Showing posts with label prison. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prison. Show all posts

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Piss Poor Olympics: No work-no benefits: Emergency toenails: Plastic Woodentop: Crossed wires: and Acapulco cocks and prostitutes.

Weather-same as yesterday plus a lot more than a whimsy of mist at the Castle this morn, the study is still full of ex parrots, and the garden is still only half vandalised because of the lack of dryness. 

Not being that interested in next year’s Olympics I didn’t bother to apply for the ticket lottery, but most of the 1.9 million people who did in the six-week first round of ticket sales ended up empty-handed.
A total of 1.2 million people received no tickets, with only 700,000 – 36 per cent – successful.
The Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition however has spent nearly £750,000 on 8,815 tickets for the “extravaganza”.
The Department for Culture, Media and Sport (DCMS) has been allocated 213 tickets for the opening ceremony, which cost £194,525, and 41 top-priced tickets for the opening ceremony, at £2,012.12 each. It has paid £71,490 for 143 tickets for the closing ceremony.
The DCMS submitted bids for tickets for the entire Government and, it is believed, its allocation will be shared out across all departments. Apart from £29,530 spent on tickets for the diving event, which will feature Tom Daley, 224 tickets have been bought for track cycling at the Olympic Park velodrome.

Hope “they” enjoy it.

People unemployed for more than two years could be forced to do compulsory community work or have their benefits cut, U-Turn Cam has announced.
The Prime Monster said people who failed to find work despite “intensive” mentoring for two years could be made to do 30 hours of community service a week for 26 weeks a year.
Under the “three strikes” rule, people who refuse to do the community work would initially lose their benefits for two weeks. A second refusal would cost four weeks of benefits and a third refusal would cost benefits for 26 weeks.
He said he wanted to teach people that they could not expect to claim benefits “in a generous compassionate society like ours” but not look for work.

And the jobs that the unemployed couldn't find are?

Women not being able to remove false fingernails and a man wanting his sick dog treated are just two of the “inappropriate” reasons why people go to accident and emergency, research found.
One father even rang 999 for an ambulance after being bitten on his ­finger by his guinea pig.
Other bizarre examples include a girl pleading for help after a hair dye disaster and another wanting someone to cut her toenails because she could not get a ­chiropody appointment.
One mother also took her child to A&E because he had stepped in dog excrement and she wanted staff to clean it off. And a ­distraught woman begged nurses to remove paint stuck in her hair.
Now a national campaign has been launched urging people to go to the right place for NHS help.
The Choose Well campaign ­features short films of these ­scenarios played by actors and is on YouTube.

Nice to see that Numptys are still around in force.

In an effort to reduce bad driving a dummy police officer holding a camera has been erected at the side of the road.
The fake police officer can be seen standing on the Zhengjiang Section of the Funing Highway between Shanghai and Nanjing in China.
It is hoped that its presence will deter people from driving unsafely.
If it doesn't, while the police officer may be fake the camera isn't and it records all the cars that pass the section of road.

Crafty lot those Orientals...

In Columbia, South Carolina, silver Jeep owner Andrew Jernigan connected jump-leads to 21-year-old friend Delaney Mills' red Volkswagen.
While attaching the jump cables to the batteries of the cars, they accidentally crossed the wires, attaching the positive cable to the negative terminal on the battery and vice versa.
After Andrew started his car up, the rubber melted off of the jump cables, making it impossible to remove them from the batteries of the cars. The battery of Andrew's jeep began to smoke.
"While calling 911 to report the case to the fire department, the battery caught flame. The fire began to spread very quickly across the entire engine of Andrew's car.
Within the 15 minutes that it took the fire-fighters to get to the scene, the flames had engulfed about three-quarters of Andrew's entire car and the flames reached about10 feet in height

 Mind you there was a 50/50 chance of the morons getting it right...

And finally: 

A surprise inspection of a jail in the Mexican resort city of Acapulco unveiled 19 prostitutes, two sacks of marijuana and 100 roosters for cock fighting, authorities have said.
The discovery came as 500 federal officers prepared to transfer some 60 inmates to maximum security prisons overnight Sunday to Monday, said Arturo Martinez, spokesman for federal anti-drug operations in the western state of Guerrero.
Police also found six female prisoners in the men's section of the jail, as well as sharp weapons, two peacocks, and luxury items such as plasma TVs, he said.
"We're investigating the probable culprits," said Martinez, spokesman for the federal operation which is working to stem a wave of violence blamed on organised crime in the region.

Fairly bleedin obvious I would have thought....and yes that is a picture of a “cell”.

That’s it: I’m orf to look for some dark sky with my Galileo gadget.

And todays Olympic thought: Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria.
I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."


Monday, 16 November 2009

Part time crims; Flash bang bus; Wrong type of man; Better late book borrower; Whisky with ice; and Creepy Santa

Monday again, BF300 overnight, I woke up feeling as if I have been beaten up by a bunch of psychotic elves with big elvy weapons.

And to cap it all I have the “dropsies” this dark and damp morn, so far I have managed to drop a 3Kg bag of dry cat food, which looks much more when it is spread across the kitchen floor; after cleaning that up I dropped a litre of milk which luckily bounced, but then after making my morning cuppa-down it went and landed in my favourite boots which were ready to don.

Then after my shower, I over squeezed the toothpaste tube and ended up with three inches of white stuff down the handle of the toothbrush, do you know how hard it is to get toothpaste back in the tube?

Anyone know how to get tea out of suede?

I see that one in five Primary school children are being Cyber bullied, and many of the 227 10 and 11-year olds questioned said they used social networking sites, even though users are meant to be over 13.

Campaigners say parents must learn how to help children protect themselves.

The Anti-Bullying Alliance (ABA), which is a charity bringing together 60 organisations, also released the findings of a survey of parents on cyber bullying at the start of 'Anti-bullying week'.

The research involved 1,163 people in England who have children aged between eight and 14. It was conducted by BMRB in October 2009.

The chairman of the ABA, Christopher Cloke, said: "Parents and schools need to be aware that cyber bullying is affecting younger age groups as more children get mobile phones and have computer access.

"Nationally we know that around 22% of secondary school pupils have suffered cyber bullying, but until now we did not know younger age groups were also seriously affected.

And when the gutless bullies grow up they become Blog Bullies.


Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg has called for the Queen's Speech to be cancelled and replaced with emergency reforms to "clean up politics".

Nick Clegg.....who cares.

First up:

The number of prisoners who are allowed out of prison overnight has trebled as the Government tries to ease overcrowding in jails.

The Conservatives say Ministry of Justice figures obtained by the party show the number of people granted a Resettlement Overnight Release (ROR) licence went up from 3,813 in 2006 to 11,559 in 2008.

Prisoners nearing the end of their sentence can apply for a number of ROR licences, which allow them to spend up to four nights away from their cells before release.

The Conservatives claim that because prisoners not in jail overnight are not counted in the prison population figures, the shortage of cells is being underestimated.

Shadow justice secretary Dominic Grieve said: "While there is a case for allowing some prisoners to stay home overnight as they approach release in order to re-establish community links and aid their transition back into society, overnight release should never be used simply because of a lack of prison cells.

"The trouble is that Labour's incompetent management has yet again brought prisons back to bursting point."

But a Prison Service spokesman said: "ROR exists to rehabilitate offenders and make communities safer, not to relieve population pressures. We are dealing with those pressures by putting in more prison places, with nearly 25,000 created since 1997.

Gives them a chance to case a few joints I suppose.

A FLASHER on board a Hamilton bus in New Zealand has led the driver to crash into a police station.

A 14-year-old male passenger allegedly exposed himself to a female passenger on the bus on Friday morning, causing her to scream.

The bus driver called his company office, who advised him to take the bus to the nearest police station.

When the bus arrived at the Hamilton North Community Policing Centre, the driver activated the emergency door lock, thinking the bus was in neutral.

But the bus was still in gear and rolled into the station entranceway, hitting an arch, cracking the bus windscreen and causing minor damage to the building.

No one was injured and the 14-year-old boy was arrested and charged with carrying out an indecent act.

No good deed...........

If you are amongst this lot:

Dominant men: Gone are the days when a male dominated society used to be the way of life. So, if the next time you try to show your superiority in front of your girl, it might land you in a tight spot.

Women prefer mates who're recognized by their peers for their skills, abilities, and achievements – and not those who use coercive tactics to subordinate their rivals, reveals a new study.

Expert says: Dr. Chirta Bakshi, a relationship counsellor says, “Dominant behaviour is highly opposed by a female partner as she wants to enjoy the bond with equal respect. In any relationship, if one partner tries to have the upper hand in taking all decisions and if they portray their dominant self, it will not do any good to that relationship.”

Macho guys aren’t always lucky: A macho guy with an angry young man personality might look good on silver screen, but when it comes to real life, women aren’t game to hang around with macho dudes. A recent study claims that macho guys don't always get the girls. The study further revealed that the most aggressive guys ended up with fewer wives and children.

Expert says: Personality development expert Varun Chhabra says, “Women today are more keen to pick a guy who flaunts a good body combined with a metro sexual image rather than the typical rough and tough hunk. Men who look tough from the outside and bear a soft heart within are women’s favourite.”

Keep sex starved men at bay: Men are usually sexually more charged up. But when it comes to choosing a mate, women don't opt for a sexually ravenous partner. This is maybe because for such men, sex is the top priority in the relationship whereas the woman continuously seeks love and romance, sans physical intimacy.

Expert says: Relationship and sex counsellor Dr. Geetu Bhardwaj shares, “It’s not that women are not keen to have sex with their partner, but a man’s sexual inclination does plan an important role when it comes to choosing their partner. Women generally aren’t too comfortable with the idea of being with a man who has sex on his mind throughout the day. In such relationships, things like understanding and love are secondary and sexual intimacy is all that matters for the male partner.”

Chauvinism is out completely: Remember Bobby Deol’s chauvinistic character in Dostana, which was enough to drive his lady nuts. An excess of anything is bad. Women don’t find a chauvinistic man a great companion to spend the rest of their lives with.

Expert says: Dr. Ratan Kumar, a clinical psychologist asserts, “There is a very thin line of demarcation between being a gentleman and chauvinist. A girl might love your care and concern, but your over chauvinistic attitude may irritate her at times. Make an attempt to give enough space to her and let the comfort zone be there as per mutual convenience.”

Using slangs won’t take you anywhere: Using abusive lingo every time you indulge in a conversation might lend you a cool dude look cool in front of your male peers, but girls don’t want to hang around with an abusive man. Being too abusive and stressing on using slangs too often is a ‘turn off’ for today’s women.

Expert says: Psychiatrist Dr. Anupam Randhawa states, “Men need to realise that a woman would like to be associated with a respectful and well-behaved mate. So using excess of slang language and abusive words during conversations can backfire. The reason why women keep such partners at bay is because they find it offensive when their man gets abusive as it comes as a gesture of disrespect to the relationship.”

That’s me totally bollocksed then.

A high school librarian in Phoenix says a former student at the Arizona school returned two overdue books checked out 51 years ago along with a $1,000 money order to cover the fines.

Camelback High School librarian Georgette Bordine says the two Audubon Society books checked out in 1959 and the money order were sent by someone who wanted to remain anonymous.

Bordine says the letter explained that the borrower's family moved to another state and the books were mistakenly packed.

The letter said the money order was to cover fines of 2 cents per day for each book. That would total about $745. The letter says the extra money was added in case the rates had changed.

Bordine says the money will buy more books, and the overdue books will be returned to the shelves.

Or just a pri..........?

A team of New Zealanders is preparing to drill in Antarctica in the New Year, and they hope to strike -- whisky.

Among the supplies British explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton abandoned on his unsuccessful 1909 expedition to the pole were two crates of the now extinct rare old brand of McKinlay and Co whisky.

Now Whyte & Mackay, the drinks giant that owns McKinlay and Co, has asked for a sample of the drink for a series of experiments, the Telegraph newspaper reported in London.

The New Zealanders will use special drills to free the trapped crates and rescue a bottle from the crates, discarded near the Cape Royds hut used by the Nimrod expedition, or at least draw off a sample using a syringe.

The crates were discovered in January 2006, but the bottle couldn't be removed as they were too deeply embedded.

Although the New Zealanders have agreed to try to retrieve some bottles, international protocols agreed by 12 Antarctic Treaty nations say the crates can be taken off Antarctica for only conservation reasons.

A program manager with the Antarctic Heritage Trust, Al Fastier, who is leading the expedition to Cape Royds in January, said he did not want to sample the contents.

He said: "It's better to imagine it than to taste it. That way it keeps its mystery."

The whisky was found under the floorboards of the hut while workers were clearing out a century's worth of ice.

Richard Paterson, Whyte & Mackay's master blender, has said that if he can get a sample, he intends to replicate the famous old whisky.

If the experiment is successful, original McKinlay whisky could be put back on sale.

"I really hope we can get some back here. It's been laying there lonely and neglected. It should come back to Scotland, where it was born.

"Even if most of the bottles have to remain in Antarctica for historic reasons, it would be good if we could get a couple."

Mr Paterson said the Shackleton expedition's whisky could still be drinkable and taste exactly how it did 100 years ago.

And then again...........

And finally:

A controversial giant Santa Claus decoration has been reinstalled in Auckland's city centre to the horror of some locals who say it is "too creepy".

The 20-metre-high fibreglass Santa has been attached to the side of a book shop in Queen Street over Christmas for almost 50 years.

But it has undergone major cosmetic surgery after Aucklanders complained his smile looked sinister and his beckoning finger was scaring children.

Last year, the Santa had broken apart and been stuck together with what looked like a giant band-aid.

It has been under the knife for the past four months, with Santa's face currently wrapped in white bandages that are due to be removed on Sunday.

But some locals say the bandages are creepier than the old face, with one mother looking up at the decoration saying: "This is every child's worst nightmare".

American tourist Edward said he could not believe his eyes when he saw Santa's face covered by bandages.

"Santa in bondage. It's a very funny thing. They just couldn't wait to bring it out," he said.

"He does look kind of sad up there, doesn't he?"

Aucklander Phil McGrath said he had just finished his banking when he noticed the face.

"He looks like he's had Botox. A bit of plastic surgery for Santa this year," he said.

"[The old Santa's] eyes were freaky, very scary. I remember taking my niece and she looked up and started crying."

The bandages come off on Sunday and Mr McGrath says he is going to come down to watch the unveiling.





Angus Dei politico

Saturday, 15 November 2008

It’s Saturday

Seeing as it is the above day just a few quick ones.

The G20 summit is taking place in the Whitehouse. I would just like to make a plea-if there is a God-NOW, PLEASE NOW.

Another thing is: I have just downloaded and installed IE8 Beta. And ten minutes later I uninstalled it. It’s a load of crap every time you open a web page you get a message that your Add-Ons’ are disabled even if they aren’t. Or a message asking if you would like to disable the add-on or check for updates.

Conclusion- it’s a load of old bollocks, I know it’s a Beta but wait until the finished product is available, and then think about it.

This one I love-BBC NEWS World Europe Inmate escapes German jail in box

An inmate of a West German Prison escaped by getting into a cardboard box and “posting” himself out of the jail.

It goes to show that “security” is just as bad in other countries. My only thought is where did he get all the stamps.
That’s all.

No it isn’t, I have had a sudden burst of energy and since it’s been four years and I have no other means of “relieving” my energy, here’s some more.

I know I say some stupid things at times, but this lot make me feel almost intelligent.
So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?»— Christina Aguilera

“If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure”- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

“Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life”- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

“I think war is a dangerous place”
- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. (May 7, 2003)

“I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman”- Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but “cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”- Mariah Carey, pop singer

“It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it”
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

And really finally some odd but true names for cities.

French Lick (Indiana, USA)

Boring (Oregon, USA)

Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)

Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)

Why (Arizona, USA)

Blowhard (Australia)

Fart (Virginia, USA)

Climax (Michigan, USA)

Truth Or Consequences (New Mexico, USA)

And, I suppose there had to be one.

Fucking (Austria)
That really, really is all(maybe).