Sunday, 14 September 2014

Still here: Homophobic explosion: Dickey gummy bear: Devil’s todger: Manhattan parking: Grassing on a thief: and something to do with Scotland.

Oodles of mist and mellow fruitfulness, just a whimsy of atmospheric movement, not a jot of skywater and bugger all solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

It’s been a bit of a “funny” last couple of months, two close members of the family have shuffled orf this mortal coil, my sister (expected) and “M”’s brother who decided to give up the ghost one day after the ninth anniversary of her exit (not expected).

On the way back from my sister’s thingy (400 mile round trip) the timing belt on the Honda also decided to expire and the engine blew up on the M4.

So I decided to go “European” and am now the owner of a Peugeot 206 in French “racing” green, not a bad motor, only done a handful of miles, it even has automatic lights and wipers (which behave like the French-they only seem to work in the mornings) and an “adaptive automatic gearbox” which is not bilingual.

Time will tell...


Poor old Angus has a touch of Ginger’s brother Arthur in his left knee and whilst visiting my general medic he decided to take an inordinate amount of interest in my prostate and rear exit suggesting that he should insert his finger into said orifice to check it out. The second word uttered by poor old Angus was orf, so we settled on a blood test instead.

More to come....



Apparently the annual floods have arrived in Pakistan causing many problems and lack of life, the solution was to blow up a couple of dykes.


How homophobic can you get.....?



Inappropriately shaped lollies on sale exclusively in the South Island have been branded offensive and recalled from shops.

Barrie Aburn, of Dunedin, said his daughters Cadence (8), Rhianna (6) and Payton (5) bought a bag of Dragon Sweets from Moyles SuperValue in Green Island and gave it to him for his birthday.

Mr Aburn's partner, Jacqui Hawkins, said she randomly took a sweet from the bag and found it was shaped in the form of male genitals.

Another lolly in the bag was a gummy baby with a penis, she said.

''I don't find anything amusing about it at all. I find it disgusting,'' she said.

Dutch Rusk managing director Willem Van de Geest, of Nelson, said the Stoke confectionery company imported 7200 bags of mixed gummy lollies, called Dragon Sweets, from a Chinese manufacturer about six weeks ago.

The lollies were originally designed for sale in England and were not considered offensive in Asia.

In Asia, the shape was considered a sign of fertility and health, he said.


Too much whacky baccy Mr Geest?



The statue of a devil with an erect penis could be back up in Vancouver if the city caves to residents who started a petition after it was removed.

Municipal crews in Vancouver took the statue away Tuesday after it mysteriously appeared near a highway, atop a pedestal that used to have a commemorative statue of Christopher Columbus.

The life-size red devil has black horns, a forked tail and an anatomically faithful -- and naked -- physique.

Officials told Global News it wasn't commissioned by the city.

But plenty of people want the "Beelzebub-With-a-Boner" statue re-erected, according to a petition which had more than 1,500 signatures as of Thursday evening.

"(It) should be reinstalled as a piece of public art and serve as a reminder that art is in the eye of the beholder and nothing more," Darryl Greer, who started the petition, wrote.

Greer points out the statue cost the city nothing, unlike a "cartoonish" porcelain dog on Main Street that cost nearly $100,000.


The devils in the detail.....



A new development, 42 Crosby Street, is pushing the limits of New York City real estate to new heights with 10 underground parking spots that will cost more per square foot than the apartments being sold upstairs.

The million-dollar parking spots will be offered on a first-come-first-served basis to buyers at the 10-unit luxury apartment building being developed by Atlas Capital Group at Broome and Crosby Streets, itself the former site of a parking lot. At $250,000 a tire, the parking spaces in the underground garage cost more than four times the national median sales price for a home, which is $217,800, according to Zillow.

So instead of a 5,000-square-foot house with a wine cellar in Dallas or a 3,500-square-foot home with a sauna in Seattle, one could choose 150 square feet in the basement of 42 Crosby, a condominium designed by the architect Annabelle Selldorf.

 Bloody hell! I hope Grimly dark doesn’t hear about this....



Maureen McKenna, 58, was caught on CCTV cameras for 40 minutes nicking a lawn.

With an accomplice, she removed the front lawn at 5am and both were seen walking away with pieces of it.

They even stopped for a cigarette break in Skelmersdale, Lancs.

McKenna was arrested and charged with theft after the footage circulated in July.

Appearing at Ormskirk Magistrates Court, she was sentenced to three months prison.

Grassed up? 

And finally: 

Apparently there is going to be a vote in the land of noisy squashy bags and deep fried mars bars about whether the Scots want to remain part of the UK or not.

Good luck to them, if they vote yes then Hadrian’s Wall will have to be heightened and extended, many-many people will have to apply for a new passport, oodles of Scottish MPs will have to be deported and the blue will disappear from the Union flag thingy.

 If they vote no then we will continue to be governed by plonkers with names like Cameron and Alexander, until next year anyway and all will calm dahn and Salmond will crawl back into his sporran and desist his ranting.

Or not.....


And today’s thought:



Sunday, 6 July 2014

If: Boeing-Boeing splash: and Fappy wanker.

Medium amounts of lack of cold, maximum amounts of  sod all solar stuff, nary a sniff of atmospheric movement and imminent skywater at the Castle this morn.
Almost a lunar cycle has passed since the last post (where does time go?) and poor old Angus has been doing oodles of stuff-gardening, sorting out, travelling, shopping and much walking.

The "news" around Blighty is a bit iffy, it seems that our sports people have not done their best, and dirty old men and the kiddie fiddlers have been having a field day.



Managed to fuck up Wimbledon.


Nice one Murray...


Managed to fuck up the World Cup.

No real surprise there, but although I hate Footballers with a vengeance isn't it about time that

"foreign" players were banned from the leagues, then we might have a chance of gathering a

decent squad.....



Is about to fuck up a large piece of what used to be the railways by giving £90 million of fare

payers money to all and sundry (I wish) in order to give commuters faster Wi-Fi on chuff-

chuffs in about four years.

Shouldn't "they" use the dosh to make the trains better now?



 Is just a fuck up, and has decided that cash can no longer be used on any of London's buses in a move that Transport for London (TfL) says will save £24m a year.

Passengers will need a prepaid or concessionary ticket, Oyster card or a contactless payment card to travel.

TfL said only 0.7% of all bus journeys were paid for with cash and that tourists were unlikely to be affected.


Yeah right.....


Has been accused over a historical allegation of rape.

The Independent on Sunday says Lord Brittan, as he is now known, is understood to have been questioned last month about the claim, which relates to an incident in London in 1967.

The Tory peer reportedly strongly denies the allegations.

Lord Brittan, 74, was not an MP at the time of the alleged rape.


Oh well that's all fucking right then....



Is about to fucked up after being jailed for nearly six years for 12 indecent assaults against four girls - including one aged just seven or eight.

Harris, who was found guilty of offences that took place between 1968 and 1986, was told by the judge he had "no-one to blame but himself".

He displayed no emotion and stared straight ahead as he was jailed.


Still can't tell what it is then....



Has apparently been fucked up for a couple of months by a "virus" which forced him to take a break from his "tour".

The 72-year-old played an arena in Albany, New York, on Saturday night as part of his Out There tour.

The former Beatle called off the Japan leg of the tour and a South Korea show after falling ill on 16 May and later postponed a number of US dates.

He spent six days in a Tokyo hospital being treated for the viral infection.

Before his illness, Sir Paul had last performed on May 1 in Costa Rica.


Shame it wasn't a bit more virulent.



 Three Boeing 737 fuselages were fucked up when they tumbled down a steep bank and into the Clark Fork River in western Montana after a train derailed.

Montana Rail Link spokeswoman Lynda Frost said Saturday that it's unclear the type of challenge involved because it's the first time the company has faced such a task.

No one was injured when 19 cars from a westbound train derailed Thursday about 10 miles west of Alberton. The cause of the derailment is under investigation.

The train carried six fuselages. Three others also fell off but stayed on land. Frost says Boeing has had workers at the scene assessing the damage.

The fuselages were headed to Renton, Washington, to be assembled into completed airliners.


Or not......


And finally:



A mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The organization recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 35-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested on Sunday at Metta Yoga in Phoenix after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of adults and children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle

Paul Horner is a great man. He’s passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy, he loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him, they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the Phoenix five-oh, such a shame. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this incident is resolved. Praise Fappy!”


Ironic Wanker....



And today's thought:




Sunday, 8 June 2014

Well...: Crotch-less Dahn Unda: Portland Posers: Taking the piss in Miami: Canadian Dildo: and Missing money in OZ.

Not a hint of skywater, even less atmospheric movement, more than enough lack of cold and Dawn's crack stretches from East to West at the Castle this morn.

Well, another 21 light and dark things have passed since the last post, not a lot has been going on in bollixed Blighty, Niggle Garage did his thing and scooped up a few more seats in the Eurowaste Parliament, and didn't do his thing in the by election Norf of Watford, no surprises there then.

It's not that I don't like old Niggle (but I don't) it's that apart from getting out of the EU his "party" doesn't seem to have any other policies which worries me more than a tad.

Next year will sort it out.....


The garden is doing loads of things; there's blue stuff, red stuff, mauve stuff, white stuff and loads of other stuff bursting out, the moss is mown and the deck/recliner/rocker is out ready for a bit of vitamin D absorption and I have even got the shorts out.


After yet another holiday the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition has returned to the Palace of Westminster for a while and the bickering continues.



Allegedly A shop manager was pelted with sex toys by an intruder wearing a wig and crotch-less pants in an Australian erotica store stick-up, police said.

The man forced his way into the Brisbane adult shop through the roof just before 5:30 am on Saturday, setting off the alarm.

"Upon being disturbed the man threw a number of items he was attempting to steal out of his hands and proceeded to climb back through the roof," police said in a statement.

"Police located the man climbing down from the roof of the business."

According to local media reports, the intruder was wearing a wig, crotch-less pants and a dress.

He was charged with breaking and entering and drug possession offences.

Seems he didn't know if he was coming or going........


Thousands of bicyclists, many of them stark naked, poured into the streets of Portland, Oregon last night for the 11th annual World Naked Bike Ride, a protest that promotes bike riding as an alternative to driving cars.
Nude cyclists with lights flashing in their tyre spokes rang bells as they barrelled down avenues lined with cheering spectators, while a naked, apparently pregnant woman rode in a bike trailer.
“This is a party, but it’s also a protest,” said Carl Larson, a ride spokesman. 
“It is about oil dependence, cycling vulnerability and body” image.
Jennifer Young, 40, who was at the ride with her 16-year-old son and was painted blue head to toe with fairy wings on her back, saw the goal as showing cyclists’ vulnerability, saying “I think it’s a little more evident when we’re naked.


Well if they worked a bit harder they could buy a motor........


A Miami man who, police say, shot a man while they were arguing  faced a judge Friday.
Gilberto Martinez, 28, was arrested on Thursday, June 5th after police said he pulled a gun on two people, shooting one, after they commented over Martinez peeing in front of a home.
According to his arrest report, Jose Martinez and Genaro Merlos had just returned home from the store when they saw Gilberto Martinez urinating in front of their home.
The two men told the Gilberto he should not be doing that because there were small children at the house, according to the report.
Gilberto allegedly took offense to the comment and pulled out a black hand gun, stated the report.
Jose Martinez attempted to run away but was shot three times in the torso area.
Gilberto, then allegedly turned the gun on Merlos and said, “You too,” and pulled the trigger.

According to the report, Merlos, “heard the click of the gun but nothing happened.”

Gilberto then ran away but was later arrested.

Police said Gilberto Martinez later admitted to shooting the Jose Martinez  and then leaving the area.

Gilberto Martinez is charged with one count of attempted second degree murder.

A judge on Friday ordered him to be held on $50,000 bound plus house arrest.

Let's hope he has an indoor lav....


An hour west of Newfoundland’s provincial capital, Dildo is a quiet, meandering harbor town with a population of 1,200. At one time, it flourished on the back of a burgeoning whaling and fishing industry; today, its name is that only thing that keeps people coming.

Though there may not be a whole lot to do there (the top three “Dildo attractions” on Tripadvisor are all hotels), the town’s residents are a proud, boisterous bunch, and partake in a number of annual festivities. Each summer, “Captain Dildo” -- an old wooden statue of a boat skipper -- leads the Annual Dildo Parade through the streets. (If you’re lucky enough to attend, be sure to snag an “I Survived Dildo Day” souvenir T-shirt -- they’re a hot commodity!)

Must add that to the bucket list....

And finally 

Allegedly Australians lose more than $100 million worth of coins down the back of sofas and car seats each year, the Royal Australian Mint said.
Mint chief executive Ross MacDiarmid told a government hearing that 255 million coins disappear annually and are replaced.
"Most of the coins that we provide are against coins that disappear down the back of chairs, down the back of car seats, into rubbish dumps and, in some cases, are taken overseas," he told a Senate committee Tuesday night.

"We are talking about AUD$110 million ($112.2 million) worth of coins."

Which is about £4.50 in proper money.....


And today's thought:

Dawn of the dead


Sunday, 11 May 2014

So: Knob head 'Dave' gets it over Europe: Wait a week to see your general medic: Cover your manhole: Serial crapper: Weird Eurovision winner: and the Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher.

Much skywater, even more atmospheric movement, quite a lot of lack of cold and Dawn's crack seems to have healed over.

It seems like it's been three weeks since the last post, mainly because I went dahn to Tesco on the gruel, stale bread substitute and his Maj's food run a while ago and picked up an infection of the nasal passages, I think they had a catch one get one free deal on at the time because the old bowels have been less than satisfactory since.

But I waited a week to see my general medic who diagnosed a sinus infection and a stay close to the toilet thingy.

After a few days of industrial antibiotics poor old Angus is on the mend.


Dave Cam our delightful Prime Monster is telling us that he understands as he appeals directly to those disenchanted with the EU ahead of the local and euro elections.
Writing in The Telegraph, he proclaims his “passionate” and “optimistic” belief in Britain’s potential, arguing that “real” patriots should vote Tory rather than be tempted to support the UK Independence Party.
“If you’re thinking 'I’ve heard all this before’ – I get it,” he says, before going on to offer his personal guarantee that he will resign as prime minister if he cannot deliver an in-out referendum on Britain’s membership of the EU after the election next year.

Fat fucking chance, and who the hell is going to vote for Niggle Garage and his load of racist Numptys....


Allegedly Patients waited more than a week to see their GP on almost 50 million occasions last year, new figures show.

An analysis by the Royal College of GPs found that 47 million GP appointments in 2013 – one in six of all consultations – involved a wait of at least seven days to see a doctor or nurse.

In 2012, the figure was 40 million – suggesting a rise of 17 per cent, year on year. If the trend continues, projections suggest that next year 57 million GP appointments will involve a wait of a week or more.

Senior doctors last night warned GPs were buckling under the demands of an ageing population, and that too often only those who “shouted the loudest” were able to secure help quickly. Experts said some patients were forced to wait even longer than a week, with delays of up to a month for appointments at some surgeries.

So it's us old farts that are causing it; still waiting times should plummet when they bring in the ten pound charge to see your general medic....



 A scooter rider has been caught on camera falling off his vehicle - and then sliding straight into an open manhole.
He loses balance after clipping the right wing mirror of the car, goes into a skid, comes off his scooter and falls down the hole.
The accident was filmed in Taiwan and has been viewed more than 30,000 times since it was uploaded to YouTube.
The rider luckily escaped with just a few minor injuries.

Luckily my manhole has never has a scooter rider up it.....



Deputies are looking for a man who is accused of defecating in multiple yards in a Houston neighborhood.

The man has allegedly struck one home on Byrne Street so many times it forced the homeowners to install security cameras to catch the man in the act.

Police are looking for the man seen in the surveillance photos, saying he has defecated in the front yard of that home six times -- and has spread his waste to other homes in the area.

"This is our neighborhood. Whatever people think should go on around here -- pooping is not OK," neighbor Aimee Parsons told KPRC-TV in Houston.


Oh shit......




The "winner" of the Eurowasting Song doodah turns out to be a bloke with a beard wearing a dress and singing a song that should have been consigned to the editing room floor.

Apparently Austrian drag act Conchita Wurst has been crowned the winner of the 59th annual Eurovision Song Contest held in Denmark's capital, Copenhagen.

The singer, whose real name is Tom Neuwirth, won with the song Rise Like a Phoenix, collecting 290 points.

The Netherlands finished second with 238 points, with Sweden in third place with 218 points.

The UK's Molly Smitten-Downes came 17th, with 40 points for her song Children of the Universe.


Another reason to get out.....


And finally



It seems that the Germans have a thing that can crack soft boiled eggs and is called the Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher.

Wonderful: I've had one for's called a spoon.....


That's it: I'm orf to get a transfusion...if I can get an appointment...


And today's thought:



Thursday, 17 April 2014

Spring has sprung: Expiration dates: Killing us less than softly: Giant rats: Carnivorous sponges: and how to grow a new Toof.

Not even a whimsy of atmospheric movement, nary a droplet of skywater for days, oodles of lack of cold and Dawn's crack is getting wider every day at the Castle this morn.

I have been doing lots of stuff-putting dahn laminate flooring, laying carpets, clearing out cupboards, sorting out the spare room, mowing the moss and spending quite a lot of time getting some vitamin D from the free solar heater.

Bought a nice lounger/recliner/rocking chair for poor old Angus and it is so comfortable I keep falling asleep whist enjoying the "fresh air".

I persuaded the butler to put some coal in the laptop's boiler and have had a look at the interweb thingy for the first time in more than a couple of weeks, not much seems to have changed, the hoo-ha in the bit up from the Crimea is still dragging on, the search for the elusive flight over the Indian ocean is still under way, and Dave (knob head) Cameron has it seems completely lost it and has found some sort of holy spirit thingy which he wants to impose on all of us.



Apparently the latest thing to be vomited up from the sideboard is that Pensions Minister Steve Webb warned people often underestimate how long they might live and can be left without enough savings.

Estimates of life expectancy would be based on factors such as gender, where they live, and whether they smoke.

The information would help them plan their finances more efficiently, according to the minister.

The minister told the BBC people would be given an idea of their life expectancy as part of plans outlined in the Budget for pensioners to get face-to-face consultations with an adviser.

He said the consultations would be paid for by the pension schemes themselves and any discussion of life expectancy would be handled sensitively.


Fuck orf.....



In a bid to stop hospitals murdering patients The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence has issued "quality standards" on measures including hand-washing and catheter insertion.

Allegedly about 300,000 patients develop an infection in England each year while being treated by the NHS.

Prof Gillian Leng, of NICE, said it was unacceptable that rates were still so high.

Rates of MRSA and Clostridium difficile - the most well-known hospital-acquired infections - have fallen significantly in recent years, but one in 16 people treated in the NHS picks up an infection.

According to Prof Leng: "Infections are a costly and avoidable burden. They hinder a patient's recovery, can make underlying conditions worse, and reduce quality of life."

The NICE standards say people should be prescribed antibiotics in accordance with guidelines and healthcare workers should follow procedures - including hand-washing - to cut the risk of infection when devices such as catheters are inserted.

Prof Leng added: "Although there have been major improvements within the NHS in infection control, particularly in relation to Clostridium difficile and MRSA bloodstream infections in the last few years, healthcare-associated infections are still a very real threat to patients, their families and carers and staff.


Things haven't changed much since Grimly Dark Orspital killed my "M" then....



It seems that Blighty is being invaded by giant rodents, A rather large rodent was snapped in Gravesend, just days after the oversized rats were reported in Liverpool.

The image of a dead rat on a spade was tweeted by Radio 2 following a discussion of the rodent problem on the Jeremy Vine show.

Giant rats ‘the size of cats’ were also spotted in Birmingham, while a Swedish family claimed another large rodent tried to eat their pet cat.

It’s believed rats have managed to grow so big due to an increase in food left on the streets.


None dahn ere in 'Ampshire, the giant spiders have eaten them all........ 


Four new species of carnivorous sponges that prey on shrimplike amphipods and other small animals were discovered in deep waters off the Pacific coast of North America, scientists announced.

These nasty little buggers lack the specialized cells called choanocytes, which have tiny, beating tails that help pull in bacteria and single-celled organisms from the surrounding waters. Instead, they've developed a different strategy to snare food they trap larger, more nutrient-dense organisms, like crustaceans, using beautiful and intricate microscopic hooks."

Within a few hours, a carnivorous sponge will start digesting the prey in its clutches. Eventually, all that's left is an empty shell.

Lundsten and colleagues discovered four meat-eating sponges with the help of underwater remote-operated vehicles (ROVs) that video-recorded the sponges and plucked samples from the seafloor with a robotic arm. 

And there was me thinking it was safe to go back in the water.....

And finally: 


According to a study published in the latest Journal of Dental Research, a new tissue regeneration technique may allow people to simply re-grow a new set of pearly whites.

Dr. Jeremy Mao, the Edward V. Zegarelli Professor of Dental Medicine at Columbia University Medical Center, has unveiled a growth factor-infused, three-dimensional scaffold with the potential to regenerate an anatomically correct tooth in just nine weeks from implantation. By using a procedure developed in the university’s Tissue Engineering and Regenerative Medicine Laboratory, Dr. Mao can direct the body’s own stem cells toward the scaffold, which is made of natural materials. Once the stem cells have colonized the scaffold, a tooth can grow in the socket and then merge with the surrounding tissue.

Dr. Mao’s technique not only eliminates the need to grow teeth in a Petri dish, but it is the first to achieve regeneration of anatomically correct teeth by using the body’s own resources. Factor in the faster recovery time and the comparatively natural process of regrowth (as opposed to implantation), and you have a massively appealing dental treatment.

Columbia University has already filed patent applications in regard to the technology and is seeking associates to aid in its commercialization. In the meantime, Dr. Mao is considering the best approach for applying his technique to cost-effective clinical therapies.


Sign me up for that....

And today's thought:





Friday, 21 March 2014

Flotsam and some jet?: Budget bollocks: NHS complaints process bollocks: ATOS lies-again: Old fart pilot and the parachute: Crash test Roos: and Crash test failure:

Much lack of lack of cold, more than a whimsy of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of ex skywater and just a glimpse of dawn's crack at the Castle this morn.

Poor old Angus is doing OK, the diabetes thing is now back under control despite a toof ache-toof out-infection and antibiotics, and I spent most of the last more than seven days fettling the garden; extra bamboo screens, moved the stepping stones to accommodate the new extendable washing line, put up a new fence in the quiet corner, painted the fences (hint-DO NOT buy Homebase's own "light oak" fence stuff-it is orange when applied-even more orange with a second coat, I finally used B&Q's own stuff which is artistically called "brown"-covered in one coat), and did the first cut on the moss. I even washed the Honda...



The hunt for MH370 goes on, and on, and on, it seems that the latest "clue" is a blurry photo of something that looks like a giant upside dahn motor, but the mystery deepens as it turns out that A US technology company which had 20 senior staff on board Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 had just launched a new electronic warfare gadget for military radar systems in the days before the Boeing 777 went missing.


So a few hints as to where it may be:

Norf Korea's rear exit.


The Castle's moat.


How is it that "they" can listen to all our phone calls, see all our emails but can't find a bleedin great jet with an orange black box that is emitting beeps every few moments?



Apparently son of a B........aronet and alien reptile in disguise chancer of the exchequer George (I love pensioners) Osborne has done yet another Budget, which will allow the elder part of the population to snatch and squander their pension pots.

This will of course allow we old farts to buy "luxuries" such as gas and electricity, food and even some go juice for the motor as well as being able to buy more than one pint of beer and play bingo to excess.

And will of course "stimulate" the economy adding many squillions in tax to the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalitions' coffers.


Cheers George......



After many years and many deaths allegedly the Healthwatch England watchdog thingy has come to the conclusion that the complaints system for the NHS in England is "hopelessly complicated" and needs an overhaul.

Apparently Healthwatch England says more than 70 organisations are involved in dealing with complaints about the NHS and social care.

It wants the process to be simplified to ensure patients get more support.

Healthwatch England chairwoman, Anna Bradley, said: "It's no wonder the public are left confused and frustrated. With so many organisations involved it's difficult to know where to start, let alone having the strength and persistence to navigate the system on your own.


No shit...remember the photo, we will be watching....


Allegedly ATOS that wonderful French supplier of the infamous Fit to work assessments which went so well that they want to end the contract early has now managed to secure the contract for the PIP (personal independence payments) has been telling porkies to grab even more of our loot.

In its tender document, submitted to the Department of Work and Pensions, Atos suggested that more than 700 healthcare providers, including 56 NHS hospitals, had contractually agreed to provide accommodation where assessments for new Personal Independence Payments could take place. It claimed the “hyper-local” network would mean that no disabled claimant would have to travel more than 60 minutes to attend an assessment, with “over 90 per cent of claimants able to reach the centres in 30 minutes”.

But the Public Accounts Committee heard that, since the scheme was launched, over 40 per cent of all claimants have had to travel for more than an hour to reach an assessment centre, with only 40 per cent being able to reach a suitable location in less than 45 minutes.

Atos had in fact contracted fewer than 100 healthcare providers to provide accommodation – and a miscalculation by the DWP over how long each session would take meant that some severely disabled people were waiting longer than six months to be seen.

MPs accused Atos of “playing fast and loose with the truth” in the bid document – resulting in ministers misleading Parliament about how the scheme would work.

Personal Independence Payments began to replace Disability Living Allowance in April last year. Most people applying for PIP have a face-to-face assessment to determine eligibility, which is carried out by Atos Healthcare and Capita Business Services.

But a report from the National Audit Office found claimants were waiting an average of 107 days, and terminally ill patients 28 days, for a decision on their cases – much longer than had been predicted.

MPs told Lisa Coleman, senior vice-president of Atos, that they believed the firm had been misleading in its bid document.

“You only managed to work with a quarter of the trusts you named in the document,” the committee’s chair, Margaret Hodge, told her. “If there had been one or two falling out then I could have accepted your argument – but only a quarter?”

She then asked: “Is it usual to lie in the tender document, Ms Coleman?”

Ms Coleman told the committee that because the DWP had pushed back its plans for mandatory re-assessment of all DLA claimants until 2015 fewer sites were needed than had been suggested in the bid document. “We have had sufficient coverage,” she said. “If we had used all 750 sites they would [each] be doing about three assessments a week.”

Ms Coleman added: “What we talked about in the tender document was what we thought we could achieve. When you write a tender document you say this is the specification that I can deliver. This is what I am responsible for.”

She added: “We are not there yet. I am not going to sit here and say we are.”

An Atos spokeswoman subsequently said the company categorically denied making misleading claims in the tender document.


 Yeah right......


87-year-old pilot Shannon Trembley was practicing take orfs and landings at South Lakeland airport in Mulberry, Florida when he managed to crash into a parachutist who wasn't practicing landings but took orf again.

His Cessna got caught in Mr Frost’s strings and spun through 180 degrees before crashing into a landing field.

Onlookers pulled Mr Trembley out of the plane in case it caught fire.

Emergency services arrived soon afterwards and took the two men to hospital.

Mr Frost was later allowed home but doctors kept Mr Trembley in for observation.

The National Transportation Safety Board and Federal Aviation Administration are investigating.


Should have gorn to Specsavers...


Volvo has been testing its automatic braking system with crash test Kangaroos, apparently there are more than 20,000 kangaroo strikes on Australia’s roads every year?  In response to the rogue roo problem, Volvo is in the process of training it’s City Safe autonomous braking system to recognize kangaroos that enter into the path of the vehicle. The system  are responsible for -and automatically slam on the brakes if the driver does not.

The system was originally developed to detect pedestrians; later this year the same setup will enable selected Volvo cars to also detect cyclists.

A radar sensor in the grille scans the road 100 metres ahead and a camera in the windscreen works with the radar to detect which way the object is moving to help the computer decide what action to take, if any.

The system processes 15 images every second and can react to an emergency in half the time a human driver can, Volvo claims. With some kangaroos taller than six feet, the system may prevent considerable vehicle damage.


Didn't go too well on the last try..


Volvo claims it is working on a system that can recognize dogs and cats.


How can a motor know that his Maj is called His Maj?



And finally:



Right more than a lot of imperial yards Independent car safety body, Global NCAP, has found that a number of small cars on sale in India pose a very serious risk to their occupants in the event of a crash.

In the first-ever independent crash tests of some of India's most popular small cars, Global NCAP awarded entry-level models of the Volkswagen Polo, Ford Figo and previous-generation Hyundai i10 zero stars for adult protection. This is in stark contrast to the current European equivalents – the Ford Fiesta and Polo achieved a five-star rating in their Euro NCAP tests, while the old Hyundai i10 managed a respectable four.

India's best-selling car, the Suzuki-Maruti Alto 800, was also assessed, as was the Tata Nano. The five cars were afflicted by two major problems – namely a lack of structural integrity and an absence of airbags, meaning that too much energy is absorbed directly by the people in the cars in the event of a crash.

In the 40mph NCAP crash test, the Indian version of the i10 achieved a zero-star rating for adult protection, a one-star rating for child protection and was unable to meet the UN's minimum safety requirements in the 35mph crash test. Along with the Alto 800 and Nano, the i10 was also found to be structurally inadequate, collapsing onto occupants in a crash too easily.

The Ford Figo, which is based on the previous-generation Ford Fiesta platform, achieved zero stars for adult protection and a two-star rating for child protection. What's more, it only met the UN's minimum safety requirements in the 35mph crash test because the dummy's head in the driver seat narrowly avoided direct contact with the steering wheel.

Glad they are not sold in Blighty...

That's it: I'm orf to get a new app for the smart phone

And today's thought:

They seek it here, they seek it there