Showing posts with label monkeys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label monkeys. Show all posts

Saturday, 19 March 2011

Huhne wants nuking: Solar power-not: Who wants to live forever: Cough drop: Fried Numpty: Squirrel Numpty: Welsh Lamb: and Monkey see-Monkey demolish.

Cold and frosty at the Castle this Saturday morn, the Unexpected Flaming Object is crawling its way into the blue sky and is shining through the portcullis, the kitchen is empty of any kind of electronic machinery, the birds are coughing and you can hear the garden growing, is it finally spring?

Libya is still in turmoil, Gadaffi has pulled a fast one and the UN mob has fallen for it, Japan is still melting and Car sharing is on the increase.

and the likelihood that Blighty will be destroyed by an 8.9 earthquake followed by a massive tsunami, Energy secretary Chris Huhne has asked the chief nuclear inspector to report on Britain's nuclear safety by mid-May.
The request comes as Japanese authorities increased the alert level at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear crisis to level five, signifying an "accident with wider consequences".
Following a meeting of the Nuclear Development Council, Mr Huhne announced a final report would be published within six months but that an interim assessment would be released in just two months' time.



Communities will be prevented from generating their own solar energy following a government review, campaigners have said.
A clampdown on the growth of solar farms taking advantage of subsidies set up to help small-scale renewable energy has weakened the feed-in tariffs (FITs) system, according to Friends of the Earth (FoE).
Ministers said they needed to take action against large-scale solar farms generating over 250KW, but there are fears that sharply-cut payments for all solar energy projects over 50KW will have a sweeping impact.
Many existing and planned renewable electricity installations by community groups, schools, businesses, councils and housing associations will be hit, FoE said.
"I want to make sure that we capture the benefits of fast falling costs in solar technology to allow even more homes to benefit from feed in tariffs, rather than see that money go in bumper profits to a small number of big investors," climate change minister Greg Barker said.
"These proposals aim to rebalance the scheme and put a stop to the threat of larger-scale solar soaking up the cash. The FITs scheme was never designed to be a profit generator for big business and financiers."
Not really a Piss Poor Tory Policy....

Future generations could be living well into their second century and still doing sudoku to boot, if life expectancy predictions are anything to go by.
Increasing by two years every decade, they show no signs of flattening out. Average lifespan around the world is already double what it was 200 years ago.
Since the 1980s, experts thought the increase in life expectancy would grind to a halt but forecasters have repeatedly been proved wrong.
The reason behind the steady rise in life expectancy is "the decline in the death rate of the elderly", says Professor Tom Kirkwood from the Institute of Ageing and Health at Newcastle University.
He has a theory that our bodies are evolving to maintain and repair themselves better and our genes are investing in this process to put off the damage which will eventually lead to death.
As a result, there is no ceiling imposed by the realities of the ageing process.
"There is no use-by-date when we age, ageing is not a fixed biological process," Professor Kirkwood says.
Life expectancy at birth has continued to increase in the UK - from 73.4 years for men for the period 1991 to 1993 to 77.85 years for 2007 to 2009.
Life expectancy for females at birth has also increased - from 78.9 years (91-93) to 82 years (2007-2009).

Thieves have stolen 40,000 bottles of cough medicine from the back of a lorry in Derbyshire.
The vehicle, which was parked on High View Road, South Normanton, was broken into some time overnight on Wednesday, police said.
The offenders made off with 17 pallets of the syrup-style product while the driver was asleep in his cab.
Officers have appealed for any witnesses, or anyone who is offered the medicine, to get in touch.

Reckon the driver had been sampling the cargo.

Police answering cries for help Friday found a screaming burglar dangling from a ceiling air vent over a hot fat fryer at an upstate New York restaurant.
“He said he thought he was going to die,” said Lt. Michael Brown, spokesman for the police in Rotterdam, New York.
A grease-covered Timothy Cipriani, 46, of nearby Schenectady was pleading for help when he was discovered wedged into the ventilation duct at Paesan’s Pizza in the early hours of the morning.
He had climbed a tree to the roof, where he broke into an air duct to enter the restaurant after it closed, police said.
He was trapped where the vent opened over the fryer, and he became extremely distraught, Brown said.
“The fryer had been used all day, so it may have been generating some heat,” Brown said.
Cipriani was arraigned on charges of burglary, criminal mischief and possession of burglary tools and was held in lieu of $20,000 bail at the Schenectady County Jail, police said.

New topping for a Pizza-sliced fried burglar.

A south suburban Chicago man says he accidentally set his home on fire while he was trying to smoke out the squirrels who'd taken up residence inside the walls.
Robert Hughes says the sound of the squirrels running around inside the walls of his Richton Park town home had been driving him nuts. Hughes says he set off a smoke bomb to drive the squirrels out and that led to the fire.
Now, fire damage has forced Hughes and one of his neighbours from their homes. Hughes says he believes the squirrels are also gone.
No injuries were reported, but the (Tinley Park) SouthtownStar reports that the homes were badly damaged.

Nutty Numpty.

A girl of 16 has been “branded like a piece of meat” by having “100% Welsh lamb” tattooed on her bottom, her furious mother claims.
Police are investigating after schoolgirl Levi Brady was inked. The legal age to get a tattoo is 18.
Mum Renee, 38, of Fairwater, Cardiff, said: “The tattooist has branded my child as a piece of meat.”
Levi had the £30 design as a dare at Tattooland, Cardiff, but now admits: “I hate it.”
Tattoo artist Graham Durham, 67, said: “She said she was 18.”


And finally:

A troop of monkeys at Longleat Safari Park was given a battered old Mercedes to play with and they quickly set about dismantling it…

And today’s thought: Get the facts first . . . you can distort them later.


Thursday, 17 December 2009

No guns Angelina; Too fast Vodaphone; Naughty Santa; Martial monkey mayhem; and laptop banger.

Just got back from Tesco, usual debacle, aisles filled with cages, internet robots all over the place and joy of joys they were playing “Silent Night” at 100 decibels, roll on the New Year.

It appears that we are now paying £26.4 Billion in ‘Green taxes’ this year, A survey by the TaxPayers’ Alliance of taxes such as fuel duty suggests that the amount being paid to offset carbon emissions is greater than ever before.

The pressure group said that according the Inter-Governmental Panel on Climate Change, the estimated social cost of Britain’s emissions was £4.6 billion last year.

Matthew Sinclair, research director at the TaxPayers' Alliance, said: “Families up and down the country have been overcharged on everything from turning on the TV to flying abroad, all for the sake of ineffective green taxes and regulations.

“Rising electricity prices have hit the poor and elderly in particular, and their cost is expected to increase massively in the years to come, creating an affordability crisis as energy costs rise and ordinary people face intolerably large bills.

Well there’s a surprise.........NOT!


Some MPs are revolting, Three MPs have become the first to challenge an auditor's request that they repay money they claimed on expenses dating back five years.

Liberal Democrat Jeremy Browne, Labour's Frank Cook and Conservative Bernard Jenkin are appealing against Sir Thomas Legg's findings.

Sir Thomas was asked to review all MPs' second home claims since 2004 after the expenses scandal broke in May.

MPs have until the end of the day to signal their intention to appeal.

They must then submit their written appeals by 23 December - which will be examined by former Court of Appeal judge Sir Paul Kennedy.

Arrogant or what?


Gord is wavering; It may not be possible to get a new deal over global warming at the UN climate conference in Copenhagen, Prime Minister Gordon Brown has admitted.

Mr Brown told the BBC the barriers were "huge" but "not insurmountable".

Talks are continuing in a bid to break the deadlock over emission cuts and financial aid for poorer countries.

The man who saved the world.........

Posters for Angelina Jolie's latest action film have been banned for glamorising gun crime.

Members of the public complained that the advertisements for Wanted were irresponsible in the current climate and were likely to provoke violence or antisocial behaviour.

The film stars Jolie and British actor James McAvoy as a pair of assassins

One poster featured a gun-toting Jolie lying across the bonnet of a car and a bullet curving towards the audience. It carried the strapline: "This is your destiny. Join us."

Another showed McAvoy with a gun in each hand, pointing towards the viewer. The accompanying slogan implied that his life had changed for the better since he became a killer.

The Advertising Standards Authority imposed the ban after receiving 17 complaints from the public, many of whom said the posters were unsuitable to be seen by children.

There go the Bond film posters then.

A radio advertisement for Vodafone has been banned after the industry watchdog ruled that its legal terms were read out too quickly.

The commercial for a package of unlimited calls, text messages and internet access ended with a woman's voice delivering a 30-word disclaimer in less than eight seconds.

The Advertising Standards Authority upheld a complaint from a listener who said that the information was delivered so quickly that it was impossible to understand.

It ordered the company to drop the commercial, saying that it could mislead listeners.

Vodafone defended the advertisement, saying the female actor's voice had not been speeded up and was no faster than in similar ads.

Try sitting this side of the radio.

Santa is promoting an unhealthy lifestyle of overeating, drinking and lack of exercise, says an Australian academic.

Published in today's British Medical Journal, public health researcher and study author Dr Nathan Grills of the University of Melbourne says childhood obesity, teenage smoking and infectious disease outbreaks could in part be blamed on the jolly old man in red.

Dr Grills says Santa is probably the most recognisable figure in the world, and as such is used to market everything from junk food to alcohol.

In the past, he says, Santa has even been used to advertise cigarettes and his physical appearance is hardly "a pin-up for public health."

With cookies, milk and possibly a beer or two, Dr Grills says it's hardly surprising that Santa is a little rotund around the middle.

He adds that Santa's eating habits may also be affecting adults, especially dads, who are often ready to help out if Santa can't finish the offerings.

Dr Grills suggests that Santa [and dad] should start eating the carrots and celery left for Rudolph.

The paper also suggests that Santa is a bad role model when it comes to drink driving.

"With a few billion houses to visit Santa would quickly be over the limit," writes Dr Grills.

And he adds, Santa is never seen wearing a seatbelt.

But perhaps the most unusual impact that Santa has on the community, is his ability to become a vector of infectious disease.

One survey quoted in Dr Grills' paper found that Santa is sneezed or coughed on up to 10 times a day.

"Unsuspecting little Johnny gets to sit on Santa's lap, but as well as his presents he gets H1N1 influenza," he writes.

Dr. Grills, the new Grinch

A Chinese man who trained monkeys martial arts to entertain shoppers was shocked when they turned the tables on him.

Lo Wung's taekwondo monkeys have become a regular feature outside a shopping centre in Enshi, Hubei province, where they were trained to show off their martial arts skills on each other.

But one quick-thinking monkey saw his chance when Lo slipped - and caught him with a perfect flying kung fu kick to the head. The rest then joined in the affray.

Hu Luang, 32, who caught the incident on camera, said: "I saw one punch him in the eye - he grabbed another by the ear and it responded by grabbing his nose.

"They were leaping and jumping all over the place - it was better than a Bruce Lee film."

At one point the monkey trainer grabbed a staff to hit the monkeys, only to find himself facing a stick-brandishing monkey that cracked him over the head.

Lo only managed to get the monkeys under control by tangling them up in the rope that had been used to stop them running off.

Natural justice.

And finally:

Israeli border police questioned an American student and blew up her laptop computer when she entered the country through Egypt.

Lily Sussman, 21, was questioned Nov. 30 for two to three hours and had all of her possessions thoroughly searched. She recorded the incident in detail on her blog.

"They had pressed every sock and scarf with a security device, ripped open soap and had me strip extra layers," wrote Sussman, a North-eastern University student.

"They asked me tons of questions -- where are you going? Who do you know? Do you have a boyfriend? Is he Arab, Egyptian, Palestinian? Why do you live in Egypt? Why not Israel? What do you know about the 'conflict' here? What do you think?

They quizzed me on Judaism, which I know nothing about."Sussman wrote that she heard on the loudspeaker system that Israel security was going to blow up a suspicious piece of luggage.

"I went inside to check on my bag. I had left it unattended, where they instructed. It was still there so I went back outside," she wrote.

"Moments later a man came outside and introduced himself as the manager on duty. And then, 'I'm sorry but we had to blow up your laptop.'

"Sussman reported that she was able to salvage her hard drive and thus several years' worth of work. She said the security officials gave her an address where she could have her laptop replaced for free.

Responding to the story, the Israel Airports Authority said that "A check that the lady's luggage underwent raised an indication that required security figures to act according to procedures.

A police officer, who carried out the stated operation, was called to the scene."The authority said the Israel Police should be approached for additional information.

That should boost the tourist figures.

No Mammaries today in deference to James, but keep coming back, you never know.




Angus Dei politico