Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts

Wednesday, 13 February 2013

The Book-MP prize: Crepe MPs: Iranian Stealth plane-not: Up Helly: Beef emergency: and the dead centre of Paris.

Not a lot of anything at the Castle this morn, no atmospheric movement, no skywater, no solar stuff and just a hint of lack of warm.
His Maj is now 100% fit, we had a bit of a setback but time healed his battered face, but he still won’t go near a window.


Allegedly the most-borrowed book in the House of Commons library is How To Be An MP, by the veteran Labour parliamentarian Paul Flynn.
The book boasts step-by-step guides on how to placate constituents, advance one's career, claim expenses and fend off an inquisitive press.

So that’s who is to blame then.


Members of the House of Commons beat teams from the House of Lords and the media to win the annual parliamentary pancake race yesterday.
Representatives from the Commons, the Lords and journalists took part in one of the most fiercely contested events in the political calendar, the parliamentary pancake race.
Conservative MP Tracey Crouch, who took part in the race, described it as "├╝ber-competitive" and said that she and her team-mates had been "sharpening their elbows".
Their tactics worked, and the MPs crossed the finishing line first.

What a load of old crepe....

Apparently Iran has been caught out in another Photoshop blunder in an effort to prove its purported stealth fighter jet is the real deal.
An Iranian state news agency released a new picture of the radar-dodging jet flying above snow-covered mountains.

But the picture was immediately suspected to be fake with the lighting on the plane and its position similar to its appearance in pictures on the ground in Tehran at the unveiling earlier this month.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad described it as "among the most advanced fighter jets in the world", capable of hitting ground and air targets by stealth, but experts dismissed it as a "laughable fake" which looks like a toy or mock-up model.

Now the new picture has also been laughed off, after it was revealed by The Atlantic Wire that the background image of the mountain was taken from the stock image site
Aviation experts have questioned whether the jet shown can even fly as it was too small to accommodate a real pilot and the controls and wiring looked too simple. It also lacked the bolts and rivets found on all aircraft and offered wonky aerodynamics.

You can fool some Iranians some of the time.........


The annual Up Helly a fire festival in Lerwick on the Scottish Shetland Islands to pay homage to the country's Viking heritage has occurred; the daylong celebration consists of costumed parties and culminates in a torchlight parade and the burning of a Viking long boat. There are also plenty of kilts, marches to brass band music, even a new beer found only at the event.
At least 5,000 spectators come to watch more than 1,000 torch carrying "Vikings", in silver plates and helmets, with heavy axes and shields, march the galley around the town. Some enact the roles of famous "Jarls" from the local saga, the Orkneyinga. At the climax, all the Vikings throw their flaming torches into the galley. The whole crowd sings Viking songs and the party continues long after the last flames have died away.

Bugger-missed it again...


A pilot performed an emergency landing when a fire warning light came on in his cargo plane over Bristol– but the alert turned out to be a load of old cows.
No blaze was found on board and the pilot later said the alarm may have been triggered over Bristol by extra humidity generated by 390 cows being carried on board

But are they real cows-they could be fake cows made up from Yorkshire puddings or Welsh daffodils cunningly disguised.....

And finally:

Fancy a stroll over some medieval gravestones-well now you can, “In the heart of l'Ile de la Cite, on the left side of the Cathedral of Notre Dame, a street called Chanoinesse winds its way through the heart of Paris.
A small part of the street was spared by successive urban transformation plans, and as a result it has kept its odd medieval character. This is because, until the XVIII century, this area was the protected domain of Chanoine monks who, isolated from the world, devoted themselves to their work and meditations.
But the monastic past of the street is not the only mystery to be found here: Behind the red door of the building marked number 26, you'll find one of the most unusual and macabre pieces of architecture to be found in the French capital.
A small courtyard rests silently behind the intriguing scarlet door, and the stone laid ground of the courtyard bares some gothic style texts. After a bit of examination, you'll realize their purpose- these are gravestones, which once belonged to churches religious institutions that eventually closed around the 19th century.
Much later, the gravestones were used by the architects of this lovely courtyard to tile the floor. And there they remain to this day, ready to be discovered and explored.”

That’s nice and respectful isn’t it?


Today’s thought:
Real Iranian stealth planes


And today’s mellow melody
One of my favourites.

Saturday, 29 October 2011

Moving law, order and other tales

Warmish, calmish and dampish at the Castle this morn, the study is devoid of any non functioning machines, his Maj has decided to find the muddiest bit in the garden, have a roll about in it and then sit on my lap....

At 117-mile (188km) and more than 11 years to build, cost £1bn and used more than two million tonnes of concrete and 3.5 million tonnes of asphalt. The M25 is a monster of the road in many ways.
The final section was opened by Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in October 1986 to a huge fanfare. It has gone on to change many things, including our economy, environment and living habits.

Happy birthday.....


Allegedly; newly released details on government spending showed that members of his private office charged taxpayers almost £3,600 to act as the “Prime Minister’s support team during a visit overseas (holiday in Ibiza)”.
A Cabinet Office spokesman said the spending covered accommodation for members of Mr Cameron’s private office “to enable him to continue working when he was on holiday so he could stay in contact with Downing Street at all times”.
The disclosure came in new data showing civil servants have racked up more than £360 million of debit card bills since the Coalition came to power.
It emerged that the Ministry of Defence has spent £48,000 in “bars, lounges, taverns and discos” and £1,260 at “bowling alleys” since April.
Since the beginning of the year, officials from the Department for Transport have stayed at hotel chains, including Hilton, Sheraton and Malmaison.
The Ministry of Justice, which looks after prisons, records more than £3,000 of payments to hair and beauty parlours, £1,700 to a classic car dealership and more than £900 to a company called The Wedding Direct.

But forget not-“we are all in this together”.


A former Creek County judge convicted of exposing himself and using a male enhancement device while seated at the bench is not eligible to receive judicial retirement benefits, the Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled on Tuesday.
The high court upheld a decision by the Oklahoma Public Employees Retirement System Board of Trustees, ruling that Donald D. Thompson, a 23-year veteran of the Sooner State legal system, violated his oath of office by using a penis pump while presiding over trials, according to NewsOK.
Thompson served about 20 months in prison after being found guilty in 2006, at which time his monthly pension of $7,789 was discontinued.
During his own trial, Thompson unsuccessfully argued that the criminal actions did not disrupt the proceedings in his courtroom. 

The Westminster Wankers should look out then...

The captain of a supply boat was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving after his vessel ran aground early on Thursday in Anchorage's small-craft harbour, police said.

It appears to be the first case of an alcohol-related marine accident at the port of Anchorage in recent memory, said Lieutenant Dave Parker of the Anchorage Police Department.

The vessel, a 53-foot cargo craft, was steered up onto the harbour's concrete boat ramp, where it was left "high and dry," Parker said. On its way into port, boat also appeared to have struck and damaged an offshore piling, he said.

A blood-alcohol test of the captain, Albert Anderson, 57, revealed he was at least one-and-a-half times the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle or water craft, Parker said. 

Police are treating the case as a routine drunken-driving incident, albeit one that does not involve a car, he said.

 What shall we do with the drunken sailor-Put him in the bilge and make him drink it.

A policeman illegally parked a patrol car so he could tick off other drivers for poor parking.
The officer ignored road markings and left his vehicle with two wheels on the pavement as he monitored parents dropping off their children outside Thorpe Hesley Junior School near Rotherham, Yorkshire.
But his badly parked car was captured on camera and he later apologised after being disciplined by senior officers.
Parent Kevin Leach, 32, said: ‘The policeman was marching up and down, strutting his authority in an attempt to ensure the rules of the law were being followed.

The old “do as I say, not what I do” ploy.

Four Britons driving a car transformed into a pirate ship were stopped by German police as they drove through Europe on their way to a competition.
The motley bunch dressed head-to-toe in pirate attire were on their way to an iconic vehicle contest.
The amateur ship - aptly named Black Pearl after Pirates of the Caribbean’s star Jack Sparrow's beloved boat - troubled motorway authorities near Holzkirchen in Germany.
It is believed the four-wheeled pirate ship was heading towards Munich when it was spotted and stopped.
The pirate wannabees - who have not been identified by police – were sent on their way after testing negative for alcohol and supplying necessary documentation.
A police spokesman said: ‘They had a road safety certificate for all of the modifications including the mast and the galley and so we wished them a safe voyage and allowed them to continue on their way.’

While fire-fighters in Pittsburgh were at City Hall getting flu shots, the trucks they parked outside were getting parking tickets.
The trucks were parked for about 5 minutes Wednesday in permit-only spaces reserved for City Council members. But council President Darlene Harris denies any involvement.
Mayor Luke Ravenstahl says the tickets never should have been issued. He says fire-fighters were encouraged to get flu shots to stay healthy.
Fire-fighters union attorney Josh Bloom says they drove the trucks to City Hall so they could stay on duty.
Fire Chief Darryl Jones tells KDKA-TV he has appealed the tickets. He says he'll ask a judge for leniency.

 Who will probably be too busy “pumping up” to listen.

And finally:

A female police officer who hit her head on a cabinet after the back of chair snapped off received £10,000 compensation, figures show.
Another officer was paid £5,000 after slipping on a wet patch in a lavatory, according to Bedfordshire Police.
A Public Protection Officer who burnt his hand in flames at training course at RAF Cosford - £4,875
A Response Volume Crime Officer received a knee injury after he lost control approaching a corner - £1,600
A Response Officer put his hand through a pane of glass while running out of a station on a 999 call - £2,052
A Central Ticket Office staff member claimed that complaints about backache and an "uncomfortable workstation" were not addressed - £1,000

Compo coppers......

And today’s thought: Every rule has an exception-especially this one.


Sunday, 26 October 2008

Good old Oz

Just a quick one today.

An old friend of mine known as El-cleef (don’t ask), is away to the antipodes in November for a month. He is going to see family members in good old Oz.

I have a couple of reminders for him.

Don’t forget the surgical stockings on the plane.
Don’t forget to check under the dunny seat in the mornings.

And just to help him out, some Australian to English translations. So that he can communicate with the “natives”

May your chooks turn into emus and kick your shithouse door down- I am not very happy with you.

Bum nuts-eggs, for your breakfast.

A bush pig-an ugly woman, very useful.

Dry as a dead dingo's donger-very dry, as in I need a drink, or we haven’t had any rain lately. I am sure you all know what a “donger” is.

Dunny budgies- flies

Bloody Galah-obnoxious, noisy, often stupid person .

Joe Blake-a snake, so if someone says “look it’s Joe Blake”, run like hell.

Jumbuck-a sheep, not very jolly from what I’ve heard, more like nervous.

Matilda-old term for a swag, bedroll. As in "waltzing your Matilda". Not the neighbours wife.

Mystery bags-sausages because you don't know what went into them.

Noah's Ark-a shark, this is very important, if you are swimming and someone shouts “Noahs Ark” it doesn’t mean there is a boat, it means do a Jesus and run as fast as you can on the water.

Thongs-Rubber sandals or flip-flops, so if you are given a “thong” don’t shove it up your arse crack, it could be very painful.

Root-work that one out for yourself but just a hint, don’t ask a cobber for one.

So there you are El-Cleef, hope it helps and “good on yer”

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY, may your nuts never go rusty.

Angus Dei