Showing posts with label shit for brains. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shit for brains. Show all posts

Friday, 18 January 2013

Shit for brains Shapps: Still U-Turning: Lock, stock and pussy: Big Nugget: Streaker teacher: and the Invisible man returns.


Less than a lot of warm stuff, not a puff of atmospheric movement, and dawn’s crack is still missing, as I sit here watching the onset of the white fluffy stuff the butler is using both conveyor belts to feed fat, carbon neutral teenagers into the furnace.
Apparently we are going to get quite a lot of snowman building blocks dahn ‘ere in ‘Ampshire which will of course bring the ’Ome counties to a standstill, buses will be cancelled, trains will not run, schools will close, deliveries will not be delivered and All and Sundry will be sat in front of their computers at home instead of going to work. 

It really is no wonder that Blighty is going dahn hill so fast, “when I were a lad” back in 1963 I remember walking two miles to school in two feet of snow, my mum and dad walked 3/5 miles respectively to get to work, teachers managed to report for duty, shops had plenty of “essentials” because they used a bit of common sense and stocked up, even postman Pat struggled through the wevver to deliver the mail.
But today it seems that the younger man/woman in the street can’t travel more than two hundred yards without the internal combustion engine, the slightest hint of white fluffy stuff is enough for them to abandon work, school and normal life and to have a day or four orf because of inclement wevver.

Come on Blighty, get up orf your arses and get out there, if you can walk to work, walk to school show a bit of spheroid strength and get on with life despite the scaremongering of “them” that think we are all gutless losers.

After all we could always use the uneaten ‘Orses to get about...
And talking of things that are not normally in our food chain, allegedly Tesco have abandoned meat altogether and are stocking a new type of vegetable that sums up the “management”. 
From my old mate Bernard cometh the Brazilian Chuchu.


Are thinking of doing yet another 180, this time over the plan to give tax breaks and "free" state-funded hours of childcare to millions of working families, the proposals were due to be announced as part of the Government's mid-term review and help off-set criticism of the decision to withdraw child benefit from taxpayers earning over £60,000 a year. At the same time Elizabeth Truss, the minister responsible for childcare, was due to announce new rules to allow nurseries to look after up to eight children for each member of staff. Currently the limit is four.
But the Treasury is understood to be concerned at the cost of the proposals – which could be worth around £2,000 a child – could lead to thousands of stay-at-home mums going back into the workplace.
This, officials fear, could create a funding black-hole at a time when budgets across all Government departments are under intense pressure.
At the same time the Liberal Democrats are worried that the plans to relax child/staff ratios could damage the standard of care provided. Nick Clegg has made it clear that he will refuse to sign off on any policy "which jeopardises standards."

So far the Coalition's ruling 'quad' of David Cameron, George Osborne, Nick Clegg and Danny Alexander has met twice in an attempt to iron out the differences between the Treasury and the Department of Education.

No change there then....


Has proven why we are so bollixed up in Blighty, discussing whether we should consider eating horse meat as a cheaper alternative to beef in times of austerity, shit for brains Grant Shapps thought he had come up with a neat explanation for why we do not: namely that we only eat herbivores.
Speaking on BBC One’s Question Time programme, he said this week’s revelations about the presence of horse DNA in some beef burgers had set him wondering “why we think some animals are socially acceptable to eat and others are not.”
The reason, he suggested, boiled down to a simple formula.
“I think the answer is we basically eat animals that don’t eat animals,” he said. “So we eat animals that eat grass and what have you.”

Ye fucking Gods.....



Have been outdone by a ginger cat named Orlando which won the investment challenge in the The Observer portfolio challenge.
Each team invested a notional 5000 pounds ($7600) in five FTSE All-Share companies at the start of 2012, allowing them to exchange stocks every three months with others from the index.
Although Orlando was trailing in September, an unexpected turnaround in the last quarter saw the feline’s portfolio increasing by an average 4.2 per cent to end the year at 5542.60 pounds, compared with the professionals’ 5176.60 pounds.
While the professionals stuck to traditional methods, Orlando selected stocks by throwing a toy mouse on a grid of numbers allocated to various companies.
To celebrate Orlando's success, owner Jill Insley, bought him a red collar in the style of Urquhart-Stewart's red braces.

And the other tossers celebrated by going dahn the job centre.


Michael Cooper unearthed a 5.5kg Y shaped gold nugget with a metal detector near the town of Ballarat in Victoria.

I’m orf to send the butler to check out the garden-just in case


A teacher could be struck off for running around naked in front of his stunned pupils.
David Bradley, 55, who was awarded an MBE for services to young people, streaked across a field in full view of students aged 12 and 13 during a school camping trip.
The Teaching Agency has found Bradley guilty of unacceptable professional conduct.
Panel chairman John Pemberton told him he had “failed to maintain the appropriate boundaries... between pupils and teachers”.
Bradley was in charge of 11 youngsters when he ran naked from the barn where the group were camping.
He told the hearing in Coventry: “The lads streaked for a joke and said ‘come on, sir, have a go’.
"At the time I realised it was inappropriate.”

 So why do it then you Plonker....

And finally: 

Photos: Eli Klein Fine Art
Liu Bolin, the man who took the international art world by ‘storm’, in 2009, with his incredible ability to merge with the environment, has returned with a new series that makes him even harder to spot.
Nicknamed the “Invisible Man”, Liu Bolin is a master of camouflage art who spends up to 10 hours blending into various backdrops, with the help of paint. He puts on a suit and waits patiently as his helpers cover him in paint matching the colours of the background, until he becomes almost impossible to spot. Passionate about his art, this human chameleon he tries to get every little detail, every crack and crevice just right for that one perfect snapshot. His latest exhibition, “Hiding in the City”, at New York’s Eli Klein Art Gallery.


Spiffing; now get a life….



And today’s thought:
Snow Joke 


Saturday, 18 August 2012

Generation shit for brains: face-kinis and morphsuits: The Sphinx observatory: Shoe socks: Christian tomatoes: and Avez-vous re├žu de l'argent?

Loads of lack of cold, oodles of blue stuff above, not an atom of wet stuff and several long white things across the atmosphere from big silver birds with the vapours at the Castle this morn.
His Maj is still kidnapping amphibians and here is one he brought me at 9pm, which he left in the kitchen and frightened the brown runny stuff out of me when I turned the light on and it leapt across the floor...

All the problems in Millionaires Club Coalition Blighty are dahn to 'lazy' baby boomers, five MPs who are all 40 or younger and entered Parliament at the last election, are publishing a new book in which they say that "lazy" Brits prefer a lie-in to hard work.
Due to be published on the eve of the Conservative Party election, the book, called Britannia Unchained – Global Growth and Prosperity, also criticises the "baby boomer" generation for seeking to raise taxes for young workers to pay for their lavish pension pots.
Kwasi Kwarteng, Priti Patel, Dominic Raab, Chris Skidmore and Elizabeth Truss describe British workers as among the "worst idlers" in the world, and urge David Cameron to reform work places along the lines of the Asian, rather than the European model.
In the book, the group also claim that the country is being dragged down by support by baby boomers in their 60s and 70s for higher taxes in order to fund their pensions and live in comfort.

Oh dear, it seems that Thatcher’s generation has inherited the “it isn’t the governments fault” gene, and it is the old farts that make policy-I wish I could....

Chinese ­beach-goers are covering up from head to toe in morphsuits and face-kinis in a variety of colours and designs.
Face-kinis first appeared a few years ago made from scraps of material found around peoples home.
The craze has hit the shores across Qingdao, north-east China, and masks are being made to meet everyone’s tastes in a variety of colours and designs.

My brain hurts.....

The Sphinx observatory is located at Jungfraujoch in Switzerland at an altitude of 3,571 metres.
The observatory provides unique conditions for successful research in various disciplines such as meteorology, astronomy, glaciology, physiology, radiation, and cosmic rays.
When the Jungfraujoch station opened in 1912 (which is also the highest railway station in all of Europe), Jungfraujoch became the number one place for scientists to conduct research under conditions of high altitude. At first the scientists worked in harsh conditions and lived in temporary shelters. Eventually, the Sphinx observatory was built in 1937 to accommodate eager scientists.
The Sphinx observatory is built on a steep cliff. The mountain top has been tunnelled to fit an elevator which ascends to the observatory from the Jungfraujoch train station. The main-part of the Sphinx is used by scientists but for the tourists there is a metal-grate terrace surrounding the building on all sides that provides a stunning 360 degree view of the Great Aletsah Glacier, of the snow capped Alps, and of the green valley down below. From the metal grating one can see 11,333 feet of abyss down below.

Sod that...

A Swiss company has designed a pair of socks designed to be worn for walking without shoes.
The Swiss Protection socks are designed to replace shoes altogether and make the user feel barefooted.
They even have spaces for each of your toes - in the same way fingers fit in a glove.
Designed by the Swiss Barefoot Company, the ultra durable footwear is reinforced by PVC soles which helps make them cut-resistant.
The Swiss company believe the socks are ideal for people who like to go barefoot and could be used for outdoor activities such as rock climbing.
Dieter Hesch, owner of The Swiss Barefoot Company, said: "It took many years of technical research and designing to create what we have now.
"I'm very happy with it and I even think the Swiss Protection Sock could become fashionable.
"We're also working on a new sock design which we think people will be able to run marathons in."
The socks come in long and short sizes and are available for about £45.

Cheaper to buy shoes, I think the altitude is getting to the Swiss....

Apparently a Salafist group from Egypt appears to be trying to retract a post on Facebook that warned that eating tomatoes are "forbidden because they are Christian."
The Muslim traditionalist group, calling themselves the Popular Egyptian Islamic Association, apparently still finds tomatoes offensive if they are cut in such a way that reveals the shape of a cross, according to the Now Lebanon website.
Along with a photo of a tomato cut in half to reveal what could be viewed as a cross, the group originally posted on Facebook: "Eating tomatoes is forbidden because they are Christian. [The tomato] praises the cross instead of Allah and says that Allah is three (a reference to the Trinity).

According to a translation by Now Lebanon.

"[God help us]. I implore you to spread this photo because there is a sister from Palestine who saw the prophet of Allah [Mohammad] in a vision and he was crying, warning his nation against eating them [tomatoes]. If you don't spread this [message], know that it is the devil who stopped you,"

Wonder what they think of cucumbers?


And finally:

Passengers on Air France Flight 562 were asked to open their wallets to check if they had enough cash to pay for more fuel when their plane made an emergency landing in Damascus.
The plane, heading from Paris to Lebanon's capital, diverted amid tensions near the Beirut airport on Wednesday. Low on fuel, it instead landed in Damascus, the capital of neighbouring Syria, where a civil war is raging.
An Air France spokesman explained Friday that the crew inquired about passenger cash only as a "precautionary measure" because of the "very unusual circumstances." Sanctions against Syria complicated payment for extra fuel.
He said Air France found a way to pay for the fill-up without tapping customer pockets, and apologized for the inconvenience. He wouldn't say how the airline paid, or how much.

The Boeing 777, carrying 185 people, took off for an overnight layover in Cyprus then landed safely in Beirut on Thursday. 

Surprised they didn’t put the plane in reverse and fly back to France....

That’s it: I’m orf to eat some walnuts-just in case 

And today’s thought:
Shit for brains generation.