Showing posts with label make up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label make up. Show all posts

Friday, 2 October 2009

Cosmetic crashes; Ooops; Ignobel awards; and Blue means green

Can’t seem to get going today, personally I blame the Government, and talking of the same what is going on with this Lisbon treaty thing?

Is this the new kind of politics where if the “powers that be” don’t get the result they want they have another vote?

Will it happen here after the next election when the losers decide that we should have a second election because they didn’t like the outcome of the first?

Europe is embedded in our lives, do we need more interference, more inane laws, maybe we should change the name of the UK to the EUK, which is what our lives will be like if the Lisbon treaty is ratified.

Moan over.

First up:

Nearly half a million road accidents a year are caused by women drivers applying make-up behind the wheel, a new survey discloses.

Around on fifth of female motorists confess they have touched up their mascara on the move – equivalent to 2.7 million of Britain's 15 million women drivers.

Three per cent admitted causing a collision when distracted by applying cosmetics.

The poll of 4,000 women drivers by women's motor insurer Diamond comes a year after the introduction of a new offence of causing death by careless driving which carries a prison sentence of up to two years.

Young women, aged between 17 and 21, were found to be the most likely to put beauty before safety and most liable to crash their car as a result.

Twenty-seven per cent confessed to putting on make-up and nine per cent of those aged 18 or younger have had a crash while doing so – three times the average.

No comment.

A group of elite SAS-style commandos has apologised after blowing up the wrong house in a training exercise.

The squad - from Sweden's K3 cavalry division - were supposed to attack an unoccupied home bought by the military for attack drills.

Instead they launched a terrifying night assault on another home 200 yards away from their target in Rojdafors, Sweden.

"They were extremely lucky that the couple who own the property were out or they could have been killed," said one neighbour.

The troops blew out both front and back doors and every single window before they realised their mistake.

The K3 unit is considered the most deadly strike force in Sweden and likes to compare itself to the SAS and America's SEALs.

An army spokesman said: "We've already cleaned up after ourselves and we have, of course, contacted the owner. There's no hard feelings between us."

Yeah right, Numptys

The IgNobels - a play on the name of the Nobel prizes awarded every October from Stockholm and Oslo - are given out by the Harvard-based humour magazine Annals of Improbable Research.

Prizes also went to Zimbabwe for issuing banknotes that ranged in value from one Zimbabwean cent to 100 trillion Zimbabwean dollars, to Mexican scientists who made diamonds out of tequila, and to the leaders of four Icelandic banks that suffered spectacular collapses.

The Public Health prize went to Elena Bodnar of Hinsdale, Illinois and colleagues who designed and patented a bra that can be quickly converted into a pair of gas masks, one for the brassiere wearer and one to be given to some needy bystander.

Ireland's police won the literature prize for writing more than 50 traffic tickets to a frequent visitor and speeder named Prawo Jazdy. In Polish, this means "driver's licence".

Pathologist Stephan Bolliger and colleagues at the University of Bern in Switzerland won for a study they did to determine whether an empty beer bottle does more or less damage to the human skull than a full one in a bar fight.

Donald Unger of California was honoured for a lifelong experiment in which he cracked the knuckles of his left hand but never his right for more than 60 years to prove that cracking your knuckles does not cause arthritis.

Other winners included farmers who showed that naming your cows makes them give more milk, researchers who used panda droppings to break down household trash, and a scientist who calculated why pregnant women do not fall over.

Shouldn’t the magazine be called “The anals of Improbable Research.”?

And finally:

No it’s true, People living in blue houses are more successful than those living in homes painted any other colour, according to a new survey.

The average professional living in a blue-painted house earns an impressive £38,000-a year and drives an Audi TT to work.

They take 27 days annual leave a year and treat themselves to at least two holidays abroad to exotic locations such as Barbados or the Maldives.

The poll, conducted by Sandtex Paints of 3,000 home owners, reveals that 23 per cent of people in blue houses have already worked their way up to Director level at work.

A further 31 per cent are proud to call themselves 'manager' or a job title of similar status.

And most of these professionals have at least three members of staff working beneath them.

Blue home owners will have already achieved two significant promotions to date in their high-flying career.

And if they haven't chosen the legal route, 11 per cent are likely to work in the health service or nine per cent in education.

In addition to maintaining a successful career, people living in a blue house even do well on a personal level.

The average blue homeowner is in a long-term relationship, has two children and four really close friends.

Fourteen per cent use some of their hard earned cash to pay for a cook to help out when guests are round, 11 per cent have a regular cleaner, and eight per cent have a nanny to help with the children.

Whilst a quarter of these people are so busy successfully managing a good career and family life, they always get outside help for DIY.

So if your house isn’t blue, paint it blue and make money. Bollocks is the word that comes to mind.

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Perch, a brothel, make up, a genie and my pussy

First, the weather down ‘ere in ‘Ampshire; overcast, cool no breeze, perfect for mowing the lawn.

Don’t go in the water
There was something lurking in Lac Majeur lake, and it was biting swimmers -six of them: the culprit was: a “monster” two feet three inches long perch.

Two swimmers were treated in hospital for bite wounds up to four inches long after being attacked at the lake, which borders Italy.

Police divers at first tried to capture the carnivorous fish with a net, but when this failed, they pursued the zander with a harpoon and managed to kill it.

"It is quite unusual for perch to bite humans", Mr Croci said.

He added that he suspected the fish was suffering from a hormonal imbalance which could be responsible for its aggression.

So what did they do with the “imbalanced” predator? They served it up to tourists at the lake.

There was another headline later- tourists bite Swimmers at lake in Lac Majeur, but this was kept quiet.

Good news for those of a certain persuasion in Berlin:

A Berlin brothel has come up with a novel way to offset the impact of the global economic crisis and target a new group of customers at the same time - offering a discount to patrons who arrive on bicycles.

Customers who arrive on bicycle or who can prove they took public transportation get a 5-euro ($7) discount from the usual 70-euro ($100) fee for 45 minute sessions, Mr Goetz said. He said the environmentally friendly offer was working a charm.

"We have around 3-5 new customers coming in daily to take advantage of the discount," he said, adding the green rebate has helped alleviate traffic and parking congestion in the neighbourhood.

Germany is one of the few countries in the world where prostitution is legal. It has about 400,000 prostitutes who, since 2002, have been allowed to enter formal labour contracts.

Personally, I’d be too knackered to do anything after a cycle “ride”

Ladies, did you know?
That on average you carry £57-worth of cosmetics in your make-up bags- according to a new poll.

Despite the recession, a survey of more than 1,000 women by cosmetics firm Avon found that Britons are spending £1.1 billion a month on make-up.

Mascara was overwhelmingly the most popular item with 62 per cent of women saying it was an essential purchase, while 38 per cent considered lipstick a 'must-have buy'.

Foundation came a close third with 37 per cent of women saying they had to have it.

Cary Cooper, professor of psychology and health at Lancaster University, said women were probably spending on make-up to help cheer themselves up amid the current economic turmoil.

"Women who feel low want to look better – they go for a haircut, have their nails done or buy new make up. It's a common phenomenon.”

"It may make them feel better at the time but it's what psychologists call a temporary palliative – it doesn't solve the problem but helps them to feel better in the short term."

The study found women between the ages of 16 and 24 carry £69 worth of make-up while 25 to 34-year-old have on average £71 of cosmetics. After this age, women’s’ spending on make-up drops off steadily with the over-55s carrying less than £35 of product.

Another example of “let’s spend money on the bleedin obvious”.

I dream of genie

A family in Saudi Arabia has taken a "genie" to court, accusing it of leaving threatening messages on their mobile phones.

They also claim the spirit has thrown stones at them outside their house and stolen their property.

The family claims to have been forced to move out of the home where they have lived near the city of Medina for 15 years.

A family spokesman said: "We began to hear strange sounds. At first we did not take it seriously, but then stranger things started to happen and the children got particularly scared when the genie started throwing stones."

"A woman spoke to me first, and then a man. They said we should get out of the house."
A local court has now been asked to verify the claims "despite the difficulty" of doing so.

In Islamic theory, are spirits that can harass or possess humans and animas and are often said to be motivated by revenge or jealousy.

Interesting that, I didn’t know genies were into mobile phones, and if you find an oil lamp-DON’T RUB IT!

And finally:

I love my pussy and “researchers” from the University of the bleedin obvious (again) (University of Sussex) have come to the conclusion that cats use a "soliciting purr" to overpower their owners and garner attention and food.

Unlike regular purring, this sound incorporates a "cry", with a similar frequency to a human baby's.

The team said cats have "tapped into" a human bias - producing a sound that humans find very difficult to ignore.

Dr Karen McComb, the lead author of the study that was published in the journal Current Biology, said the research was inspired by her own cat, Pepo.

"He would wake me up in the morning with this insistent purr that was really rather annoying," Dr McComb told BBC News.

"After a little bit of investigation, I discovered that there are other cat owners who are similarly bombarded early in the morning."

While meowing might get a cat expelled from the bedroom, Dr McComb said that this pestering purr often convinced beleaguered pet lovers to get up and fill their cat's bowl.

She and her team also asked the volunteers to rate the different purrs - giving them a score based on how urgent and pleasant they perceived them to be.

"We could then relate the scores back to the specific purrs," explained Dr McComb. "The key thing (that made the purrs more unpleasant and difficult to ignore) was the relative level of this embedded high-frequency sound."

"How urgent and unpleasant the purr is seems to depend on how much energy the cat puts into producing that cry," said Dr McComb.

Previous studies have found similarities between a domestic cat's cry and the cry of a human baby - a sound that humans are highly sensitive to.

Dr McComb said that the cry occurs at a low level in cats' normal purring. "But we think that (they) learn to dramatically exaggerate it when it proves effective in generating a response from humans."

She added that the trait seemed to most often develop in cats that have a one-on-one
relationship with their owners.

And the millions of cat servants didn’t know that did we?


Angus Dei politico