Yesterday went swimmingly, had a nice day and went out for dinner with some friends (yes I do actually have some), went to bed and slept like a baby, woke up covered in dribble and I had pissed myself.
Which brings me to a small gripe. I received several emails from mates in London asking me if I liked the birthday cards and gifts they sent me.
Sadly my answer was no, because I didn’t receive them, and the reason why? The Numptys at “Royal Mail” and the turnips that are on strike for god knows what, although it isn’t for money according to the placards they are holding up.
The other thing they are holding up is MY BLOODY MAIL! Along with about nine million other peoples’, so a small cloud has formed over the Angus castle because there is nothing worse than getting your birthday cards after your perishing birthday.
Rant over. No it isn’t, the BBC has dragged that inane, jumped up, slightly effeminate prog, Strictly bleedin ballroom out of the wardrobe, the BBC “news” this morning consists of interviews with the desperate “celebs” taking part in the waste of my license fee and being paid royally for it along with all the “partners”, the choreographers, and uncle Tom firkin Cobbly and all.
God help me, it’s ITV for me for the next however many weeks it lasts.
Double rant over.
Middle-aged smokers with high cholesterol and high blood pressure could see their lives cut by a decade, according to researchers.
The three combined risk factors cut life expectancy by 10 years among over-50s compared with people who do not smoke and have normal blood and cholesterol levels.
People with other health worries, such as being overweight, could fare worse, shaving 15 years off their lives.
The stark warning comes as the result of a study on 19,000 men, who were followed for an average of 38 years.
And who was the target for this amazing “new” research:-
Experts led by Dr Robert Clarke from the University of Oxford assessed life expectancy in middle age, looking at different factors that could heighten the risk of dying early.
The men who took part were aged 40 to 69 and were civil servants in London when they were first examined between 1967 and 1970. Each man filled in a questionnaire about their previous medical history, smoking habits, employment grade and marital status.
Now, if they had chosen manual workers, or people who actually move a bit during the day I would be worried, but a 38 year study of office workers doesn’t really put the point over.
One in seven Germans want the Berlin Wall back because they were better off when the country was divided, according to an opinion poll published on Wednesday ahead of the 20th anniversary of its collapse on November 9, 1989.
The survey of 1,002 Germans by the Forsa institute published in Stern magazine said 15 percent of the country's 82 million long for the days when there were two Germanys. Some 16 percent pining for the Wall were westerners and 10 percent easterners.
The survey found that many westerners are bitter about higher taxes to pay for rebuilding the formerly communist east, where some 1.2 trillion Euros ($1,762 billion) worth of state funds has been transferred in the last 20 years.
Eastern Germans are unhappy about income levels that are on average only 80 percent of western levels and that due to higher unemployment depopulation is decimating parts of the east, where the population has declined by about two million since 1990.
The poll found 55 percent of Germans believe unification could be helped if a "solidarity tax" to help fund the costs of rebuilding were abolished while 50 percent believe higher pensions for easterners would help ease east-west tensions.
You just can’t please some people.
A mystery creature reportedly beaten to death by a group of teenagers in Panama is the subject of much speculation on the web.
The beast's hairless, rubbery body and revolting features have drawn comparisons with the Montauk Monster, the still-unidentified animal photographed on a New York beach last year.
According to reports in Panama, the teenagers spotted the creature crawling out of a cave while playing in the town of Cerro Azul north of Panama City.
Fearing for the safety as it moved towards them, the youths claim they attacked the beast with sticks before throwing its lifeless body into a pool of water.
They returned later to take pictures of the corpse which were then posted on the website of the Central American country's Telemetro television station.
The images have since bounced around various cryptozoology blogs, with several explanations suggested for what it might have been.
A hooked claw visible in one of the photos has been cited as evidence for the popular theory that the creature was a sloth that somehow lost its hair.
Fairly obvious what it is:-Golum from lord of the Rings.
Researchers found that women are overcome by a burning desire to share gossip as soon as they hear it.
They will typically spill the beans to at least one other person in 47 hours and 15 minutes.
Depending on who the gossip is about, their boyfriend, husband, best friend or mother are most likely to be the initial recipients of the information.
The study of 3,000 women aged between 18 and 65 also found that four out of ten admitted they were unable to keep a secret – no matter how personal or confidential the news was.
It also found that alcohol usually gives us a helping hand to blurt out secrets – with more than half admitting a glass or two of wine could prompt them to dish the dirt.
Michael Cox, UK Director of Wines of Chile, which commissioned the research to mark Chile's National Day on Friday, said: "It's official – women can't keep secrets.
"No matter how precious the piece of information, it's often out in the public domain within 48 hours.
"That means every single Brit who has confided in a friend should be worried because they don't know where their secret is heading.
"The fact they offload gossip to someone completely unrelated to the matter or in a different social group can be comforting but while nine in ten girls deem themselves trustworthy – they still have spilt the beans.
"And juicy gossip can really flow after a couple of glasses of wine."
The study found the nation's ladies hear three nuggets of gossip a week, but end up passing it on to at least one other person.
Six in 10 end up telling someone completely uninvolved so the person the secret belongs to won't know.
Three in 10 admitted having the urge to reveal someone's secret. Nearly half (45 per cent) disclose secrets just for the weight to be lifted from their shoulders.
However, two thirds end up feeling guilty are passing on secrets.
Three quarters say they are capable of keeping quiet about a secret, and 83 per cent consider themselves 100 per cent trustworthy within each group of friends.
Yet, four in ten admit to gossiping to a close friend from another friendship group.
More than four in ten think it is acceptable to share a friend's secret with someone who does not know them, with over 40 per cent saying their husband is their ultimate confidant.
Fortunately for some though, over a quarter (27 per cent) said they forgot what they were told the following day.
Now. I have heard this about ..............
The world's biggest burger has been unveiled, weighing in at more than 13 stone.
The enormous meal sells for 499 dollars (£302) at Mallie's Sports Grill and Bar in Southgate, Michigan, USA.
Restaurant owner Steve Mallie said it took eight hours to bake the bun big enough to hold the 185lb (84kg) burger.
''I've worked my entire life to build this restaurant and being able to have the notoriety of Guinness makes it just that bit more rewarding.''
The burger is baked for 15 hours before it is topped with cheese, lettuce and tomato and wheeled out into the restaurant on a trolley.
He said: ''Being in the Guinness World Records book is the greatest accomplishment we've ever done.
So giving customers healthy food is not on the menu then.