Water, water everywhere: Fine crime: Paint your manhole: Sheep bunny: Flip-flop lawn: and Paper cities.

Cold as the coldest thing you could think of at the Castle this morn, left at 4 of the am yestermorn and arrived home at 10 of the pm, met some people I didn’t like that much, was presented with an offer I couldn’t live with and had a lunch that was expensive and poorly “chef’ed”. 

I hate France...

 

Back in Blighty

It seems that the tosspots at Ofwat (or Orftwat) have decided that the foreign owners of our water will be allowed to increase prices by 5.7% from April to about £376 per household on average.

The regulator said that the average rise was made up of November's retail prices index of 5.2%, plus 0.5%.

"Inflation feeds through into water bills, and this is driving these rises, the twat at the top of Ofwat” Regina Finn, Ofwat's chief executive, said in a statement on Tuesday.

"We understand that any bill rise is unwelcome, particularly in tough economic times. We will make sure customers get value for money," she said.

 

Bollocks.....

And just to add to our misery

Old fart Ken Clarke has come up with punning clan to screw motorists even more.

Drivers could see standard £60 fines increase by almost 70 per cent to compensate victims of crime even though there is no direct victim in many motoring offences.

Those who go to court to challenge speeding tickets or for more serious driving offences could pay up to £120 in to the programme.

The fines for motorists come as part of a huge expansion in the Victims Surcharge scheme, which currently levies just £15 on top of fines issued by courts.

Half of the additional revenues from speeding fines will be used to compensate victims, while the remainder will be used for road safety schemes or be used to boost Treasury coffers.

Ministers hope to raise around £30 million a year just from fixed penalty surcharges.

Fuck off....

East to the land where things can only get better

Apparently “artists” have been painting their manholes.

Go on click on the link; mind you once you have seen one manhole.....

West to the land where they know how to deal with more than an inch of snow  

On a farm near Käl, in Sweden there is a new shepherd-Champis the dwarf rabbit has made himself indispensable around the farm he lives on - by taking on the role of resident sheep dog.

Bless.

Dahn Unda

An Australian footwear company has reported ‘amazing’ sales after launching a new pair of flip flops made of fake grass.

The company’s website shows sun seekers walking along the beach in the grass slippers which occasionally need to be fluffed for added comfort.

The KUSA website explains: ‘Love the feeling of bare feet on freshly mowed grass?  Why not have that feeling anywhere, anytime. KUSA flip flops give you the opportunity to do just that. 

‘Where would you rather be? What would you rather be doing?  Close your eyes and you are there!’

The bizarre footwear seems to have been a hit with customers across the globe, appearing on various trendsetting and fashion websites.

Customers have been advised not to mow the grass to avoid damaging the product.

Thongs ain’t what they used to be...

And finally: 

Somewhere in the wobbly world

Origami architect, Ingrid Siliakus, can spend up to two months painstakingly creating entire cities purely from folding pieces of paper.

 

About time she got a proper job... 

That’s it: I’m orf to keep well away from large speakers.

And today’s thought:

Angus

Not even a plan A (part Cinq): Council Tax celebs: Rock on Tyrol: There’s a hole in my warehouse: Chicken bunny: and I bet that hurts.

Coldish, moistish and calmish at the Castle this morn, the study is still suffering from a lack of lackadaisical logic machines, the elbow is hurting again and his Maj is still bringing me worms.

U-Turn Cam has done it again.

According to the free press, our beloved Prime Monster will put the urgent need to secure a rescue deal for the euro ahead of demands by Conservative MPs for Britain to grab back powers from Brussels.

U-Turn’s position is recognition that he has limited bargaining power because the UK is outside the single currency – and that submitting a long shopping list in the talks would get short shrift from the other 26 EU members.

Same old bollocks, referendum time.....

Up in the Smoke

Camden Council has paid thousands of pounds to celebrities to appear at its functions, Alexei Sayle and Simon Amstell, and writer Giles Coren, are among those to have been paid for one-off events over a five-year period.

On another occasion a rapper called Donaeo, real name Ian Greenidge, was given £8,000 to appear at a youth action day at Haverstock School – whose alumni include Labour leader Ed Miliband.

And if you want to see where your money goes across the rest of Blighty click Here and have a butchers.

Over to the land of yodelling and speeding down mountains on bits of wood

Although the skiing season is officially open, there is no sign of snow in the Tyrol region of Austria.

45 kilometres west of Innsbruck, near the picturesque village of Haiming, skiers have found the perfect place to test out their skiing equipment, even though there’s not one white patch of snow in sight.

The brave Numptys daredevils climb a rock-covered slope on foot and descend on their skis, leaving a cloud of dust behind them. The rocks aren’t as smooth as snow, and they obviously do a lot of damage to their equipment, but the avid skiers don’t seem to mind, as long as they get to practice their favourite sport. Falling of your skies during a descent on the rocky slope of Haiming isn’t what you’d call a pleasurable experience, that’s why only experienced skiers are advised to try their luck here.

Think I’ll skip that…

Left to the place where things are always bigger

The owners of a furniture warehouse in Plymouth, Mass., want to know the origin of a chunk of metal that plunged through the roof.

No one was hurt when the 6-inch, cylindrical piece of metal weighing about 5 pounds came through the roof Wednesday or Thursday. The chunk punched a small hole in the roof over a closet and scattered ceiling-tile debris.

Federal Aviation Administration inspectors say the piece of metal was broken at both ends and was not an airplane part.

An FAA spokeswoman says the chunk likely came from a piece of heavy machinery, possibly a wood chipper.

Police are stumped...

Right a lot to the land where snow abounds

Otto the confused bunny came as a free gift to Ville Kuusinen's home, when he bought nine Silkie hens and a rooster from a farm, the funny bunny likes hatching eggs, scratching around the coop and roosting on a beam with the rest of the hens.

Otto does not like to sit on laps or eat carrots like most pet rabbits. The rabbit that has lived with chickens all his life prefers chicken feed and runs with the chickens outdoors and sometimes plays with them by jumping over them.

Wonder what chicken and rabbit stew tastes like....

And finally:

 I bet that hurts.

That’s it: I’m orf to find some Flerovium, and maybe a bit of Livermorium.

And today’s thought:

Angus

A ripping yarn: Dim explorers: One million reasons to get sacked: Offal idea: Gnome on the roam: Rat snack: Bunny Numpty: and the 0.0001pc fine.

Nice again at the Castle this morn, didn’t get much sleep last dark thing-too hot and in agony from toothache so orf to the Dentist later to have it pulled, if  they carry on disappearing at this rate I will have to change my “name” to Juanita Dei.....

I see that it is “silly week” again-normal for this blog...

Apparently we have all been breaking the law by ripping songs from CDs or films from DVDs for “personal” use.

But all is well-the Gov is going to legalise “format shifting” and it might even relax rules on parody and create an agency to licence copyrighted content.

That’s alright then...

And according to “experts”

Internet Explorer users have a lower than average IQ, according to research by Consulting firm AptiQuant.

The study gave web surfers an IQ test, and then plotted their scores against the browser they used.

IE surfers were found to have an average IQ lower than people using Chrome, Firefox and Safari. Users of Camino and Opera rated highest.

Must put “IQ” into the search box in IE9.......

It seems that Sharon Shoesmith could be in line for a massive compensation payout following the ruling that she was unfairly sacked following the Baby P tragedy.

Lawyers argued that Ms Shoesmith, 58, had been the victim of “a flagrant breach of natural justice” and that she had been driven from her £133,000-a-year post in December 2008 by a media witch hunt and political pressure.

They asked Lord Neuberger, Master of the Rolls, sitting in London with Lord Justice Maurice Kay and Lord Justice Stanley Burnton, to rule that her sacking without compensation was so legally flawed as to be null and void, and that she still remained entitled to her full salary and pension from Haringey up to the present day.

Allowing her challenge, the judges ruled that both Mr Balls and Haringey had acted too hastily and in a way that was “procedurally unfair” because Ms Shoesmith had not been given a proper chance to put her case. 

Good old British “justice”.

Allegedly Students could pay off debts by selling kidneys

Sue Rabbitt Roff said that paying live donors would encourage more to come forward and so shorten waiting lists, as three people currently die every day because they were unable to receive a transplant.

She claimed that it would not be “such a big step” from current systems, whereby medical research subjects are paid wages and workers who lose organs receive compensation, and would avoid the black market that exists in other countries.

They should be paid £28,000 for their organs, according to an academic who claims the move could help students pay off their university debts.

Really, really offal idea.

Over to the State of loads of teeth

A Stolen 136kg gnome roamed home overnight, six days after it went missing from its owner's Massachusetts home.

Joan Walton, 77, noticed the cement gnome was missing last Friday, along with another statue of a mushroom.

"I just can't believe someone would do something like this," Ms Walton told The Boston Globe at the time.

In an effort to help, Ms Walton's niece and a family friend decided to make a four-by-eight-foot sign for her lawn that said, "Bring our gnome home and his friend the mushroom.

The gnome was in the process of being painted when it was stolen. Ms Walton told the Globe it was fat, with a yellow shirt, green pants, black shoes and a rounded face with a white beard.

On Saturday, Ms Walton found the mushroom sitting on the wall in front of her house. But there was no sign of the gnome.

That all changed overnight. The gnome is home, according to myFOXboston.com.

 He came for a visit to the Castle.

Over in the big bit below Europe

A species of rat coats itself in deadly toxin that it obtains by gnawing on a poisonous tree, scientists have discovered.

The crested rat, Lophiomys imhausi, from east Africa, is the first mammal known to acquire lethal toxin from a plant. 

That’s lunch orf then....

Back in the land of last minute decisions and the home of big deficits

Police in Idaho Falls said on Tuesday they have told a 34-year-old man to stop wearing a bunny suit in public after residents complained that he has been frightening children.

Police warned Idaho Falls resident William Falkingham after a woman said she saw him dressed in the costume, peeking at her young son from behind a tree and pointing his finger like a gun, according to a police report.

An investigation of the sighting led officers to question other neighbours, "who expressed that they were greatly disturbed by Falkingham and his bunny suit," the report said.

Neighbours also reported that Falkingham occasionally wears a tutu with the bunny suit, police said in a statement.

Told him to hop it I suppose....

 And finally:

North of Watford

Jacqueline McDonald the postmistress who stole nearly £100,000 has been fined—£1, she admitted multiple counts of theft and false accounting at the branch she ran.

Jailed for 18 months in January, the mum-of-three was released after four-and-a-half months.

At a Proceeds of Crime hearing last week, Preston crown court was told McDonald made £99,759 from the offences. It also heard that she now had no assets and would be in negative equity if forced to sell her flat.

Judge Graham Knowles QC told her to pay back just £1. But that decision has angered former customers of the now closed down Broughton Post Office in Preston, Lancs.

McDonald, who still lives in Broughton, said this week: “I did not steal one penny.”

She claims glitches in the Post Office’s accounting system caused the losses.

A Royal Mail spokesman said they could not comment on individual cases.

 Good old British justice #2, but she has been pixilated.....

That’s it: I’m orf to look for big Tits 

And today’s thought: "If I could read a book, I'd definitely read one of yours." - Paris Hilton (IE user) to Jackie Collins.

Angus

U-Turn Cam on the NHS-again: let’s talk about the EU: Top Tomato: Bunny hop: Camero comes home: and the price of petrol.

Same again at the Castle this morn-sunny, cold and a bit windy, the kitchen is devoid of any fluffy computers and the garden needs fettling.

There is a new resident at the Castle, a nice young chap in need of a warm, comfortable, safe home, but as there weren’t any available he ended up here.

He is well mannered, quiet, tidy and eats what is put in front of him, his name is Oliver and he looks like this.

Here we go again!

I see that the Grave robbers have apparently found Lisa Gherardini Del Giocondo, the “model” for the Mona Lisa.

The crypt was found under the floor of the St Ursula convent in Florence after a foot of modern concrete was removed and unearthed a layer of ancient, 35 inch wide bricks.

Professor Vinceti yesterday said: "We are roughly where the altar stood and we have found not one crypt but two, one is older than the other and we believe that one of them is that of Lisa Gherardini.

"We are still a long way to go and we will have to work several more days before we actually reach the tomb and open it to recover the bones.

Leave the poor bloody woman alone.

U-turn Cam is at it again over the NHS

Allegedly he is to come out fighting over the NHS and insist that controversial health reforms will go ahead.

In a major speech on Monday, Dave the lad will say that the health service must change if it is to improve and avoid a future dogged by a succession of crises.

The address, in West London, will open up a major dividing line between the Conservatives and their Liberal Democrat coalition partners over the future of public services. Last weekend Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister, vowed to block NHS reforms unless they were substantially changed.

Wonder what Kick Me Nick’s chances are?

And apparently “We” want to talk about the EU

According to the Torygraph the voters want a debate on Europe's influence, and the Government should let them have it.

Don’t bother talking; just get us out……

Who’s been Google-ing Tomatoes?

The tomato is the UK's most Googled fruit, according to new research.

People are twice as likely to Google tomatoes as apples, which is the second most common searched-for fruit.

The review, by the World Cancer Research Fund (WCRF), found Google lists 53.6 million web pages mentioning tomatoes. Bananas and peaches are in joint third place on the Google search, followed by oranges.

Fascinating…..

Over to Austria

A driver who swerved to avoid a rabbit in the road made a splash landing when she sailed through a garden hedge into a swimming pool.

Martina Boller, 42, told police in Grafenwoerth, Austria, she'd braked and steered suddenly when she realised the bewildered bunny wasn't going to move.

One fire fighter said: 'She managed to land exactly in the pool which would have been quite a stunt if she'd meant to do it.

'Apart from being very wet and very embarrassed the driver was not hurt.'

The bunny escaped without getting wet.

Across to the US of A

A classic muscle car stolen from New Jersey's largest city nearly 36 years ago has been recovered on the other side of the country.

A Santa Maria, Calif., man bought the 1969 Chevy Camero SS from a seller on eBay in February. But Keith Williams tells KSBY-TV he contacted the California Highway Patrol after certain features of the car didn't match the model.

Police discovered the vehicle was stolen from Newark, N.J., on July 8, 1975.

The original owner, Janice Maffucci, told the TV station the car was stolen from the post office where her father worked. She can't believe the vehicle was recovered.

Maffucci says she plans to sell the car.

Police are tracing the registration in hopes of finding the thief.

Here’s an idea; why not give it back to the man who last bought it-I presume Ms Maffucci claimed on her insurance.

And finally:

Want cheap petrol?

Here are the places to go to:

10-Algiers-20p  per litre.

9-Muscat-20p per litre.

8-Cairo-19p per litre.

7-Doha-15p per litre.

6-Kuwait City-14p per litre.

5-Manama-13p per litre.

4-Ashgabat-12p per litre.

3-Tripoli-9p per litre.

2-Riyadh-8p per litre.

And number 1:

Caracas-3p per litre.

And just to piss us off:

UK-£1.37 per litre.

That’s it: I’m orf to have a look at the universe.

And today’s thought: "Food is an important part of a balanced diet." - Fran Lebowitz, US writer.

Angus

Tesco riots: Another slice out of the NHS: Barcelona Bikini Ban: Labrador Ice Island: Smile-you are going to be exhumed: and a show jumping Rabbit.

Sunny, nippy and a touch windy at the Castle this morn, the Honda is shiny red again (for a while) and apparently there was some sort of a do in the smoke yesterday.

On a personal note-“happy birthday” to my lovely “M” who would have been 60 today, my turn in few months, doesn’t time fly………

Forgot to put this in earlier.

The first Roses are out in the garden, this is a scented dog rose which I bought from Wilkinsons ten years ago, it was a four inch "stick" and cost 50p, and smells like Turkish Delight-go on,. have a sniff, you know you want to....

Dahn in Bristol

Police launched an eviction raid on a Bristol squat yesterday after riots raged for a second time in a suburb that has become a focal point for anger against heavy-handed policing.

More than 30 people were arrested after another night of violence in Stokes Croft, a bohemian suburb of Bristol that is vehemently opposed to the opening of a Tesco store.

Last week's protests centered on the opening of the new Tesco store, but many local residents of Stokes Croft yesterday voiced concerns that their demonstrations had been hijacked by outsiders keen to fight with the police.

Bloody Tesco.

And: John Healey, the shadow health secretary, raised questions over the timing of an official announcement that hospitals may need to make savings far greater than those already planned.

He said the statement by Monitor, that leading hospitals must make savings of up to 7 per cent a year, proved that the re-organisation of the NHS and cost-cutting plans are putting the system under “huge strain”.

Mr Healey said: “With all eyes on the Royal Wedding, the Government is trying to bury bad news on the NHS.

“This confirms the combination of broken promises on NHS funding and re-organisation is putting a huge strain on hospitals. David Cameron must halt his high-risk, high cost overhaul of the NHS.

“The Prime Minister promised to protect the NHS but his health policies are piling extra pressure on health services, and patients are starting to see the NHS going backwards again under the Tories.”

In plans established under Labour, the NHS must make efficiency savings of 4 per cent of its budget by 2015, totaling £20billion.

Many trusts have already announced job cuts and service reductions, although ministers want them to concentrate on reducing waste.

But Monitor, which oversees the 137 leading hospitals known as Foundation Trusts, has warned them that they may need to make savings of at least 50 per cent more than initially thought.

In a letter published on Thursday, the day before the royal wedding, the regulator said it had revised its figures on the basis of last year’s spending review, current inflation expectations and new NHS operating rules.

The Department of Health insisted the NHS is in a “strong financial position” and that the higher savings estimates represented Monitor’s worst-case scenario.

“We are investing an extra £11.5 billion into the NHS by 2014/15. But higher costs and an ageing population mean that the NHS must meet the highest possible financial standards and find savings to reinvest into patient care.

“Monitor's assessment of 6 per cent to 7 per cent is its 'downside case', meaning it is more pessimistic. But it is right that Monitor's assessments are challenging - we want all hospitals to be able to meet Monitor's standards and show that they can provide sustainable, high quality and efficient services for their patients.”

Well, excuse me for getting “old” and paying all that money to the Gov for all those years……

Down a fair bit

Tourists in Barcelona who wander off the beach onto the streets in just their swimming costumes -- or even less -- will now face stiff fines.

The city hall voted on Friday to ban "nudity or virtual nudity in public places" and limit swimming costumes to swimming pools, beaches, adjacent roads and beach walks.

Nudists who stray off their designated areas of the beach will be subject to fines of 300 to 500 euros ($450 to 750).

Those who wander into the streets in bikinis, swimming trunks or swimsuits face fines of 120 to 300 euros.

Authorities in the city, where the port and the beach areas are adjacent to the historic old town, earlier this year put up posters discouraging such behaviour.

They showed a couple in swimming costumes with a red line across it next to another couple dressed normally but without the red line.

With the new regulations, city authorities hope to "ensure coexistence between citizens in public areas," but denied that they are "telling people how they should dress," said the city councillor in charge of security, Assumpta Escarp.

You have been warned….don’t hang out in Barcelona

Left quite a distance

A massive chunk of ice that broke off a glacier in Greenland is drifting towards Labrador, the Canadian Coast Guard has warned.

Currently, the so-called ice island is moving through icy portions of the Labrador Sea where there is little human activity, but it's making its way south towards areas with lots of shipping activity, said Dan Frampton, superintendent of ice operations with the coast guard's Newfoundland and Labrador division.

But by the time it reaches an area where it could pose a risk, it will likely be broken into less dangerous ice chunks, said Frampton.

So what’s all the bleedin fuss about then? Unless your ship is named Titanic……..

A while back I did a snippet on the hunt for the “real” Mona Lisa

Researchers have now begun their hunt for the remains of the woman who might have been the model for Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa, hoping to unravel a mystery that has baffled art historians for over five centuries.

A team of experts armed with a special radar device descended this week on a dilapidated convent in Florence where they believe the body of the woman who modelled for da Vinci back in the 16th century is buried.

The real Mona Lisa, Italian art historians say, was Lisa Gherardini, the wife of a rich Florentine silk merchant named Francesco del Giocondo who is thought to have commissioned the portrait -- although there is no definitive proof of this.

The researchers say that if they can find her skull, they will be able to reconstruct her face and compare it with the painting.

Grave robbing in the name of “art”.

And finally:

Right a bit to Germany

The very hoppy bunny, Snoopy from Jena, Germany, earns his carrots by trying to jump as high as he can around specially designed rabbit race courses.

The sport sees little Snoopy leaping over a number of dressage style fences arranged at different heights as well as taking part in long-jump and high-jump challenges.

Snoopy's owner Claudia Fehlen says that the black and white rabbit can reach up to 60 centimetres high (about 2 feet).  

23-year-old Miss Fehlen is very proud of Snoopy saying: 'He has done well in tournaments. He came in second once, and third another time.'

Miss Fehlen found out about the sport five years ago on the internet and has been training her rabbits since 2009.

Rabbit jumping is said to have been invented in the early eighties in Sweden and is now taking parts of Europe, America Canada and Japan by storm.

Japan and storm aren't really two words you want to see in the same sentence.

That’s it: I’m orf to search for older Gaels. 

And today’s thought: Can we please have news other than the “Royal Wedding” on the TV today…

Angus

THE big day: PPP Dave C is upping the game: “Companion Animals”: Noosa bums: Fishzillas: and …bless.

It is finally here, the day that the world has been waiting for, the weather is perfect-slightly cloudy. Not too hot or cold and calm.

All the preparations are made, the crowds have been gathering for days in anticipation, the barriers are up, the police cordon is in place and the worlds press are ensconced in temporary towers with cameras trained on the “arena”.

The excitement is building and you can feel the electricity in the air, and with military precision at exactly 10.59am on this Friday morn………………..I will step into the courtyard and begin washing the Honda.

Well……….there’s not much else going on…..is there?

Piss Poor Policies Dave C (or U-turn Cam as he will henceforth be known) is at it again.

In an interview broadcast on US TV network CBS last night, U-turn Cam was asked whether he could envisage arming the rebel forces "in a more significant way".

He replied: "I wouldn't rule that out, but what we have done so far is we've helped the rebels, in line with the UN resolution 1973, to protect civilian life by giving them better communications equipment."

Downing Street stressed that there were no current plans to arm Libyan rebels.

Yeah right.

According to “Academics”

Animal lovers should stop calling their furry or feathered friends “pets” because the term is insulting.

Domestic dogs, cats, hamsters or budgerigars should be rebranded as “companion animals” while owners should be known as “human carers”, they insist.

Even terms such as wildlife are dismissed as insulting to the animals concerned – who should instead be known as “free-living”, the academics including an Oxford professor suggest.

The call comes from the editors of the Journal of Animal Ethics, a new academic publication devoted to the issue.

I no longer have an “animal companion” but when I did she didn’t care what I called her as long as her food bowl was full, and there was a nice warm lap available.

Dahn Unda

The Nude Olympics is on this weekend on Queensland's Sunshine Coast, with about 500 people expected to compete.

The annual event at Alexandria Bay Beach in the Noosa National Park was due to be held in March but had to be postponed due to floodwaters damaging the walking tracks to the beach.

Organiser Dean says the emphasis on Sunday's event is having fun rather than winning gold medals.

"We do a lot of beach sprints, egg-throwing contests, conga lines, marathons, tug of wars," he said.

"There's a whole bucket load of stuff we do, but like I say, the emphasis is more on fun and camaraderie than out-and-out blood and guts glory.

"As in most events the umpire's decision is final, but when we get down to events like the men and women's 'best bum' or the 'magnificent mums' we usually have to fight the judges off with a stick because everybody wants to get involved with presenting those medals."

What a crack!

Across to Brooklyn

A man has been accused of illegally importing nearly 4,000 snakehead fish, otherwise known as 'Fishzillas'.

The Brooklyn seafood importer has been accused of illegally importing the predatory freshwater creature that has been outlawed in New York State since 2004.

Yong Hao Wu, a co-owner of Howei Trading, Inc., of Brooklyn, faces up to four years in prison if convicted on charges of felony commercialisation of wildlife and importing fish dangerous to indigenous fish populations.

Snakeheads are air-breathers and can travel short distances over land, writhing their body and fins until they reach a suitable aquatic habitat, according to prosecutors.

That’s handy-a fish that eats its own chips.

And finally:

Get your hankies out

After discovering a teeny tiny baby rabbit abandoned by its mum in their garden, an American family realised it was paraplegic and set about crafting it an appropriately small cart-type contraption to help it get around.

Meals on wheels.

That’s it: I’m orf to count Blue Hares.

And today’s thought: "We have a firm commitment to NATO; we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." - Dan Quayle

Angus