Showing posts with label daft. Show all posts
Showing posts with label daft. Show all posts

Saturday, 17 January 2009


Bit happier now, and just to prove it a mish-mash of news, funny stories and facts you don’t want to know.


An Australian prison guard who was held hostage for two days by 20 prisoners was released for----15 Pizzas.

A New Zealand man who called police officers 'pigs' has been ordered to spend a day at a pig farm. The 22-year-old has also been ordered to write an essay about the difference between pigs and police officers.

That’s the Antipodes for you.

Ananova Truck drivers who are caught speeding in an Indian state are being made to hop like frogs.
Police in Bihar dish out the humiliating punishments instead of taking offenders to court
For the most popular punishment, leapfrog, speeding truck drivers have to sit on their haunches, hold their ears and hop for almost half a kilometre.
And the drivers are made to chant the name of the political leader they like most while they are being punished.
One policeman was quoted as saying: "If they remember their leader when they are being punished, it's like they are insulting them. If they have any sense, they won't do the offence again."

Wouldn’t work here, nobody likes any of the politicians, except the politicians.

And some news-from Ananova - News

An Australian Navy submarine commander is in trouble for suggesting women sailors wearing bikinis would boost recruitment. Commander Tom Phillips also revealed the submarine equivalent of the "mile-high club" is the "going down club". In an interview with men's magazine Ralph, he revealed the naval uniform works to "either pull a chick or get in a fight".

Apparently feminist groups are not too pleased, I don’t know why.

A US man had his gun confiscated after he accidentally shot a lavatory bowl in a restaurant toilet. The 26-year-old man's handgun went off while he was hitching up his pants, reports the Salt Lake Tribune. Police say the bullet shattered the toilet and sent sharp shards into the man's arm, which required hospital treatment nobody was badly hurt in the incident, in Centreville, Utah, but a woman in a neighbouring toilet complained of chest pains. Police confiscated the man's firearm, for which he had a permit.

That really is going off half-cocked.

Bungling German firemen have been branded the worst in the world after their own fire station burned to the ground.
All six fire engines perished in the £3 million blaze in Syke and it took 250 firemen from nearby towns to finally bring the inferno under control.
Investigators believe the fire fighters could have triggered the blaze themselves in a training exercise accident or that faulty wiring was to blame.
The weekend blaze was the second time the brigade has lost all its engines in a fire. The station was rebuilt in 1994 after being gutted by a fire.

Glad I don’t live in Syke.

You have to see the photo-Ananova - Skier's mishap causes exposure the man, who to his undoubted relief has not been identified, was left hanging upside down from a ski lift with his trousers around his knees.
He had boarded the high-speed lift in Vail's Blue Sky basin with a child but, unfortunately for him, the fold-down seat was not in the correct lowered-down position.
That caused the skier to slip through the resulting gap as he attempted to board the lift. He was prevented from plummeting to the ground below by his right ski, which became jammed in the ascending lift.

Oops-Ananova - England fans stranded in one way street Two English football fans in Cologne lost their car after mistakenly thinking they had parked it on a road called 'One Way Street'. The pair wrote down 'Einbahn Strasse' - which means one-way street in German - so they didn't forget where they'd left the hire car.
Well we do expect everything to be in English don’t we?

Did you know?

There are 92 known cases of nuclear bombs lost at sea.
Over 5 billion crayons are produced each year. (Well they have to have something to do in Parliament)

One in ten people live on an island (Think about it)

The Mathematical decimal system introduced in 4BC and it only took us 1981 years to catch up, we haven’t really because we still use imperial as well.

Can openers were invented 48 years after cans, cans were invented in 1810 by a Londoner, Peter Durand. American Ezra Warnet invented the can opener in 1858. The well-known wheel-style opener was invented in 1925. Beer in a can was launched in 1935. The easy open can lid was invented by Ermal Cleon Fraze in 1959.
It takes a can about 200 years to degrade if you bury it.

The Great Pyramid of Giza is the only one of the Seven Wonders of the World that still survives.

You can live without food for almost a month but survive no longer than a week without water. And 20% of all freshwater is in one lake, Lake Baikal in Asia.
There, doesn’t that feel better?

“Remember, anyone can juggle for a second”- John Alexandro King. (The covert comic)

Saturday, 13 December 2008


Is it Saturday or just me?

Maybe it’s just that the weeks over and my braincell needs a rest.

A mixture of “funny” pics, and other stuff.

“Funny” signs

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

On a plumber's truck:We repair what your husband fixed.

In front of a church:Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case

“Funny” Insurance claim forms

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

“Funny” Quotes

Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again. F. P. Jones

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. Benjamin Franklin

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. Spike Milligan

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. Rodney Dangerfield

From all over

The Perfect Scam - AustraliaAustralian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam: A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check. After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check. However, due to the name of the company, few people will present these checks to their banks. The name of the company:"The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company."

Creative Writing

A creative writing class at Slippery Rock University was asked to writea concise essay containing the following elements: Religion Royalty Sex Mystery.

The prize winner wrote:"My God," said the queen, "I am pregnant! I wonder who did it?"

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

And some Pics

That's it.


Sunday, 7 December 2008

Chickened Out

Still here, didn't go, too bloody cold, snow, frost and my ankle is agony.

I seem to have a Kamikhazee Cat, she hides, and then launches herself between my feet when I am walking-sprained an ankle.

We were going to have a Boys' day out, but we wimped it.

I don't mind saying that, I am in touch with my feminine side, and can accept the fact that I am not Macho.

But freezing your balls off doing "Man" things is not my idea of the perfect Sunday.

So I am going to sit at home in the warm.

And just to keep me company, here are some daft pictures.