Showing posts with label france. Show all posts
Showing posts with label france. Show all posts

Monday, 7 May 2012

Focus, delivery and hard work: Up your salary: Bad idea Dahn Unda: Spanish Hiriko: Kawatta Bukken: and Electric bollocks.

There is a large, hot shiny thing in the sky at the Castle this morn, not sure what it is but I am sure it will go away before long, orf to Tesco on the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run later, the arm is OKish, and the worst things about only being able to use one upper limb were-having a wash, shaving, washing up and sorting out the rear exit... 

U-Turn Cam has decided that he will not move to the right or left and is sceptical of those who think the answers to the problems can be found in what he calls "loud ideologies", and that focus, delivery and hard work is the cure for all of Blighty’s ills.
On Wednesday, what is laughingly known as “the Government” will outline its agenda for the next year in the Queen's Speech, as it tries to regain the initiative after both the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats suffered heavy losses in local elections
The Tories lost 405 council seats in Thursday's poll, while their coalition partners lost 336.
In his Telegraph article, Mr Cameron writes: "The message people are sending is this: focus on what matters, deliver what you promise - and prove yourself in the process. I get it."

So that’s nil for three then....

Whist we are struggling with the lack of money and services it seems that according to research average salaries rose by more than £1,000 for thousands of directors and executives at local authorities and NHS trusts in 2010-11.
The highest paid NHS trust chief executive was Jan Filochowski, at West Hertfordshire Hospitals trust, who received £282,500 including a bonus for the previous year.
Among local authorities, Joanna Killian was paid the most, with £239,000 to run Essex County Council and Brentwood Borough Councils.
IDS examined the salaries of thousands of executives classed as "tier 1" because they are on the boards of councils, and those of the assistants and deputies working for them, classed as "tier 2".
The analysis found that those in tier 1, earning up to £200,000, saw pay rise on average by 1.3 per cent – an increase of £1,400 on their typical salary.
Thousands more assistants and deputies were paid up to £180,000 after salaries rose by an average of 1.8 per cent, a rise of £1,341 on the average salary for the group.
The highest paid was Peter Lewis, who received £200,000 as director of children and young people's services at Haringey Council, in north London, in 2010-11 after being hired the previous year, in the wake of the scandal over Baby P.
Next was Stuart Smith, director of children and young people's services at Liverpool City Council, paid £198,568 in 2010-11, as well as a payment of £147,000 when he was made redundant. Mr Smith saw his basic pay rise by 23 per cent in 2010-11, after the council axed bonuses for most of its executive team.
The findings show that while the highest earnings were for those running children's services, directors of environmental services were paid up to £187,000, while heads of corporate services received up to £178,000.
Eric Pickles, Local Government and Communities Secretary, said that despite the Coalition's efforts, too many executives remained on "unacceptable bumper pay packets" and should be taking cuts to their salary.

Nice to know that “we are all still in this together”, so get orf your big fat arse Pickles and do something about it......

There is a plan afoot by mining billionaire Clive Palmer, one of Australia's richest men   to build a 21st Century version of the Titanic.
The plan, he added, was for the vessel to be as similar as possible to the original Titanic in design and specifications, but with modern technology.
The new vessel is scheduled to sail from London to New York in late 2016, if all goes as planned.

Bet that gets an icy reception....

Spain welcomes the Hiriko electric two-seater which is just 100 inches long (about the size of a Smart).
It can fold itself up into itself so that when parked, it is only 60 inches long. Since that is the width of a typical car, three of these tiny urban EVs could conceivably fit into a parking spot.
The Hiriko will be available to hire and also be sold for around $16,350, according to reports.
And the car’s robotic wheels have the ability to tilt, such that the car can spin around its own centre.

And disappear up its own battery with a bit of luck...

Some dopy sod with a radiation laden brain cell has come up with a range of odd-shaped homes for adventurous individuals.
Apparently these odd properties — known as “kawatta bukken” in Japanese — were designed to meet the demands of people who want to live in modern abodes, or just something different.
The different properties available include an egg-shaped house, which is located in Tokyo. An advertisement states that it is “from another dimension.”

If you want to get an experience that is really out of this world, try renting a narrow rocket-shaped house in Tokyo.

Or you can rent this house, located in Nagano Prefecture, which is advertised as the house of a James Bond villain. 
Sadly the reception from the market is cold. 

Can’t think why…

And finally:

A 53-year-old man has survived being struck by lightning in the scrotum while walking down a street in Madrid.
According to Spain's El Mondo newspaper, the unnamed man lost consciousness after being struck by lightning in the groin on Thursday night, with the bolt travelling down his leg and striking the ground.
His son called paramedics who later treated him for burns to the scrotum and feet at the scene in Madrid's suburb Tres Cantos.
He was then taken to Madrid’s Hospital de la Paz where tests showed his heart and brain functions were not affected by the lightning strike.
The man is said to be in a stable condition in hospital.

His balls are cooling dahn in the fridge....

And today’s thought:

French politics.


Monday, 24 August 2009

Big Buzzy French things, Big noisy French air guitars, French Gnome Nicker, French Jokes and dire que?

You may notice a theme to today’s post this is purely coincidental, and is no way a slur on the French, the French way of life, French insects or French gnomes, no French people, French animals, French garden ornaments or invisible French guitars were harmed during research for this blog.

I have many friends in France, mind you they are either British or American.
Some people may be offended by the material below, if you are don’t read it.

Tomorrow I might insult another country, but they don’t own my water supply company.

Having said that:

First up:

Tourists are being warned to steer clear of Asian hornets that are colonising France, after swarms of the aggressive predators attacked seven people.

The bee-eating hornets, instantly recognisable by their yellow feet, are rapidly spreading round France and entomologists fear that they will eventually cross the Channel and arrive in Britain.

Hundreds of the insects attacked a mother on a stroll with her five-month-old baby in the Lot-et-Garonne department, southwestern France, at the weekend before turning on a neighbour who ran over to help. The baby was unharmed.

They then pursued two passers by and two Dutch tourists on bikes. The victims were treated in hospital for multiple stings, which are said to be as painful as a hot nail piercing the skin.

In the same week, a cleaner in local primary school came under attack after disturbing a hornet nest hidden in the ground.

The Vespa velutina, which grow up to an inch in length, is thought to have arrived in France from the Far East in a consignment of Chinese pottery in late 2004.

They first settled in the forests of Aquitaine, but quickly fanned out to surrounding areas, thriving on rising temperatures linked to global warming and the lack of indigenous predators.

Yeah, like I am going to get close enough to see if the little buggers have yellow feet.

Frenchman Sylvain Quimene has won the 2009 Air Guitar World Championships after wowing judges with his acrobatic dance routines and outrageous outfits, the event's organisers in Finland said.

Parisian Quimene, who performs under the stage name of Gunther Love, took first place in the competition in Oulu, northern Finland late on Friday evening (local time).

The 28-year-old clad in a skin-tight golden leotard, impressed judges with his imaginary guitar solos and backflip moves.

Although the United States may have given the world rock and roll, the country's air guitar heroes were no match for the French flair of Quimene.

He picked up 35.1 points and beat off tough competition from last year's winner, American Craig "Hot Lixx Hulahan" Billmeier.

Billmeier and his compatriot Andrew "William Ocean" Litz finished in joint second place behind Quimene with 24.8 points.

Air guitarists taking part in the competition had to perform a 60-second song of their own choice - by pretending to play rock or heavy metal without an actual instrument.

A jury then awarded marks to each performer based on the choice of music, stage presence,
technical merit and artistic impression.#

Great, winning a contest for non existent musical instruments must really boost your moral.

Police in Brittany have arrested a 53-year-old man accused of stealing 170 garden gnomes and other ornaments, Der Spiegel reports—to the surprise of the many who figured the Garden Gnome Liberation Front was behind it.

The entire stash was squeezed into the man's 215-square-foot garden, a sight police described as "a real mise en scène on green-painted stones." Local residents eager to get their pilfered pixies back have flooded the authorities with calls, but the accused thief apparently repainted some of the ornaments beyond recognition, meaning the reunification of gnome with garden might have to wait.

Here today Gnome tomorrow.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? A: Nobody knows. It's never been tried. ---Missouri Republican Rep. Roy Blunt

Q: Why are there so many tree-lined boulevards in France?
A: Germans like to march in the shade.
Q: Then why are the French chopping down the trees now?
A: The Arabs like to march in the sun.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish" says the genie.

The Welshman says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Wales."

With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in Wales was forever made fertile for farming.

The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country. Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France.

The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

MONTREAL – In Lara Croft's latest action adventure, part of the wildly popular Tomb Raider video game series, the lithe heroine can demand of her evil doppelganger either, "What the hell are you?" or, "Qu'est-ce que tu es, exactement?"

And that's exactly the way Quebec wants it, from now on. French language rules on video games come into force today prohibiting the sale of new English-only video games in Quebec if a French version is available.

It's causing a lot of consternation among retailers and gamers alike, who fear the rules will lead to delays in video games arriving in the province, and may not accomplish what the law intends, which is to promote and protect the French language.

Ronnie Rondeau, co-owner of the eight Game Buzz stores around Montreal, said he even fears bankruptcy.

"I'm afraid it's going to cost me my business," Rondeau said. "If it really was going to make a difference, I'd be for it, but only a small number of people want to play in French. The rest don't care.

"And money-wise, it's going to hurt."

Toutikian, who said he has friends who learned English playing video games, added, "I don't think it will encourage people to buy the French version."

In the past, technical aspects, such as different game console versions sold in North America versus Europe, prevented even games released in France from appearing in Quebec. The result was that Quebec had mostly English games available.

The gaming industry adopted deadlines to comply with the province's language charter and the "language police," the Office québécois de la langue française.

OK, Ok, I know the last one isn’t about France; do you have any idea how hard it is to defame a country?




Angus Dei politico

Thursday, 14 May 2009

Avez-vous ‘otpot

I kid you not, Blackpool even have a French language website in their bid to attract les visiteurs de France.

I am not knocking Blackpool, I went there once……….

A “light” at the end of the tunnel for smokers: British pub finds smoking ban loophole the landlady of a British pub has exploited a loophole in the country's smoking ban by opening a "smoking research centre" where drinkers can light up legally, reports said Wednesday.

Locals at the Cutting Edge pub in Barnsley, northern England, must fill in a questionnaire on their smoking habits to satisfy legal requirements before sitting down for a drink and a cigarette in the centre.

England and Wales introduced a ban on smoking in enclosed public places in 2007, contributing to tumbling beer sales which have forced over 2,000 pubs to close in the last year, according to the British Beer And Pub Association.

The Cutting Edge's landlady Kerry Fenton opened the centre, which is a separate room in her pub, five days ago.

"It's given business a shot in the arm and it's all in the name of research, legal and above board," she told the Sun newspaper. "I'm a non-smoker but I believe in the freedom of the individual."

The loophole in the law was discovered by pub regular James Martin, a 40-year-old printer. The local council told the paper it intended to enforce the smoking ban at the pub.

Well it was worth a try.

Don’t forget to check the toilet BEFORE you sit down Taiwanese rat snake bites Taiwanese trouser snake A Taiwanese man is recovering in hospital after a snake sank its fangs into his todger as he sat down on the toilet at his rural home, Reuters reports.

The unnamed 51-year-old Nantou County victim suffered "minor injuries" to his wedding tackle during the attack.

The China Times explains: "As soon as he sat down, he suddenly felt a knife-like pain and reacted instinctively by standing up. When he looked down, he saw the big snake."*

Reuters helpfully notes that slippery customers "regularly enter rural homes in Taiwan and other sub-tropical regions of Asia". Mercifully for the victim in this case, rat snakes (genus Elaphe) are non-venomous, but will "strike from an upreared position" if threatened, as Encyclopædia Britannica explains.

Of course, there are still health risks attached to having a rat snake chew on your trouser snake. The director of the hospital treating the unfortunate chap said: "As soon as he has passed the risk of infection, he can go. A snake's mouth isn't always clean."


*We resisted it, and so can you. The first person to make the "When he looked down, he saw the big snake... and then he saw the reptile too" gag will be banned from El Reg for a month.

And back to Todgers: Jamaica cracks down on 'daggering' after broken todger upswing • The Register Jamaican doctors have warned of the dangers of daggering, after being presented with a forest of fractured penises over the last year.
According to reports, daggering appears to be either a bizarre sexual practice or a music and dance craze. Or possibly both at the same time, if these videos are any thing to go by.

Either way, the practice is threatening to undermine the manhood of the island nation.
The Sun reports that Doctors have seen a trebling of cases of broken penises in the last year, which they are attributing to rough intercourse. They warn the condition can result in permanent damage.

A doctor at Kingston Public Hospital told the paper that “During very rigorous intercourse the man can hit the woman’s pubic bone and sustain a fracture. There is a loud popping sound, excruciating pain and swelling.”

Fully dressed, dance style daggering can be equally dangerous, with the Jamaica Star reporting the case of one 34 year old dance-goer who "decided to follow the instructions of the selector and 'dagger' the nearest female."

The man's putative partner didn't care to dance, and bit his bottom lip to make her point.

As he told the paper, she declined to release him once she had a grip: "Mi deh a Chubby Dread memorial, rouna Southside and di selector seh mi mus hold har. So mi start dagger and she jus spin roun an bite mi. Mi bawl out fi di people dem hear mi. Di people dem seh mi mus hold on pan her, but she neva waan let mi go."

The would-be daggerer says he will only dagger with permission in future.

Well that’s alright then.

And finally:

What recession? Sheikh pays £250,000 for Household Cavalry to fly to Abu Dhabi - Telegraph Sheikh Mansoor Bin Zayed Al Nahyan, who is one of the richest men in the world, has arranged for a specially adapted Boeing 747 to take the horses to the Middle East.

On arrival, the mounts will be transferred to air-conditioned stables, with a team of staff to pamper them.

Meanwhile, the soldiers will fly business class and stay at one of the country's finest hotels, at the sheikh's expense.

Household Cavalry spokesman Captain Michael Fry told the Daily Mail: "It looks like the horses are going to get better treatment than we will."

The Musical Ride has been a part of the public face of the Household Cavalry for many years, first performing at The Royal Tournament in 1882.

Their performances comprise a series of cavalry drill movements set to music.
The team, based at the Household Cavalry barracks in Hyde Park, take part in all state occasions, such as Trooping the Colour and shows across Britain.

But their trip to Abu Dhabi will be the first time they have travelled outside Europe.
The trip was approved by senior Army officers because it is considered an opportunity to strengthen links between Britain and the UAE.

It is understood that Sheikh Mansoor, who owns 52 racehorses and is an accomplished rider himself, has not paid for the Household Cavalry's services.

However, he has offered to cover the costs of the trip, and to make a contribution to the Household Cavalry Museum.

Captain Fry added: "Essentially none of it would be possible without the extraordinary generosity of the sheikh.

"It is an unbelievable opportunity for the team and we looking forward to it immensely."

Sheikh Mansoor is the brother of the ruler of Abu Dhabi, the biggest of the United Arab Emirates, whose family fortune is estimated at about £555 billion.

Last year he spent £210 million on Manchester City football club.

Nice work if you can get it:

The only thing bad about a holiday is it is followed by a non-holiday” Anon


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