Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts

Thursday, 30 January 2014

Level Lateness; "L" of a Parrot; Blow up Bovines; and How not to cure Vertigo.

Piss poor day at the Castle this morn, even more skywater, less atmospheric movement, even less lack of cold and sod all solar stuff.

Just returned from the stale bread substitute, gruel and his Maj's food run dahn Tesco, prices are still yo-yoing faster than the Millionaires Club Sideboard changes what is laughingly called its mind, the internet robots seem to have been cloned into many, many arseholes, and they still only have two tills working.

The good news is that the plums have now returned to "normal", I can now sit and even cross my legs, walk loads of yardy things and have a lot more energy, the old blood sugar levels have gorn dahn to around 4.5 and stayed there for quite a few days.


After almost forty days of wet stuff the Gov has finally got orf its collective arse and is allegedly going to send what is left of  the army (all seven of them) to "sort out" the floods by sending in amphibious vehicles.

Oh joy, let's hope they are not the same as the ones in London...



Apparently a learner driver has had her motor seized by the plod after being caught driving on the M62 accompanied only by a parrot.

The woman, in her 50s, was pulled over on suspicion of speeding near junction 22 of the M62 in West Yorkshire on Sunday morning but officers discovered she only had a provisional licence.

Provisional licence holders are banned from driving on motorways and are only allowed to drive at all when accompanied by a qualified driver.

Apart from the driver herself, the only passenger found by police when they stopped the 4x4 around 8.45am on Sunday morning was a grey parrot.

A spokesman for West Yorkshire Police said the vehicle had been confiscated and the driver is expected to be charged with motor offences including speeding at a later date.


What a knob head...she should have made sure Polly had a full licence....



A herd of dairy cows nearly lifted the roof off their barn in central Germany when methane released by the animals caused an explosion.

Police in Hesse state said in a statement that a static electric charge apparently triggered the detonation, and a spurt of flame, on Monday at a farm in Rasdorf.

The roof was slightly damaged and one cow suffered light burns - no-one was hurt. 

Police say 90 cows are kept in the shed and it wasn't clear why quantities of methane had built up.

Bovine belching and flatulence releases large quantities of the gas.



A video has been posted online of a woman trying to cure her fear of heights by walking around the top of a 110m chimney stack.

The 37 second clip, shot in Prague, Czech Republic, shows the woman walking along with a man in strong winds.

It has notched up more than 163,000 hits on LiveLeak where it was described as a "cure for acrophobia".

One confused viewer commented: "How would this help someone with their fear of spiders?"




That's it: I'm orf to Test out a "Monopole" (And no that isn't a single man from Poland).

And today's thought:



Monday, 22 August 2011

A tentative post: U-Turn Cam goes West: Revenge of the white van: Hobbit holiday: Falcon faux pas: and Lost for words:

Nice at the Castle this morn, sunny, calm and warm, still in a bit of pain, still itchy, still a bit “dopy”, had half an hour sitting in the garden yesterday.

Just got back from the stale bread, gruel and pussy food run down at the “new revamped” Tesco-can’t find a bloody thing, there seems no logic to the layout and it took me twice as long even though “they” gave me a map.

Word seems to have gotten about that I am up and about, the queue of users wanting a fix at the portcullis reaches down to the bollards, and you don’t want a group of people standing around your bollards in my condition.

I see that after saving Blighty from the rioters U-Turn Cam has buggered orf   to Cornwall for yet another break.

Some of can’t afford one holiday a year. Let alone four....

An £120,000 Ferrari 360 Spider has been sunk by a white van, the convertible had been parked at the water’s edge while the driver enjoyed a meal at a restaurant.

The incident, on the Croatian holiday island of Pag, was photographed by Tibor Szirovicza, 29, who had little sympathy for the sports car’s owner.

‘The Ferrari guy was a Slovenian tourist who had been harassing people in his car by making a lot of noise,’ he said.

‘It was like he was driving around purposely trying to wake up tourists with his fancy Ferrari.’

Bloody Slovenians, going over there in their sports cars waking people up.....

Lord of The Rings fans can now splash out on a stay in an underground hobbit hotel.

The small and cosy guest house in a secluded valley in north-west Montana, US, has been created to look just like Middle Earth.

Tolkien fan Steve Michaels and wife Christine built the Hobbit House of Montana at a cost of just £250,000.

It replicates the exterior of the Baggins' quaint place of residence - as described in Tolkien's novels.

It features a host of accommodation burrowed into the hillside including a tree-stump shaped troll house, several round door hobbit houses and also some fairy houses.

Inside the lodgings offer an impressive collection of modern comforts including a HD Blu-Ray TV, WiFi access, XM Radio and a human-sized kitchen, all starting at £149 a night.

 Wonder if U-Turn Cam has booked it for Crimbo?

The Pentagon's hypersonic plane has gone missing-again.

A test flight of the Falcon HTV-2, a hypersonic plane capable of reaching speeds roughly 20 times the speed of sound, ended unexpectedly early on Thursday when ground controllers lost contact with the arrowhead-shaped plane less than half an hour after it took to the skies.

Launched at 7:45 a.m. Pacific Time from the Vandenberg Air Force Base, northwest of Santa Barbara, the aircraft soared to the upper reaches of the atmosphere aboard an eight-story Minotaur IV rocket, before being unleashed from its protective cover atop the rocket.

Embarrassingly, it is the second Falcon the US military has lost. An HTV-2 flown last year returned about nine minutes of data before contact was lost.

Should have put sat nav in it.

And finally:

The days of taking a charabanc to the aerodrome are gone forever, according to dictionary compilers.

The words, which conjure up images of the golden age of travel, are among dozens which have become extinct in the past year, according to experts compiling the next Collins Dictionary.

Other words on the list include wittol, meaning a man who tolerates his wife's unfaithfulness and which appeared in the One Thousand and One Nights tales of Arabian folklore translated into English in the early 18th century. However, it has not been much used since the 1940s.

The terms drysalter, a dealer in certain chemical products and foods, and alienism, the study and treatment of mental illness, have also faded from use.

Some of the vanished words are old-fashioned modes of transport such as the cyclogiro, a type of aircraft propelled by rotating blades, and charabanc.

The stauroscope, an optical instrument for studying the crystal structure of minerals under polarised light, is also no longer used. 

Wonder if they still have adnascentia, bumposopher, citharize and weequashing?

That’s it: I’m orf for a bag of Brain Chips. 

And today’s thought: Ever had amnesia and déjà vu at the same time . . . I think I've forgotten this before.


Sunday, 29 May 2011

15 Years on a database: U-Turn Cam-orf to Ibiza: Mouse racing: Washing machine murder: Leerkats: Old Farts in the driving seat: and Animal rescues.

Usual at the Castle this morn, coldish, darkish and windyish, after the sky water the lawn is a nice green/brown mixture and the roses have exploded into bloom. 

Always knew that salad was bad for you.

The Piss Poor Policies Coalition Millionaires Club has defended plans to keep the personal data of passengers flying between the US and UK for 15 years.
Despite coming to power with a pledge to destroy the database state and enhance people's protection from state intrusion, the government has pushed hard for comprehensive data collection from European and American passengers.

 U-Turn Cam does it again.

And staying with U-Turn Cam, his coat hanger and brood are orf to Ibiza for a week, taking advantage of the parliamentary recess; the Cameron’s flew by easyJet from Stansted for their first family holiday since the birth of Florence last August.
Coat hanger Cameron travelled with their baby daughter on Friday, while her husband flew out with their elder children – Nancy, 7, and Arthur, 5 – yesterday morning.
It is understood that coat hanger Cameron attended the International Music Summit – the annual event for the dance music industry dubbed the "Davos for DJs" – at Dalt Villa overlooking Ibiza Town, partying until midnight on Friday. The Cameron’s are visiting friends who live in Ibiza. Although Mrs U-Turn Cam is a long-time friend of Mick Jagger's daughter Jade, who has a luxury villa on the island, sources declined to confirm that this was where the family were staying. 

Nice to be able to afford a holiday…

Officers raided the Bucktail Lodge last week in search of code violations and to shut down the Mouse racing den.
The sleepy country bar was also cited for several health violations from the on-site rodents, old food and trash in the building's basement.
When the mice aren't competing, they are adored as pets in the family's apartment above the bar.
"It's not like they are getting ate, 'If you're a loser you die.' It's not like that," said Beach.
For now, the races are on hold, but the mice racers said they will be in court to fight for the right to their rodent-race night. They said the incident makes it clear that the local police have little to do.
"There's no meth heads or makers around here, you just gotta mess with the mouse racers," said Beach.

 Sounds like rodent racing is orf.

Dahn in Florida, a woman allegedly flooded her home when she fired a rifle at a target inside her husband's wardrobe, missed and hit the washing machine instead.
Deputies entered the home in Hesperia, St Lucie County, to find "a lot of water on the floor covering most of the residence", according to Sheriff's Office records.
The 21-year-old woman and her husband, 33, are divorcing but had spent an evening together in hope of a reconciliation, reports WPTV.
They had a "good evening" but later started arguing when she told her husband she had a new boyfriend. She said her husband "went crazy" and started shooting indoors.
However, the woman later told deputies she had been shooting the AR-15 rifle with her husband. Asked to write a sworn statement, she allegedly said: "I'll try my best but I'm drunk."
The man told deputies he and his wife had been firing the gun at a target in a bedroom closet and his wife missed a shot while he was outside and struck the washing machine.
Investigators found cartridge casings in the master bedroom, and a target in the wardrobe. Bullet exit holes were found in the wall opposite the washing machine which was riddled with bullet holes.
Deputies said no charges have been filed and the investigation is ongoing.

All washed up then….

Meerkats at a new enclosure at Longleat Safari Park have developed a fetish for women's sandals and painted nails – and have even been sneakily peering up visitors' skirts.
The creatures seem to be enjoying their new enclosure in Jungle Kingdom – an enclosure into which visitors can enter and walk among the Meerkats – but their foot fascination has forced staff to put up warning signs about their keen interest in feet.
Keepers have been kept on their toes and have been on alert over the past week, watching out for the 19 adventurous 'Leerkats'.
Keeper Catriona Carr said: 'We've had to keep an eye on anybody wearing sandals or flip-flops, especially if they have painted toenails.
'They seem to be more attracted to reds and blues for some reason. We're not entirely sure what it is about the feet. It might be the bright colours of the footwear and toenails, the movement of the toes or even the smell. 

I blame the government….

With more of its customers now falling into the over-65 age bracket, it says it makes "good business sense" to focus on the health of its drivers.
Six small sensors fitted into the back of the seat trace the heart's rhythm in the same way as an ECG.
If a problem is spotted the car could alert the driver and even bring itself to a halt.
And vital information could be sent to medical centres via the driver's mobile phone.
Ford believes its seat, which it says needs another couple of years of road-testing, could reduce the number of accidents caused by heart attacks at the wheel.
With 23% of Europe's population expected to be 65 or older by 2025, and 30% by 2050, the number of drivers at risk of heart attacks is likely to rise considerably in the coming decades. 

No more looking at young ladies in short skirts then….

 And finally: 

Fire services have spent at least £3.5m rescuing animals in the past three years including a snail, a cow and a lost duckling.
Firemen helped 17,000 animals over the period, and only four of Britain's 56 fire services have passed on the cost of the rescue to the owners.
The figures were uncovered by a Freedom of Information request for BBC Radio 4's You and Yours programme.
A crew of nine with ladders and nets rescued a cat that had been stuck 60ft up a tree near Weston-Super-Mare, Somerset, for three days.
In total more than 2,400 cats, 2,180 dogs and 1,700 horses have had to be rescued by firemen. Crews saved 2,090 birds, including 1,244 seagulls, 159 pigeons, 57 swans and 12 parrots.
Twenty-six foxes, 19 squirrels, seven ferrets, seven badgers, ten hamsters, 15 snakes, 11 fish and seven dolphins were also rescued.
The Taxpayers' Alliance questioned the use of resources, but the Chief Fire Officers Association (CFOA) insisted distressed animals could pose a danger.
Twenty-five fire services supplied the programme with figures detailing their total costs for rescuing animals.
Of those, Northern Ireland spent the most with £813,485, Devon and Somerset came second, spending £561,912.

We do pay for the service, and if they aren’t fighting fires it must be good practice, well apart from the snail….

 And today’s thought: "Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self". - Cyril Connolly.