Gnome Numptys; Shotgun Numpty; Italian Numptys; Cambridge Numpty; and what is a Numpty?

Still wet, cold and miserable: and the weather’s not much better either. You may notice a slight theme to today’s post, the world is too serious and I have decided to male it more fun, for a day at least.










And talking of Numptys: Dave C has called for an end to the UK's "over-the-top" health and safety culture.

In a speech, he said this had created a "stultifying blanket of bureaucracy, suspicion and fear".

In recent years, he added, children had been told to wear goggles to play conkers and trainee hairdressers had been banned from using scissors.

But Labour said Mr Cameron's views were based on "myth" and that the system was "sensible and proportionate".

The Conservative leader announced a review of the rules when he spoke to the Policy Exchange think tank.

Or should that be “Policy Exchange thick tank”?












And: Google has decided to back down to the media by setting a limit on the number of free news articles people can read through Google, the company has announced.

The concession follows claims from some media companies that the search engine is profiting from online news pages.

Under the First Click Free programme, publishers can now prevent unrestricted access to subscription websites.

Users who click on more than five articles in a day may be routed to payment or registration pages.

So it’s all about money then, not about freedom of information.




First up:

Gnomes not a fire hazard

A council in the West Midlands has apologised to Linda Langford, one of its tenants, after ordering her to remove two garden gnomes from outside her front door for health and safety reasons.

Sandwell Metropolitan Borough Council sent a letter to Linda Langford instructing her to remove two six-inch gnomes, as well as a pottery tortoise and a welcome plaque from outside her flat in Tipton, West Midlands.

It claimed that the ornaments were illegally blocking a communal area in Mrs Langford’s two-storey block of flats, and that people could trip over them when escaping a fire.

However, the council has now admitted that the letter was based on a misunderstanding of its fire safety rules and should not have been sent.

Mahboob Husaain, the borough’s cabinet member for housing, said that it had “slightly misinterpreted the policy on items in communal areas” and that garden gnomes were not prohibited.

“Our policy is that as long as there is not an excessive number of gnomes or similar items in communal areas, and as long as there isn't a problem with these items being damaged through anti-social behaviour, they can stay,” he added.


There’s no place like gnome.

Whatever you do don’t drop that shotgun

A 12-year-old boy lost a toe after a security guard accidentally shot his foot when he dropped his shotgun on the floor.

The Star, a local daily, reported here on Wednesday that the incident had caused one of Ahmad Faiz Roslan's toes to be amputated.

The incident took place Tuesday afternoon at an outlet of Malaysia's main energy provider Tenaga Nasional Bhd (TNB) near here, injuring also Faiz's cousin Muhammad Faris, 12.

According to The Star, the boys followed Faris' mother to the outlet to pay the electricity bill.

After injuring the boys, both on the right feet, the panicked security guard, 60, allegedly tried to flee the scene but was later detained.

According to a statement released by TNB, appropriate action would be taken against the private company providing security services.

It was reported that TNB had also requested the company to give a statement following the incident.


Too late!

An off day Numpty

Italian police officers wrote off a £200,000 supercar given to them by Lamborghini when it smashed into a row of parked cars.

The 202mph Gallardo coupe was one of two donated to police by the luxury motor manufacturer to help with high speed pursuits.

Witnesses say the police car had accelerated massively just before another car pulled out of a petrol station and forced it off the road in Cremona, northern Italy.

Embarrassed cops tried to confiscate phone cameras from witnesses but abandoned the plan when hundreds turned up to gawp at the smash.

"They are supposed to be elite drivers but even the best can have an off day," said one colleague.



Boys and their toys.

Na na na na na

A trucker dubbed "Numpty" and "thicky" by workmates has been offered a place at Cambridge University.

Darren Bastin, 30, became a lorry driver after leaving school with no qualifications.

Colleagues would jokingly call him stupid - until he took a Mensa test which declared him a genius.

His score of 151 puts him in the top two per cent of the population for intelligence. This spurred him on to take A levels at college for which he is tipped to get top marks.

Provided he gets the grades, he will study history at Cambridge.

Darren said: "It's a dream come true. I wanted to prove to all those people who put me down that I could do it and show them I'm not thick.

"I would just love to see the faces of all those people who called me thicky and Numpty at work. Although I do love driving, I doubt I will be trucking full-time again."

Only 151 in the Mensa test, HA! mine was 168, Numpty.





And finally:

The definition of a Numpty:-take your pick.

Lots of people ask me what is a Numpty? click the link above to find out.


Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico

Another Numpty Day

I think I have caught insomnia from DD over at Noclue, or maybe it was the very hot curry I had for supper, anyway it is now just after three in the morn, and I quite like it, the cat is asleep next to me, the world is quiet and I am watching a decent film as I write this, which probably explains the standard of my posts.

The papers will be filled later today with the Question Time “debate”, I watched it, well actually I recorded it because ‘Blade’ was on 5 and I have just finished watching it.

It went as predicted, what’s his name from the British Doo-Dah party took a lot of flak and performed badly, he certainly didn’t win me over, and managed to expose himself for what he is, and applauding the people who were insulting him didn’t help much, the troubling thing though is that another member of the panel also performed badly.

That person is Jack Straw our esteemed Justice Minister who spoke quite a lot and said nothing, his comments on immigration were vague and non committal and he really seemed uncomfortable, maybe it was the presence of what’s his name from the British Doo-Dah party.

Or maybe it was because the Labour party have lost the plot and is so defensive that they cannot come up with coherent policy, but it was interesting.








Another “story” in the telegraph is that two German scientists claim to have ‘broken the speed of light’ According to Einstein's special theory of relativity; it would require an infinite amount of energy to propel an object at more than 186,000 miles per second.

However, Dr Gunter Nimtz and Dr Alfons Stahlhofen, of the University of Koblenz, say they may have breached a key tenet of that theory.

The pair says they have conducted an experiment in which microwave photons - energetic packets of light - travelled "instantaneously" between a pair of prisms that had been moved up to 3ft apart.

The scientists were investigating a phenomenon called quantum tunnelling, which allows sub-atomic particles to break apparently unbreakable laws.

Dr Nimtz told New Scientist magazine: "For the time being, this is the only violation of special relativity that I know of."

Wonderful, add that to the theory that the Hadron Collider is being sabotaged by itself from the future and you have a decent plot for a film-There and back before you left.


First up with the “Numpty News”

Map reading essential for pilots

US officials are investigating whether pilot fatigue was to blame after a Northwest Airlines jet flew 150 miles past the Minneapolis airport before crew members discovered their mistake and turned around.

The jet flew over the airport just before 8 pm and overshot it by 150 miles before communications were re-established at 8.14 pm, the NTSB said.

The Federal Aviation Administration said the crew told authorities they became distracted during a heated discussion over airline policy and lost track of where they were.

Mr Holloway said NTSB investigators had not yet examined the cockpit voice recorder and flight data recorder, which were being sent to the board's lab in Washington for analysis. He said the agency was also seeking to interview the pilots, but hadn't yet scheduled a meeting.

Anthony Black, a Delta spokesman, said the two pilots have been suspended from flying while the airline conducts an internal investigation.

Yet another reason not to fly.

Bear faced Numpty

An ice-skating bear from Russia has attacked and killed a circus director during rehearsals for a show in Kyrgyzstan.

The five-year-old bear, part of a visiting troupe from the prestigious Russian state circus, was wearing ice skates when he lashed out at his handlers and circus staff before a performance of their "Bears on Ice" show in the Kyrgyz capital, Bishkek.

He dragged 25-year-old circus director Dmitry Potapov across the ice rink by his neck and nearly severed his victim's legs.

Mr Potapov died at the scene from his injuries.

Another circus employee who attempted to rescue Mr Potapov while he was being mauled was also severely injured during the attack.

The bear was later shot dead by police in the Central Asian republic.

The incident was not the first time a visiting Russian bear was involved in a deadly attack in Kyrgyzstan. In 2002 a bear on loan from Russia to the Bishkek city zoo attacked and killed a small child who had reached out to pet it.

In that incident, local experts blamed the animal's aggressive behaviour on its severe malnourishment.

Will these Numptys never learn?

Bunny chuckers

A rural town in New Zealand (Waiau in the South Island, pop 400) has been forced to cancel its annual rabbit-throwing competition after complaints from animal rights groups.

In the contest, which is held each year to coincide with the start of the pig hunt, children see how far they can throw a dead rabbit.

But the RSPCA said the rabbit-throw sent a message to children that dead animals were fun and could legitimately be used as a form of entertainment.

The organiser of the pig hunt, Jo Moriarty, said the decision to can the event was political correctness gone mad.

"You know, the children of the community here are fantastic, they love their animals," she told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation.

Ms Moriarty said children communities like Waiau had a better respect for animals because they are brought up with them.

Rabbits are considered to be pests in New Zealand.

The country has more than 30 million wild rabbits, which cause an estimated $22 million worth of damage. In Waiau there are farmers employed full time for rabbit eradication.

Oh good a whole town of Numptys.

Lock me up Numpty

A Sicilian builder transferred from prison to house arrest tried to get himself locked up again to escape arguments with his wife at home, Italian media reported Thursday.

Santo Gambino, 30, did time for dumping hazardous waste before being moved to house arrest in Villabate, outside the Sicilian capital, Palermo, Italian news agencies reported.

Gambino went to the police station and asked to be put away again to avoid arguing with his wife, who accused him of failing to pay for the upkeep of their two children.

Police charged him with violating the conditions of his sentence and made him go home and patch things up with his wife.

Natural justice.


And finally:

$27,000 Numpty

Massachusetts police say they are searching for two men suspected of robbing a woman of $27,000 after she flashed the cash in a Springfield bar. Sgt. John Delaney said on Friday that the 22-year-old woman was robbed Monday night by two men wearing dark clothing and bandanas, one armed with what appeared to be a semiautomatic handgun.

According to police, the woman bragged in the bar of receiving the $27,000 from an insurance claim. Police say she was later robbed after she left the bar with a male friend.

Delaney said the woman should have put her cash settlement in a bank.

You think?

I’m going to have an early shower and watch dawn rising (lovely girl)

Angus

AnglishLit

Angus Dei-NHS-THE OTHER SIDE

Angus Dei politico