Showing posts with label snake. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snake. Show all posts

Thursday, 30 June 2016

Stop your bloody moaning: Brown Bum: slimy German: and Oh Sssssshit....


Vast amounts of residual skywater, not a glimpse of dawns crack, a touch of atmospheric movement and a mixture of lack of cold and hot at the castle this morn. 
 

Since just over half of Brits decided to give the EU the soldiers farewell “they” have not stopped moaning, “they” being the 27 remaining countries who are pissed orf because a) Germany and France will have to take up the slack and pay more into the bottomless well known as the European coffers or b) the other 25 countries will have to take less money than they think they deserve.
 


“They” are also that very annoying Scottish “bird” Nicola Sturgeon who seems to have got her panties in such a twist that her voice has raised half an octave over the fact that Scotland apparently voted to remain and has been whingeing and brown nosing around Europe in an effort to get special dispensation for said Norf country.

Unfortunately both France and Spain have said they oppose Scotland negotiating separately from the rest of the UK to stay in the EU. 

So unless she can persuade Parliament to let them have a second “freedom” referendum, win that and then apply to the EU to join she is to use the vernacular-stuffed.

 

 

“They” includes that annoying Northern Irish “bloke” Martin McGuinness who is moaning on about "I believe that the mandate that we got during the course of the referendum to remain puts us in a very special place,"

See above Martin.
 

“They” also include the Bremain MPs who cannot seem to fathom that they asked the electorate a question and got an answer.

 So come on you lot, accept the truth, we are going, stop your bloody moaning and get over it, we won you lost. Nah nah nah nah nah.....

 

 

People in a Novosibirsk, Russia, neighbourhood say police have done nothing about a woman who sunbathes by hanging her legs and exposed bum out of a second-story window every day, for hours at a time.

Locals say they are concerned the skin show is visible to children, but police have yet to stop her from her near daily routine.

 

Anal neighbours?

 
 
 

German police say a driver lost control of his car after slipping on a slimy trail left by a procession of snails that were making their way across the highway.

The car -- an old East German Trabant -- flipped over and was wrecked, but the driver was unhurt.

Police said the incident happened early Wednesday near Paderborn, about 350 kilometres (220 miles) west of Berlin.

 

Surprised it got that far......

 

And finally:

 

 
 



A man in Thailand suffered huge blood loss after a python sank its fangs into his penis while he was sitting on the toilet.

Atthaporn Boonmakchuay tried desperately to break free after the huge snake attacked in the bathroom of his home in Chachoengsao, east of the capital Bangkok.

The 38-year-old reportedly reached down with his hand after feeling a sharp bite - only to discover the serpent's jaws clamped around the tip of his penis.

Atthaporn screamed out for his wife as he thrashed around trying to dislodge the 11ft python.

Moments before collapsing, he managed to tie rope around the snake's head and tie it to the bathroom door.


Note to self: place large amount of rope in the bathroom.



That’s it: I’m orf to mine some helium


 

And today’s thought:



"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~ Albert Einstein ~

 

Angus

Thursday, 19 March 2009

GET YOUR CHEQUE BOOK OUT


Sky News fancy buying a village?

Linkenholt down here in Hampshire is up for sale, 22 cottages, a cricket club, a blacksmiths, a manor house, 1,500 acres of farmland and 450 acres of woodland can be yours for the paltry sum of around £25 million.

Well what are you waiting for?



Don’t try to boil this bunny! Sky News mad march hares have nothing on this battling bunny.

For some strange reason fluffy decided to attack the snake it discovered in its field, and won! It eventually chased the interloper up a tree.

Ah, the joys of spring.



One for the people with arachnophobia ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) German customs officials inspecting a Swiss car got a nasty shock when they discovered 164 large spiders and 45 boxes of cockroaches - the arachnids' food for the journey.

The trap-door spiders, most "as big as a fist", were found wriggling around in boxes and plastic bags, said Markus Ueckert, a spokesman for the customs office in the south-western German city of Loerrach.

"Of course, the officers didn't open anything. They knew immediately what was going on," he said.


Me? I’d have been in Austria by the time the boot lid was open!



Se la vie

Ananova A Hungarian bank lost more than £20,000 in cash after a security van was rammed - by a prison van full of bank robbers.

While fire-fighters rescued the Category A prisoners from their blazing van, a small fortune disappeared from the cash van as bags of currency spilled out onto the street in Budapest.

People were seen driving up and grabbing the cash before speeding off again.
And by the time police arrived the money was gone and there was no trace of the people who had taken it.

Police suspected the crash may have been organised from jail by crime bosses and carried out by gang members still on the outside.

But officers quizzed all the inmates - who were being transported from a court back to their jail - who claimed they had nothing to do with the crash.

"The bank remains very suspicious. Of all the vehicles that could have hit their van, it had to be one full of bank robbers," said a police spokesman.



And finally from the BBC Council leaders have compiled a banned list of the 200 worst uses of jargon, with "predictors of beaconicity" and "taxonomy" among the worst horrors.

The Local Government Association says such words and phrases must be avoided for staff to "communicate effectively".

Clich├ęs such as "level playing field" and inscrutable terms like "re-baselining" have been prohibited.

LGA chairman Margaret Eaton said: "The public sector must not hide behind impenetrable jargon and phrases."

Local and central government are often criticised for their use of language.

The full list can be seen here, and include wondrous words and phrases like Bottom-Up, Citizen empowerment, Partnership working and Self-aggrandizement.

What can you say? Thinking outside of the box comes to mind.


There is no greater impediment to the advancement of knowledge than the ambiguity of words.” Thomas Reid


Angus

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