Showing posts with label plod. Show all posts
Showing posts with label plod. Show all posts

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Gassing up#2: Chase me plod: 3p demo: Fly away in Bryansk: Happy Bull testicle day: Frozen sauerkraut: Too good to be true: and Win Sein Taw Ya.

Bloody freezing at the Castle this morn, his Maj has got so close to the radiator in the kitchen that he has become surgically attached and the butler is spending so long in the dungeon shoving fat drunk teenagers into the furnace that he is turning into a troglodyte.

Supply shortages and a huge surge in demand have pushed up prices while Brent crude hit a six-month high of $116.70 as Italy turned to burning oil to produce electricity.
Tensions with Iran also pushed up oil prices as the United States tightened sanctions by giving the banks new powers to freeze assets which are linked to the Persian Gulf state.

Problem is that there is too much information available too quickly nowadays.

An undercover police officer "chased himself round the streets" for 20 minutes after a CCTV operator mistook him for suspect.
The junior officer, who has not been named, was monitoring an area hit by a series of burglaries in an unnamed market town in the country’s south.
As the probationary officer from Sussex Police searched for suspects, the camera operator radioed that he had seen someone “acting suspiciously” in the area.
But he failed to realise that it was actually the plain-clothed officer he was watching on the screen, according to details leaked to an industry magazine.
The operator directed the officer, who was on foot patrol, as he followed the "suspect" on camera last month, telling his colleague on the ground that he was "hot on his heels".

They don’t call them woodentops for nothing...

Cheapskate motorists paid the price for a cheap parking spot in China - when they discovered it was next to a demolition site.
More than a dozen cars were badly damaged when bungling builders on the site used a demolition ball on the wall, sending it crashing down onto a row of cars in the 3p a day car park in Xianyang, Shaanxi province.
"I chose the parking spot because it was very cheap - and now I know why," said taxi driver Yu Lin, 48.
"I knew they were building something new next door but I didn't think they would be using such a massive crane to smash down such a tiny wall.
"I don't think my insurance will cover this," he added.
The building firm meanwhile defended its actions - saying the wall was unsafe and needed to be knocked down before it killed someone.

Ah-the old Elfandsafety excuse....

A military official in central Russia has sold an airfield for a bribe.
Andrei Usok, a procurement officer with the Defence Ministry, sold to an unspecified company some 4,000 slabs of concrete making up the landing strip of a military airfield in Bryansk region, prosecutors said on Tuesday.
Usok made 1 million roubles ($33,000) on the deal, but the damages, which rendered the airfield unusable, stood at 48 million roubles, the Prosecutor General’s Office reported on its website.
The officer is facing up to 12 years behind bars or a fine of between 70 million and 90 million roubles over the case. The investigation is ongoing.

Psst, wanna buy a cheap airfield....

Yet another “treat” for Valentine’s Day crawls out of the primeval ooze, the aptly named 'Cock and Bull Pie' from artisan ready meal firm Charlie Bigham’s contains only ingredients selected for their aphrodisiac and arousing qualities.

As such the £7.99 pie -- available exclusively from Ocado -- features ‘Mama Juana’ liquor and Ginseng alongside the bulls’ testicles.
The pie’s succulent steak pieces have been marinated in the ‘saucy’ ‘Mama Juana’ liquor, originally prepared by the native Taino Indians to get them in the mood for love.

The brand’s founder, Charlie Bigham, comments: "Having specialised in ‘twosome’ cuisine for over 15 years, we understand what it takes to bring partners closer together.

"After a busy day at work couples are often too tired to cook, which is why we have developed the romantic Valentine’s version of our popular pies, taking the stress out of cooking this Valentine’s.

"The Cock and Bull pie will give partners the opportunity to ditch the asparagus and oysters this year and create that perfect ‘twosomes’ moment with our one-off passion inducing pie."

Num, num...

Piles of sauerkraut tumbled out of a truck on a busy German motorway and quickly froze to the autobahn surface, causing a massive traffic jam near Frankfurt during Tuesday's morning rush hour, police said.
A truck carrying hundreds of packages of the famous German pickled cabbage delicacy crashed into another vehicle before dawn near the western town of Friedberg near Frankfurt and scattered its contents across the motorway.
With temperatures far below zero for the last week, the sauerkraut froze almost instantly and created impassable obstacles, causing traffic to back up for 10 km. The motorway was completely shut down for four hours while authorities struggled to scrape the frozen sauerkraut away.

Frankfurter and sauerkraut; num, num, num, num, num....

Cash was offered by five women to commuters at busy bus stations up and down the UK but an average of only eight people at each station, out of thousands of bus travellers, took up the offer.
Women wearing a sandwich board that read "Ask me to pay your bus fare and I will" were positioned at bus stations in Newcastle, Medway, Manchester, Perth and Leicester, but were mostly just ignored.
The experiment ran during morning rush hour each day for a week and just 38 people in total across the country accepted the offer.
When questioned, the minority who did eventually accept the free cash admitted they were reluctant at first because they thought the offer was too good to be true.
Those who did accept were generally teenagers, suggesting that the older we get the more cynical of goodwill gestures we become.

Bollocks-if someone offered me free cash I’d snatch their arm orf...

And finally:

Win Sein Taw Ya is the largest reclining Buddha in the world and at 30 meters high and 180 meters in length can be seen for miles.

Located opposite of the Buddhist shrine of Kyauktalon Taung, the reclining Buddha is filled with rooms that showcase dioramas of the teachings of Buddha and a shrine. When visiting the giant Buddha it should be remembered that despite the odd novelty of walking into a giant head, it is still a place of worship, and shoes should be removed before entering the shrine.

Wouldn’t work in Blighty everyone wears the same trainers....

And today’s thought:

Finally got it in Bernard


Friday, 9 December 2011

In or out: “L” of a motorway: Leaking Ark: Where’s the money: Grand sandwiches-70 of them: and Plastic manhole covers.

Not quite as cold as the coldest thing you can think of at the Castle this morn, the butler is inserting fat teenagers into the furnace at a rate of knots, his Maj is tearing around like a lunatic and I broke a tooth last eve while eating an apple-so much for “healthy eating”.

U-Turn Cam has refused to join an EU financial crisis accord after pointless negotiations in Brussels.
Britain and Hungary look set to stay outside the accord, with Sweden and the Czech Republic having to consult their parliaments on it.
A full accord of all 27 EU members "wasn't possible, given the position of our British friends," President Sarkozy said.
Mr Sarkozy said the eurozone countries would sign an intergovernmental accord aimed at stabilising the currency in the face of the debt crisis, plus any other EU members that wanted to join.

He could have told them “Non” by text, now all we need is a referendum....

Is allegedly going to let learner drivers on motorways from next year, the intention is to end the situation in which young drivers can be confronted with traffic driving at speeds of 70 mph or above without any preparation.
Under the plans announced by Mr Penning, it will be possible for learner drivers to undergo some training on a motorway but only if accompanied by a qualified driving instructor.
One of the snags is that the change will not be made compulsory because of the difficulties learner drivers in remote areas of the country would face in finding a motorway within a reasonable distance of where they lived.
Since taking office Mr Penning has stopped driving test centres publicising the routes which will be used during the examination.
He has also banned the publishing of answers to the theory test to prevent candidates learning by rote.
In a further change Mr Penning plans to ban trainee driving instructors giving lessons unless they themselves are supervised by a fully qualified colleague.

Ever seen a “young driver” going down a dual carriageway.... 

A leaky church roof could be about to give the world the chance to glimpse the legendary Ark of the Covenant.
No one has been allowed to see the holy object, described in scripture as being made from acacia wood, plated with gold and topped with two golden angels, except one solitary elderly monk, who must watch over the Ark for the remainder of his life, and is never allowed to leave the chapel grounds.
But now the chapel – which was designed by the Ethiopian leader Emperor Hailie Selassie – has had to be covered in a tarpaulin to stop rain getting in.The water damage could mean the Ark will be moved for the first time in decades giving religious worshippers and adventurers alike a chance to see it.

 Doesn’t work very well do it.......?

The head of bankrupt US brokerage firm MF Global, Jon Corzine, has told a congressional committee that he has no idea where its clients' money has gone.
An estimated $1.2bn (£760m) in customer cash is missing from accounts.
The company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy on 31 October after making a $6.3bn bet on European sovereign debt.
In written testimony read out to the committee Mr Corzine apologises to "all those affected" by the businesses failure.
"I simply do not know where the money is, or why the accounts have not been reconciled to date," he added.

Ah, the old “it wasn’t me guv” defence.

Lothian and Borders Police invited tenders for a £70,000 contract to provide sandwiches for the force, giving details of the length and flavours they were willing to accept.
The police force managed to stretch the description to 45 pages in a 10,000-word tendering document for catering firms supplying snacks to beat officers.
The force, which has up to £70,000 to spend on just 7,500 packed lunches per year, specifies that officers will require a baguette measuring 11 inches long, and containing one of 17 different fillings set out in a separate spreadsheet, which include brie and cranberry, smoked salmon and cream cheese and prawn mayonnaise.
It adds that 75 per cent of the baguettes must be made from white bread and 25 per cent from brown, and filled to “the standard size and weight stipulated by the British Sandwich Association”.
Crisps must be Walker’s, Mackie’s or “equivalent” and each packet must contain “no less than 34.5 grammes of product within the bag”.
As for the water bottles, they must contain “no less than 500ml of still or carbonated spring water” which must be “supplied from Scottish wells and springs and have been bottled in Scotland”.
Other sections of the document cover health and safety rules, requirements for environmentally-friendly packaging, compliance with anti-discrimination and anti-bribery laws, as well as a host of financial and legal clauses.
On Tuesday The Daily Telegraph reported that officers had complained “in vast numbers” about the choice of sandwich fillings in the snacks they were given, and in particular moaning that tuna, chicken and egg had a limited shelf life and exposed them to the risk of food poisoning.

Make your own bloody sandwiches then and save us seventy grand.

And finally:

A cunning plan has been devised to stop the drain on resources caused by metal thieves; North Somerset Council is trialling the use of the new plastic, anti-skid covers in Nailsea after scores of metal ones were stolen earlier this year.
A total of 19 manhole and drain covers, made out of wrought iron and costing around £4,000, were stolen from across North Somerset in just 48 hours in March.
The new plastic covers cost in the region of £400 each and last for around 15 years compared to the metal ones which cost around £110 but need replacing every five years.

Three and bit times the times the price for three times the life?

Anyway isn’t an anti skid manhole cover also known as a butt plug?

And today’s thought: