Olympic License: Capone’s Cadillac: Calcio Storico Fiorentino: Wishful thinking: Eucharistic ice cube: and Men only parking.

Same again at the Castle this morn-wet, windy and wobbly, still waiting to fettle the garden but I did have a close up of a Wellington bomber, a spitfire and something that was very, very loud and moved so fast I couldn’t recognise it as they flew under the low cloud cover yesteraftermorn.

The ears have stopped bleeding now.....

As the underwater Olympics approaches at the speed of time

The TV Licensing body has launched a campaign to remind businesses of the need for a TV licence if they allow staff to watch the Olympics at work.

If employees have devices such as mobile phones or laptops plugged into the mains at work, their workplace will need to have a licence.

Catch-up TV services, such as iPlayer or ITV Player, are not subject to licence requirements. However, live streams of sports events, press conferences and news channels are.

Most employers will only need one licence per premise, although it depends on the type of business and how it operates.

People at 2,800 business addresses were caught watching TV without a licence across the UK during 2010 and 2011.

You have been warned....

Left a lot and then a lot more

Gangster Al Capone's green 1928 Cadillac is up for sale.

With bulletproof glass and 1,360kg (3,000lb) of steel armour, the mobster’s customised car was painted like the police cars of the time and even had a flashing light, siren and the first police-band radio in private hands.

The 1928 Cadillac V-8 has inch-thick windows with circular holes for machine guns and the rear screen could drop down quickly during gunfights.

It will go under the hammer in Monterey, California, next month.

Sounds like they will need more than a hammer......

Right many, many thingies to the land of pasta and stuff

Direct Google “translation”-There is an ancient game, a game without rules, where the companions are blood brothers, sworn enemies and opponents.

Four teams, four colours, they play for their women, they win their district. Many men, only one desire; to conquer fear, self-discovery, including fists, caresses and fireworks.

Or just an excuse to beat the crap out of anyone in range-and if there are no rules why is there a referee and linesmen?

For those who live in slightly damp Blighty

The science behind sunburn- When our skin cells are exposed to ultraviolet B (UVB) radiation, a specific  form of RNA, called micro-RNA, is damaged (RNA is similar in structure to DNA, which makes up our genes.)

This damaged RNA is then released as a signal of solar injury, and prompts neighbouring, healthy cells to stimulate the production of factors that promote inflammation, the researchers said.

Just thought you would like to know what happens if the sun ever comes out again...

Up to the Smoke and up a tad more

The congregation at Brentwood Cathedral, Essex, were undertaking the Eucharistic prayer when they heard a “massive explosion” which left them “trembling”.

Father James MacKay, who was leading the Sunday service, described seeing slate and white ice falling from the roof, damaging the structure and beams.

An usher who inspected the damage believed it had been caused by a block of ice falling from above, which could have come from an aeroplane, he said.

A spokesman for the Civil Aviation Authority confirmed the body received about 30 reports of ice blocks dropping from aircraft in a year, but said they were frequently caused by natural weather conditions.

Fr MacKay told the BBC he was trembling with shock after hearing the collision, but had continued with the service.

 

Him/her upstairs was probably having a glass of Pimms while watching Wombledon and dropped an ice cube....

And finally: 

Right to the land that still wants to conquer Europe

To the small German town of Triberg.

Mayor Gallus Strobel hit the headlines this week after unveiling the new car parking plan for motorists.

Under the new system, each space in the town's main car park been painted with a male or female symbol, depending on its difficulty rating.  

While female drivers have been assigned wider and well-lit spaces located closer to the exit, male drivers will need to pull in at more difficult angles and avoid cement pillars.

The 58-year-old mayor wants to 'challenge political correctness' with his new policy, claiming the tight spaces will be an 'attraction' for ambitious drivers.

 'Men are, as a rule, a little better at such challenges,' the 58-year-old told German newspaper Süddeutsche Zeitung.

 Oh dear......

That’s it: I’m orf to count flying ants

And today’s thought:

110 metres hurdles 2012 London Olympics

Angus

Compassionate Conservatives: No Tax cuts: No parking space: Fat coppers: and Driving away.

Yet again there be sun at the Castle this first morn of October, His Maj is getting his exercise by doing laps-out through the window in through the back door-out through the window-in through......

I have just watered all the wall boxes, hanging baskets and pots in preparation for the “Indian autumn” weekend and the sun lounger is placed on the dry side of the garden.

 

Up in Manchester

Where the blue bit of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition starts its conference tomorrow, allegedly U-Turn Cam will tell the rest of the Tory know nothings that the Cons stand for “strong leadership and compassion”.

And to prove his point the Health Secretary, Andrew Lansley, announced last night that a new, free, 24/7 NHS phone line for non-emergency care and advice would be rolled out nationally by April 2103. The Tories said it would abolish the concept of "out-of-hours" care.

And; Ministers will announce policies designed to end the "something for nothing" culture that they say built up under Labour. People who "play by the rules" and "work hard for their families" will be rewarded while those who contribute "little or nothing" will get less help from state. 

“Leadership and compassion”-har fucking har.

Just to reinforce U-turn Cam’s mantra

Son of a B...aronet and alien reptile in disguise George Osborne has all but ruled out the possibility of tax cuts before the next general election, saying it depends on "how things develop".

George Osborne was cautious about the prospect of tax bills coming down, ahead of this weekend's Conservative Party conference.

It has been thought that, having reduced the deficit by the end of the Parliament, Mr Osborne would want to offer some kind of pre-election sweeteners by 2015.

He indicated that his primary focus was for now on promoting private sector growth and that he would only want to introduce tax cuts that would be permanent - "not just for Christmas".

Can’t afford Christmas this year......

Over in the land empty of Plumbers and Builders

A woman in Warsaw, Poland, abandoned her car after she jammed it between two walls trying to reverse away from a car park.

Wiola Nowicka, 67, attempted to turn around in the car park's narrow driveway once she noticed the high prices she would have to pay.

The driveway was blocked for five hours, as her car was wedged between the driveway walls.

'I didn't mean to be a nuisance,' said Nowicka. 'After a few turns I couldn't go backwards or forwards anymore.'

Engineers were able to get the car out from the tight space, with careful inch by inch precision.

 

Wish I could get the Honda in a space as tight as that.

Along with Nicholas Cage

It now appears that John Travolta has been alive since the 1800s, the seller is asking for $50,000 for the ruby glass ambrotype photograph, which he says could be proof that John Travolta has been 'reincarnated' (not into a new being but an identical body, presumably).

'I believe this is the photograph of a very young John Travolta taken around 1860,' said the eBay seller.

'Of course, time travel can't be ruled out as well.'

The seller, from Ontario, Canada, claims the man in his picture has 'identical' eyes and hairline to Travolta, as well as his 'very unique trademark chin'. 

'It hasn't been changed, tampered with or altered in anyway. It is clear and is as nice as the day it was taken roughly 151 years ago,' he said in the description listed on the auction site.

Earlier this month an eBay seller listed a photo of a Nicolas Cage lookalike from 1870, which he said may have been proof that the actor was a vampire.

One born every minute.......

Back in bollixed up Blighty

Police officers are likely to be spared compulsory annual fitness tests because chief constables fear too many would fail.

They fear front-line posts would be left vacant by officers found to be overweight and unfit, reports the Daily Mail.

Instead officers making up the not so 'thin blue line' will be encouraged to keep fit through a healthy lifestyle and diet.

Under the current system only new recruits must undergo a compulsory fitness test to make sure they are up to the job.

Earlier this year research by academics at Birmingham City University showed almost half of recruits to one force were overweight or obese.

Professor Craig Jackson, an occupational health expert, said: "Unlike the military, there is no annual medical - once you are in you can let yourself go to rack and ruin."

A national review of police pay and conditions raised the question of whether compulsory annual fitness tests should be introduced.

But police chiefs said there was no evidence that fitness testing would justify the cost. 

Maybe they should extend this thinking to Degrees, Doctors and Driving tests-just in case they fail.......

And finally:

Dahn in Tadworth

Sharon Gould, 52, from Spindlewoods, Tadworth, returned home on Wednesday, September 21, and was horrified to find that a large section of her original York stone driveway, dating back to 1910, had disappeared.

With prices averaging £100 per square meter, the stolen driveway could have a value of up to £12,000, according to Rock Unique, UK suppliers of York stone paving.

Mrs Gould, who lives in a period Georgian home shielded from the road by a row of trees, said: "I think they must have had a truck, backed it in and loaded it up.

Drive away drive...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to try out ripple power.

And today’s thought: Live each day like it's your last . . . one day, you'll get it right.

Angus

Royal dictators: Off the rails: Park and pay, and pay, and…..: Changing room rage: Hanging out in Austria: National trait: and Poo paper.

Pleasantly cool at the Castle this morn, unlike last dark thing when it was like trying to sleep in a sauna, I was woken early this morn by a passing thunderstorm which unfortunately-passed but I did get to see the lightning and hear the thunder, so off to water the hanging baskets, the wall boxes and the pots-again.

Apparently there is to be some sort of “Royal” bash next Friday, it seems that a tall, thin, balding bloke with big teeth is getting hitched to some common bird.

Angus hasn’t received his invite-just an oversight I’m sure, but among those “Lucky” enough to attend will be the Crown Prince of Bahrain whose Gulf state has violently suppressed democracy protests in recent months.

King Mswati III of Swaziland, who has been criticised by Amnesty International after using armed security forces to crush peaceful demonstrations.

And someone from Saudi Arabia.

Libya's UK ambassador had his invitation rescinded after fighting began, but Zimbabwe's ambassador to Britain, Gabriel Machinga, remains invited.

Former Labour Prime ministers Tony Blair and Gordon Brown have been overlooked.

Glad I am not going.

Allegedly Network Rail may be broken up as leaked review outlines drastic measures to cut £5bn subsidy.

Apparently millions of rail passengers face misery under dramatic plans to allow fares to rocket while closing ticket offices and firing on-board staff, The Independent on Sunday has learnt.

Leaked documents reveal that a government rail review will suggest that ticket pricing is too complex, too subsidised, over-regulated and inadequate at managing rush-hour demand. It sets out plans to slash staff numbers while proposing the de-centralisation of Network Rail and its possible break-up.

Remember-“We are all in this together”.

And continuing with rip off Britain

New figures show more than 40 councils across Britain are adding metered spaces or permit zones to streets where drivers currently park for free.

Liverpool, Gloucestershire and Blackpool are among those facing the biggest increases, in a sign that "residents parking zones" and other cash-producing charges are spreading beyond the centres of the busiest cities.

In total, at least 63 miles of new restrictions are planned – enough to stretch from London to Northampton.

"Councils are treating motorists as an easy source of revenue, using price rises to fill empty coffers," said Nigel Humphries, spokesman for the Association of British Drivers.

Official estimates made by councils indicate Britain's 30 million motorists will pay a record £1.48bn in pay-and-display charges, permits and fines this financial year, equivalent to £50 each.

It comes on top of a sharp rise in car insurance premiums in the past year while petrol was last night at an all-time high average price of £1.36 a litre. In some areas it is significantly more expensive.

The average price of two hours' on-street parking across Britain is to rise eight per cent, from £1.34 to £1.44, with more than 40 councils proposing price increases.

Critics say councils are using drivers as a cash cow, imposing inflation-busting rises to make up for severe losses in income from central Government and a freeze in council tax.

You think?

Still in busted Blighty

According to a new study three-quarters of women suffer from 'changing room rage' when they are shopping,

Cramped, cluttered and exposed fitting rooms can make trying on clothes such a traumatic experience that it manifests itself in feelings of anger, disappointment and bouts of bad temper.

The condition - dubbed CRR - can sometimes lead to shoppers snapping at retail assistants, storming out of stores and even losing self-confidence, according to the study of more than 1,200 women for isme.com.

Around 75% of shoppers questioned said they had stopped trying on clothes due to the state of changing rooms and half said they waited to try clothes on at home.

I used to quite enjoy waiting in the “clothes” shop when “M” was on a crusade to improve her wardrobe; exposed fitting rooms weren’t a problem for me….

Over to the land of-whatever

An Austrian couple tied the knot in the buff after trying to find a way to make sure they would never forget their wedding day.

Bride Melanie Schachner, 26, wore just a veil while groom Rene Schachner, 31, sported nothing but a top hat to cover his modesty when they got married in Feldkirchen.

"We're not ashamed of our bodies and we wanted to do something different. It certainly saved on a wedding dress," explained Melanie.

"It will certainly be a wedding our guests will never forget," added Rene.

The pair got hitched in a register office service in front of friends and family before celebrating in a castle.

No it wasn’t……..

British traits

More than a quarter of Britons think getting drunk abroad is a national characteristic, according to a survey released to mark England's national day.

An Opinium Research poll of 2,012 British adults found that 60 per cent thought drinking tea was a national trait, closely followed by talking about the weather.

Forty per cent associated a "stiff upper lip" mentality - stoicism in the face of adversity - with being British.

Meanwhile 32 per cent thought supporting the royal family was a British characteristic, as the country gears up for the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton on Friday.

Twenty-eight per cent thought that getting drunk abroad was a British attribute, while fewer than one in three thought working hard made people British.

"Our research has revealed that it's hard to pin down what it means to be British," said Opinium Research managing director James Endersby.

"With several stereotypical attributes making the list as well as wider personality traits, it goes to show that Britishness is a complex mix of characteristics."

Fewer than half of those surveyed in England knew April 23 was Saint George's Day.

Just 48 per cent knew the date celebrating England's patron saint - yet 57 per cent knew that Saint Patrick's Day, the Irish national day, was March 17.

In Northern Ireland, 100 per cent of those surveyed knew when Saint Patrick's Day was, while eight in 10 in Wales knew when Saint David's Day fell.

Despite the majority not knowing when Saint George's Day was, 61 per cent of English people described themselves as English rather than British.

Funny lot aren’t we……

And finally:

Forget recycled paper

The latest “green” stationary is made of Elephant crap, Michael Flancman runs the Great Elephant Poo Poo Paper Co., a unique, environmentally conscious company based in Thailand that specializes in turning elephant dung into paper goods and stationery.

Every week, Flancman and a team of employees visit elephant conservation parks near Chiang Mai to collect naturally dried elephant droppings.

After the poo is gathered, Flancman said it's carefully rinsed with water, leaving only the fibrous materials from the grasses, bamboo and fruits the elephants have eaten but couldn't digest.

Then, Flancman said, those fibers are thrown into a giant pot of boiling water to ensure an even more thorough cleansing and sterilization, leaving the fibers primed and ready to be made into paper.

Once additional fibres from pineapple plants and trees are thrown into the all-natural mix to add thickness, Flancman said his team separates the moist pulp into small cakes that are then spread over a mesh-bottomed tray and left out to dry naturally under the sun for several hours.

Once dry, the cakes transform into sheets of paper, and Flancman and his crew are able to peel them off the tray and start making Poo Poo Paper products.

Just don’t wrap your lunch in it…..

That’s it: I’m orf to laser the Honda.

And today’s thought:

Top Ten Reasons to Celebrate Easter

10. You absolutely love the movie, "The Ten Commandments".

9. You look really, really good in yellow.

8. You just went on a low cholesterol diet and didn't want to waste all those eggs in the fridge.

7. You figure any Holiday that starts with a "Good Friday" can't be all bad.

6. You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.

5. It's a good time to check out your neighbourhood church and not be noticed.

4. You have this bunny suit you love to wear, but are too insecure to wear it without a reason.

3. Even though you don't know what it is, you really like the sound of going to a "Passion Play."

2. You figured since Jesus went to all THAT trouble to make it to the first Easter, you'd give it a shot.

1. As a Christian you celebrate the resurrection every other day, why not Easter too?

Angus

I lost-your fault, Blobby’s mate has lost it, Numpty terrorist, lotta parking and keep away from the Celts

I have returned, and I can hear the groans already, the reason for my absence? The wireless thingy which connects me to the whatnot died, I managed to purchase one and paid an exorbitant price to have it delivered this morn.

Just so that I can continue to annoy as many readers as possible, and pollute the blogodoodah with inane and uninteresting “news”.

My apologies to anyone who has commented over speak like a pirate day and I haven’t answered, I will, that will teach you.

Strangely enough I quite enjoyed my day off; it gave me time not to do the things I haven’t done during the week.


First up:

Gambler forced to lose money

I am not sure if this guy qualifies as a Numpty, but he certainly meets the definition of an arsehole.

A 61-year-old man says he wants a Detroit casino to return the $673,854 he lost at the site during a decade of regular gambling.

The Detroit News said Sunday that professional engineer Italo Mario Parise is suing the Motor City Casino for allegedly failing to stop him from gambling once he endured significant losses.

Parise alleges in his Wayne County Circuit Court lawsuit, which is based around an obscure state statute called gaming: action by loser, that casino officials did nothing to stop him from gambling despite his 1996 filing for Chapter 13 bankruptcy.

Parise alleges casino official knew or should have known about his financial struggles during his 10-year gambling spree.

Attorney Deborah Brouwer, one of the lawyers representing Motor City, said in a court filing a state provision allowing gamblers to recover losses would be the death knell for the Detroit casinos, none of which would be able to remain in business if forced to return gambling losses to disgruntled gamblers.

So, own up, who was it that forced this poor unfortunate sphincter into the casino at gunpoint?

Mr Blobby's helper wishes for.........

Noel Edmonds, the television presenter, has launched an iPhone application for people who believe in the New Age philosophy of Cosmic Ordering.

Followers say they place orders with the Cosmos, by writing them down. They then wait for their wishes to come true and record what happens.

Edmonds has attributed much of his recent success to the principles of Cosmic Ordering, which encourages people to think positively about what they want from life.

He had not worked on TV since the end of his BBC TV show ‘Noel's House Party’ in 1999. He said he wished for a new challenge and was later offered the chance to return to TV to work on Deal or No Deal.

Edmonds said: ''We must never forget that the Cosmos exists solely to help those who want to help themselves. It is an incredibly powerful force and a wonderful friend and ally for all who adopt a positive approach to life.

''However, the Cosmos won't, indeed it can't, assist you unless you adhere to the three basic rules of Cosmic Ordering, the most important of which is belief in yourself and your right to be successful.''

The application allows phone users to record their orders and how the Cosmos responded to the request.

“Deal or no Deal” he certainly lucked out there.

And if you want to order a cosmic, you can do so HERE

Rectum..... Bloody near blew them off

Today’s super Numpty comes in the guise of a terrorist, suicide bomber Abdullah Hassan Tali al-Asiri attempted to kill a Saudi prince by detonating explosives hidden in his bottom.

Al-Asiri, 23, managed to blow himself up in the attack in Jeddah, but his target, Prince Mohammed Bin Nayef, escaped with minor injuries.

Security experts said they have not come across a bomber who has concealed explosives in this way.

Al-Asiri, who was on a local "Most Wanted" list, arranged a meeting with him after insisting he had turned his back on terrorism.

By hiding the explosives in his bottom he managed to pass security checks before entering the prince's office.

It is believed they were detonated electronically.

Mike Yardley, a weapons expert and former soldier, said: "Hiding it in a body cavity was obviously an attempt to defeat scanners and detectors.

"Thankfully on this occasion the victim escaped because the bomber's body appears to have suppressed the force of the blast."

Prince Nayef, who had led an anti-terror crackdown in Saudi Arabia, injured his hand.
He said: "He surprised me by blowing himself up."

I’m sorry, I know this is supposed to be “serious” but that is a hell of a way to cure constipation.

Pay and park on EBay

The rich council of The Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead has registered itself as a seller on the online auction site and is putting parking permits under the hammer.

Unlike permits already available from the council, the auctioned tickets will entitle buyers to a guaranteed personal parking space in a multi-storey car park.

Initially, only three-month permits will be available on eBay, but if successful, the authority hopes to extend the scheme to provide six and 12-month contracts.

A reserve will be placed on each auctioned permit to ensure that the council does not make a loss. However, it could still be possible to obtain a permit cheaper on eBay than directly from the council, officials said. The reserve price has yet to be fixed.

Councillor Colin Rayner, cabinet member for highways and streetcare, said the idea came about after the Tory council successfully sold a surplus of old workmen's boots and gloves on eBay.

He said that the scheme would be piloted by selling permits at the Stafferton Way multi-storey car park in Maidenhead town centre, which is currently not being filled to capacity.

Err; am I being stupid but who is going to bid for a space when there are spaces available at “normal” rates?

What next, make a bid for your council tax, or maybe to have your dustbins emptied?

And finally:

Times don't change

Scotland is full of dangerous natives who speak an incomprehensible language and the weather is awful. That was the verdict of a series of 13th century Viking travel guides that warned voyagers to visit at their peril.

The medieval chronicles, set down on yellowed calf vellum eight centuries ago, describe Scotland – or Skotland, as it was known – as an unwelcome and inhospitable country offering rewards only to the bold.

"Icelanders who want to practise robbery are advised to go there," says one saga. "But it may cost them their life."

At least they didn’t have deep fried Mars Bars then, but I bet the Glasgow kiss was used quite a lot.

Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico