Showing posts with label snails. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snails. Show all posts

Thursday, 30 June 2016

Stop your bloody moaning: Brown Bum: slimy German: and Oh Sssssshit....

Vast amounts of residual skywater, not a glimpse of dawns crack, a touch of atmospheric movement and a mixture of lack of cold and hot at the castle this morn. 

Since just over half of Brits decided to give the EU the soldiers farewell “they” have not stopped moaning, “they” being the 27 remaining countries who are pissed orf because a) Germany and France will have to take up the slack and pay more into the bottomless well known as the European coffers or b) the other 25 countries will have to take less money than they think they deserve.

“They” are also that very annoying Scottish “bird” Nicola Sturgeon who seems to have got her panties in such a twist that her voice has raised half an octave over the fact that Scotland apparently voted to remain and has been whingeing and brown nosing around Europe in an effort to get special dispensation for said Norf country.

Unfortunately both France and Spain have said they oppose Scotland negotiating separately from the rest of the UK to stay in the EU. 

So unless she can persuade Parliament to let them have a second “freedom” referendum, win that and then apply to the EU to join she is to use the vernacular-stuffed.



“They” includes that annoying Northern Irish “bloke” Martin McGuinness who is moaning on about "I believe that the mandate that we got during the course of the referendum to remain puts us in a very special place,"

See above Martin.

“They” also include the Bremain MPs who cannot seem to fathom that they asked the electorate a question and got an answer.

 So come on you lot, accept the truth, we are going, stop your bloody moaning and get over it, we won you lost. Nah nah nah nah nah.....



People in a Novosibirsk, Russia, neighbourhood say police have done nothing about a woman who sunbathes by hanging her legs and exposed bum out of a second-story window every day, for hours at a time.

Locals say they are concerned the skin show is visible to children, but police have yet to stop her from her near daily routine.


Anal neighbours?


German police say a driver lost control of his car after slipping on a slimy trail left by a procession of snails that were making their way across the highway.

The car -- an old East German Trabant -- flipped over and was wrecked, but the driver was unhurt.

Police said the incident happened early Wednesday near Paderborn, about 350 kilometres (220 miles) west of Berlin.


Surprised it got that far......


And finally:



A man in Thailand suffered huge blood loss after a python sank its fangs into his penis while he was sitting on the toilet.

Atthaporn Boonmakchuay tried desperately to break free after the huge snake attacked in the bathroom of his home in Chachoengsao, east of the capital Bangkok.

The 38-year-old reportedly reached down with his hand after feeling a sharp bite - only to discover the serpent's jaws clamped around the tip of his penis.

Atthaporn screamed out for his wife as he thrashed around trying to dislodge the 11ft python.

Moments before collapsing, he managed to tie rope around the snake's head and tie it to the bathroom door.

Note to self: place large amount of rope in the bathroom.

That’s it: I’m orf to mine some helium


And today’s thought:

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~ Albert Einstein ~



Wednesday, 15 April 2009


After yesterdays “non” post it happened, this morning at 6 am my alarm went off as usual and I thought “just another ten minutes” I had just closed my eyes and there was an enormous clap of thunder followed by the heavens opening and the rain came down as if someone had poured a giant bucket over the house, and then another clap of thunder.

OK I take the hint, so here are some “news” stories.

A Welsh grandmother came up with the perfect solution after her garden became infested with snails - she's eating them. Ananova

Oriole Parker-Rhodes was unwilling to trample on or poison the creatures, reports the Daily Mail.

So she regularly feasts on their meat, claiming they are higher in protein and lower in fat than beef.

Miss Parker-Rhodes, 59, of Anglesey, said: "Last summer it was really wet and warm - ideal for snails. I had hundreds in my garden. I was treading on them, and they were also eating our home-grown potatoes.

"I'm quite an organic, perma-culture sort of person and didn't want to trample or poison them. That would be against my principles. So I thought eating them made sense."

Miss Parker-Rhodes has now set up an internet blog with recipes at

Couple of things:-yeuch! And what is a “perma culture sort of person”?

Again, from Ananova Astonished surgeons have removed a two-inch long fir tree growing inside a patient's lungs.

Doctors thought Artyom Sidorkin, 28, had cancer when he began coughing up blood and complaining of agonising chest pains.

But as they operated to remove a tumour, the medics were amazed to discover the perfectly formed spruce thriving inside the lung.

"I blinked three times and thought I was seeing things," said surgeon Vladimir Kamashev at Izhevsk Hospital in Russia.

Doctors believe that Artyom breathed in a tiny seed which then began growing in his lung and that the sharp pains were the plant's needle-like leaves digging into his lung.

My mum always told me not to eat the apple pips.

We think our health service is “iffy” Say What? A Wisconsin nurse was called out of surgery so a health care manager could tell her she was being laid off.

The manager at Dean Health System’s West Clinic in Madison violated medical protocol, according to the Sheboygan Press, when the employee pulled the nurse out of the operating room last week.

A spokesman for Dean Health said the procedure was minor, and the patient wasn’t affected. He declined to name the employees involved or say what type of surgery the nurse was attending when she was told of her layoff.

Err, anyone know how to stitch someone up (think about it)

A DAD was hauled out of bed and arrested for having an ornamental PIG in his garden — after his policeman neighbour claimed it was put there to poke fun at him.

The Sun Shocked Robin Demczak, 57, was dragged off to cells and held for more than 6½ hours as the constable’s colleagues grilled him about the porcelain porker.

He was finally freed without charge after explaining the black pig with white spots had been there for eight years — while the officer had only lived next door for FOUR.

Fuming window fitter Robin — who used to have a PIGGERY in his back garden — slammed the swoop yesterday.

He said: “I was in bed and I could hear police cars outside.

“I was thinking, ‘What’s going on?’ Then I was dragged out by police, arrested and chucked in the back of a police car.

“I was held by them for almost seven hours because having the stone pig apparently counted as harassment.” Neighbour PC John Ablett called in his colleagues

Following a simmering 18-month feud over a footpath that splits his back garden from Robin’s in Witney, Oxfordshire.

The traffic cop insists the former pig farmer has no right to use it.

Robin said: “PC Ablett had me arrested because he didn’t like me keeping my 12-inch porcelain model pig in the back garden.

Although he was freed without charge, Robin was ordered to REMOVE the ornamental pig from the garden of his £200,000 home.

He was also told to STOP calling his outbuilding a sty.

Yesterday Thames Valley police confirmed officers were still looking into the complaint made against him.

A force spokesman said: “We can confirm that a man was arrested on suspicion of harassment in relation to the incident.

“He has been released without charge. But the investigation is still ongoing.

“There was an ornament in the garden and also some writing on a wall.” PC Ablett was last night unavailable for comment.

So who is telling “Porkies” then? News A VENGEFUL wife has struck fear into Venice's gondoliers by telling tax inspectors her husband has been taking them for a ride – financially.

A tax investigation was launched after the woman – who was involved in a messy divorce with her gondolier husband – decided to take revenge.
She told them that her husband and the city's other gondoliers were giving false returns and substantially under-declaring their earnings. As a result, Italy's version of the Fraud Squad has launched an investigation into the city's 400 gondoliers.
They are a symbol of Venice, which attracts more than 20 million tourists a year.
Official fees start at 100 (£93) for 50 minutes, with each additional 20 minutes 50, but visitors are often unaware of this and are charged double or even more.
The gondoliers have long been suspected of tax evasion. Many of them declare earnings of between 10,000 and 15,000 a year, but the true figure is said to be double that. As a result of the investigation gondoliers are said to be "getting very nervous.”

A Woman scorned!

And finally: News

The hand of…………..?

A SPINNING star resembling a giant cosmic hand has been captured in images taken by a Nasa observatory orbiting miles above the Earth's surface.

The Chandra X-ray Observatory pictured the star, which measures 12 miles across, about 17,000 light years from Earth.The star, unromantically known as PSR B1509-58, spews energy out into the space around it, forming complicated patterns including one resembling a large hand complete with finger-like structures.

As I said “That will teach me.”

"I hope I never get so old I get religious." Ingmar Bergman


NHS Behind the headlines

Angus Dei politico