an old East German Trabant -- flipped over and was wrecked, but the driver was unhurt.

Police said the incident happened early Wednesday near Paderborn, about 350 kilometres (220 miles) west of Berlin.


Surprised it got that far......


And finally:



A man in Thailand suffered huge blood loss after a python sank its fangs into his penis while he was sitting on the toilet.

Atthaporn Boonmakchuay tried desperately to break free after the huge snake attacked in the bathroom of his home in Chachoengsao, east of the capital Bangkok.

The 38-year-old reportedly reached down with his hand after feeling a sharp bite - only to discover the serpent's jaws clamped around the tip of his penis.

Atthaporn screamed out for his wife as he thrashed around trying to dislodge the 11ft python.

Moments before collapsing, he managed to tie rope around the snake's head and tie it to the bathroom door.

Note to self: place large amount of rope in the bathroom.

That’s it: I’m orf to mine some helium


And today’s thought:

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~ Albert Einstein ~



Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Ooops; Nice Buns; Tongue on post; Tadic’s fizzy fine; and Paper batteries.

Late again today, I blame the Government and the fact that I didn’t sleep (again) last night, the TV is really crap between 1am and 5am, except for Morse which was ruined by a little man in the corner of the screen performing sign language and fascinated me so much that I lost the plot completely, so I watched a film I had recorded-Rocky 3 or was it 4, or it could have been 2, followed by Holby Shitty just to remind me of the poxy day I had dealing with the NHS.

Anyway, it seems that the Quality of life in dear old Blighty has been ranked by the Audit Commission this info can be found at One Place, the all new sparkly useless site which doesn’t work, at least not on my laptop, or maybe it is because I use IE8.

And it now appears that 6.7 Million people from overseas are now living in Britain, in its annual overview of population figures, the ONS said one in 11 people in the UK had been born abroad.

Nearly 25% of all births in England and Wales in 2008 were to foreign-born women - another record.

Immigration Minister Phil Woolas said the figures did not account for those immigrants who were returning home.

The births to foreign-born women made up 170,834 out of the total of 708,711.

Immigrants from Eastern Europe, for example, had 25,000 children.

The statistics agency also projected that the UK's population would increase by nearly 10 million in the next 25 years, a rate which is almost double that recorded in the last quarter of a century.

The ONS estimated there would be 71.6 million people living here by 2033, up from 61.4 million now.

Why would all those people want to come to a third world country, or am I missing something?

First up:

From over the wet thing, if you can actually be from anywhere on the web: The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) operating manual, posted on a federal procurement website last spring, spells out technical settings of X-ray machines, explosives detectors and other passenger and luggage screening details.

TSA officials confirmed the lapse, and former agency officials and congressional critics said the oversight exposed practices that were implemented after the September 11 attacks and following other security incidents.

"It increases the risk that terrorists will find a way through the defences," Stewart Baker, a former assistant secretary at the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), said.

The 93-page document also includes pictures of credentials used by US politicians, CIA employees and federal air marshals and describes when certain firearms are permitted past the checkpoint.

The manual was posted on the internet in redacted form but blacked-out passages were easily recovered, TSA officials said.

A second former DHS official said the mistaken posting of the secrets was more a public relations blunder than a security risk because TSA manuals are circulated widely in the aviation community.

TSA officials said the agency was conducting an internal review of the case.

"TSA has many layers of security to keep the travelling public safe and to constantly adapt to evolving threats," the agency said in a statement.

"TSA is confident that screening procedures currently in place remain strong."

Let’s hope so.

From underneath: The search for Australia's best backside will begin tonight in Longreach in central western Queensland.

The Julia Creek Dirt and Dust Festival runs Australia's Best Butt Competition every year in April.

But the first heat of the contest is being held in Longreach tonight.

Organiser Margie Ryder says it is not necessarily the smallest or best shape that will win.

"It's not about the looks, it's about how you can move it, wriggle it, [it] can be any size ... it's just a lot of fun and get your mates there and make sure they cheer you on," she said.

"Make sure your jeans are tidy though ... we've got strict rules and we'll stick to them, like you have to be over 18, you have to be wearing jeans, they can't have any holes in them and you can't be intoxicated."

Ms Ryder says the contest is also now looking to expand interstate.

"I think it's very close to being one big national heat, where we'll take it to Queensland, New South Wales, South Australia ... it will go that way," she said.

"It's not the skinny, glamorous model ... you've got to get the crowd going and you've got to really laugh at yourself."

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

From West a fair bit, and up a little: It’s become an annual winter tale: A young boy gets his tongue stuck to a metal pole, perhaps as the result of a dare.

This year, the scene straight out of the movie “A Christmas Story” unfolded Tuesday morning in Boise with a boy of about 10.

Boise fire fighters used a glass of warm water to free the unidentified boy from the metal fence pole, according to the Idaho Statesman newspaper.

Fire Capt. Bill Tinsley says the boy’s tongue was bleeding a little, but he was OK and allowed to continue walking to school.

Rescue workers responded after a woman driving by saw the boy and called police dispatchers.

Last year, the unlucky boy was a 10-year-old from Hammond, Indiana — especially apt, since the 1983 movie is set in a fictional city based on Hammond.

Wonder what a metal pole tastes like? Suppose I’ll have to wait for it to get really cold.

A Serbian court fined President Boris Tadic 400 Euros ($650) for drinking champagne to toast Serbia's World Cup qualification, in contravention of an alcohol ban in football stadiums.

Tadic pleaded guilty to uncorking the champagne in a VIP lounge at the Red Star Belgrade stadium after Serbia's October 10 victory over Romania, which qualified them for the 2010 World Cup finals in South Africa.

Before the fine was handed down on Monday, Tadic told the court that he was unaware that drinking alcohol had been banned at football games.

"I did not know that consumption of alcohol, even if only for a toast, has been forbidden, so I fully take responsibility for the violation," Tadic told the court.

"I take over responsibility and believe that, as every citizen, I should pay a fine or serve a sentence, whatever is the verdict."

Along with Tadic, other officials including Serbia's Football Association chief Tomislav Karadzic were fined 400 Euros for violating a law aimed at preventing violence at sports events.

The law prohibits the sale or consumption of alcohol in stadiums and arenas during and 90 minutes after a match.

In past months, Serbia has seen a surge in extremist violence, notably by ultranationalist extremist groups and football hooligans.

Ignorance is no defence.

And finally:

From the warm sunny bit on a fault line: Ordinary paper could one day be used as a lightweight battery to power the devices that are now enabling the printed word to be eclipsed by e-mail, e-books and online news.

Scientists at Stanford University in California reported on Monday they have successfully turned paper coated with ink made of silver and carbon nanomaterials into a "paper battery" that holds promise for new types of lightweight, high-performance energy storage.

The same feature that helps ink adhere to paper allows it to hold onto the single-walled carbon nanotubes and silver nanowire films. Earlier research found that silicon nanowires could be used to make batteries 10 times as powerful as lithium-ion batteries now used to power devices such as laptop computers.

"Taking advantage of the mature paper technology, low cost, light and high-performance energy-storage are realized by using conductive paper as current collectors and electrodes,"
The scientists said in research published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

This type of battery could be useful in powering electric or hybrid vehicles, would make electronics lighter weight and longer lasting, and might even lead someday to paper electronics, the scientists said. Battery weight and life have been an obstacle to commercial viability of electric-powered cars and trucks.

"Society really needs a low-cost, high-performance energy storage device, such as batteries and simple supercapacitors," Stanford assistant professor of materials science and engineering and paper co-author Yi Cui said.

Cui said in an e-mail that in addition to being useful for portable electronics and wearable electronics, "Our paper supercapacitors can be used for all kinds of applications that require instant high power."

"Since our paper batteries and supercapacitors can be very low cost, they are also good for grid-connected energy storage," he said.

Peidong Yang, professor of chemistry at the University of California-Berkeley, said the technology could be commercialised within a short time.

Just don’t get it wet.


Angus Dei on all and sundry



Angus Dei politico

Monday, 29 June 2009


I did something last night that I haven’t done for years, and I kept it up for 45 minutes, it was the most fun I have had for along time, and this morning I feel like a bouncy little lamb.

What was it? I spent almost an hour head banging, singing and playing air-guitar along to the QUO who were at Glastonbury for the first time in its history, you can forget Blur and the Boss, for me the QUO were the bill toppers.

It was nice to see entertainers that actually enjoy what they do, and are not there for the money or kudos, just for the fans.

Anyway, back to the weird and wonderful world of the news:

More health and safety overkill a group of pensioners have been banned from holding a coffee morning at a public library for health and safety reasons in case they spill hot drinks on children.

The seven members of the coffee morning for over 50s have met at Eye Library in Eye, near Peterborough, Cambridgeshire, every Tuesday for the last four years without incident.
But the anal killjoys at the council have decided that the meeting should be axed in case toddlers from a nearby nursery who use the library at the same time might be injured if hot coffee was spilt on them.

Retired office worker Patricia Owen, 70, and her husband Ray, 69, from Eye Green, near Eye, have also been attending the coffee mornings since they were launched.

Mrs Owen said: "We are being told we can't have a hot drink. Health and safety is a silly excuse. We have now made alternative arrangements and plan to have our coffee mornings at each other's homes."

A spokesman for Peterborough City Council, who run the library, said: "Eye Library is a small library and there were concerns about hot drinks being served to the group when there were small children sitting very close by.

"However, we do not want to spoil anyone's fun, and will be speaking to both groups to see if we can be more flexible about the timings so that the nursery group are not in the library at the time the coffee morning is meeting."

So why the f**k didn’t they do that in the first place?

Liar, liar pants on fire 12 days ago I did a piece on the girl who said that 56 stars were tattooed on her on her face as she slept.

She has now admitted she was awake the whole time – and lied because her father was "furious".
Kimberley Vlaminck had insisted she dozed off after asking the tattooist for just three small stars – then woke in horror to find her face was covered.

The Belgian blamed the Flemish-speaking tattooist for not being able to understand her French and English instructions.

But the 18-year-old has finally confessed she did not fall asleep, that she wanted all the stars and was "fully aware" of what Mr Toumaniantz was doing.

Ms Vlaminck told a Dutch TV crew: "I asked for 56 stars and initially adored them. But when my father saw them, he was furious. So I said I fell asleep and the that the tattooist made a mistake."

Your sins will always find you out.

Job for the boys An artist has been given a £20,000 National Lottery grant - to look at girls' bums.

Sue Williams was given the money to "explore cultural attitudes towards female buttocks", reports The Sun.

She will create plaster cast moulds of women's behinds to try to understand their place in contemporary culture.

Mrs Williams, 53, of Swansea, will also examine different racial attitudes towards bums in Europe and Africa.

Emma Geliot from the Arts Council of Wales, which awarded the grant, said: "This produces a tee-hee response but there is a serious point."

No there isn’t, it is just a waste of lottery money, mind you if Ms Geliot wants an assistant……………

Our Liz is about to publish her accounts the figures relate to 2008-09 and will concern funding provided by the taxpayer to finance the head of state.

Last year's accounts revealed the Queen and other members of her family cost the taxpayer 66p per person over the 12-month period to March 31 2008.

The figures also showed more than £22,000 was spent chartering a helicopter to ferry the Monarch to and from the Kentucky Derby in Louisville during a state visit to America in May 2007.

The Queen's visit to the United States, to commemorate the 400th anniversary of the Jamestown settlement, was the most expensive royal overseas trip that financial year, with a plane chartered at a cost of £381,813.

The total cost of keeping the Queen and the Royal Family increased by £2 million or 5% to £40 million during 2007-08.

The Queen's Civil List - money used to fund the Monarch's official duties - increased by £500,000 to £12.7 million, while the amount spent on royal travel rose to £6.2 million - up by £600,000.

I am on the fence over this one, where do you stand?

And finally:

Something close to my heart Doctors to hit out over NHS errors Doctors are to call on the Department of Health to take full responsibility for NHS errors caused by political policy implemented via "perverse incentives", targets and performance management.

Members of the British Medical Association (BMA) will also be debating the increasing "commercialisation" of the NHS.

Another big issue will be the recent scandal at Mid Staffordshire NHS Foundation Trust.
One motion being debated at the annual conference in Liverpool warns that failures at Stafford are at risk of happening elsewhere.

Another motion calls upon the Government to hold an independent inquiry into the impact and consequences of "crude" targets that affect the running of the NHS in the light of Mid Staffs.
A report from the Healthcare Commission in March condemned "appalling" and "shocking" standards of care at Mid Staffs, which led to some patients dying.

Between 400 and 1,200 more people died than would have been expected in a three-year period, with the poorest examples of care at Stafford Hospital.

The BMA has issued new guidance for doctors who have concerns about patient safety.
It calls on doctors to raise fears about malpractice or failures in the system, rather than allowing the situation to reach a point where patient safety is under threat.

A spokesman said the guidance pointed out that employees who were victimised after raising their concerns could bring an employment tribunal, and that their employers could be heavily fined.

Yeah right, and we all know what will happen-nothing.