Showing posts with label pillocks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pillocks. Show all posts

Wednesday, 1 July 2009


Here I sit in the garden, it’s just before six and it is COOL, no sleep again last night, so I am giving up sleeping, and am going to prop my eyes open with matchsticks, aren’t 24 hour supermarkets great, went to mine at 3.30 am for some sustenance, no noisy kids, no dawdling “ladies” or old farts like myself wandering about talking to ourselves, self service checkouts only, and after that I went for a drive with all the windows open, wonderful! Clear roads, no jams and I must have seen about ten foxes and a couple of badgers, I think I may become nocturnal.


There is a pillock born every minute, especially when drink is involved: a young man used a pair of nail clippers in DIY circumcision, oh yes, pillock number 1 decided after a few drinks that it would be spiffing to hack at his todger with the aforementioned “tool”, he was rushed to the Lister Hospital in Stevenage, Hertfordshire. The wound was disinfected to cleanse it before he was given a bed in an observation ward.

A medic said “This is something we would advise men never to attempt," "The results can be quite horrific and long-lasting and have quite an affect on a man's sexual performance. Using a pair of nail clippers must have caused excruciating pain, even if he had had a few drinks beforehand."

You think?

Pillock number 2 Gregory McCalium decided that 72 year old Frank Corti would be an easy target, and burgled his house threatening the pensioner with a knife.

Frank, an ex boxer, dodged the knife and beat the crap out of the spineless interloper leaving him with a black eye and a swollen lip. He then restrained the attacker until police arrived.

McCalium, a barman, was given a four-and-a-half year prison sentence at Oxford Crown Court on Monday for aggravated burglary and was told by the judge he had "got what he deserved".

McCalium had denied the charge and claimed he could not remember what happened.

Brainless as well as spineless.

Pillocks of course are not confined to the UK, cross dressing burglar Stephen Murdoch of Tustin was arrested after a security guard spotted him in a workout room that was supposed to be closed and locked.

Police say a California man donning a bustier and watching porn on a computer in an apartment complex gym was arrested after officers found drugs in his backpack.When police peered inside, they saw Murdoch - also in a mini- skirt, fishnet stockings and heels - hiding behind exercise equipment and watching an adult film on a laptop.

Officers noticed Murdoch was sweating profusely and talking quickly. They arrested him on suspicion of drug possession after allegedly finding marijuana, methamphetamine and pipes in his bag.
Can you use a treadmill in heels?

Pillock number 3: NEWPORT, Ore. - Karen Noyes often fed the black bears that came to her home near the Oregon coast. Then things got out of hand.

One hungry bear stormed a neighbour's barn and killed 60 turkeys. Another got stuck in a doggie door.

Noyes asked wildlife officers to help remove the bears, but it was too late.

The 61-year-old Noyes was convicted of harassing wildlife and sentenced Thursday to three years probation.

Judge Thomas Branford also ordered her to stay away from her home and a seven-mile stretch of Yachats River Road for three years, beginning Aug. 31.

Bear faced idiocy?

And finally:

Probably the biggest pillock is the person who paid £7,100 on eBay for one of those “dateless” 20p coin, Experts had predicted that the coins, minted without a date mark, could be worth £50 each.
But collectors have been scrambling to buy the currency after it emerged that the Royal Mint made an error when producing tens of thousands of 20p pieces earlier this year.

eBay has been inundated with coins for sale as those who have found them attempt to cash in.
Many sellers are offering purchasers the chance to 'buy it now' at prices of up £6,200.

Several are hoping to get more than £3,000 for their 20p. But the top seller fetched £7,100 at 2pm yesterday - 35,500 times its face value - although it is not clear whether the coin has been paid for.

Bidding on the auction site started at 99p and it gradually crept up to £100 by Monday evening.
Yesterday one potential buyer started bidding off at £600, soon followed by a bid of £800.

Then it shot up to £5,000 and kept rising until the price reached £7,100.

A spokesman for eBay said: 'The winning bid was definitely £7,100, but I can't confirm yet whether the actual transaction has been completed yet.'

The coins were left dateless when the 20p piece was redesigned.

The Mint does not know how many undated coins were released into circulation, but estimates range between 50,000 and 200,000.



NHS Behind the headlines

Angus Dei politico


Sunday, 30 November 2008

No Cars today

Sorry but there will not be any “old” cars today.

It’s me, tomorrow would have been “our” 37th Wedding anniversary, as you may know “Mrs Angus” is no longer with us, and thinking about the times we had on our travels is too painful.

And just to cheer you up even more there will be no blog tomorrow, you will be able to have a rest from my inane ramblings for 24 hours.

But don’t get too used to it, I will be back in full flow on Tuesday.

So, instead of cars, today I will spout about “odds and sods”.

This is from Kablnews

Lib Dems call for new NHS data security rules

After a year or so the Lib Dems are calling for new NHS data security rules, there are two things to think about, why has it taken them so long to make a noise about this subject, and, they haven’t got a hope in hell of the Gov listening.

The loss of data in the NHS is now on a scale that dwarfs the loss of common sense in her MAJ’s Gov.

They are incapable of stemming the tide of disappearing information on US, because no matter how sophisticated the Computer systems are, no matter how good the firewalls are, no matter how up to date the anti-virus is, the data is processed by people, they are not being hacked, but they are “losing” physical devices-CDs, Data Sticks and Computers.

What needs upgrading is the brains of the people handling these devices, they must be taught not to leave the bloody things in Pub car parks, on Trains, in Toilets or any other place they are going to, in fact they must be made NOT to take the damn things out of the building. The useless pillocks.

And talking of Pillocks-from the Register is this little gem about someone who really should know better. An Essex police officer who inadvertently forwarded an aged internet hoax is now dealing with hundreds of calls and emails from concerned women - the hoax looks more genuine now that it comes from a proper police address.

Detective Constable Simon Lofting sent the mail on to senior officers to check if it was genuine but it got forwarded on.

The story warned women not to accept business cards from strangers because they could be coated with "Burundanga" - which is "four times greater than date rape drug". The hoax mail first circulated in May this year, according to Snopes - one of several debunking sites which warn the story is false.

The name “Wooden Top” seems appropriate.

And finally from the BEEB Labour urged to overhaul benefits, not again, haven’t we just had an “overhaul” how many bloody times can you do the same things?

I think this is just a “cunning plan” to divert our attention away from the total balls up Labour has made with the economy.

More old cars next Sunday, I promise.

See you Tuesday.


Wednesday, 12 November 2008

The Cupid Stunts Awards 2008

This seems to be getting a regular thing waking up with the hump.

The good bit is that I can vent my “hump” on Cupid Stunts in the news, so here goes.

Baby “P”s pointless and painful death, - BBC NEWS UK A short life of misery and pain

What the Firk was happening? Haringey social services had 60 chances to stop this needless torture of a baby. The social services say that they were not responsible and that the “parents” were.

What a surprise, “Not our problem” they were only responsible for the care and wellbeing of this child, it wasn’t their fault, it was somebody else’s.

There were obviously serious deficiencies in the “system” that lead to this horrifying and sickening result. The caseworkers and their bosses are responsible, nobody else; they had the means to protect this child and failed miserably to ensure a safe place was found. They certainly had the opportunities to ask the right questions, what they didn’t have was the child’s wellbeing at heart.

I am awarding this YEARS “Cupid Stunts” award to Haringey Social Services, arses should be kicked and heads should roll. If I could think up a worse award I would do so but cupid stunts will have to do.

From the Times-4,000 jobs go in a day as recession bites The “caring, prudent” Government will preside over the highest unemployment figures since 1998.

And the cause? Greed, and bad management, greed by the bankers and dealers, bad management by the Government by de-regulating the financial market and doing bugger all when they knew what was happening.

But it’s ok; there will be no redundancies among M.P.’s they will continue to collect their salaries and allowances, while the expected 1.8 Million unemployed will collect about £60 per week, and have to fight for a dwindling number of jobs.

Second prize in this years Cupid Stunts award goes to Gordon brown and his band of merry men.

Again from The Times-Cancer patients sentenced to an early death by bureaucrats By Russell Miller.

This is about my old favourite-N.I.C.E. refusing to fund life saving or prolonging drugs. The “loonies” have taken over the asylum, people are dying because somebody sitting behind a big desk who probably has “Private Medical Insurance” making decisions on who and when people should live or die. And keeps saying things like-“I understand what these patients are going through” BOLLOCKS, the “boss” of N.I.C.E. has not got a clue, cannot understand and never will until he is in the position that these Patients are.

It’s the usual thing with bloody bureaucrats they see a piece of paper with numbers on it and some pillock in a pin striped suit says “That looks like a good idea” and bingo, thousands of peoples lives are firked up.

They then get in their chauffeur driven cars, bugger off home and forget.

So guess who gets equal second in this years Cupid Stunts awards, yes N.I.C.E.

And finally third prize in the Cupid Stunts awards goes to-Lawyers. Not all lawyers but the idiots who succumb.

Long hours and stress drive lawyers to drink and drugs - Times Online

According to a survey due out this week-shows that alcohol abuse is “endemic” and use of hard drugs such as cocaine is becoming more prevalent, particularly in big City law firms.
One partner claims he knows “people who just make a phone call from their office and nip down to reception to pick up their delivery” — something that happens in every big law firm, he claims.
The survey, by the magazine Legal Business, also says that there is evidence of “cocaine clubs” in law firms' basements and of partner-led games of poker and taking cocaine with clients. But it also finds that law firms are ignorant or indifferent to the problem. One lawyer is quoted: “I spanked £100,000 on cocaine in one year and no one noticed.”

Long hours and stress are driving lawyers to drink and drugs in and out of the workplace. Personally I don’t give a shit if they fry their brains, but I do care if they are “under the influence” while they are dealing with clients.

These lawyers of course are saying that there is no back up to help them. Excuse me but WHO is “forcing” them to drink and take drugs, I presume that they are all adults and are capable of making their own decisions. They are supposed to be professionals and I am sure that many of them have seen the result of drink and drugs during the course of their work.

The easy answer is-if you can’t do your job without resorting to drink and drugs then get the firk out of it and do something else that can’t prejudice the chances of some poor sod you are defending.

Third prize goes to some lawyers.
And the best quote I have ever heard from a politician. John McCain (loved the "Die Hard Films") on the Tonight Show ""I've been sleeping like a baby, I sleep two hours, wake up and cry. Sleep two hours, wake up and cry."
Now there's a man with a well rounded personality.

I feel much better now.


Monday, 10 November 2008


Yesterday the world was subjected to the sight of gangs of people fighting in Christendom’s holiest place.

The video is here.

There were two gangs involved, one from Greece and one from Armenia, and were seen by the world. Brawling in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre

I have only one thing to say-WASN’T IT GREAT!!!! I haven’t laughed so much for ages.

The monks from Greece and Armenia put up a wonderful show, it was a spectacle that should be repeated every week. Like the wrestling used to be on a Saturday afternoon.

The sight of twenty or so monks dressed in their funny hats and dressing gowns, kicking the shit out of each other has restored my faith in the absolute hypocrisy of the human Race.

The surprising thing was that these “holy” men seemed to know what they were doing, the kicks and punches were well aimed, and delivered with true hostility.

Maybe we could have a world championship, perhaps the “Basher” bishop versus the “killer” Cardinal, or the “vicious” vicar against the “predacious” priest.

The “outrage”, the bloody Israeli police breaking it up just when I was enjoying myself.