Fuelling the bills: Cracker of a Numpty: The Ginger gang: A Grave error: Elephants in the bus stop: Imaginary car: and Negligent discharges.

Still not sure about the weather at the Castle this 13^th morn of the month, cloudy and coldish with a hint of dingy and a whimsy of windy.

The study is three quarters full of broken difference machines, the garden is in dire need of fettling, his Maj requires cat litter and the bollards have finally been replaced (photo to follow)

I see that Chris Huhne has a cunning plan to meet the triple challenge of climate change, high bills for householders, and security of energy supply.

The ultra-free market which has been in place since electricity was privatised 20 years ago is to be drastically modified, with the Government offering generating companies long-term contracts at fixed prices to produce low-carbon power – that is, from renewable sources and nuclear installations. Going back to what is effectively a form of central planning is seen as essential to attract the huge investment – £110bn over the next decade – which is needed to replace Britain's ageing energy infrastructure.

The programme will put about £160 per year on to the average energy bill by 2030, the Energy and Climate Change Secretary, Chris Huhne, said yesterday, compared to £200 without the changes.

 That makes me feel really well orf...

 Over in Colorado

Sean Ogden, a 19-year-old Durango resident, was seriously injured Monday after putting fireworks in a coffee grinder and attempting to mix them to create a larger firework. The mixture exploded.

Ogden was taken to Mercy Regional Medical centre and later flown to the University of Colorado for more extensive treatment.

The Durango Herald reports the fireworks were purchased in or near Cortez, Colorado. Ogden likely decided the fireworks were too small and followed directions on the internet to dismantle and reassemble them into something larger.

Durango Fire & Rescue Authority's fire Marshal, Tom Kaufman, speculated that friction from the coffee grinder ignited the mixture. The ensuing explosion shook houses a quarter-mile away.

 You can even learn how to be a Numpty on the web.

 Dahn Unda

Known locally as the "Ginger-Haired Gang," a group of 18 teenagers with orange-dyed hair is running rampant in the Townsville suburb of Garbutt -- making residents fearful for their lives and their property, the Townsville Bulletin reported Wednesday.

A resident, who did not wish to be named for fear of retribution, told the Queensland newspaper the group had been destroying public property and threatening locals for months.

"They're 14 to 17-year-old boys and girls, it's not like kids on school holidays being stupid, these ones are organized," the resident said.

"They've kicked fences in, ripped palings out and used them as weapons; they've been throwing rocks at ... old people.

How many points do you get for that?

 Back over to the States

Two sisters are suing a cemetery for $25 million (£16m) after discovering their mother was not buried in the grave they have been visiting for 20 years.

Evelyn and Hortense Edwards reportedly bought the plot at Rosehill Cemetery in Linden, New Jersey, for their mother Beatrice Williams, who died in 1990.

But after they complained about the state of her grave, they were told last summer she was buried elsewhere in the graveyard. According to the cemetery's website she is one of seven Beatrice Williams buried in the cemetery.

$25 million for six feet of ground is a bit high.....

 In the country of engineering and strudel

Two runaway circus elephants in Germany surprised passersby and police by showing up at a bus stop during a brief bid for freedom, officials in Hanover said on Tuesday.

Dunia, a 40-year-old Indian elephant, and her counterpart Daela, a 25-year-old African elephant, were apprehended by police near the western city of Hanover over the weekend nonchalantly munching on tree leaves and looking for all the world as if they were waiting for the bus.

The pair had escaped from their enclosure at a nearby travelling circus and walked some 50 metres (165 feet) to the stop, police said. 

Just as well, they probably didn’t have the right change anyway....

 Somewhere in the world

The Monster Mk1 is an imaginary car made from bad parts of other models to represent worst performing cars on the road.

It's a concept car inspired by some of the best-known names in motoring.

But this is a banger that would break down every month and cost £2,050 in annual repairs.

It boasts an MG TF engine, sits on the suspension of a BMW M3, has the electrics of the Renault Megane, the gearbox of a Land Rover Freelander and the braking ability of the Audi A8.

Seat’s Alhambra provides the air-conditioning while heating and cooling systems are from the Spanish car maker’s Toledo. Steering is courtesy of the Volvo C70.

The nightmare model was created by Warranty Direct, which merged under-performing cars based on the average cost of repairs, frequency of breakdowns, age and mileage.

Duncan McClure Fisher, the company’s managing director, said the Monster Mk1 represents the worst-performing cars on the road.

He added: ‘the wide range included in our blend highlights how mostly reliable cars can be dragged down by one problem part.’

Why am I smiling?-I’ve got a Honda...... 

And finally: 

Back over to the left

Labelling himself as "a pretty unprofessional outdoors show host", Derek "Tex" Grebner lived up to that reputation after he shot himself in the leg during a video demo.

Grebner uploaded the clip to YouTube, as a warning that "negligent discharges happen."

In the video the keen guns-man explained that the accident had happened after he had been practicing "how to draw and fire from defensive retention."

Fortunately, Grebner managed to stop the bleeding before the paramedics arrived.

Despite the incident, Grebner encouraged his viewers at the end of the video to join the National Rifle Association "to protect our rights." 

The right to bare arms?

 That’s it: I’m orf to have a chat with the Honda 

And today’s thought: Why is abbreviation such a long word?

 Angus

Education-Education; Police nags; Mont less; Picture this; And Pachyderm peril. Plus Serious and sensitive.

Before the off something serious and sensitive: and yes I can do serious and sensitive.

I was contacted by a nice young lady yesterday, here is her email:

Hello,

I'm working on a programme for Channel 4 on palliative / end-of-life care. We started looking into it around the time The Patient's Association came out with a report detailing bad quality of care and a lot of it seemed to happen with people at the end-of-life stage. We started looking into it more and found that while there are some of the best palliative care specialists in the world working in this country, that expertise does not necessarily filter down to more general staff and care. Lack of training coupled with a lack of resources seems to mean that a fair number of people are suffering at the end of their lives.

We want to make a film where we follow a number of people in end-of-life care.

Here is a brief explanation of what we're working on:

Hardcash Productions is in the initial stages of research into making a programme on palliative care for the terminally ill in the UK for Channel Four. Hardcash is a leading independent television company specialising in documentaries and current affairs documentaries. Our website www.hardcashproductions.com, gives details of our recent work.

We are looking at issues of care, pain management, specialist training, and communication between medical staff and both the terminally ill themselves and their families. Our plan at this stage is to look at these issues through a small number of personal case histories – ones that are on-going. We would like to speak to patients, carers and family members who are in palliative / end-of-life care at the moment, whose stories would potentially illustrate the issues we mentioned above.

Finally, I should tell you that we have a consultant on this programme who is an expert in palliative care, we understand how sensitive this issue is and we will absolutely handle it with the utmost care.

So please ask around to see if anyone you know currently in palliative / end-of-life care would be interested in telling their story to us. It would initially just be for a confidential chat. We could take it further later on if they feel comfortable enough to do so
.

I'm keen to speak with someone familiar with this issue at Angus Dei. A doctor named Rita Pal directed me to your site.

Could we have a chat?

My contact details are below.

Kind regards,
Caroline

Caroline Marsden
Hardcash Productions for Channel 4
020 7253 2782 (office)
07931 303 318 (mobile)
caroline@hardcashproductions.com


We did have a chat but my experience of the “palliative care” that ‘M’ received is not relevant because it was over four years ago and things “have changed” since then (I wish), however if anyone out there is interested in participating contact Caroline through the above info, or you can leave your contact details with me and I will pass them on.

This is not something I would normally do but I feel that this type of programme is necessary to either show that end of life care is “palliative” or is substandard; after all it is something we will all need.

Anyway, back to ‘normal’.

BF3 on firework night, I don’t have to worry about the cat because she is stone deaf and likes to sit on the battlements to watch the pyrotechnics uttering the feline equivalent of “Oooh and Aaaah” unlike DD who has to fortify her mud hut to protect her house guests.

There is a plethora of my type of ‘news’ today so I have picked my favourites.





First up:

What is the use of History?

Adolf Hitler was a German football coach, say one in 20 children.

And one in six youngsters said they thought Auschwitz was a Second World War theme park while one in 20 said the Holocaust was a celebration at the end of the war.

The survey for a veterans' charity also found one in 10 thought the SS stood for Enid Blyton's Secret Seven, and one in 12 believed the Blitz was a European clean-up operation following the Second World War.

Scottish-based charity Erskine, which provides nursing and medical care for veterans, said it would now take part in a nationwide scheme to educate schoolchildren about the two world conflicts.

The charity questioned 2,000 children between the ages of nine and 15 about their knowledge of the key people and events of the two wars.

While a quarter admitted they did not think about the soldiers who died in the conflicts, and 40 per cent said they did not know when Remembrance Day was, 70 per cent of all those surveyed said they wanted to learn more about the two wars in school.

So what are kids being taught in history classes?

BYO GEE GEE

Hertfordshire police is keen to boost special constables in the countryside, and said that those who already own horses should be able to use them as transport.

It is the first in the country to promote such a scheme but believes it could catch on if successful.

Insp George Holland, who came up with the plan, said it would help cut down on carbon emissions and encourage farmers and gamekeepers to sign up as special constables.
Speaking to Police Review magazine, he said: "The thinking behind allowing the use of their own horses is that it is not only environmentally friendly but there are also lots of people who otherwise would have not been interested in joining who might now be."

He said that it was “ridiculous” that many of the current officers are not from a countryside background, despite Hertfordshire being 80 per cent rural and said the new officers would “provide a better service to rural areas”

He said: "There are very few people in the force from a rural background - and that is ridiculous.

"We anticipate that it will provide a genuinely better service to rural people and boost their confidence that the police really do care and are dealing with issues that matter to them."

Insp Holland said that the new initiative hope to attract “community members such as gamekeepers, horse riders and farmers” as they are familiar with the countryside and could be key in helping solve crimes in the area.

The force already has already recruited 14 dedicated “country cops” who are due to start their new jobs next week, but plan to sign up another 16 officers by the New Year.

One officer, who did not want to be named, said the new squad had been dubbed the 'Bumpkin Bobbies'.

He said: "It's fantastic that we're getting a new team of officers on horseback who can trot all over the countryside solving crimes.

Good idea?

Mont Blanc on the move

The snow-capped Alpine giant Mont Blanc has shrunk by 18 inches in two years, experts said on Thursday following an official survey.

The new height of the tallest peak in western Europe, which lies on the three-way border between France, Italy and Switzerland, is 15,782.3 feet, just over half that of Nepal's Everest.

The volume of snow and ice coating the summit has also dropped by about a tenth, topographer Bernard Dupont said, adding that this could not be linked directly to the effects of climate change.

Mr Dupont said climate change indicators could only truly be measured on a scale of 30 years or more and that ice temperatures and precipitation levels further down the mountain, at around 9,800 feet, would be a better guide.

The expedition, which included the mayor of Annecy, the French town that is a candidate for the Winter Olympics, also found that the highest point on the mountain had shifted 85 feet closer to Italy but remained in France.

Maps, reference guides and school books will be updated accordingly.

Even the mountains are trying to emigrate.

Virtual Health and Safety

Organisers of a Guy Fawkes Night party in Devon claim health and safety officials have forced them to watch a film of a bonfire rather than the real thing.

The event, dubbed 'non fire night', at Ilfracombe Rugby Club will see about 2,000 revellers hold sparklers and gather around a big screen showing footage of a bonfire.

Recorded images of a roaring real fire will be projected onto the 16ft by 12ft screen mounted on a scaffolding stand - at a cost of £300.

Organisers say they were put off having a real fire by the 'mountain' of paperwork and regulations set by council chiefs, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Officials at the authority said that to have a real fire they would require five qualified fire marshals and metal barricades to keep people at a safe distance.

The non-fire night will also involve giant heaters, lighting and a smoke machine to give the crowd the taste of a real bonfire night.

Sounds of crackling wood will also be broadcast on loudspeakers and £2,500 fireworks will be fired into the air.

"Certain regulations make it difficult for us to have a real bonfire. It is not really a financially viable option," said club captain Leo Cooper, 25.

"The bonfire is often the focal point so we decided to have a big screen that would do the same job."

But local resident Amy Collins, 26, complained: "The whole point of Guy Fawkes Night is to watch and smell a real bonfire. I doubt Guy Fawkes would have been able to blow up Parliament with virtual gunpowder."

Personally I would rather see virtual fireworks; at least you could turn the sound down.


And finally:

Elephant on the road

Only from over the what not in Oklahoma:

A couple driving home from church nearly slammed into a giant pachyderm that had escaped from a nearby circus late Wednesday. "Didn't have time to hit the brakes. The elephant blended in with the road," driver Bill Carpenter said Thursday. "At the very last second I said 'elephant!"'

Carpenter, 68, said he swerved his SUV at the last second and ended up sideswiping the 29-year-old female elephant on U.S. 81 in Enid, about 80 miles (129 kilometres)north of Oklahoma City.

"So help me Hanna, had I hit that elephant, not swerved, it would have knocked it off its legs, and it would have landed right on top of us," he said. "We'd have been history."

The couple, who own a wheat farm, weren't injured. But the 8-foot, 4,500-pound (2.4-meter, 2,040-kilogram) elephant was being examined Thursday for a broken tusk and a leg wound. A local veterinarian said it appeared to have escaped major injury.

"I thought this can't be happening. Out here you could hit a deer or a cow, but this can't be happening. The good Lord was with us," Carpenter said. The elephant's tusk punched through the side of the SUV, tearing up sheet metal.

After sideswiping the elephant, his wife, Deena, flagged some people down and used their cell phone to call police.

"The dispatcher didn't believe her: 'You hit a what?"' he said. "I told my wife, I don't know whether to cry or laugh."

Enid veterinarian Dr. Dwight Olson said the elephant was hiding in some bushes just off the highway when he arrived shortly after the accident. Handlers from the circus were able to calm it down, and Olson cleaned the leg wound and gave it some pain killer.

The elephant was taken Thursday to the veterinary school at Oklahoma State University for a follow-up exam.

"I don't believe there's a broken bone, but I don't have an X-ray room big enough to examine it," Olson said.

The elephant had escaped from the Family Fun Circus at the Garfield County Fairgrounds earlier Wednesday after something spooked it while it was being loaded into a truck with another elephant, Olson said.

David Sacks, a spokesman for the U.S. Department of Agriculture, said late Thursday the elephant is owned by the same license holder of two elephants that escaped after getting spooked by a tornado in WaKeeney, Kansas, last year. The license holder is Doug Terranova, Sacks said.

A booking agent for the circus, Rachael Bellman, said she was unaware of the incident, and a telephone message left with circus officials wasn't immediately returned.


The quote “The elephant blended in with the road," has got to be the best this year.


Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico

Peg leg peril, Put pockets, Grave shortage, no Jumbos on the beach and DIY

Weather is hot, radiator is back in the box and I am back in the garden, life is hard.....

First up:

You sure that's a wooden leg?

A holidaymaker was pulled from water he had fallen in to by alerting rescuers to his presence by waving his wooden leg.


He fell out of his small inflatable dinghy, at Restronguet, Cornwall, and was helped out of the water by two yacht workers who were passing on another boat, after waving the wooden limb.


Jerry Hobkirk, from Falmouth Yacht Brokers, said: "Dave Thomas and Royston Dower were delivering a boat when they saw a woman screaming on the shoreline.


"They went back and saw a man clinging to a buoy waving to get their attention."


He said that it was only when they got closer that they could see he was waving his wooden leg to get their attention.


Mr. Hobkirk said that the two men managed to drag the man into their boat before taking him back to his concerned wife on the shoreline.



And then they told him to hop it...........What?

Broadband bonus

Visitors to London always have to be on the look out for pickpockets, but now there's another, more positive phenomenon on the loose -- putpockets.


Aware that people are suffering in the economic crisis, 20 former pickpockets have turned over a new leaf and are now trawling London's tourist sites slipping money back into unsuspecting pockets.


Anything from 5 pounds to 20 pound notes is being surreptitiously deposited in unguarded pockets or open handbags in Trafalgar Square, Covent Garden and other busy spots.


The initiative, which runs until the end of August in London before being rolled out countrywide, is being funded by a broadband provider, which says it wants to brighten up people's lives in unusual ways.


"It feels good to give something back for a change -- and Britons certainly need it in the current economic climate," said Chris Fitch, a former pickpocket who now heads TalkTalk's putpocketing initiative.


"Every time I put money back in someone's pocket, I feel less guilty about the fact I spent many years taking it out."


London's police have been briefed about the plan, which will see at least 100,000 pounds given away.



They can afford to give away £100,000 but can’t afford to offer broadband where I live...bastards!

There I was digging this hole

The Home Office has drawn up plans for mass graves in London to deal with a second wave of swine flu expected this autumn.


Crematoriums and cemeteries may have to work round the clock to deal with the number of bodies, says a 59-page document which has also been sent to hospitals.


The grim preparations, discussed at a meeting of Whitehall officials and council leaders last month, will affect areas where there may not be enough graves.


Within weeks of a full-blown pandemic, the number of burials could more than double and some cemeteries, particularly in inner-city areas, “may experience a shortage of grave space”, says the report — Framework For Planners Preparing To Manage Deaths.


It discusses using “a grave that is for a number of unrelated persons, excavated mechanically in advance and designed for efficient preparation and use”.


It says this approach would create a “site for multiple graves and consecutive burials” but added there must still be “marking of the position of individual burials”.


Freight containers and “inflatable” storage units may provide extra mortuary space.


During the meeting, officials discussed the need for cemeteries and crematoriums to work seven days a week, and the hiring of extra staff.


The report also warns there may be a need for “shorter services at the chapel” or for memorial services to be held at a person's home instead.


John Barradell, Westminster's deputy chief executive, said the council had to plan for the worst, adding: “We have a flu pandemic plan in place which has been rigorously tested.


Senior officers are meeting regularly to monitor the changing situation.”



So they have dug a big hole and Council officials are looking into it.

Jumbo doo doo a no no

Granville, in Normandy has banned Elephants from having a paddle, Last year, elephants from one of the circuses that tour many French towns in the summer months were allowed on to the beach But inspectors checking water quality found traces of their droppings in the sea and issued a warning over health standards at the beach, which is popular with French and foreign holidaymakers.


"Circuses are more than welcome," said Roland Huet, an official at Granville's town hall. "But this year the rules governing their stay clearly specify they cannot allow any animals, including elephants, to bathe on our beaches because of the risk of pollution," he added.


Granville is particularly susceptible to this type of contamination due to its sheltered location in the bay of Mont Saint Michel, according to Huet.


A repeat of last year's incident would prompt the closure of the beach and could seriously damage Granville's reputation as a seaside resort.


"Imagine having to explain to thousands of holidaymakers that the beach has been closed due to animal droppings," he said.


Fair enough, but imagine waking up after a siesta and seeing bloody great Elephants all around you.



And finally:



I couldn’t let a day pass without a Numpty, so here are some examples of Numpty car repairs.

Angus

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

AnglishLit

Angus Dei politico

NOT SURE WHAT DAY IT IS

I say that because I actually fell asleep last night, which will teach me because some flesh eating insect got into my bedroom and bit me on the left eyelid, so I now have monocular vision.

And a leer that would get me nicked if I ventured out into the world, so I will sit her in my torpor and attempt to write something vaguely sensible, which would be a first.

The opening gambit was something I heard on Radio 4 this morning, and concerns the digital switch over, Digital UK - Home which is represented by that annoying little robot which I personally could melt down for scrap.





I have already converted my TVs to digital and am ready for the off, which won’t be until 2012 in Hampshire.

The thing that caught my attention was: what will happen to our FM radios when the switch over happens, the reporter said that we will have to scrap them and buy digital radios, and that I suppose includes car radios.

The only reference I can find to this is Nicholas Lezard: Don't force digital radio on us which seems to reinforce the fact that we will not be able to use our FM radios once digital comes in.

Or we will have to listen to “local” stations, and will lose the access to radio 1, 2,3,4,5 the world service and Uncle Tom Cobbly and all.

Bloody cheek, I pay my license fee and this entitles me to watch BBC TV channels and listen to BBC radio channels, will I get a refund if I refuse to buy a new alarm clock/radio, a new Hi-Fi with a tuner and a new portable radio, as well as a new car radio?

Of course I WON’T, because the Government and the BBC have given me no choice in the matter, it is a case of do it or lose it, and never mind the cost to the public, I like digital TV, there is a good choice of programmes, and the quality is much better than analogue, but why haven’t the “powers that be” told us about the radio thing?


Moan over, but it is worth a thought.


Back to the “real world”

Hedge that never forgets:

Gavin Hogg became concerned his hedgerow was getting so overgrown it resembled a jungle he took matters in hand and transformed it into a herd of elephants

Mr Hogg, 49, fell in love with the wildlife during a safari in Kenya that when he returned home he decided to recreate a little bit of Africa in his back garden.

He painstakingly carved out a seven adult elephants and three babies from his hedgerow.

It took two days to craft the herd with a trimmer, shears – and a pair of scissors for the fiddly bits.

The result is a striking 100ft-long trail of green elephants that stretches around the corner of his family home outside Brecon in Mid Wales.

Great idea, wonder how long it will be before someone complains?



Mobile Phones can kill you; at least they can if you drop it on a railway line:

A man had a miracle escape when he was hit by a 100mph train as he went to retrieve his mobile phone from the railtracks.

Noah Hodgkiss, 56, did not notice the train thundering towards him because he has cataracts and hearing problems.

To make matters worse, the batteries on his hearing aid were flat and he had no idea the train was there until he glanced over his shoulder at the last second.

"I was right in the middle of the two tracks when it happened. Before I knew what was going on it was on me.

"I tried to leap out of the way but it was too late and it hit me from behind. I can't describe how it felt, I was just thinking what was going to happen to me."

Mr Hodgkiss flew several metres down the track but remained conscious.

Mr Hodgkiss's ordeal happened as he walked in Tibberton, Worcestershire, on Saturday.

He dropped his mobile from the railway bridge but, as he was looking for it, the train slammed into him.


I don’t want to be pedantic here but what use is a mobile phone to someone who has cataracts and is deaf?



Nanny state:

Britain's towns and countryside are being blighted by unnecessary and patronising safety signs, according to a new book

Photographs taken around the country for the publication show beaches featuring warnings that they have "uneven surfaces", and cemeteries advising visitors that "all memorials have the potential to harm".

Railway stations display posters telling passengers to "use escalators safely" while flower beds are decorated with CCTV signs.

A poster next to a hedge tells passers-by to "be aware of wasps nesting in this area", and traffic cones are used to designate a smoking zone in a supermarket car park.

Between the Royal Festival Hall and Waterloo Bridge on London's South Bank there are now 95 safety signs, it is claimed, while a double-decker bus displays 24 separate cautions.

The Manifesto Club, a libertarian campaign group that compiled the book from pictures sent in by members, says in many cases the signs do not warn of real dangers.

And with their loud colours and hectoring tones, the book says, the notices disfigure buildings and public spaces.

The book is available at www.manifestoclub.com


You can read it but only if you read the warning sign about cutting yourself on sharp paper.

And finally:





Want to be an astronaut?

Guinness has launched a competition offering drinkers the chance to win a trip into space aboard Sir Richard Branson's. Virgin Galactic Spacecraft

The brewer is putting three once-in-a-lifetime experiences up for grabs themed on the colour of its famous black stout beer.

To mark its 250 years in business, the company is sending one winner into space, another to the depths of the ocean, and a third to an exclusive Black Eyed Peas concert.

The competition is open to adults in 28 countries at its website www.guinness.com until the 250-year anniversary on September 24 – dubbed Arthur's Day.

The Guinness space experience gives one person the chance to become one of the first non-professional astronauts to venture into space with Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic, the world's first commercial spaceline.

After training in New Mexico at the Virgin Galactic's home at Spaceport America, the winner will take a flight through the Earth's atmosphere at almost 2,500mph – three times the speed of sound.

Sitting 68 miles above the Earth's surface, they will experience the feeling of weightlessness before they view Earth from the blackness of space.


No thanks, I have seen what happened to Branson’s balloon flight and his speed boat.



Angus

NHS Behind the headlines

Angus Dei politico

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

BUPA CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE

I am still avoiding the “Proper News” because I don’t want to get embroiled in the taking sides part of it. There is only one story at the moment, and this type of thing tends to polarise people, I sit firmly on the fence for this one (for once).

So-sod the “important news”.

BBC-Private healthcare firm BUPA has released its "top ten" unhealthiest soap characters, arguing they could be used to hammer home health messages.

Many of the characters who are smoking, eating unhealthily or drinking too much, are shown as being in perfect health, said Dr Peter Mace, BUPA’s assistant medical director.

This is the “hit list”

Dot Cotton, East Enders: Smoker
Shadrach Dingle, Emmerdale: Alcohol dependent
Tyrone Dobbs, Coronation Street: Unhealthy diet
Heather Trott, Eastenders: Unhealthy diet
Louise Summers, Hollyoaks: Alcohol dependent
Shirley Carter, Eastenders: Drinks too much alcohol
Charlie Slater, Eastenders: Unhealthy diet
Lloyd Mullaney, Coronation Street: Unhealthy diet
Fiz Brown, Coronation Street: Unhealthy diet
Leo Valentine, Hollyoaks: Drinks too much alcohol


What is the matter with these people? Is business so bad that they want the viewing public to flock to their Doors “just in case”.

And check out their “prices” for checkups (ouch).

Reality check for BUPA.

They are firkin SOAPS you idiots, people don’t tune in to them to watch the CHARACTERS die long slow painful deaths, they are ENTERTAINMENT, the programmes are FICTION!

If you “people” at BUPA want to see such things visit your local hospital and take a grand tour.

What next? The Police wanting to see all the trials and imprisonment of the villains “nicked” in The Bill? Just to make it “real”


Or maybe the Government wanting to know where the spies got their secrets from in spy programmes.

Life is crap enough in this country as it is, the “Powers That Be” deluge us constantly with “advice” about what we should or shouldn’t do, what to eat and what not to eat, how to think, where to go, who should work, and who is fit for work. We do not want “reality” we want TV progs to ease the pain and transport us to a better place, not watch bits fall off the characters in soaps.


Tougher speed cameras 'due soon' the Gov is about to allow a new type of speed camera, this one doesn’t “clock” you between two cameras a certain distance apart, but is a network spread over a distance of perhaps 15 miles or so, working out an average speed and if you are over the speed limit on average you are firked.

The Tossers in charge vomit the usual excuses- “Geoff Collins, sales and marketing director with Speed Check Services (SCS), the firm producing the technology, said it would cut down on accidents and improve traffic flow.”


But Nigel Humphries of the ABA described the proposals as "disgraceful".

He told the BBC News website: "We think that this gives the lie to the idea that they are used at accident black-spots - measuring someone's speed over a long distance is completely irrelevant to safety.
"It's even worse in an urban area where people are going along with their eye on the speedometer and not on the prevailing road conditions.
"The whole thing goes against arguments that people used to justify speed cameras in the past.

I’m with you Nige.


NHS 'fast losing its compassion' -BBC NEWS

It seems that the people who work in the NHS are less compassionate than they were. The suggested remedy is to “get together” on a regular and talk about it.

Yeah right, that really is going to help.


Only in America-Car Thief Drives Stolen Vehicle To Court

This plonker went to court to face charges of stealing a car, and arrived in a stolen Lexus.

Well he was a hairdresser.


From New York-National Debt Clock Runs Out Of Digits!

Yep, the national debt counter in New York has run out of digits, good firkin job we don’t have one here, it would be half a mile wide.

And finally-Elephants Sending Text Messages In Kenya!

The digital age has even reached Pachyderms; elephants in Kenya have been fitted with mobile phone simcards that send a message to rangers telling them that they are nearing the crops of nearby villages.

That could be used here, do away with ASBOs and fit the sods with a simcard that tells the police when they are somewhere they shouldn’t be, mind you if the fuzz take the usual amount of time to answer it won’t make much difference.

Angus