Pay up El Papa: The ladder of compo: Bankers Dahn Unda: Cracking up in Shanghai: Not working at the carwash: And talking to Angels.

Calmish, coldish and cloudyish at the Castle this morn, the mock orange “tree” is still in situ-plan N didn’t work, and the Francaise malaise is still infectious-I keep shrugging....

Right a bit and down a bit more

The Vatican is now facing a new €600m-a-year tax bill as Rome seeks to head off European Commission censure over controversial property tax breaks enjoyed by the Church.

As the EC heads closer to officially condemning the fiscal perks enjoyed by the Catholic Church and introduced by the Berlusconi administration, Prime Minister Mario Monti has written to the Competition Commissioner, Joaquin Almunia, saying that the Vatican will resume property tax, or Ici, payments.

Dig deep Benedict....

Back in Blighty

Apparently Whitehall civil servants can claim compensation for laddered tights or snagged suits.

They could be paid back for damage to clothing, handbags, and shoes while at work – even if the department where they worked was not to blame.

A £300 damaged woollen suit could be worth £225 if it was 12 months old and £150 if it was two years old.And a civil servant ripping a £5 pair of tights could be entitled to £4.50.

A Cabinet Office spokeswoman said: “There is no free-for-all clothes replacement in the Civil Service. Departments can compensate employees for property damaged at work but only if there’s reasonable case for it.

But remember-“We are all in this together”...

Dahn Unda

ANZ boss Mike Smith is taking his top staff on a $1.75 million cruise just weeks after axing 1000 workers to save money.

The exclusive Silver Shadow cruise of Malaysia's Langkawi islands boasts gourmet food, drinks and luxury suites.

Each of the 200 passengers - 100 staff and their guests - will have a personal butler.

Just days after sacking 1000 staff - 600 from its Docklands HQ - ANZ revealed a $1.48 billion quarterly profit.

An ANZ spokesman said the trip was for winners of the ANZ CEO recognition program, which did not involve senior staff, and "the program recognises our 100 top performers who are mostly junior staff who often get little recognition for the job they do".

Oh well that’s alright then....

Up more than a smidge

Allegedly Lujiazui is falling down, the price to pay for having one of the world’s most iconic skylines, Shanghai’s Lujiazui is suffering from an increasing number of mini “fault lines” radiating outwards in every direction.

Particularly near Shanghai’s most iconic buildings: the World Financial Centre and the Jin Mao Tower. As progress continues on China’s future tallest skyscraper, the Shanghai Tower (situated directly across the street from the current cracks), one can only hope the entire area doesn’t end up collapsing in on itself.

Since 2003, Shanghai has been sinking under the weight of tons of concrete and steel at a rate of about 1.5 centimetres per year, prompting city officials to limit the construction of some skyscrapers. Over the past century, it has sunk over 2 metres.

Underground parking?

West to the home of the motor and the land of queues

Amy Johnson of Minneapolis bought a $12 carwash voucher in November from Calhoun Beach Automotive, a BP gas station in the Uptown area of Minneapolis, but found the line too long to wait in. So she stashed the receipt, which had a code that would let her enter the automated carwash and that expired in 30 days.

When she returned 37 days later, the code wouldn't grant her access. She thought that was unfair and is suing BP.

Johnson just wants her $12 back, but her lawyer, Shawn Wanta, said this kind of situation has happened to so many Minnesota consumers that it merits a class-action suit asking for damages of more than $5 million. That's what the law firm figures is the minimum value of carwash certificates since February

Shoulda, woulda, coulda….

And finally:

Right a lot and a lot more

To the land of the Norse, Princess Martha Louise, who has set up her own alternative medicine business, Thursday published her second book about angels, advising readers on how to talk to them.

"There are an infinite number of angels all around us who want to help us in all circumstances and at all times," the 40-year-old princess and fellow author Elisabeth Nordeng wrote in their introduction to the book "the Secrets of Angels".

"They are there for us. They are real. They exist," they added.

The book is a sequel to "Discover your Guardian Angel" which the two women published in 2009.

"In 'the Secrets of Angels' we reveal some of their secrets to make it easier for you to contact them. Angels want to be in touch with you, but it's important to know how they operate and how they get in touch," the women said.

The princess, who is fourth in line of success to the Norwegian crown, has renounced her title of Princess Royal along with most of her official duties in order to lead her own private life.

Think my Angel has buggered orf.....

That’s it: I’m orf to look for Lord Lucan

And today’s thought:

 Carwash

Angus

Big Society Mk4: Not a pothole: Ex Nazi phones Endeavour: One wheel on his bike: Hanging out Dahn Unda: and The Fete of Elfandsafety.

Cloudy, cool and calm at the Castle this morn, the phone calls have started from desperate users and I am orf to Tesco for some stale bread, gruel and cat food. 

I see that the Irish/Kenyan/Hawaiian/American president Barack O’Bama is due to visit our dry and broken land.

Now there’s a good reason to stay at home.

And U-Turn Cam is about to try to explain his “Big Society” for the fourth time

In a speech in Buckinghamshire, U-Turn Cam will insist that creating the Big Society is the central mission of the Government alongside cutting the deficit. Ministers will announce that they have reached agreement with banks that will allow customers to give money to charity through cash machines for the first time. Every minister will also be instructed to undertake a day of volunteering work a year.

Members of Mr Cameron's Cabinet view his decision to make another high profile attempt to reinvigorate the idea of the Big Society with some bemusement.  

He still doesn’t get it does he……

Apparently Lambeth Council has decided that a pothole is not a pothole when it is less than 1.57 inches deep.

Under the guidelines, holes that are less than 1.57 inches (40mm) in depth will no longer be repaired. Previously, holes as shallow as 0.98in (25mm) were filled in.

The cost-cutting move, by Lambeth council in south London, is set to be followed across the country with nearly three-quarters of local authorities preparing to cut their roads maintenance budgets.

It comes as parliamentary research shows that the total cost of repairing every pothole on England’s roads has soared to more than £13 billion, following a run of bad winters which damaged road surfaces across the country.

In Lambeth, the council has also cut road inspections from every four months to every six months in a further bid to cut costs.

And the moral of this story-fill your holes when they appear or prepare for a lot of damage claims.

The Ex Nazi (and rather creepy looking) Papa has phoned the Endeavour shuttle and bestowed a blessing on the astronauts.

Seated at a table before a television set tuned to NASA’s live broadcast from orbit, Benedict told the space travellers that “you are our representatives spearheading humanity’s exploration of new spaces and possibilities for our future”. 

Hoping for some brownie points from his boss?

Over in China

A cyclist has found a novel way of making his bike safe from thieves - he has thrown away the front wheel.

Li Qingyou, 24, from Shenzhen, in southern China's Guangdong Province, says he can ride his bike on just the back wheel.

He reckons that he can ride his one-wheeled bicycle for more than 30 miles at speeds of up to 20mph.

"I was curious to try, to see if I could ride with only one wheel - and after a month of practice, I mastered it," he said.

"I have never had my bike stolen since I started riding like this. I don't even lock it because no thief could ride my bike."

Unless they bring a front wheel now that they know….

Dahn Unda

Apparently teenage girls are flaunting more skin than ever and raising the eyebrows of older women across Sydney as the hemlines get shorter and shorter.

Girls as young as 13 are purposely - and proudly - revealing breasts, bums, navels, bare backs, and wearing clothing so tight little is left to the imagination. 

Bet there are no complaints from the men….. 

 And finally: 

Back in Luton

A council has created a 20-page “risk assessment form” for putting on fetes. Not only do organisers have to read through a 20-page “risk assessment form”, but they must to sign it to vouch that they have taken precautions against 78 potential hazards.

Risks identified in the paperwork include:

- Injuries caused by stray balls from the coconut shy

- Someone accidentally eating a fire-lighter from the barbecue

- Children who are allergic to facepaint

The form ranks the possible accidents that could occur at a public outdoor event in order of their potential risk. Among other perils for organisers to take account of are 'road rage’ caused by the slow pace of traffic. The form states “Reducing traffic to a slow pace and/or standstill leads to driver frustration and possible U-turns creating hazards to other drivers and pedestrians”.

Pony rides are also another potential source of injury. “Ponies with good temperaments [should be] used,” the form states, adding that riders could fall off, be bitten or trodden on by their mount.

There could also be “potential conflict” over gaining entry to the event, the form states.

The guidance says that organisers of activities such as children’s races and sponsored walks should ensure that the ground is even, and free of stones and dog faeces.

Concerns are raised over ensuring the welfare of children, though the risks it highlights are particularly specific.

It says that they could suffocate in the ball pond, which might also contain balls contaminated with urine or faeces, and could be allergic to having their face painted.

“Erect sign: if child has allergy/skin condition then must not have face painted,” the document recommends.

Even the traditional car-boot sales do not escape the risk assessment, advising that sturdy tables must be used as otherwise they could collapse and hurt members of the public.

Fete accomplis?

That’s it: I’m orf to try out MotionScan.

 And today’s thought: 'It's not pollution that is hurting the environment; it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.' - Dan Quayle

Angus

Machine gun social; Holy spider; Glowing OZ; Doughnut destroyed and any takers?

There is an abundance of “news” this morn, but I would like to start with a couple of snippets about “the dark lord”.

It seems that not content with ruling the world Peter Mandelson wants to control the BBC: Business Secretary Lord Mandelson criticised the BBC for questioning the Prime Minister about whether he was taking painkillers.

Gordon Brown insisted he had no medical problems which might get in the way of him continuing to serve as Prime Minister.

And, in answer to a direct question from interviewer Andrew Marr, he denied that he was dependent on prescription painkillers.

Rumours about the Prime Minister's possible use of painkillers circulated in Westminster following speculation on an internet blog, but Mr Brown's interview on BBC1's Andrew Marr Show was the first time that he has been confronted with them in public.

Reminds me of that episode of Doctor Who, when he says to the PMs Aide “Don’t you think she (Harriet Jones) looks tired”.


But an empirical victory for the blogosphere.


And:

Who?

The Dark lord was refused entry to the labour Party conference because no one in security knew who he was, a security guard called a police sergeant to verify his credentials, BBC political correspondent Laura Kuenssberg said.

Lord Mandelson had to wait 10 minutes at the conference's security entrance before he was allowed to enter.

How the mighty are ignored.



First up:

Machine gun barbeque

GREENVILLE, S.C. - A candidate to be South Carolina's next National Guard leader skipped the fiery speeches for firepower, launching his campaign with what he called a "machine-gun social."
The Greenville News reports some 500 people came out to a shooting range Saturday for Republican Dean Allen's political rally. He wants to be the next adjutant general, the person who leads the state's National Guard.

Attendees paid $25 for barbecue, a clip of bullets for target practice and the chance to win a semiautomatic AK-47. Whoever wins the rifle will have to undergo a background check.

South Carolina is the only state that elects its adjutant general.

The mind boggles.

Pope perused by arachnid

And no, I am not deliberately promoting spiders, I hate the bloody things, but it does seem that they are forever in the news.

A large arachnid appeared on the pope's white robes as he addressed politicians and diplomats in Prague on Saturday afternoon. The pope didn't seem to notice at first - but journalists following the speech on a large screen flinched as the spider inched toward Benedict's neck.

It disappeared from view for a moment, but then could be seen crawling up the right side of the 82-year-old pontiff's face.

When it reached his ear, Benedict gave it a swat. But it didn't go away - it reappeared on the pope's left shoulder and scampered down his robe.

As the pope left the medieval Prague Castle's ornate Spanish Hall, the spider could be seen hanging from a piece of web.

The Pope was later seen with a rather bloody rolled up parchment.

Something in the air

There are fears that the recent dust cloud in OZ may contain, Uranium. It is argued that sediment whipped up from Australia's centre may be laced with material from a uranium mine.

Scientists have played down concerns, saying there is little to worry about.

Last Wednesday Sydney and Brisbane bore witness to their biggest dust storm in 70 years. Both were shrouded in red dust blown in from the desert outback.

David Bradbury, a renowned filmmaker and activist, claims the haze that engulfed some of the country's biggest cities in the past week contains radioactive grains - or tailings - carried on gale force winds from a mine in the South Australian desert.

"Given the dust storms... which [the] news said originated from Woomera, and which is right next door to the Olympic Dam mine at Roxby Downs, these [storms] could blow those tailings across the face of Australia," Mr Bradbury asserted.

You have to pay the piper eventually.

Overcooked doughnut

Arsonists have attacked a large doughnut sculpture in New Zealand's town of Springfield.

The bright pink 4.5-metre high doughnut was given to the South Island town by 20th Century Fox in 2007 to promote the premiere of The Simpsons Movie.

But Homer would be heartbroken after the sculpture was set on fire on Saturday.

Springfield resident Bill Woods says the doughnut now has an extra hole in it.

"It's so disappointing because that doughnut has provided enjoyment for tens of thousands of people in the past two years," he said.

Mr Woods says some locals did not like the look of the doughnut, but he says they should not have torched it.

How do you enjoy a bright pink fourteen foot high doughnut?

And finally:

Any takers?

A Northern Territory wildlife park is seeking volunteers to relocate some of its dangerous inhabitants.

Crocodylus Park, which operates as a zoo and commercial crocodile farm in Darwin, needs helpers to shift about 400 saltwater crocodiles into new ponds.

"It's a bit of an adventure," says the park's research director, Matt Brien, who has had about 15 people sign up for the chance to get up close and personal with the feared reptiles.

But he still needs more.

"The more the merrier. The reason being we try to take as many precautions as possible," he said.

"Ideally we'd have two people handling every animal. It's a lot safer [than one person]."

The mass relocation, which is taking place on Wednesday, is needed to ensure larger crocs at the park are not kept in the same pond as smaller ones.

"If there are big ones with little ones, problems occur," Mr Brien said.

Before moving the creatures, which range in size between 1.2 metres and 2 metres, an electric shock is used to stun them, and then tape is wrapped around their mouths and eyes.

"Otherwise you can imagine how dangerous it would be trying to round up [the] crocs]."

Mr Brien says the relocation, which usually takes place about once a year for animals of this size, is a great opportunity for people who want to see what it is like to work with crocs.

"Usually [we get] backpackers and students, people doing degrees with animals," he said.
"It gives them an opportunity to handle large reptiles, an opportunity they wouldn't normally get."

He says once the animals reach more than 2 metres in length, they will be used for skins and meat.

Any crocodile tears as they leave?

Angus

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