Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Gassing up#2: Chase me plod: 3p demo: Fly away in Bryansk: Happy Bull testicle day: Frozen sauerkraut: Too good to be true: and Win Sein Taw Ya.

Bloody freezing at the Castle this morn, his Maj has got so close to the radiator in the kitchen that he has become surgically attached and the butler is spending so long in the dungeon shoving fat drunk teenagers into the furnace that he is turning into a troglodyte.

Supply shortages and a huge surge in demand have pushed up prices while Brent crude hit a six-month high of $116.70 as Italy turned to burning oil to produce electricity.
Tensions with Iran also pushed up oil prices as the United States tightened sanctions by giving the banks new powers to freeze assets which are linked to the Persian Gulf state.

Problem is that there is too much information available too quickly nowadays.

An undercover police officer "chased himself round the streets" for 20 minutes after a CCTV operator mistook him for suspect.
The junior officer, who has not been named, was monitoring an area hit by a series of burglaries in an unnamed market town in the country’s south.
As the probationary officer from Sussex Police searched for suspects, the camera operator radioed that he had seen someone “acting suspiciously” in the area.
But he failed to realise that it was actually the plain-clothed officer he was watching on the screen, according to details leaked to an industry magazine.
The operator directed the officer, who was on foot patrol, as he followed the "suspect" on camera last month, telling his colleague on the ground that he was "hot on his heels".

They don’t call them woodentops for nothing...

Cheapskate motorists paid the price for a cheap parking spot in China - when they discovered it was next to a demolition site.
More than a dozen cars were badly damaged when bungling builders on the site used a demolition ball on the wall, sending it crashing down onto a row of cars in the 3p a day car park in Xianyang, Shaanxi province.
"I chose the parking spot because it was very cheap - and now I know why," said taxi driver Yu Lin, 48.
"I knew they were building something new next door but I didn't think they would be using such a massive crane to smash down such a tiny wall.
"I don't think my insurance will cover this," he added.
The building firm meanwhile defended its actions - saying the wall was unsafe and needed to be knocked down before it killed someone.

Ah-the old Elfandsafety excuse....

A military official in central Russia has sold an airfield for a bribe.
Andrei Usok, a procurement officer with the Defence Ministry, sold to an unspecified company some 4,000 slabs of concrete making up the landing strip of a military airfield in Bryansk region, prosecutors said on Tuesday.
Usok made 1 million roubles ($33,000) on the deal, but the damages, which rendered the airfield unusable, stood at 48 million roubles, the Prosecutor General’s Office reported on its website.
The officer is facing up to 12 years behind bars or a fine of between 70 million and 90 million roubles over the case. The investigation is ongoing.

Psst, wanna buy a cheap airfield....

Yet another “treat” for Valentine’s Day crawls out of the primeval ooze, the aptly named 'Cock and Bull Pie' from artisan ready meal firm Charlie Bigham’s contains only ingredients selected for their aphrodisiac and arousing qualities.

As such the £7.99 pie -- available exclusively from Ocado -- features ‘Mama Juana’ liquor and Ginseng alongside the bulls’ testicles.
The pie’s succulent steak pieces have been marinated in the ‘saucy’ ‘Mama Juana’ liquor, originally prepared by the native Taino Indians to get them in the mood for love.

The brand’s founder, Charlie Bigham, comments: "Having specialised in ‘twosome’ cuisine for over 15 years, we understand what it takes to bring partners closer together.

"After a busy day at work couples are often too tired to cook, which is why we have developed the romantic Valentine’s version of our popular pies, taking the stress out of cooking this Valentine’s.

"The Cock and Bull pie will give partners the opportunity to ditch the asparagus and oysters this year and create that perfect ‘twosomes’ moment with our one-off passion inducing pie."

Num, num...

Piles of sauerkraut tumbled out of a truck on a busy German motorway and quickly froze to the autobahn surface, causing a massive traffic jam near Frankfurt during Tuesday's morning rush hour, police said.
A truck carrying hundreds of packages of the famous German pickled cabbage delicacy crashed into another vehicle before dawn near the western town of Friedberg near Frankfurt and scattered its contents across the motorway.
With temperatures far below zero for the last week, the sauerkraut froze almost instantly and created impassable obstacles, causing traffic to back up for 10 km. The motorway was completely shut down for four hours while authorities struggled to scrape the frozen sauerkraut away.

Frankfurter and sauerkraut; num, num, num, num, num....

Cash was offered by five women to commuters at busy bus stations up and down the UK but an average of only eight people at each station, out of thousands of bus travellers, took up the offer.
Women wearing a sandwich board that read "Ask me to pay your bus fare and I will" were positioned at bus stations in Newcastle, Medway, Manchester, Perth and Leicester, but were mostly just ignored.
The experiment ran during morning rush hour each day for a week and just 38 people in total across the country accepted the offer.
When questioned, the minority who did eventually accept the free cash admitted they were reluctant at first because they thought the offer was too good to be true.
Those who did accept were generally teenagers, suggesting that the older we get the more cynical of goodwill gestures we become.

Bollocks-if someone offered me free cash I’d snatch their arm orf...

And finally:

Win Sein Taw Ya is the largest reclining Buddha in the world and at 30 meters high and 180 meters in length can be seen for miles.

Located opposite of the Buddhist shrine of Kyauktalon Taung, the reclining Buddha is filled with rooms that showcase dioramas of the teachings of Buddha and a shrine. When visiting the giant Buddha it should be remembered that despite the odd novelty of walking into a giant head, it is still a place of worship, and shoes should be removed before entering the shrine.

Wouldn’t work in Blighty everyone wears the same trainers....

And today’s thought:

Finally got it in Bernard


Saturday, 28 February 2009


First a bit of a ramble, is there a bug going round? One that makes your bowel explode and doubles you up in agony with cramps?

Because if there is I have caught it, four days in now and just beginning to feel a bit better, this is just a warning to anyone that is thinking of dropping in, don’t, unless you want to spend most of next week within three feet of the loo, because that’s the furthest away you can be and keep your dignity. It is my own fault I went to the Surgery to get the results of the blood test, happens every time!

Now back to “business” excuse the pun.

Ananova - Fitness trainer piles on the pounds yep this pillock is half-way to his new year's resolution goal of piling on seven stone to understand his overweight clients.

Paul James, 32, of Melbourne, Australia, has ballooned from 12½st to 15½st, but he claims he won't stop overeating until he hits 20st.

He has been feasting on kebabs, pasta, cream sauces and chocolate in a calorific carbohydrate diet.

And has cut out all daily exercise and has started drinking beer every evening. He aims to hit his target weight in March.

I love this one.

Ananova - EU's costly insult EU bosses paid an artist £350,000 for a sculpture - only to find it insulted virtually every member state. David Cerny, 41, was supposed to commission other artists to help create a piece representing the European Union nations for its Brussels HQ.

But he kept all the money and knocked out the mickey-taking piece himself, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Jaws dropped after the artwork, called Entropa, was unveiled at a special ceremony.
Bulgaria was depicted as a toilet, Romania as a Dracula theme park, and France as a map with the word Greve - French for 'Strike' - across it.

Germany was a motorway map resembling a swastika, Holland was underwater, Belgium a box of chocolates, Denmark was made of Lego and Sweden was an Ikea flatpack.

And Britain looks like it has been snapped away from the rest of the sculpture - showing our detachment from Europe.

Love it or hate it!
Builder's Marmite diet An East London builder has lived on a diet of Marmite sandwiches for the past 25 years.

George Lambert, 35, of Hackney, loves the savoury spread and eats it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

His monthly intake is the equivalent of a stack of sandwiches 7ft high, reports The Sun.
Mr Lambert does include other fillings, like beetroot, bananas, celery and sardines, but there is always Marmite as well.


From Creation tips: A chicken caused six people to drown when it fell down a 20-meter (60-foot) well in the Egyptian village of Nazlat Imara. Police said farmer Allam Sabet al-Sayyed climbed down the well to rescue the chicken. His sister Zeinab, brothers Sayyed and Ahmad, and two other farmers who came to help, followed him. They all drowned, apparently victims of a strong undercurrent in the water. The chicken survived.

Personally I’d get the Paxo out.

From ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) Woman finds $1.73bn in bank account
A Swedish woman received the shock of a lifetime when she found $1.73 billion more than expected in her bank account.

Cornelia Johansson discovered the windfall on Monday after she logged on to her internet banking to pay some bills, regional daily Goeteborgs-Posten reported in its online edition.
"The balance was more than 10 billion kronor. It said the amount had been deposited as a correction for a credit card purchase," Ms Johansson's boyfriend, Daniel Hoeglund, told the newspaper.

On Tuesday morning the money was still credited to her account but a few hours later it was gone as mysteriously as it had arrived.

A press spokeswoman for Nordea Bank, the largest bank in the Nordic region, later explained the mystery as "a technical mistake made by a company".

Bit slow there MS Johansson.

And finally, because I am at present twenty feet from the toilet.

Also from ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) a 13-year-old Beijing boy commandeered a city bus when its driver stopped for a bathroom break, going on a wild joy-ride that left a trail of smashed cars and other damage, China's state media said.

The incident on Sunday morning (local time) began when a bus driver returned from the bathroom at a transport terminal in eastern Beijing to find his bus gone, Xinhua news agency said.

The vehicle had been driven off by the 13-year-old, who zigzagged through traffic, crashing into two cars on the road and about 10 parked vehicles and knocking down two electricity poles.

Anymore fares please!

It is less of a problem to be poor, than to be dishonest” Anishinabe

That’s your lot, just in case.

NHS Behind the headlines

Angus Dei politico

Friday, 16 January 2009


Amazing, the escape of the airline passengers in New York-BBC NEWS all 155 people on the plane “floated” away from the crash. Full marks to the pilot and the co-pilot (who seems to have been forgotten), all the passengers should do the lottery today. The good news is that there are several cooked geese available at very reasonable prices.

Kaka, the football player for AC Milan (whatever that is), (I am not a football fan) is said to be talking to “Man City” (whatever that is) and could be “bought” for £100,000.000 yes, that is a one and eight noughts.

Personally I find that kind of “fee” for anyone, no matter which “sport” disgusting and immoral, when people are dying because they cannot get treatment, or families are being evicted because they are a few thousand pounds in arrears with their mortgage. If the plank willing to pay that sort of money doesn’t know what to do with it, let me make a suggestion. Commission a housing estate in Manchester, this will provide jobs and places to live, make all the houses “to rent” so that people can have a place to live for a reasonable price.

And then he could call it KAKA Close!

“Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.”-Lewis Carroll


Wednesday, 29 October 2008

Talking Heads

I am back again, with a new Item.

Talking Heads

Well Ali Darling

Did we get away with it?

I think so Gord, thank

Christ for Ross and Brand

Yes, it was lucky wasn’t it.

But what I meant was, did we

Get away with the economy thing.

Oh that, yes I'm sure they

Won't have noticed all that

money we have lost.

I think you are right Ali, after
All it’s not as if we caused it.

Of course not Gord, it

was all the fault of those

Nasty bankers, because

they weren't regulated.

Yes, that’s right Ali Darling,
We didn’t deregulate them did

Well, I didn't Gord, BUT..........