Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

The time has come the old fart said

To talk of many things: of dickhead Dave--and  gobshite George--of cabbages and kings--and whether pigs have wings.

Still more than bleedin hot, still no atmospheric movement, and just enough skywater over the dark thing to make the "muggy" even more so.

But the "new" Honda sailed through the MOT with no thingies, the "lawn" has turned into a giant wheetabix and I am having to stagger about with the watering can many, many times a day.

His Maj is full of the joys of something and the elbow still hurts more than a digital prostate exam.


So: in order:


Dickhead Dave, you know that bloke who lives in Downing street, isn't gay and leaves his kids behind in pubs.

I see that his latest "policy" is to tell us what we can and can't access on the interweb thingy, it appears that the only way to stop brats from watching porny stuff is to block it from every user in Blighty unless one wants to tell one's provider that one wants to watch porny stuff.

Here's an idea-why not put the onus on parents to police their ignorant, arrogant snotty nosed teens from banging one orf whilst "surfing".


Gobshite George-that other bloke who also lives in Downing Street, isn't gay and couldn't organise a stiffy in a knocking shop.

Allegedly alien reptile in disguise George (I want to plunge Blighty back into an even deeper recession than the Bankers managed) and chancer of the exchequer Osborne wants to lend mortgage money to people who can't afford it and guarantee the upcoming toxic debts with our fucking money.

He really doesn't have a clue does he.


Then we have the cabbages-otherwise known as the BBC "management" who seem to think that all and sundry in baking Blighty are so dim that we want to watch "news" about the birth of yet another Royal bloodsucker continuously for two endless fucking days and nights.


Expensive, boring Royal bollocks.


Which brings me to "Kings"

After what seems like nine months Pippa's sister has finally dropped the next, next, next King of Blighty amid thunder storms, lightening and torrential rain, and after looking at the pic I have come to the conclusion that the Anti-Christ has finally arrived,

Wonder if he will have ginger hair.
Do pigs have wings?
They must have if this .... millionaires club coalition think that they can sort Blighty out.


That's it: the elbow is giving me more than jip, still I can finally have some physio on August 20th, only three months after my General medic referred me.


Back again sometime....






Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Testing testing

Oodles of cloudy stuff, average lack of cold, not a whimsy of skywater (yet) and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

Real life has indeed been rather testing this last week or four, the elbow is still agony, the earliest I can get physio (and I would rather skip that route and go straight to the surgical option) is the middle of July and the quandary is that if I take the Tramadol I can do things but the old left handed brain cell loses its ability to string more than one word to another and vice-versa.

So I thought I would risk the pain and let "all" the friends, readers and commenter's know that I am still alive-physically at least. 

But I have managed to keep the garden looking fairly decent, and I decided to have the Honda serviced-Har-fucking-har, the cheapest I could find was £199 and the Honda people wanted nearly £400, so; I purchased the oil, oil filter, air filter, cabin filter and a set of plugs online for £33.50 with free delivery which arrived the next day. The service took me about an hour-including greasing up all the doors, handbrake, bonnet catch and various other bits and pieces.

 Up yours garages.....

And talking of places and people that rip you orf.


Otherwise known as the Ed Milli-Band has finally morphed into a Tory, now we have no choice whatsoever at the next election apart from old Niggle Garage and his unobtainable economic policies.


The multi millionaire leaders of most of the free world have gathered to work out how they will be able to get round the new agreements they will reach on tax evading/avoiding.

And what to do in the middle east, which has absolutely fuck all to do with the G8, us the Americans and everyone else apart from those in Syria who are quite welcome to blast each other to kingdom come, at least it keeps all the "terrorists" in one place.

Designers John Foden, 37, and Yannick Read, 42, have spent two years working on an advanced prototype of the ride able aircraft that they have called the Paravelo, which is capable to travelling at speeds of 15mph on land and 25mph in the air.

When cycling the bicycle tows a lightweight trailer carrying a powerful fan. In order to fly, the bike attaches to its trailer, a flexible wing is unfurled and an electric starter motor fires up the biofuel-powered fan.

The say they need £50,000 to finalise the design that could be brought off the shelf and have launched a kickstarter project to raise the money from investors.

To contribute to the project click here.

Think I'll pass on that one...what I don't need is cyclists plummeting from the sky onto the new-ish motor....

And finally


Old fart Arnie (I belong in a museum) Schwarzenegger is thinking of coming back as the Terminator in the franchise's fifth instalment next year.
The action star will be reprising his role as a futuristic cyborg for the first time since Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines from 2003.
The former Governor of California announced the news during a speech at the 21st Century Financial Education Summit event in Australia.
"I'm very happy that the studios want me to be in Terminator 5 and to star as the Terminator, which we start shooting in January," Arnie told fan-site TheArnoldFans.

Oh great-can't wait.....


That's it: I'm orf to blame the French for the prices dahn Tesco

And today's thought:
I didn't pay my license fee because-




Friday, 3 May 2013

Oh to be in Blighty

OK I’m back-maybe; more than enough solar stuff, not enough lack of cold, just enough atmospheric movement and not even a watering can full of skywater at the Castle this morn, the last week or two have been “interesting”-ish, rested the elbow a lot, still managed to mow the moss (with a bit of grass in it), bordered the borders, hedged the hedges, visited most of the friends I have that are still alive, went to some nice places, cleaned the nu-Honda, sorted out the cupboards and fixed the leak in the shed roof.

This time of year is a bit dodgy for me, “M”s birthday four days ago, my old Mums in two days and my Dads five days after that which may explain my apathy, laziness, indifference, sloth or lassitude regarding the blog, visiting, commenting etc or it might be that I just couldn’t be bovvered or that I had nothing to say.


Anyway; after lying in the garden for the last few days soaking up the vitamin “D” and turning a nice shade of Bliar I decided to sweep the dust orf the laptop and put digit to keyboard, one thing I have noticed is that the hit rate (around a thousand a day) hasn’t changed much since I stopped blogging-maybe there is a lesson to be learnt there.


There is the usual bollocks on the box, Auntie is still only “reporting” one story each day-today it is the “Local Elections” which I didn’t bovver to take part in mainly because I can no longer tell the difference between the combatants, but it appears that old Niggle Garage’s lot seem to have soaked up most of the “protest” vote, the other load of twats are still arrogant enough to brush it orf as “mid-term blues” and “let’s wait and see what happens in the general election”.


Meanwhile back in the real world; the gas and leccy mob have put up my charges by 50% plus, the water thieves are still taking twice what I should be paying, the interweb provider has bumped up the “line rental” by over ten percent and I won’t even mention the price rises dahn Tesco.


So all in all not a lot has changed in the last fourteen days apart from getting more expensive, the Gov is still fucking about with All and Sundry, and I have to wait until next Wednesday to get the results of the x-rays and other “tests” before I know whether the elbow is treatable or the organic mechanics are going to get involved.

So there we are; the status quo is still in force, the country is still buggered, the Millionaires Club Coalition still can’t find their rear exits with a colonoscope, the economy is still verging on the ridiculous and I still don’t give stuff.


But on the bright side the garden is finally coming to life-there are oodles of those blue flowers-you know-oh yeah-forget me nots, the Brucie hedge has bloomed, the bluebells are on the rise, the azaleas are about to burst into blossom, the mock orange is almost mocking and the roses are shooting up faster than unemployment.


That’s it: I’m orf to get the sun longer out of the dry shed.


And today’s thought:
That’s the last time I sunbathe in the nude.





Saturday, 30 March 2013

A strike: another strike: Debacle: another Debacle: Old farts house call: Rubbery bacon: and Lockheed’s quantum computer.

Late this non religious morn, took a couple of industrial strength painkillers to battle the elbow agony and zonked out for fourteen hours; the wevver is as usual-gargantuan amounts of lack of warm, gigantic amounts of lack of solar stuff, humungous amounts of lack of atmospheric movement and not a jot of skywater.

Those who are entrusted with the education of Blighty’s brats are allegedly going to press ahead with industrial action, despite a letter from the education secretary ruling out any retreat over changes to teachers’ pensions and performance pay.
Speaking at the beginning of the National Union of Teacher’s annual conference in Liverpool, general secretary Ms Blower said the union was not backing down.
"We are not rowing back from our position. We have put forward these reasonable demands and we want to talk to him about them," she said.
"Negotiation is about sitting across the table having an exchange and listening to people."

How about listening to the parents and children......


About 2,000 staff at Post Office Crown offices have gone on strike in a row over jobs, pay and closures.
Members of the Communication Workers Union have walked out at 370 sites in a dispute over proposals to close or franchise out 70 of the branches.

The union said the plans would affect hundreds of jobs and be a further blow for already struggling High Streets.

The Post Office said the union was ignoring "harsh realities", with the offices losing £40m a year.

Crown offices are Post Office branches directly managed by the company - as opposed to locally-run by sub-post offices - mainly based in major High Streets.

The Communication Workers Union (CWU) claimed that staff had not had a pay rise for two years.


Neither has anyone else....


Have admitted that they are no longer seeking to cut Britain’s benefits bill and is simply “managing” the increase in handouts.
The Secretary of the Dept of Witless Pillocks said that, unlike other European nations, the “reality is that this country is not cutting welfare”. He added that “all those on benefits will still see cash increases in every year of this Parliament”.
The Government’s Office for Budget Responsibility has shown that the total benefit bill will be almost £18billion higher in 2015-16 than in 2011-12 – the equivalent of about £1,000 for every household.
He was speaking ahead of the introduction of Universal Credit, which will begin to be rolled out next week and which will initially involve spending more on out-of-work benefits.


More than 4 million small companies have been told they can miss next month’s deadline for complying with the new Real Time Information (RTI) system, which will underpin the overhauled welfare rules.
Universal Credit will replace several existing benefits in a single welfare payment, and is intended to make sure that claimants are always better off in employment than out of work.
To ensure that work always pays more, Universal Credit payments will be adjusted regularly depending on how much claimants are earning in work. HM Revenue and Customs’ current PAYE system only tracks workers’ earnings on an annual basis.
Under the new RTI rules, employers should report wage payments to staff as soon as they are made – information that will then be used to adjust weekly welfare payments.
The Coalition this week admitted that the first pilot scheme for Universal Credit has been downgraded, meaning only one Job Centre will start accepting claims for the new benefit this month.

I see that “Plan A” is working well then....


An old folks’ bingo night descended into farce when two rival players had a punch-up.
Police were called as the OAPs in their late 60s traded blows after one accused the other of shouting “house” too early.
The crinkly clash stunned residents and staff ­gathered for the social evening in a community room of the council sheltered ­accommodation.
Officers were called by a housing official as the situation got out of hand.
One of the bingo battlers was given a warning by the council after the brawl at the home in Greasbrough, South Yorkshire.
Community policeman Simon Ellis said: “It was the first call of our evening shift and it’s definitely not the usual type of call we get.
“We spoke to both parties and gave them advice.
“We just said they can’t be acting like that. One of them will be getting a warning from the council. Staff didn’t want her arrested.”
A council spokeswoman said of the punch-up: “We have given one woman a tenancy warning about her future conduct.”

Dangerous game Bingo.....


A company has produced what they claim is the world's first bacon-flavoured condoms.
The savoury rubbers not only boast a meaty appearance but are said to taste like bacon and are coated in a bacon lubricant.

Seattle-based JD Foods say the product is for "a discerning bacon-lover that hates the smell of coconut and/or have always wanted to bring even more Bacon into the bedroom".

A statement from self-styled 'Bacontrepreneurs' Justin Esch and David Lefkow reads: "Truly the new standard of animal protein themed prophylactics Bacon Condoms are proudly made in America of the highest quality latex and rigorously tested to help ensure the utmost reliability and safety for when you're makin' Bacon.

"And as an added bonus, each Bacon Condom has been generously coated with J&D's baconlube? an ultra premium Bacon flavoured personal lubricant."

Johnny good?

And finally:

Lockheed Martin has gorn quantum, they have already bought an early version of the computer from the Canadian company D-Wave Systems two years ago —and  is apparently confident enough in the technology to upgrade it to commercial scale, becoming the first company to use quantum computing as part of its business.
Quantum computing is so much faster than traditional computing because of the unusual properties of particles at the smallest level. Instead of the precision of ones and zeros that have been used to represent data since the earliest days of computers, quantum computing relies on the fact that subatomic particles inhabit a range of states. Different relationships among the particles may coexist, as well. Those probable states can be narrowed to determine an optimal outcome among a near-infinitude of possibilities, which allows certain types of problems to be solved rapidly.

Super, smashing, quarks and stuff.....

And today’s thought:
No ‘Orses in this Chinese grub.

And don’t forget to time travel one hour into the future tonight.



Wednesday, 6 March 2013

Benefits of Blighty: Motoring poverty: Lambo Veneno: Best jobs in the world: Shit IKEA cakes and the latest advice from the Government.

Spring sprung and then buggered orf at the Castle this morn, immense lack of warm, sod all solar stuff, a whimsy of atmospheric movement and not a drop of skywater, still it was nice while it lasted.


Corporal Jones has nothing on the top dick at the Dept of Witless Pillocks (DWP) when it comes to running around like a headless ‘Orse bemoaning the fact that he ignored the up and coming influx of EU foreign nationals coming to the UK to claim benefits for the last couple of years.
But of course it isn’t the IBS twins fault apparently "he has been fighting a rearguard action over what was left to me by the last government."
And "The reality is that it is all right for [Labour] to moan but let's put the facts as they are - I inherited a habitual residency test which simply isn't fit for purpose. We are trying to tighten that up dramatically and I am being infracted at the moment by the European Union for doing that.

And you should be infracted you tosser, mind you being a LibDem you are probably used to it.


Nearly a million households are spending more than a quarter of their income running a car; the RAC Foundation has used data from ONS, the Government’s statistical service, to expose the extent of "motoring poverty".

It estimates there are 800,000 families trying to run a car with a disposable weekly income of no more than £167.

According to the Foundation’s calculations £44 – equivalent to 27 per cent of the total – is being spent on motoring costs.

This includes £16 to buy fuel and £8.30 a week for insurance.

Road tax accounts for £2.50 a week; and maintenance £4.80, with motorists having to allow £10 for the cost of buying the car and depreciation.

Thanks to, Dave, What’s his name, George, and the rest of the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition...


Lamborghini is showing what it calls a street-legal supercar, the Veneno – of which only three will be sold, each costing £2.6 million plus tax – at the 2013 Geneva motor show.
According to Lamborghini, its design is focused on maximum aerodynamic efficiency. The Veneno is based on the Aventador supercar, and shares its 6.5-litre V12 engine although in the Veneno it develops 50bhp more, at 750bhp. That, combined with a wind-cheating shape, should mean a top speed of 221mph.
The Veneno shown at Geneva is Lamborghini's development car, featuring red, white and green accents on the flanks to symbolise the Italian flag. The three customer cars will only have highlights in one of these colours.

Must check the bank balance-just in case


Tourism Australia has launched a search to find six lucky applicants to fill what it says are the best jobs in the world.
The six month positions each offer the chance to be paid good money to live in some of the most beautiful parts of Australia.
Jobs on offer include Chief Funster (New South Wales), Outback Adventurer (Northern Territory), Park Ranger (Queensland), Wildlife Caretaker (South Australia), Lifestyle Photographer (Melbourne), and Taste Master (Western Australia).
It is part of a campaign to promote tourism opportunities provided by Australia's Working Holiday Maker programme.
It targets travellers between 18 and 30 years of age, especially those from countries eligible for Australian working holiday visas, including the UK and Ireland.

For further details of the competition visit Tourism Australia's Working Holidays Facebook page, or

That’s me stuffed then...


They have now withdrawn almond cakes from its restaurants in 23 countries after bacteria normally found in faecal matter was discovered.
The group confirmed it was investigating claims that Chinese authorities had found "an excessive level" of coliform bacteria in two batches of the cake made by a Swedish supplier. The product remains on sale in its 19 branches in UK and Ireland, which are not supplied by the company under investigation.
Ikea said 1,800 Tarta Chokladkrokant cakes – described as an almond cake layered with chocolate, butter cream and butterscotch – were destroyed in December after being intercepted by Chinese customs officials. It said it was carrying out a full investigation with the supplier to ensure it would not happen again. 

And of course Ikea said in a statement: "There is no health risk associated with consuming this product. The production batches have, as per safety and quality routines, been tested for bacteria that can cause health issues, such as E coli, and none of these pathogen bacteria have been found. However, since the product does not comply with our strict food quality standards we have decided to withdraw the concerned production batches from sale in the 23 affected countries. The UK and Ireland are not affected."

So as well as making cheap nasty furniture they sell balls made of ‘Orse and cakes made of shit.

And finally:

The Government has issued some new signs

One for the Border Force

One for LibDems

And one for House of Commons visitors


And today’s thought:
Not funny really, is it

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Ailing Blighty: Food poverty: Supporting the rich: Church clucker: Crap Mars voyage: and the Crap bits of Bible.

More than the minimum of scrapey-scrapey stuff, multitudes of lack of warm, maximum lack of atmospheric movement and Dawn’s crack is a welcome sight at the Castle this morn.



According to “experts” the UK is lagging behind progress by similar countries on many indicators for ill-health, and that although average life expectancy has risen by four years since 1990, the UK needs to increase its strategies for tackling preventable problems such as heart disease and stroke.

‘Elf secretary Jezza CHunt has a cunning plan though; he is going to announce things which aim to cut deaths from major diseases by, for example, increasing screening for people with possible heart problems.

 It is of course our fault because some of us still smoke, even more of us are drinking too much and many, many people are eating the wrong type of foodstuffs. 

So if we give up the fags, take the pledge and spend a fortune on “approved” grub we could live a long, healthy and thoroughly miserable life until we are put on the Liverpool Pathway and die of starvation and thirst.


About 4.7million people are now in food poverty, a report claims today.
The poorest people are forced to spend significantly more than ten per cent of their income on food and non-alcoholic drinks, researchers found.
The very poorest households spend even more of their gross income, almost a quarter, on food.
Many people on low incomes may even be at risk of malnutrition with the poorest households cutting back on fruit by 20 per cent and vegetables by 12 per cent.
The study, carried out for Kellogg’s by the Centre for Economics and Business Research, comes as the food giant pledges to provide Trussell Trust food banks with 15million portions of cereals and snacks over the next three years.

Since the financial crisis began, the number of people fed by Trussell Trust food banks has risen from 26,000 in 2008 to 280,000 last year.

That’ll put us further up the league tables...


And alien reptile in disguise George (I wish I was WBanker) Osborne is orf to the place where sprouts come from in an effort to reverse the European Parliament's proposals to curb bankers' bonuses. 

He will of course fail miserably as is his way, and as he has failed more than miserably to “manage” the economy.

But at least he is sticking up for those that have much and still ignoring we who have fuck all as is his wont...


Photo: Guzelian

The Church by the Sea at Tampa, Florida, not only resembles a chicken, but a chicken with attitude.

Couldn’t resist it....


The man and woman aboard the Inspiration Mars mission set to fly-by the Red Planet in 2018Movie Camera will face cramped conditions, muscle atrophy and potential boredom. But their greatest health risk comes from exposure to the radiation from cosmic rays.
The solution-line the spacecraft’s walls with water, food and their own faeces.
Allegedly solid and liquid human waste products would get put into bags and used as a radiation shield – as well as being dehydrated so that any water can be recycled for drinking. “Dehydrate them as much as possible, because we need to get the water back,” Taber MacCallum, a member of the team funded by multimillionaire Dennis Tito said. “Those solid waste products get put into a bag, put right back against the wall.”
Food too, could be used as a shield, he said. “Food is going to be stored all around the walls of the spacecraft, because food is good radiation shielding,” he said. This wouldn’t be dangerous as the food would merely be blocking the radiation, it wouldn’t become a radioactive source.
The details of Inspiration Mars’s plans have yet to be clarified, but the team has said it will be using “state-of-the-art technologies derived from NASA and the International Space Station”. One idea that is already under consideration by the agency’s Innovative Advanced Concepts programme which funds research into futuristic space technology, is a project called Water Walls, which combines life-support and waste-processing systems with radiation shielding.

Good luck with that...

And finally:



A Finnish toilet paper maker has removed quotes from the Bible, including the words of Jesus that it inadvertently placed on its rolls after protests from some Norwegian church leaders.
Metsa Tissue was trying to convey messages about love but accidentally included lines from the Gospel of Matthew and First Corinthians on toilet paper sold in Norway, Denmark and Sweden.
The firm selected the quotes from Facebook submissions, including one from Jesus: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
It only realized its mistake when it received feedback.
"People like to read small, happy messages while sitting on the toilet," Christina von Trampe, a spokeswoman for Metsa Tissue, which produces the Lambi brand, told Reuters.
"The vast majority of the feedback has been positive. Our intention was to spread love and joy, not religious messages."
Laila Riksaan Dahl the Bishop of Tunsberg in protestant Norway was apparently not amused.

No bleedin sense of humour these religious types...


And today’s thought:


Friday, 1 March 2013

Ban the old boiler: Mr Bean gets the rope: The Sauce of it: Otter gotta lotta fish: and the Pedal powered Gamera II.

Still cold, still damp, still not a lot of atmospheric movement and still bugger all solar stuff at the Castle this first day of “spring”.
Back on the antibiotics due to yet another abscess on one of my remaining toofs, but they still refuse to yank them all out and give me something that doesn’t hurt.
And joy of joys my old fart’s bus pass arrived by snail mail yestermorn complete with a picture of someone I don’t recognise and an expiry date of 2018-I should be so lucky...


Gas boilers for home heating will have to be virtually eliminated by 2050 if the UK is to meet its carbon reduction targets and the use of petrol and diesel engines to power cars will also need to be "much less dominant" and replaced with electric power and biofuels, a policy meeting in the House of Commons heard.
The conclusions are based on modelling the likely shape of the energy sector in 2050 when greenhouse emissions will need to have fallen by 80% on 1990's level.
Professor Paul Ekins, one of the report’s authors, told MPs and peers home heating would "have to change radically" to meet carbon targets. Efficiency will have to be significantly improved for new and existing buildings with heat provided by electrically driven heat pumps and bioenergy.
District heating is another alternative, already in use in Denmark, where household boilers are replaced by centralised neighbourhood heating systems.
The internal combustion engine will be "much less dominant" by 2050, Ekins said, and replaced with battery powered and fuel cell vehicles.

Or they could use fat, carbon free teenagers like the Castle’s heating system....


Son of a B.......aronet and alien reptile in disguise George (I could use that rope now to hang myself) Osborne showed his non prowess at coordinated physical activity-otherwise known as skipping, and failed miserably, just as he is doing with the economy. 

Some people never change...


Westbound traffic on Interstate 80 is back to normal after Nevada Department of Transportation crews used snowploughs to remove thousands of bottles of ketchup that were strewn onto the freeway.
Sgt. Janay Sherven with the Nevada Highway Patrol said crews put sand on the ketchup and then cleaned up the debris.
Health officials also will declare the spilled ketchup a loss so it can be taken to the dump.

A tractor trailer carrying thousands of bottles of Heinz ketchup crashed on Interstate 80 near the Robb Drive overpass this afternoon, spilling its red contents onto the freeway and snarling traffic in the process.

That looks worse than the bloodbath in Eastleigh-click on the link over the pic to watch the video.

A fish farmer whose entire stock of 22,000 carp was eaten by otters lost his £2million compensation fight yesterday.
Brian Dodson, 60, alleged the Environment Agency had built otter dens to get them to breed.
But a judge at Cardiff High Court said the spread of otters in Tregarth, North Wales, was a “natural process”.
Mr Dodson has £10,000 costs. “I will have to go bankrupt,” he said.

Scales of justice?

And finally:
Students at the University of Maryland in the US are a step closer to claiming a sought-after prize for a human-powered helicopter flight.
The American Helicopter Society Sikorsky Prize was introduced in 1980 but has never been claimed.
The students' helicopter, the Gamera II, achieved a world record flight of 65.1 seconds in August 2012, but failed to qualify for the lucrative prize as their craft strayed outside the required area.
The students have now designed a control system to overcome this hurdle, and have their sights firmly set on the claiming the cash reward.
Gamera II weighs 32kg (71 pounds) and is powered by a combination of hand and food pedalling.
To claim the Sikorsky prize, a helicopter must fly under human power for at least 60 seconds. The craft must also reach an altitude of three metres and remain within a 10m square.
Named after Russian-American aviator Igor Sikorsky, the prize offers a $250,000 (£164,000) reward.

Qualifying flights must be certified by a representative of the world governing body for air sports and aeronautics world records, the FAI.

Spiffing, bet it would be much better with an engine.....


And today’s thought:



Saturday, 1 December 2012

Exorcise your demons: Another Boris balls up: Brazil’s bums: Fake plane crash: Real plane crash: and the Unicorn Lair.

Even more layers of scrapey-scrapey stuff, even less lack of cold, just about the same amount of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of Keats and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

The battery in the Honda is a bit low on charge (lack of use) and it needs a good run to get it charged up, if I can raise the funds for go juice.


The Catholic diocese of Milan has doubled the number of priests who practice exorcism and set up a hotline to deal with the volume of calls.
In an interview published on a Church-affiliated news website, it said it had increased the number of specially trained priests from six to 12.
It has also published the names and mobile telephone numbers of priests able to deal with such requests.
The number, set up in early November, will run for a few hours each day.
People calling it will be able to book an appointment to see a local priest with specific training.
Monsignor Angelo Mascheroni, who has trained priests to carry out exorcisms for the past 15 years, said demand had soared recently.
"Often, parents call me saying that their son or daughter doesn't go to school, that they are taking drugs or rebelling. There's no demon there but, at the age of 18, young people don't want any more limitations. It's important to be able to discern the different situations," Monsignor Mascheroni said.

Well; bugger them.....


His latest cunning plan while cycling around India is to lower the top rate of income tax for those who are not “all in this together” to 30pees in the squid.
Speaking yesterday on the final day of his tour, bonkers Boris said: “You’ve got tax rates here of only 30 per cent – a point George Osborne might like to brood on.
Asked later whether he would stand for parliament and eventually launch a Conservative Party leadership attempt, balls up Boris said: “Three-and-a-half years in politics … we will have to see what will happen.” However, he then added when asked about becoming Prime Monster: “I can assure you that it is about as likely as me being decapitated by a Frisbee.”


Look out Boris incoming Frisbee....


Next Friday is the grand finale of Brazil's annual Miss Bumbum pageant in Sao Paulo. Fifteen curvy young ladies are competing after surviving an online eliminatory round that drew representatives of the country's 26 states and the federal district Brasilia.
The contestants worked hard to prepare for the final, including taking surfing and jungle training courses to tighten their buns.

Should have gorn to Specsavers....


A Chicago TV station spent about 15 minutes reporting on a plane crash that turned out to be simulated for the TV series "Chicago Fire."
WGN-TV reported on the crash, which was a simulated scene around 8 a.m. Friday for NBC series "Chicago Fire," complete with a small plane with its left wing splintered off, police cars and ambulance and extras acting as spectators, WMAQ-TV, Chicago, reported Friday.
Police said they did not receive any calls about the fake plane crash, but the Chicago Fire Department sent out an alert asking residents to disregard the scene.

Had the same sort of thing at the Castle a few years ago-almighty explosion from the “common” just up the road-shook all the windows, turned out to be a scene from a Bond film that “they” didn’t want anyone to know about....


A Venezuelan Air Force jet performed for crowds during an air show at the Maracay-El Libertador airbase.
Video footage filmed by a bystander shows the Chinese Hongdu K-8 jet-trainer making a low pass over the airfield when the nose of the plane dips suddenly.
The crew make the split-second decision to eject from the aircraft. Their parachutes can be seen deploying as the aircraft slams into the ground, where it is quickly consumed by a fireball. Both crew members survived the crash.

That’s the way to do it...

And finally:

According to “researchers” the existence of the unicorn has been proven.
Archaeologists "reconfirmed" the existence of a "unicorn lair" in Pyongyang, once used by an ancient Korean king.
The report quotes Jo Hui Sung, director of North Korea's history institute, explaining how the find tallies with information in history books from the 16th century.
He says: "Korea's history books deal with the unicorn, considered to be ridden by King Tongmyong, and its lair.
"The temple served as a relief palace for King Tongmyong, in which there is the lair of his unicorn."
The Korean Central News Agency reports that archaeologists made the extraordinary discovery when they spotted a rectangular rock carved with the words "unicorn lair" 200m from the city's Yongmyong temple.

There’s a bit of luck a signpost...


And today’s thought:
Move over “Dave”




Monday, 19 November 2012

Clone “B” goes Maggie: Green and unpleasant bills: Rubbish council: Fossil surfing: Paper boy gets Voldrmorts’s goat: and diving pigs.

Lots of scrapey, scrapey stuff on the Honda, even more solar stuff, not a cough of atmospheric movement and a dribble of condensed skywater at the Castle this morn, the saga of the study is finally coming to an end-just a few more trips to the “recycling centre” a dash of furniture movement and I can close the door on the bleedin place.

As the wevver was clement-ish yesterday I took a day orf and went somewhere nice for a while, I must remember to take the camera next time.

And his Maj has discovered the top of the kitchen cupboards.


Clone “B” has apparently had a psychotic break and thinks that he is Margaret (I fucked up Blighty good and proper) Thatcher, and is allegedly trying to emulate her appeal as a "conviction politician" at the next general election.
The Ed Mili-band compared his call for an end to the "irresponsible capitalism" resulting from the political consensus since the Thatcher era with the former prime minister's economic reforms following the 1978-79 "winter of discontent".
And reckons that in his quest for radical change, he was inspired by his late father, Ralph Miliband, a Marxist academic.

Make your fucking mind up Tosspot...

According to “Power firms” a new government “green” charge will add significantly to household energy bills, the energy industry has accused ministers of underestimating the impact on households of its Energy Company Obligation (ECO) rules.
They will force companies to provide energy efficiency technology and home improvements to low-income households and others considered to be at risk of fuel poverty.
The scheme, due to start next year, will oblige firms to fund expensive modifications including cavity wall insulation.
Energy firms say ministers have understated the costs of the work, which will be recouped from other customers.
Energy UK, which represents the industry, is expected to publish a report by independent economic consultants suggesting the scheme will add as much as £50 to the average household bill.
That contradicts assurances from the Department for Energy and Climate Change, which is insisting that the changes will not mean additional costs for consumers.

Thanks a lot chaps: pot calling the kettle black? More like the kettle calling the kettle a kettle....


Council staff have removed a litter bin - after installing it around seven feet in the air attached to a bus stop sign in London Road, Stoke on Wednesday afternoon.
Don’t know why she is bothering, that Kiddly will never fit in the slot....


Some surfers made a discovery near Santa Cruz, Calif., yesterday, when they found what looked to be a fossilized row of vertebrae jutting out of some rocks during an "extremely low tide."

Apparently the bones are from an “extinct” Whale.

One surfer, Reddit user "Donkahones," snapped a picture of the old bones and uploaded it to the social news site with the light-hearted headline, "So I went surfing and saw a dinosaur."

Oh har-har-har, I almost started laughing...

14-year-old Jason Gessel was cycling along throwing papers into front gardens on his routine paper route when he was viciously attacked by Voldemort, the 18-month-old neighbourhood fainting goat In Smithfield, Utah.
Voldemort forced Gessel off his bike by head butting him, and then trampled him with his hooves.
“”It just freaked me out when it stood up on its hind legs and just wrapped its front legs around me and pulled me off,’” recounted Gessel.
The paperboy managed to get away but was then chased up a tree by Voldemort where he remained until being rescued by local police.

Should have gone-BOO!!!

And finally:

According to Huang Demin a farmer in Guanshan village, Ningxiang County, in China’s Huang Province encouraging his pigs to dive headfirst into a pond each day makes them taste better.
And reckons that his diving pigs also bring visitors flocking to his farm. He built a 10ft tall wooden diving board close to his pigsty so his livestock can enjoy a dive into the pond every day.
He thinks it makes the animals grow healthier and faster - and says they love it, although some of them need a gentle nudge.
And Huang says their aquatic antics improve their flavour so much he is able to charge three times the price of normal pork for their meat.

No wonder bacon is so bleedin dear....


And today’s thought:
Maggie Miliband.