Thursday, 30 June 2016

Stop your bloody moaning: Brown Bum: slimy German: and Oh Sssssshit....


Vast amounts of residual skywater, not a glimpse of dawns crack, a touch of atmospheric movement and a mixture of lack of cold and hot at the castle this morn. 
 

Since just over half of Brits decided to give the EU the soldiers farewell “they” have not stopped moaning, “they” being the 27 remaining countries who are pissed orf because a) Germany and France will have to take up the slack and pay more into the bottomless well known as the European coffers or b) the other 25 countries will have to take less money than they think they deserve.
 


“They” are also that very annoying Scottish “bird” Nicola Sturgeon who seems to have got her panties in such a twist that her voice has raised half an octave over the fact that Scotland apparently voted to remain and has been whingeing and brown nosing around Europe in an effort to get special dispensation for said Norf country.

Unfortunately both France and Spain have said they oppose Scotland negotiating separately from the rest of the UK to stay in the EU. 

So unless she can persuade Parliament to let them have a second “freedom” referendum, win that and then apply to the EU to join she is to use the vernacular-stuffed.

 

 

“They” includes that annoying Northern Irish “bloke” Martin McGuinness who is moaning on about "I believe that the mandate that we got during the course of the referendum to remain puts us in a very special place,"

See above Martin.
 

“They” also include the Bremain MPs who cannot seem to fathom that they asked the electorate a question and got an answer.

 So come on you lot, accept the truth, we are going, stop your bloody moaning and get over it, we won you lost. Nah nah nah nah nah.....

 

 

People in a Novosibirsk, Russia, neighbourhood say police have done nothing about a woman who sunbathes by hanging her legs and exposed bum out of a second-story window every day, for hours at a time.

Locals say they are concerned the skin show is visible to children, but police have yet to stop her from her near daily routine.

 

Anal neighbours?

 
 
 

German police say a driver lost control of his car after slipping on a slimy trail left by a procession of snails that were making their way across the highway.

The car -- an old East German Trabant -- flipped over and was wrecked, but the driver was unhurt.

Police said the incident happened early Wednesday near Paderborn, about 350 kilometres (220 miles) west of Berlin.

 

Surprised it got that far......

 

And finally:

 

 
 



A man in Thailand suffered huge blood loss after a python sank its fangs into his penis while he was sitting on the toilet.

Atthaporn Boonmakchuay tried desperately to break free after the huge snake attacked in the bathroom of his home in Chachoengsao, east of the capital Bangkok.

The 38-year-old reportedly reached down with his hand after feeling a sharp bite - only to discover the serpent's jaws clamped around the tip of his penis.

Atthaporn screamed out for his wife as he thrashed around trying to dislodge the 11ft python.

Moments before collapsing, he managed to tie rope around the snake's head and tie it to the bathroom door.


Note to self: place large amount of rope in the bathroom.



That’s it: I’m orf to mine some helium


 

And today’s thought:



"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~ Albert Einstein ~

 

Angus

Friday, 24 June 2016

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES.


 
video
 
Dawns crack is about as wide as a wide thing can be, much solar stuff, remnants of skywater and not a lot of atmospheric movement at the castle this independent morn. 
It seems that Blighty is on the road to freedom, the great British (just over half anyway) public has expressed its hatred of the EUnuchs in Brussels and decided to go our own way.
Damn Cam has decided to throw his toys out of his Rolls Royce pram and bugger orf in October reinforcing the idea that he is a gutless Twat who hasn’t got the gonads to take it on the chin and soldier on.
Meanwhile alien reptile in disguise and chancer at the exchequer George I fucked up completely Osborn has it seems jumped into his space ship and gorn home to planet screw you I’m alright.
 
It may take years to sort out but it will be worth it, ignore the financial markets, the knobs that “run” them are only in it for the money not to help the people.
Now that most of us have told the Tories that we do not trust them and the Prime Monster is deserting I think it may well be time for a general election, and if as many people vote in that who voted in the referendum we may well get the government we deserve not the one we got for 30% of the electorate.
Just to kick things orf I am going to start a collection to pay for bricks to close orf the Chunnel.
 
And today’s thought: 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Angus
 
 

Saturday, 11 June 2016

Transformer Monkey: Wash this: What a Wanker and Free the Nipple.


Not a glimpse of Dawn’s crack, nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, even less lack of warm and a promise of skywater at the castle this morn.

 


Poor old Angus is doing OK, the garden is up to scratch the French racing green motor passed the mot after having a new cat fitted (I did offer his Maj as a replacement but they declined), the cat cost £46 and they charged me £100 to fit it, and then £46 for the mot, and then £40 VAT for the privilege-life in Blighty....

Tomorrow is the annual old farts Canadian Grand Prix gathering at my rich git of a mate's place up in Chobham, where we will do the usual, a trip to the Thames, up and dahn a bit, lunch at the pub then back to his house to watch said race on his 60 inch 4k TV.

When we started this there were five or sometimes six of us, this year we are dahn to three-the others having popped orf this mortal coil will not be attending (maybe in spirit) so we are going to have a sweepstake to see who is left for next year.

 

 

Apparently a monkey caused a three-hour nationwide blackout, according to Kenyan officials.

The Kenya Electricity Generation Company said in a statement late Tuesday that a monkey climbed onto the roof of the Gitaru Power Station and fell onto a transformer, tripping it.

The company said this resulted in the loss of 180MW from the plant, triggering a national blackout. The statement did not say whether the monkey survived.

The blackout lasted more than three hours Tuesday before power was restored.

The company said that its facility is secured with an electric fence.

"We regret this isolated incident and the company is looking at ways of further enhancing security at all our power plants," the firm added.

Kenyan businesses regularly complain that power cuts — due to its aging grid — and unreliable supplies make them uncompetitive and hurt growth.

 

Shocking....... (What?)

 

 

Fire-fighters in southeast China's Fujian province responded to an unusual kind of emergency Sunday -- a man had gotten his head stuck inside a washing machine.

Luckily, he was pulled out by a team of fire-fighters after less than an hour, according to the official Weibo social media account of Fuzhou City's Fire Department.

 

The fire-fighters separated the drum from the washing machine to free the man.

 

This unidentified man accidentally got his head stuck inside the machine while trying to fix the drum, the Fire Department's statement said.

 

Twat.....

 

 

A Bronx hospital worker found dead by a colleague may have died of a heart attack while masturbating, police sources said Wednesday.

The 48-year-old man was found about 10 a.m. Tuesday in a remote area of North Central Bronx Hospital.

A source said no foul play was suspected and that it appeared the man had partly disrobed and was watching pornography on a computer when he died.

 

And I thought it made you blind.....

 

And finally:

 

 



Two hundred women and men gathered around Brighton Beach to highlight controversial social media policies about banning female nipples.

The afternoon march started from Brighton Pier, and then headed along the East Sussex city seafront before stopping on the beach – where everybody sunbathed topless.

One member who attended the event said: ‘It was lovely, I felt proud and fantastic.


The event was organized by comedian Samantha Pressdee, who came to Brighton with her one-woman comedy show about nudity and sexuality.


Samantha said: ‘I’ve been a member of the Free The Nipple campaign over the past year.


‘I joined the campaign to challenge the way women’s breasts were perceived.

‘Breasts have been sexualized and the point of this campaign is that they don’t have to sexual.’


Whatever; does anyone care apart from the campaigners?

 


 

And today’s thought: "Why is it when we talk to God we're praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"
~ Lily Tomlin ~

 

Angus

Saturday, 28 May 2016

In-out-in-out and what’s this religion thing all about?


Much solar stuff, nary a whimsy of atmospheric movement, quite a lot of lack of cold and not a sign of skywater at the Castle this morn.

The moss has been mown, the weedy bits have been weeded, the hedgy bits have been looked at and stuff is growing faster than a fast thing can grow.

 


Is it just me or is this EU thingy really, really annoying, according to the Bremain lot we will suffer  world war, pestilence, boils, frogs, a crippled economy, a decade of austerity and  £4000-ish will be lost to every household if we leave.

And if we stay all will be well, immigration will reduce to a couple of people a year, the sun will always shine, it will only rain at night, every person in Blighty will be better orf, we will not have to accept any more EU laws, trade will be stonking, we will be left alone to govern ourselves and the second coming will ensue. 

On the other side, if we leave we will be able to make our own laws, immigration will fall to a couple of people a year, the sun will always shine, it will only rain at night, every person in Blighty will be better orf, we will not have to accept any more EU laws, trade will be stonking, we will be left alone to govern ourselves and the second coming will ensue. 

I suppose it all comes dahn to personal choices, we all know that politicians lie, cheat and try their hardest to fool us into believing them so that they can keep their jobs but more importantly (to them) their power. 

If we stay “they” will still get their jaunts to exotic places like Berlin, Brussels, India, China and America, if we leave they will still get their jaunts to exotic places like Berlin, Brussels, India, China and America. 

So what is the difference-buggered if I know, to be honest at my age-64 ¾ it doesn’t make much difference, personally I will vote to leave, I want to be able to go dahn the town and understand what everybody is saying, I want to know that housing is available for the young people, I want to know that there are jobs available for those that want them, I want to know that I can go where I want when I want and not be blown up by some bleeding religious lunatic with a bomb strapped to his plums.

I don’t want the people of Blighty to be absorbed into the mish mash of Europe to become some clone and lose our Blightyness we have a proud history (some of it anyway) we are known for our tolerance and good sense (some of it anyway) we are not “European” we live on an island which is quite full of people. We are innovators and inventors and are unique in the world, let’s keep it that way.


I suppose I just want my country back...
 

And talking of other religions

 

What the hell is that all about?
 

Apparently if there is a God there isn’t just one, so we have Gods who tell their followers different things, and everyone is at odds with everyone else and grudges are not easily forgiven.

Some followers are convinced that if we sin we will go to purgatory unless we admit our sins, some think that the crusades some 900 to 1100 years ago is a good reason to explode innocent people into small pieces (including their own followers), some think that they have been hard done by for millennia and have the right to revenge by annexing other peoples land.

Some think that all life is sacred and won’t even step on an ant (I like that one except for spiders).

And some believe in other things.

What we believe is of course up to us but what really pisses me orf is those that want to impose their religion on others, that seem to think if they are not followers of their God they should die or be invaded or absorbed into their beliefs.

If you live in Blighty say and believe in some prophet who says that their religion is the only one and can’t accept the British way of life then bugger orf to a land that supports your religion, so that you can stone people or behead them or cut their hands orf or whatever else is allowed in your religion. 

I make this point: all “holy” writings are written by man for man in order for the “upper lot” to control the lower lot, religion as in all things is about power and control, if God or a God had actually written a text to follow then there would only be one religion and we would all believe and follow the rules but God didn’t and human nature is to suspect those that have other ideals and think that they are right and everyone else is to be conquered.

 Well that’s what I think anyway... 

And today’s thought: What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” Buddha


Angus

Saturday, 16 April 2016

No Surprises There Then:


Much lack of warm, oodles of sky water, more than a bit of atmospheric movement and not a glimpse of Dawns crack at the castle this morn.

It has been many moons since I put finger to keyboard, bits have dropped orf and been replaced, other bits have broken and been fixed, but poor old Angus is now up and “running” on seven out of eight cylinders.

His Maj is just as batty as ever, but has grown into a big, friendly, playful boy.

The butler is still refusing to “do” outside and the garden is waking up from its winter sleep.

Finally upgraded to Windows 10, with the help of “classic shell” I have managed to make it look like windows 7-win, win.

 

Many, many things have happened just lately, apparently “They” (otherwise known as the rich) have been hiding their stash abroad without telling the taxman, Prime Monster Damn “Dave” blames his dad, and is trying to scare us out of leaving the EU.

Not working is it Dave....

 

Son of a B.....aronet and alien reptile in disguise chancer at the exchequer George (where is Panama?) Osbourne has jumped on the Bremain band wagon and is threatening interest rate rises if we dump Europe.

 

Or maybe not......



 

Meanwhile old fart Jezza Corbyn who is also in the Bremain camp (this time anyway) was fined for sending in his tax return late.

 

                                                      Left across the big salty thing
 

A “Tiger whisperer has been mauled to death Malayan tiger inside its habitat, Stacey Konwiser, 38, suffered a "severe bite" wound while inside the big cat's habitat on Friday afternoon, say zoo officials.

She was performing basic tasks with the male Malayan tiger at the time, said zoo spokeswoman Naki Carter.

 

                                                          Dahn Unda and right a bit
 
 

Apparently those attached to the Victorian mode of transport have finally emerged into the nineteenth century-electric bikes.

With 2327 imported last year, they were 1 per cent of all bike imports, but this marked a near four-fold increase since 2012. Retailers report sales growth of 35 per cent a year.

Importer and retailer Neil Pollett, owner of Flux, in Ponsonby, says the "grey-power" age group were first to embrace e-bikes, but the trend had caught on with people in their 30s to 50s, and even younger.

New Zealand Post has 280 e-bikes and 25 more on order, a spokeswoman said. "The New Lynn, Rotorua, Kapiti and Timaru branches are all using e-bikes, plus we have a sprinkling of others around the country. The e-bikes are good on hills and on the flat.

 

And finally:

 

                                               Apparently the “new” Papa is a catholic
 
 

Better than being a Nazi I suppose.

 


 

And today’s thought:

It is terrible to speak well and be wrong. -Sophocles 

Angus

Sunday, 14 September 2014

Still here: Homophobic explosion: Dickey gummy bear: Devil’s todger: Manhattan parking: Grassing on a thief: and something to do with Scotland.


Oodles of mist and mellow fruitfulness, just a whimsy of atmospheric movement, not a jot of skywater and bugger all solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

It’s been a bit of a “funny” last couple of months, two close members of the family have shuffled orf this mortal coil, my sister (expected) and “M”’s brother who decided to give up the ghost one day after the ninth anniversary of her exit (not expected).

On the way back from my sister’s thingy (400 mile round trip) the timing belt on the Honda also decided to expire and the engine blew up on the M4.

So I decided to go “European” and am now the owner of a Peugeot 206 in French “racing” green, not a bad motor, only done a handful of miles, it even has automatic lights and wipers (which behave like the French-they only seem to work in the mornings) and an “adaptive automatic gearbox” which is not bilingual.

Time will tell...

 

Poor old Angus has a touch of Ginger’s brother Arthur in his left knee and whilst visiting my general medic he decided to take an inordinate amount of interest in my prostate and rear exit suggesting that he should insert his finger into said orifice to check it out. The second word uttered by poor old Angus was orf, so we settled on a blood test instead.

More to come....

 

 

Apparently the annual floods have arrived in Pakistan causing many problems and lack of life, the solution was to blow up a couple of dykes.

 

How homophobic can you get.....?

 

 

Inappropriately shaped lollies on sale exclusively in the South Island have been branded offensive and recalled from shops.

Barrie Aburn, of Dunedin, said his daughters Cadence (8), Rhianna (6) and Payton (5) bought a bag of Dragon Sweets from Moyles SuperValue in Green Island and gave it to him for his birthday.

Mr Aburn's partner, Jacqui Hawkins, said she randomly took a sweet from the bag and found it was shaped in the form of male genitals.

Another lolly in the bag was a gummy baby with a penis, she said.

''I don't find anything amusing about it at all. I find it disgusting,'' she said.

Dutch Rusk managing director Willem Van de Geest, of Nelson, said the Stoke confectionery company imported 7200 bags of mixed gummy lollies, called Dragon Sweets, from a Chinese manufacturer about six weeks ago.

The lollies were originally designed for sale in England and were not considered offensive in Asia.

In Asia, the shape was considered a sign of fertility and health, he said.

 

Too much whacky baccy Mr Geest?

 

 

The statue of a devil with an erect penis could be back up in Vancouver if the city caves to residents who started a petition after it was removed.

Municipal crews in Vancouver took the statue away Tuesday after it mysteriously appeared near a highway, atop a pedestal that used to have a commemorative statue of Christopher Columbus.

The life-size red devil has black horns, a forked tail and an anatomically faithful -- and naked -- physique.

Officials told Global News it wasn't commissioned by the city.

But plenty of people want the "Beelzebub-With-a-Boner" statue re-erected, according to a Change.org petition which had more than 1,500 signatures as of Thursday evening.

"(It) should be reinstalled as a piece of public art and serve as a reminder that art is in the eye of the beholder and nothing more," Darryl Greer, who started the petition, wrote.

Greer points out the statue cost the city nothing, unlike a "cartoonish" porcelain dog on Main Street that cost nearly $100,000.

 

The devils in the detail.....

 

 

A new development, 42 Crosby Street, is pushing the limits of New York City real estate to new heights with 10 underground parking spots that will cost more per square foot than the apartments being sold upstairs.

The million-dollar parking spots will be offered on a first-come-first-served basis to buyers at the 10-unit luxury apartment building being developed by Atlas Capital Group at Broome and Crosby Streets, itself the former site of a parking lot. At $250,000 a tire, the parking spaces in the underground garage cost more than four times the national median sales price for a home, which is $217,800, according to Zillow.

So instead of a 5,000-square-foot house with a wine cellar in Dallas or a 3,500-square-foot home with a sauna in Seattle, one could choose 150 square feet in the basement of 42 Crosby, a condominium designed by the architect Annabelle Selldorf.


 Bloody hell! I hope Grimly dark doesn’t hear about this....

 

 

Maureen McKenna, 58, was caught on CCTV cameras for 40 minutes nicking a lawn.

With an accomplice, she removed the front lawn at 5am and both were seen walking away with pieces of it.

They even stopped for a cigarette break in Skelmersdale, Lancs.

McKenna was arrested and charged with theft after the footage circulated in July.

Appearing at Ormskirk Magistrates Court, she was sentenced to three months prison.

 
Grassed up? 
 

And finally: 


Apparently there is going to be a vote in the land of noisy squashy bags and deep fried mars bars about whether the Scots want to remain part of the UK or not.

Good luck to them, if they vote yes then Hadrian’s Wall will have to be heightened and extended, many-many people will have to apply for a new passport, oodles of Scottish MPs will have to be deported and the blue will disappear from the Union flag thingy.

 If they vote no then we will continue to be governed by plonkers with names like Cameron and Alexander, until next year anyway and all will calm dahn and Salmond will crawl back into his sporran and desist his ranting.

 
Or not.....


 

And today’s thought:


 

Angus

Sunday, 6 July 2014

If: Boeing-Boeing splash: and Fappy wanker.


Medium amounts of lack of cold, maximum amounts of  sod all solar stuff, nary a sniff of atmospheric movement and imminent skywater at the Castle this morn.
Almost a lunar cycle has passed since the last post (where does time go?) and poor old Angus has been doing oodles of stuff-gardening, sorting out, travelling, shopping and much walking.
 

The "news" around Blighty is a bit iffy, it seems that our sports people have not done their best, and dirty old men and the kiddie fiddlers have been having a field day.

 

 

Managed to fuck up Wimbledon.

 

Nice one Murray...

 
 

Managed to fuck up the World Cup.

No real surprise there, but although I hate Footballers with a vengeance isn't it about time that

"foreign" players were banned from the leagues, then we might have a chance of gathering a

decent squad.....

 

 
 

Is about to fuck up a large piece of what used to be the railways by giving £90 million of fare

payers money to all and sundry (I wish) in order to give commuters faster Wi-Fi on chuff-

chuffs in about four years.

Shouldn't "they" use the dosh to make the trains better now?

 

 

 Is just a fuck up, and has decided that cash can no longer be used on any of London's buses in a move that Transport for London (TfL) says will save £24m a year.

Passengers will need a prepaid or concessionary ticket, Oyster card or a contactless payment card to travel.

TfL said only 0.7% of all bus journeys were paid for with cash and that tourists were unlikely to be affected.

 

Yeah right.....

 
 

Has been accused over a historical allegation of rape.

The Independent on Sunday says Lord Brittan, as he is now known, is understood to have been questioned last month about the claim, which relates to an incident in London in 1967.

The Tory peer reportedly strongly denies the allegations.

Lord Brittan, 74, was not an MP at the time of the alleged rape.

 

Oh well that's all fucking right then....

 

 

Is about to fucked up after being jailed for nearly six years for 12 indecent assaults against four girls - including one aged just seven or eight.

Harris, who was found guilty of offences that took place between 1968 and 1986, was told by the judge he had "no-one to blame but himself".

He displayed no emotion and stared straight ahead as he was jailed.

 

Still can't tell what it is then....

 

 

Has apparently been fucked up for a couple of months by a "virus" which forced him to take a break from his "tour".

The 72-year-old played an arena in Albany, New York, on Saturday night as part of his Out There tour.

The former Beatle called off the Japan leg of the tour and a South Korea show after falling ill on 16 May and later postponed a number of US dates.

He spent six days in a Tokyo hospital being treated for the viral infection.

Before his illness, Sir Paul had last performed on May 1 in Costa Rica.

 

Shame it wasn't a bit more virulent.

 

 

 Three Boeing 737 fuselages were fucked up when they tumbled down a steep bank and into the Clark Fork River in western Montana after a train derailed.

Montana Rail Link spokeswoman Lynda Frost said Saturday that it's unclear the type of challenge involved because it's the first time the company has faced such a task.

No one was injured when 19 cars from a westbound train derailed Thursday about 10 miles west of Alberton. The cause of the derailment is under investigation.

The train carried six fuselages. Three others also fell off but stayed on land. Frost says Boeing has had workers at the scene assessing the damage.

The fuselages were headed to Renton, Washington, to be assembled into completed airliners.

 

Or not......

 

And finally:

 

 

A mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The organization recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 35-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested on Sunday at Metta Yoga in Phoenix after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of adults and children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle

Paul Horner is a great man. He’s passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy, he loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him, they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the Phoenix five-oh, such a shame. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this incident is resolved. Praise Fappy!”

 

Ironic Wanker....

 


 

And today's thought:

 

 

Angus