Showing posts with label driving test. Show all posts
Showing posts with label driving test. Show all posts

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Barmy rights: Phil the Gaffe: U-Turn Cam defends foreign aid: Clamped Coppers: Fishy law: Evil Bob: and Testing danger.

Cold, dark and calm at the Castle this morn, the kitchen is empty of any sort of broken thingies, and the butler has had to throw a couple of fat teenagers into the furnace.
My Talk Talk connection is getting worse, it is now orf more than it is on, and when it is working it moves at the speed of justice.

I see that the Law is now worse than as Ass, it has become the horses’ todger.

A burglar has been freed early from jail – because keeping him locked up breaches the human rights of his children, judges ruled yesterday.
The Court of Appeal said making Wayne Bishop serve an eight-month sentence would damage the well-being of his five children because he is their sole carer.
In what is believed to be a first, the ruling sparked fears that thousands of criminals could now try to use the human rights of their family to avoid prison.
Bishop, 33, from Nottingham, was jailed for eight months in April after admitting burglary and dangerous driving.
But his legal team argued in the Court of Appeal yesterday that because he is the sole carer of his five children – aged between five and 13 – for five nights a week it was not in their "best interests" that he stay in prison.
His QC, Ian Wise, told Mr Justice Maddison and Mr Justice Sweeney that the Nottingham judge who sentenced him had not properly taken into account the effect on the children.

And arsehole “Wayne” didn’t take into account the effect on his children when he went out robbing other people.

The Torygraph has published ninety of his facial orifice gaffes, click on the link above if you have the time and inclination.
A snippet.
 53. "People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans." In 2000.


And U-Turn Cam is defending giving our money to foreigners.

Piss Poor Policies “Dave” launched an outspoken defence of the foreign aid budget yesterday, accusing his critics of advocating a policy of leaving the world’s poor to die.
The Prime Minister branded fellow leaders ‘a bunch of people in suits’ who break their promises on giving. ‘I’m not prepared to do that,’ he said.
He cited Live Aid in 1985, saying it had helped persuade him that the UK must keep pouring billions into the Third World.
Yesterday Dickhead Dave signed a deal at the G8 summit in Deauville in France to hand £110million of taxpayers’ cash to Egypt and Tunisia over four years.
But while world leaders pledged to give up to £12billion, most refused to make any specific promises of cash, despite private pleas from the Prime Minister.
The Mail revealed yesterday that Britain was the only country that came close to matching the targets made by world leaders at the Gleneagles summit in 2005.

I give up…..

Two police cars were clamped while royal protection officers sat inside during a visit by the Queen, police said yesterday.
The incident happened when the Queen made an unannounced visit to Portsmouth to have lunch on a luxury yacht on Wednesday.
The officers were sitting in their unmarked cars in private residents’ spaces at the Gunwharf Quays marina retail complex.

The clamper, Gareth Andrews, 37, of Fareham, Hampshire, was arrested and charged with wilfully obstructing a police constable in the execution of his duty.
He was also charged with contravening the Private Security Industry Act by not displaying the appropriate licensing badge.

Mike Eames, managing director of the parking enforcement company, denied the officers were in the cars when they were clamped.
‘A member of our staff immobilised two cars parked in private residents’ bays,’ he said. ‘A plainclothes police officer produced his warrant card and requested that both vehicles be released.
‘Our member of staff confirmed he would release the vehicles if the officer would provide confirmation that he was on duty. The officer declined and arrested our member of staff.
‘At no time did the police officer identify himself as a royal protection officer or make any mention of the Queen’s visit.
‘There were no officers in the vehicles during the incident and our member of staff was correctly displaying his licence.’

You decide who is telling porkies.

Bureaucrats have added insult to injury for a corn farmer south of Montreal whose fields have been damaged by near-record flooding.
Martin Reid says he's been forced to buy a fishing licence to remove carp that are swimming in a metre of water on his flooded-out fields.
He says he bought the permit to avoid the problems he faced the last time he was forced to remove fish from his flooded farmland. In 1993, Reid was fined $1,000 for illegal fishing.
"My father and I ... were charged by Fisheries and Oceans Canada," Reid recalled. "We were jointly responsible for having caused the death of fish for reasons other than sport fishing."
Reid says the fine will jump to $100,000 if he's cited a second time.
He's under strict orders to safeguard the lives of the carp once he begins to expel them. 

Oh do stop Carping on Martin.

Pig farmer Tem Sosa is giving away her pet border collie, Bob, for free and has made no qualms about the thieving, bad-tempered dog's wonky teeth and bad breath in her frank advert.
‘Evil Bob would love to find the perfect home as I have put up with him for nearly ten years and can’t take much more,’ she wrote on the second-hand sales website Preloved.
‘He is probably the worst dog you will ever meet. He started life as a failed mountain rescue dog – probably peed on the climber and stole their Kendal mint cake.
‘He has caused nothing but trouble here as he doesn’t fit in well with a large group of dogs.
‘He looks older than his years, has wonky teeth, bad breath and a bad attitude. He is terrified of cats, snaps at horses’ heels and nips pigs.
‘He should not be left unsupervised indoors as he steals food off the side, licks the cooker and pees at terrier height so as not to get the blame.’
Mrs Sosa did concede that Bob was not all bad: ‘His few good qualities are he travels quietly in the car and will lie under your desk at work all day,’ she added. 


And finally:

More than 300 learner drivers and examiners were injured during driving tests in Britain last year, figures reveal.
Five examiners suffered physical attacks and 209 reported being verbally abused as stress got the better of candidates, according to Driving Standards Agency statistics obtained by windscreen repair firm Autoglass.
There was even one death recorded, although it was the result of a heart attack which was not attributed to the test. 

That’s one way to keep the maniac’s orf the road.

And today’s thought: a Daft Old Fart got a call from a user. The user told him that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the Old Fart concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.

He told her to "Unplug the power cord and bring it here and I will fix it."

About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.
 You couldn’t make it up.


Saturday, 7 November 2009

Saturday Snippets

West Ham bonk; If at first; Numpty coppers; Rooting it out; and Runny flasher

BF6 last eve, no fireworks at all but tonight is the “official” display down the Manor Park which is guaranteed to make it pour with rain, but from my castle on the top of the hill I will be able to watch in comfort.

I see that Julie kirkbride wants to rescind her resignation over the expenses row and stand in the next election, makes you proud of MPs doesn’t it.


According to the guy that helped invent the mobile phone they are too complicated, took them long enough to find that out.

First up:

Commuters at West Ham station were shocked on Thursday night when, instead of the usual messages about delays, the sounds of a couple having sexual intercourse was broadcast over the tannoy.

Passengers at West Ham station in east London heard a couple's lovemaking antics being relayed over platform loudspeakers during the evening rush hour on Thursday.
"The noises heard by passengers were not from within our station. We believe they were a result of some sort of interference with our public address system," a spokesman for Transport for London said on Friday. "It certainly wasn't coming from our staff."

He said the station's public address system worked on radio waves and somebody must have been broadcasting on the same wavelength. He said staff had turned off the loudspeakers as soon as they realised what was going on.

But passengers had different interpretations.

"It was definitely a couple doing it there and then," Laura O'Connor told the London Evening Standard newspaper. "He was grunting loudly and she sounded like she was having a great time. The driver must have heard it, too, as the doors stayed open longer than usual."

Nice to see that someone got their ticket punched.

A South Korean woman is celebrating after passing the written exam for a driving licence - on her 950th attempt.

After four years of trying, 68-year-old Cha Sa-soon finally managed to secure the 60 out of 100 points needed to pass the test.

The grandmother has spent more than 5m won ($4,200, £2,600) on application fees for the test.

Now Mrs Cha, who lives in Jeonju, 130 miles (210km) south of Seoul, must pass the practical test to get on the road.

'Don't give up'
According to the Korean Driver's Licence Agency, the 50-minute written test consists of 50 multiple-choice questions on road regulations and car maintenance.

Mrs Cha had been trying to pass it since 13 April 2005, the Korea Times reported.

She wanted a licence so that she could use a vehicle to sell vegetables and other goods, the newspaper said.

And her determination to pass the test has made her well-known at the Jeonju centre.

"She is really famous here. Not only agency employees but even some test-takers know her. Her challenging spirit is really amazing," one official was quoted as saying.

Speaking in February - after her 775th failure - Mrs Cha had appeared undaunted.

"I believe you can achieve your goal if you persistently pursue it," she told Reuters news agency.

"So don't give up your dream, like me. Be strong and do your best."

So all she has to do now is pass the driving part of the test, about 2013 I reckon.

Police in North Wales are having to find £18,000 to refund motorists after issuing speeding tickets for people driving more than 30mph - in a 40mph zone.

Police in North Wales are having to find £18,000 to refund motorists after issuing speeding tickets for people driving more than 30mph - in a 40mph zone.

Officers had been targeting cars travelling through the village of Bala in Snowdonia in the 'Arrive Alive' campaign, reports the Daily Post.

They caught hundreds of drivers on the short stretch of road since the 'Arrive Alive' campaign was launched at the beginning of March.

North Wales Police Superintendent Simon Shaw admitted that police had wrongly believed the county council had changed the speed limit to 30mph in 1993.

"Following an enquiry by a member of the public, Gwynedd carried out a review of the relevant road traffic order and discovered the original road traffic order had not been revoked," he said.

"Consequently, despite a system of street lighting properly reflecting a 30mph speed limit the section of the road was still in fact the subject of a 40mph speed restriction."

Local politicians have criticised police for failing to notice the mistake sooner and warned "legal bungling" could lead to speeding problems.

Here is a test for the police, what is written on the road sign 30 or 40?

Baffled scientists are trying to get to the root of this astonishing plant dug out of the ground by a Chinese farmer.

The two foot tall root weighs in at a massive 12 lbs and bears an amazing resemblance to a boy in even the smallest detail.

The root comes from the Chinese knotweed plant, used by local healers as a natural laxative.

Farmer Zheng Dexun, 63, of Datianba, in southern China, said: "I was shocked that it was so large and is so clearly like a boy.

"It's bigger than my grandson. Scientists are looking at it now and will tell me how it came to be like this."

If his grandson looks like that he must live near a nuclear power station.

And finally:

A Florida flasher who allegedly exposed himself to two women explained to cops that his state of undress was due to an "explosive diarrhoea" incident.

Collier County deputies responded to a call on Monday that painter Todd Napodano, 42, stood up inside his white Chevrolet box-truck van in a Naples parking lot and "shook his hips" at the pair. Cops found him an hour later still naked and in "plain view" inside the vehicle.

In his defence, Napodano explained to officers his guts had exploded and he was "using his underwear to clean himself", as puts it.

However, the sheriff's report notes that "upon examining Napodano’s underwear, deputies found no evidence of uncontrolled bowels". He was cuffed and subsequently charged with indecent exposure.

You can see Napodano's arrest card right here.

Good try though.




Angus Dei politico

Saturday, 7 February 2009


The power of advertising

From The Telegraph Liverpool Street Station was brought to a standstill by 12,000 people copying the T-Mobile advert.

The event was organised on Facebook. The crowd, who were all listening to music through headphones, broke into dance at 7pm on Friday night in a scene which aped the advert which was filmed at the station last month.
The flash mob caused police to close the station for around 90 minutes due to fears of overcrowding.
Participants, some of whom had travelled hundreds of miles to take part, said the station was so packed that there was no room to dance.

Wonder if there were any sheepdogs present?

Two pints of milk and a joint please

A milkman delivered cannabis to pensioners on his rounds to help ease their "aches and pains", a court has heard.

His customers left him notes on the doorstep asking for the drug to be left with their daily pint. When his Ford Transit van was searched, officers found 15 wraps of cannabis, weighing 178 grams, stashed in egg crates. The Class B drug was divided into various different weights and had a street value of £450.

He was sentenced to 36 weeks in prison suspended for a year, the decision to spare Holding jail was an "act of mercy" because his wife had Alzheimer's and depended on his care.

Click on the link and take a look at the photograph and all will be revealed.

Oh S**T

A student has lost seven years of research after a bag containing 77 Kilos of rare butaan lizard excrement he had collected rom the rainforest in the Phillipines was thrown out.

"But to me it represented seven years of painstaking work searching the rainforest with a team of reformed poachers to find the faeces of one of the world's largest, rarest and most mysterious lizards.

"Its loss left me reeling and altered the course of my life forever." He said. The University has offered him 500 pounds in compensation and an apology, after the student lodged an official complaint about the loss.
But Bennett says this is not enough, and has vowed to "see them in court".
"Whether it was the largest collection of lizard sh** in the world is uncertain," he said.

It all sounds like a load of crap to me.

Try and try again, and again, and again, and again……

A South Korean grandmother has failed her driving test 771 times, police said Thursday, but a local newspaper reported she will keep trying.

The 68-year-old, identified only by her last name Cha, has taken the test almost every working day since 2005 in the south-western city of Jeonju. She failed again Monday for the 771st time.

Police estimate she has spent almost five million won (3,600 dollars) to take the written test, with each test costing 6,000 won in addition to other expenses.

I have absolutely no comment.

Here are some strange newspaper articles.

And finally.

Our beloved leader the one ey…perhaps not, has managed to do it again, the national flag was displayed upside-down at a ceremony with visiting Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao.

Even worse, observers note teasingly that the gaffe reflects his current political woes, since traditionally flying the flag upside-down on a ship signifies that it is in distress.
The red white and blue flag, commonly known as the Union Jack, was proudly in place at a ceremony to sign a business deal in Brown's Downing Street office on Monday.

But eagle-eyed observers noted that the flag was mistakenly attached upside-down on the wooden stick, placed on the table in front of Business Secretary Peter Mandelson.

Mike Kearsley, director general of the Flag Institute said "I'm surprised that people of the calibre of Mandelson and the prime minister could allow such as mistake.”

I’m not!

Vir sapit qui pauca loquitur. (It is a wise man who speaks little.)


Angus Dei politico