Showing posts with label condoms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label condoms. Show all posts

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

If only: New Age lunacy: Sting in the tale vodka: Origami condoms: Big Dick at Nurburgring: and Smelling Rosemary.

Loads of ex skywater, limited atmospheric movement, little lack of cold and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the “nues” seems to have returned to its usual level of coverage and the left elbow appears to have come out in sympathy with its opposite joint.


Will be packed with those on benefits to laud the memory of the old bag that snatched milk from the young.

Now North Korea NOW!


A woodland beauty spot is to be turned into what is believed to be the first official purpose built New Age travellers camp in Britain.
The site at Haldon Hill, near Exeter, Devon, has been used illegally by travellers for 12 years, but is now to be revamped using £1.11 million of taxpayer’s money.
The proposal will replace the existing ramshackle camp with 15 official plots for “new travellers” under plans approved by Teignbridge District Council.
Communal allotments, a children’s play area and composting bins will all be installed at the site as part of the project.
Parking for visitors along with new sanitation will also be installed while the camp will have a permanent site manager.
It has been given approval under a Government initiative announced last year to provide £60 million of funding for new official gypsy and traveller sites.

Wonder how many “proper” homes £1.1 million would build...


It is said that the Japanese giant hornet has a quarter-inch stinger that pumps out venom containing an enzyme so strong that it can literally dissolve human tissue. The sting of a giant hornet causes excruciating pain, yet some people are willing to endure a few stings while trying to capture them to make a special kind of shouchuu (Japanese liquor similar to vodka).
Allegedly someone who is stung by a Japanese giant hornet who doesn’t receive proper treatment soon thereafter can die from an allergic reaction to the venom. About 40 deaths related to giant hornet stings are recorded every year.
In Japan’s Kumamoto Prefecture huntsmen catch hornets and leave them to ferment in alcohol for three years, fermented wasp shouchuu apparently has an unappetizing muddy-brown colour and smells a bit like rotting flesh.
To prepare the liquor, a large number of live wasps are placed in a large mason jar, which is then filled with shouchuu. The jar is then sealed and the hornets left to drown in the alcohol. Desperate to escape, they release their venom which gives the drink its signature taste and curative properties.

Num-num-num can’t wait to try that....


A small business in California called Origami Condoms is working on a revolutionary new prophylactic modelled after the Japanese art of paper folding which has won the approval of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation for being the only design to radically change the contraceptive.

Origami Condoms' design, which has condoms folded up rather than rolled up like the ones currently sold at most stores that sell health and convenience products, acts as a loose-fitting sheath when it's in use and is said to move with the natural movement of the body.

Origami Condoms are still in clinical testing and will not be available for purchase until early 2015 at the soonest, according to Resnic.

The condom designs must first go through several phases testing before the company can apply for FDA approval, he said.

Resnic said his company has not yet set a price for their accordion-shaped condoms, that they will likely cost more than traditional rubbers.

Of course they will-that’s the price of “progress”....


Germany’s iconic Nurburgring, home of motor racing since the 1920s, has been defaced by vandals who daubed a penis onto the track at the notorious Brunnchen corner.
The incident is believed to have happened on Saturday night, with the world ‘Danish’ written alongside the genitalia – apparently aimed at a Danish driver who has previously used the track.
The incident left German police to call in a paint-stripping machine to remove the artwork and dry out the surface – an operation which took hours and left the Nurburgring out of use to ‘tourist rides’ on Sunday.

No sense of humour the Germans...

And finally:

The smell of rosemary could boost your memory; the aroma of essential oil from the herb could improve memory in healthy adults, according to researchers from the University of Northumbria.
The smell may enhance the ability to remember events and to remember to complete tasks at particular times, they said.
A group of 66 people were given memory tests in either a rosemary-scented room or another room with no scent. Participants were tasked with various tests to assess their memory functions, including finding hidden objects and passing specified objects to researchers at a particular time.
The results, presented at the British Psychological Society's annual conference in Harrogate, showed that participants in the rosemary-scented room performed better on the prospective memory tasks than those in the room with no smell. what was it again......




Saturday, 30 March 2013

A strike: another strike: Debacle: another Debacle: Old farts house call: Rubbery bacon: and Lockheed’s quantum computer.

Late this non religious morn, took a couple of industrial strength painkillers to battle the elbow agony and zonked out for fourteen hours; the wevver is as usual-gargantuan amounts of lack of warm, gigantic amounts of lack of solar stuff, humungous amounts of lack of atmospheric movement and not a jot of skywater.

Those who are entrusted with the education of Blighty’s brats are allegedly going to press ahead with industrial action, despite a letter from the education secretary ruling out any retreat over changes to teachers’ pensions and performance pay.
Speaking at the beginning of the National Union of Teacher’s annual conference in Liverpool, general secretary Ms Blower said the union was not backing down.
"We are not rowing back from our position. We have put forward these reasonable demands and we want to talk to him about them," she said.
"Negotiation is about sitting across the table having an exchange and listening to people."

How about listening to the parents and children......


About 2,000 staff at Post Office Crown offices have gone on strike in a row over jobs, pay and closures.
Members of the Communication Workers Union have walked out at 370 sites in a dispute over proposals to close or franchise out 70 of the branches.

The union said the plans would affect hundreds of jobs and be a further blow for already struggling High Streets.

The Post Office said the union was ignoring "harsh realities", with the offices losing £40m a year.

Crown offices are Post Office branches directly managed by the company - as opposed to locally-run by sub-post offices - mainly based in major High Streets.

The Communication Workers Union (CWU) claimed that staff had not had a pay rise for two years.


Neither has anyone else....


Have admitted that they are no longer seeking to cut Britain’s benefits bill and is simply “managing” the increase in handouts.
The Secretary of the Dept of Witless Pillocks said that, unlike other European nations, the “reality is that this country is not cutting welfare”. He added that “all those on benefits will still see cash increases in every year of this Parliament”.
The Government’s Office for Budget Responsibility has shown that the total benefit bill will be almost £18billion higher in 2015-16 than in 2011-12 – the equivalent of about £1,000 for every household.
He was speaking ahead of the introduction of Universal Credit, which will begin to be rolled out next week and which will initially involve spending more on out-of-work benefits.


More than 4 million small companies have been told they can miss next month’s deadline for complying with the new Real Time Information (RTI) system, which will underpin the overhauled welfare rules.
Universal Credit will replace several existing benefits in a single welfare payment, and is intended to make sure that claimants are always better off in employment than out of work.
To ensure that work always pays more, Universal Credit payments will be adjusted regularly depending on how much claimants are earning in work. HM Revenue and Customs’ current PAYE system only tracks workers’ earnings on an annual basis.
Under the new RTI rules, employers should report wage payments to staff as soon as they are made – information that will then be used to adjust weekly welfare payments.
The Coalition this week admitted that the first pilot scheme for Universal Credit has been downgraded, meaning only one Job Centre will start accepting claims for the new benefit this month.

I see that “Plan A” is working well then....


An old folks’ bingo night descended into farce when two rival players had a punch-up.
Police were called as the OAPs in their late 60s traded blows after one accused the other of shouting “house” too early.
The crinkly clash stunned residents and staff ­gathered for the social evening in a community room of the council sheltered ­accommodation.
Officers were called by a housing official as the situation got out of hand.
One of the bingo battlers was given a warning by the council after the brawl at the home in Greasbrough, South Yorkshire.
Community policeman Simon Ellis said: “It was the first call of our evening shift and it’s definitely not the usual type of call we get.
“We spoke to both parties and gave them advice.
“We just said they can’t be acting like that. One of them will be getting a warning from the council. Staff didn’t want her arrested.”
A council spokeswoman said of the punch-up: “We have given one woman a tenancy warning about her future conduct.”

Dangerous game Bingo.....


A company has produced what they claim is the world's first bacon-flavoured condoms.
The savoury rubbers not only boast a meaty appearance but are said to taste like bacon and are coated in a bacon lubricant.

Seattle-based JD Foods say the product is for "a discerning bacon-lover that hates the smell of coconut and/or have always wanted to bring even more Bacon into the bedroom".

A statement from self-styled 'Bacontrepreneurs' Justin Esch and David Lefkow reads: "Truly the new standard of animal protein themed prophylactics Bacon Condoms are proudly made in America of the highest quality latex and rigorously tested to help ensure the utmost reliability and safety for when you're makin' Bacon.

"And as an added bonus, each Bacon Condom has been generously coated with J&D's baconlube? an ultra premium Bacon flavoured personal lubricant."

Johnny good?

And finally:

Lockheed Martin has gorn quantum, they have already bought an early version of the computer from the Canadian company D-Wave Systems two years ago —and  is apparently confident enough in the technology to upgrade it to commercial scale, becoming the first company to use quantum computing as part of its business.
Quantum computing is so much faster than traditional computing because of the unusual properties of particles at the smallest level. Instead of the precision of ones and zeros that have been used to represent data since the earliest days of computers, quantum computing relies on the fact that subatomic particles inhabit a range of states. Different relationships among the particles may coexist, as well. Those probable states can be narrowed to determine an optimal outcome among a near-infinitude of possibilities, which allows certain types of problems to be solved rapidly.

Super, smashing, quarks and stuff.....

And today’s thought:
No ‘Orses in this Chinese grub.

And don’t forget to time travel one hour into the future tonight.



Thursday, 3 September 2009

à sens unique- both ways, No arms no money, see yu Jonnie and No chance

You may have noticed a new link above this post, it is the Gosport War Memorial Cover up site, and they need support, so if you can go to the web page and get involved.

Sermon over.

Angus is getting old: Yesterday I ventured out to the “pet city” or whatever it is called nowadays to buy cat litter for the RFBC, I buy the very large 30litre bag which is made of woodpellets-green and easy to empty.

I staggered to the checkout and the very attractive young lady asked me “would you like a hand with that to the car sir?”, gobsmacked I nodded, and another very attractive young lady came over picked up the cat litter and preceded me out of the store to the car which was all of twenty feet away.

But there is an up side, I was quite happy to watch the very attractive young lady from behind, who then bent over to place said cat litter in the boot, I thanked her profusely, not just for the help but also because she really did have very attractive young buns.

I look forward to my next visit.

First up:

Two feuding mayors of neighbouring Paris suburbs took their spat to surreal lengths by each declaring the same street one-way, but in opposite directions.

On Monday, Patrick Balkany, the conservative mayor of Levallois-Perret, northwest of Paris, made the D909 one-way to cut the commuter traffic flowing through his district.

But Gilles Catoire, the Socialist mayor of neighbouring Clichy-la-Garenne, complained this increased congestion in his area.

So he declared his section of the road one-way, but in the opposite direction.

With the contradictory road-signs in place, the unsurprising result was commuter chaos, road rage and gridlock. Municipal and national police were called in to direct traffic away from the area.

"What Clichy has done is not a long-term solution, but it is a response to a unilateral decision by the town of Levallois," Clichy's deputy mayor, Alain Fournier said.

But Mr Balkany insisted: "The mayor of Clichy has taken a position that is unreasonable and is hurting his own constituents."

In a Solomonesque ruling yesterday, the governor, or prefect, of the Hauts-de-Seine departement decided that Mr Balkany was in the right.

Patrick Strzoda said that Levallois' plan was "coherent" and a study showed that there would be "no notable" rise in traffic in neighbouring towns.

Le Concorde or not as the case may be.

From over the pond in Miami: TAMPA, Florida - A Florida man born without arms says a Tampa bank would not let him cash a check because he couldn't provide a thumbprint.

Steve Valdez didn't have an account at a Bank of America location in downtown Tampa, where he tried to cash a check from his wife last week. However, Valdez has prosthetic arms and is unable to provide a thumbprint. He says he presented two forms of identification but was still denied.

He tells the St. Petersburg Times a bank manager told him he could either come back to the bank with his wife or open an account himself.

Bank of America spokeswoman Nicole Nastacie says the bank has apologized to Valdez. Nastacie says the bank should have "offered alternative requirements if an individual is not able to give a thumbprint."

Are they taking the piss or what?

Scottish men buy larger condoms than their counterparts south of the border.

Supermarket giant Tesco today reported that more of its extra-large condoms had been bought in Glasgow than anywhere else in the UK.The new condoms – 10mm longer and 1mm wider than the standard version – went on sale at Tesco earlier this month

And the retailer's sales map of its new condom – the first to be sold in the UK – showed most were sold in Glasgow.Edinburgh saw the seventh-highest sale figures in the UK, beating Sandhurst, Hatfield and Chester in a top 10 league.Strong sales were also recorded in Cambridge, Manchester, Cardiff and Bristol, Tesco said.Nicola Evans, Tesco's healthcare buyer, said: "Demand for extra-large condoms has been a success, especially in Scotland."In the last year there has been a very strong demand for a larger-sized condom and the sales prove that there is a market for them in the UK."At the moment they are on sale in 430 stores across the UK but we hope that they'll be on sale in more stores in the near future."The extra-large condoms, made by Durex, are sold in packs of 12 costing £9.53.The top 10 places for the extra-large condom sales are:

2. Cambridge
3. Manchester
4. Cardiff
5. New Malden
6. Bristol
7. Edinburgh
8. Hatfield
9. Chester
10. Sandhurst

And as Tesco would say “every little helps”

And finally:

The London-based Catholic Truth Society, are encouraging couples to say a special prayer together before having sex.

The specially-composed Prayer Before Making Love is aimed at 'purifying their intentions' so the act is not about selfishness or hedonism.

It appears in the 64-page Prayer Book for Spouses which has been published by the London-based Catholic Truth Society, reports the Daily Mail.

The prayer implores God 'to place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes'.

It adds: "Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will."

The group has close links to the Catholic Bishops' Conference of England and Wales.

The Rt Rev Paul Hendricks, who is the Auxiliary Bishop of Southwark and sits on the charity's board, said he thought the prayer's inclusion was 'brave but good'.

"I suppose it is a bit idealistic but it is recognising that God is at the heart of the marriage relationship between husband and wife," he said.

The book contains prayers for every stage of marriage and family life, including engagement, planning for parenthood, pregnancy and caring for children and elderly parents.

I suppose most men might say a prayer afterwards, but a prayer before is hardly my idea of foreplay.