Regulated fags: Old Farts heart checks: Pull up the drawbridge: Rhino Numpty: Echidna-hat-crap: and the Ex-Nazi’s number one.

Loads of lack of warm, layers of scrapey-scrapey stuff, light amounts of atmospheric movement and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, just returned from the stale bread (£1.45) gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco and I took some carrots for the horses, waved them in front of the neddy burger coolers and nearly got trampled in the stampede.

And fucking Blogger still hasn’t sorted out the IE pic thingy...

 

All across dog end Blighty

 

Allegedly “academics” reckon that the Piss Poor Policies Millionaires Club Coalition could raise at least £500m a year by capping the amount of profit tobacco companies can make from cigarettes.

They are calling for state regulation similar to that used to limit the price of water.

Writing in the journal Tobacco Control, they say reducing profits would allow for higher taxes without changing the price in shops.

Dr Robert Branston, from the University of Bath, said the tobacco industry was "incredibly profitable", with some companies making 67p in profit out of every £1 received after tobacco duties. He described that as an "incredible sum".

Some industries in the UK are already regulated to prevent companies taking advantage of a lack of competition in the market place. The regulator Ofwat reviews the price water companies can set and Dr Branston wants a similar organisation "Ofsmoke" to limit the profits made by tobacco manufacturers.

The report calculated the effect of limiting profits to levels achieved by food and drinks manufactures in Europe - between 12% and 20%.

The Tobacco Manufacturers’ Association said the industry was already high taxed and paid more than £12bn to the Exchequer in 2011-12.

It said: "Some popular cigarette brands are already taxed at nearly 90%, yet this report chooses to ignore this fact and instead concentrate on the profit of a legitimate industry which supports over 70,000 UK jobs.

 

And look how well OfWat do, no wonder we are so deep in the faeces....

 

And allegedly

 

A new blood pressure measuring device which can also detect a dangerous heart condition has been backed by the NHS watchdog.

The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence says GPs could use it routinely to spot more patients with atrial fibrillation (AF).

AF is an erratic and often fast heartbeat affecting 800,000 people in the UK and is a major cause of stroke.

The device NICE is recommending in England is called WatchBP Home A.

It looks like a normal blood pressure monitor, with an inflatable cuff that goes around the patient's arm.

At the same time as measuring blood pressure, it can check a patient's pulse.

If people over 65 were to be checked with the WatchBP Home A device, it could save the NHS about £26m and benefit about 400,000 people, says NICE.

 

I’m so excited my heart is racing.....

According to “campaigners”

 

Around 250,000 migrants from Bulgaria and Romania could head to the UK for work when restrictions are lifted at the end of the year.

The Government has refused to issue an estimate of the number of foreign workers who are expected move to the UK from the two countries after getting the right to work in Britain. 

But an analysis of the numbers who flooded into the country from Poland and other Eastern European countries in 2004 showed around 50,000 migrants a year for the next five years could head to the UK, the campaign group Migration Watch UK said. 

The influx of foreign workers is expected to be lower than nine years ago as temporary restrictions on workers from Bulgaria and Romania have been in place and other European countries will be lifting their controls at the same time. 

But Britain remains one of the most attractive destinations for migrants, “partly because of its flexible labour market and partly because of the ease of access to its benefits system”, Migration Watch said. 

A previous estimate from Tory MP Philip Hollobone that the number of Romanians and Bulgarians in Britain could jump from 155,000 to 425,000 within two years also “seems exaggerated”, the group added.



Oh shit.....but if Pickles fucked orf abroad that would make room for ten thousand or so....

 

Right quite a way and dahn just as much 

 

A “suggestion” from a South African game park owner for Chantal Beyer to “stand closer” to the Rhino to get a better picture resulted in the inevitable

The Beeld newspaper said that just after the photo was snapped, the rhino attacked, and its horn penetrated Beyers' chest from behind, resulting in a collapsed lung and broken ribs

The Aloe Ridge Hotel and Nature Reserve, where the incident took place, declined to comment Tuesday.

 

Good job it wasn’t an elephant....

 

Dahn Unda 

25-year-old Munro Hardy happened upon an echidna wandering in a gold mine in Australia, he grabbed the rare egg-laying mammal to save it from being run over by machines.

Hardy pulled on a pair of leather gloves to pick up the echidna, which rolled into a ball to protect itself. So, he used a hard hat to move the spiky critter out of harm's way.

And what did the spiky monotreme did to thank the man? "The little bastard crapped in my hat and then crawled under the dash in the truck and into the wiring," Hardy said.

But Hardy persevered and got the animal out of his truck and into the scrubland away from the mine. Alison Bevege of Australia's NT News has the story of the crappy end to Hardy's spiky rescue, but alas, no mention of what he did with the souvenir the echidna left in his hat

 

No good deed goes unpunished....

And finally:

 

The Ex-Nazi El papa has a “star” in his entourage 

Archbishop Georg Ganswein, 56, who has been dubbed "Gorgeous George" by the Italian media has been the Pope's right hand man for more than six years and is always at his side is on the front page of Vanity Fair.

The softly spoken clergyman, who is also a pilot, likes to keep fit by playing tennis, is often pictured in glossy magazines because of his rugged good looks and some have even compared him to actor George Clooney.

He was pictured on the cover of the latest issue of Vanity Fair alongside the headline ''Being beautiful is not a sin'' adding that he was a ''particular'' clergyman, describing him as the ''George Clooney of the Vatican.''

Archbishop Ganswein's main role is to organise Pope Benedict's day to day diary and he was recently in the spotlight over the Vatileaks scandal when it emerged he had angered senior Catholic Church figures because of the media's interest in him.

However he has insisted his mind is fully on the job and recently said: ''Personally I see my role or service with the Pope as similar to that of glass.

"The cleaner it is then it will achieve its task. I need let the sunlight and the less you see of the glass then the better it is. If you don't see it at all that means I'm doing my job well.''

 

So how clean is an ex-Nazi’s glass then....

 

That’s it: I’m orf to text some money-to myself

 

And today’s thought:

What do you mean Blighty is a third world country....

 

 

Angus

Care-less NHS: Redheads, Journalists, Mothers, Bankers and Germans: Transport tossers: The Nerd Calendar: Ex Nazi only takes cash: and Brown runny stuff.

Not quite as much lack of warm bit more atmospheric movement, nary a drop of skywater and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn, the butler is happily feeding fat, carbon neutral teenagers onto the furnace conveyer belt and his Maj has discovered the joy of ambush from under the cover on the garden table and chairs.

Blogger still won't let me post pictures unless I edit in HMTL, which takes ages and is a real pain in the rear exit (just like Blogger), I know because I have just spent an hour or so editing this post.

And it keeps freezing up and crashing due to some "long running script"


Anyway here is Fridays load of old bollocks...

 

Apparently U-Turn Cam

 

Has finally admitted that piss poor “treatment” in our ‘Orspitals is killing and maiming the not so well.

The Prime Monster reckons that there is still a "long way to go" to raise standards of care in the NHS in England, and that he wanted to make improving care one of his top priorities for 2012 plus one.

But he insisted progress was being made, pointing to initiatives that were being rolled out.

He highlighted a new "friends and family" test starting in April and the extra ward rounds being put in place.

The "friends and family" test, which has already been announced, involves all hospital patients being asked whether they would recommend the place they were treated in.

Mr Cameron described it as a "flashing light" to alert hospitals if fewer people started replying positively to the test.

 
Which is total bollocks of course because when you are lying there in a piss soaked bed with tubes in most orifices you are not going to tell the “medics” that are “treating” you how badly they are doing as they stand there holding an eight foot tube ready to shove it up your rear exit.

Try again Dave....

 

All across backed up Blighty
 

Every weekend in January, one of these five groups will receive 10pc off full-price bottles at Oddbins.

According to the company blog  "The 'cap' on maternity and paternity pay is just an innovative use of a three letter word beginning with 'c' which sounds different but still means 'cut'," the group writes. "With inflation almost tripling the capped figure, the net result is that mums and their families will be even worse off in 2013.

"On top of which, on Monday the government will be removing or reducing child benefit for approximately 15pc of families... Why can’t our politicians provide a childcare system that doesn’t strong-arm a hugely important part of the county’s workforce into making a choice between their career and children?"

From January 11 until January 13 it's the turn of bankers and journalists. Urging the public to focus on the "good things that banks do", Oddbins bemoans the fact that the word "banker" has "become a derogatory term used to refer to only a select group of rogue investment bankers".

The following weekend (January 18-20) Angela Merkel could grab a bargain. On top of praising the German Chancellor for steering her country through the financial crisis and striving to bring fellow eurozone countries back into line, Oddbins also says it's time the UK moved on from the Second World War.

Lastly, Oddbins is aiming to break "the final taboo" and embrace redheads. "We love your hair and think 2013 should be the year we all put this nonsense behind us," the company states.

 

No wonder it is called “Odd Bins”; just what we need- a bunch of German, red headed, journalistic, banker mothers staggering about pissed as farts...

 

Transport across the world

Has its fair share of Pillocks.

Thank him/her upstairs for the AA.

 

East a bit to the land of red headed banker mothers

A calendar for nerds who find old computers a turn on has been created by technology fans in Germany.

The Nerd Calendar features ancient technology being fondled by models dressed as gorgeous geeks.

One blonde is seen lovingly caressing the joystick of a classic Atari games computer during the photo session in Frankfurt.

Other models get to grips with 1970s and 80s computers like the original Apple Macs, Commodores, and the Sinclair ZX81.

Classic computer fan Jan Kaufmann - who dreamed up the calendar - explained: "I just wanted to make the kind of calendar I'd always dreamed about when I was a boy."

 

Get a fucking life Herr twat....

 

East a bit more to a state within a country

 

Visitors to the home of the Ex-Nazi El Papa can only pay by cash after card payments for museum tickets, souvenirs and other services were blocked by Italy's central bank over money laundering fears.

The tiny city-state can no longer use electronic payments because the Holy See has not complied with European Union safeguards against money laundering.

As a result, Deutsche Bank Italia, which has provided the Vatican with the electronic payment services for 15 years, had its authorisation halted on December 31.

Highlights of the Vatican Museums include the Sistine Chapel

The Vatican says it is working to rectify the situation affecting thousands of tourists that flock to the Vatican Museums, which include highlights like the Sistine Chapel.

The museums, and tours of the Vatican’s ancient underground paces, with their entrance fees and popular souvenir shops, are a big money-maker for the Vatican.

Tourists have complained about the inconvenience. Fluger William Hunter, an American tourist, said: "A lot of tourists don't have cash on them, so they have to get Euros and don't know where to get them."

The central bank said a routine inspection found that Deutsche Bank Italia had not sought authorisation when it first started providing services at the Vatican, according to the Corriere della Sera newspaper.

 

And finally:

 

Somewhere in a physiotherapy dept at a Norovirus infected NHS ‘Orspital

 

That’s it: I’m orf to purchase a “Larry” (just in case)
 

 

And today’s thought:

So how much discount did you get at Oddbins....

Angus

Dorries dumps Dahn Unda: Ex Nazi El Papa wants to change history: Proof of education: No! No! Dad: Dumb ways to die Dahn Unda: and the World’s longest word.

Not a lot of vertical amounts of liquid metal in the gauge, more than a puddle of skywater, just as much atmospheric movement and sod all solar stuff at the Castle this morn.

Orf to do the stale bread, gruel and his Maj’s food run dahn Tesco later, and then back into the study for the final fling.

 

Sadly there is bad news from Dahn Unda

Nadger Nadine Dorries has managed to escape the spider infested jungle with help from the public, after only 12 days the MP without lash was voted out.

Dorries reckoned that "I actually came here self-important... but I'm not now," the Mid-Bedfordshire MP said after the show's public vote.

Before it began, Dorries said she wanted to use her appearance to raise awareness of issues she is interested in, such as reducing the time limit on abortions from 24 weeks to 20 weeks.

When asked by presenters Ant and Dec if she felt she had achieved her aim, she said: "I don't know what people have seen but I have had some fascinating conversations in there. It's been a fascinating experience.

"I think it is important that MPs realise that you need to go where the public go. More people vote on X Factor and I'm A Celebrity than they do in the general elections. MPs need to go where people vote."

 

And the last time I was in the Jungle-now let me see.......at least it will save money on the phone bill.

 

According to creepy Ex Nazi El Papa

The entire Christian calendar is based on a miscalculation; he claims in a new book that Jesus was born several years earlier than commonly believed.

In his “new” book-'Jesus of Nazareth: The Infancy Narratives', the 85 year old Ex Nazi reckons that the 'mistake' was made by a sixth century monk known as Dionysius Exiguus or in English Dennis the Small.

Dennis the Small, who was born in Eastern Europe, is credited with being the "inventor" of the modern calendar and the concept of the Anno Domini era.

He drew up the new system in part to distance it from the calendar in use at the time, which was based on the years since the reign of the Roman emperor Diocletian.

The Ex Nazi old fart also reckons contrary to the traditional Nativity scene, there were no oxen, donkeys or other animals at JC's birth.

 

So does that mean that it is 2015 then? In that case I claim my bus pass and winter fuel allowance.....

 

Back in barmier Blighty

A school has hired proofreaders to check the spelling and grammar...of the teachers.

The 1,720-pupil high school has hired “copy editors” to correct mistakes in pupils’ school reports.

A job advert wanted people to “check and amend the electronic reports to ensure that they are well written before being released to parents”.

The school hopes to stop “spelling mistakes, poor or missing punctuation, incorrect capitalization [sic] and word spacing”.

They will be paid £14.02 an hour to work up to 20 days a year. Proofreaders will also advise staff how to improve their use of English

David Hutton, head of Northgate High School in Ipswich, said the school’s excellent exam results proved they had great staff.

He said: “Between them they produce literally thousands of well-written comments each year that keep parents informed about the progress of their children.”

“Making a final quality check prior to publication indicates the high level of professionalism we strive to achieve.”

 

Never heard of spell-check then?

 

And how to “advise” your older kiddlies on driving habits.

 

 

 

 

Back Dahn Unda

 

An online video featuring cartoon creatures killing themselves in a variety of ways as part of an Australian transport safety campaign has gone viral, with almost 12 million YouTube views in a week.

The Melbourne Metro Trains video "Dumb Ways to Die" features colourful, round cartoon characters dying in improbable circumstances ranging from poking a stick at a grizzly bear to using "private parts as piranha bait", and selling both kidneys on the Internet.

The final chorus depicts what is said to be the "dumbest ways to die" -- standing on the edge of a rail platform, driving through level crossing gates and running across train tracks.

 

Candidate for the “Darwin” awards?

 

And finally:

 

The longest word......in the world.....

 

 

The full chemical name of the world’s largest known protein has 189,819 letters and is considered the longest word in any language. If you’re one of those people who love to watch paint dry, you can even watch a 3.5-hour video of a guy pronouncing the whole name.

Titin, also known as connectin, is a giant protein composed of 244 individually folded protein domains connected by unstructured peptide sequences. Also, the gene for titin contains the largest number of exons (363) discovered in any single gene. Titin is important in the contraction of striated muscle tissues, but it’s mostly known for its technical name, which is sometimes referred to as the longest known word in any language. The name “titin” is derived from the Greek “titan” (a giant deity, anything of great size), but it’s the full chemical name that really does it justice.

If you have the odd three and a half hours feel free to watch the video, but I can tell you that it begins with “me”.

Or you could download it from here, good luck.

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check for Titpox.

 

And today’s thought:

Gone to the dark side

 

 

Angus

Up your energy bills: Meteosat soars: El Papa in the red: Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop in the can: Some Old Russian Geysers: and Driving into the office.

Atmospheric conditions are back to “normal” at the Castle this morn-cold, cloudy, damp and dismal. The garden is still in need of a ginormous fettling but, unless I use a rowboat to do it there isn’t much of a chance.

Knobhead U-Turn Cam has it seems

Managed to increase our ‘Energy Bills’ by more than a few squids per annus horriblis as his shit for brains scheme for simpler gas and electricity deals threatens to backfire.

Consumer groups yesterday warned that government plans to offer fewer, simpler tariffs will leave many people “much worse off” as energy companies scrap discounts and cheaper online deals.

The warning comes as the Prime Minister prepares to meet the bosses of Britain’s biggest energy companies to discuss soaring gas and electricity bills, which remain at near highs of £1,300 a year per household.

According to the Torygraph major suppliers have already begun quietly removing their best tariffs from the market, including many “fixed” and online saver deals.

According to USwitch, the price comparison website, hundreds of thousands of British Gas, E.On and EDF customers have seen the very cheapest bills rise by an average of £249 since September 2010, a third more than customers on standard tariffs.

In a second blow for bill-payers Ofgem, the energy regulator, is trying to abolish discounts worth up to £130 for around 20 million customers on standard gas and electricity deals.

Four in five British homes are on these deals, qualifying for discounts if they have “dual fuel” accounts, settle bills promptly and opt for paperless billing.

Under current plans, customers on these tariffs would no longer get money off for any of these options.

They would also lose discounts for using energy at off-peak times, collecting loyalty points or low consumption rates.

The plans were drawn up by Ofgem, after the Prime Minister last year urged companies to “clear up their bewildering array of tariffs and special offers”.

Fuckwits U-Turn Cam and Chris (no nuclear) Huhne, the former Energy Secretary, suggested simplifying deals would lead more people to switch their supplier and ultimately save people money.

Since then, Ofgem has argued that scrapping discounts on standard tariffs will give a single clear rate that can be quickly compared across all suppliers.
 

Thanks Dave, you have done it again...will this Piss Poor Policies Coalition Millionaires Club Coalition ever think things through before they vomit their “ideas” into the bucket of the population of dear old Blighty?

According to Auntie

The latest spacecraft in Europe's long-running Meteosat series has just gone into orbit on an Ariane rocket.

It is now being manoeuvred into a position some 36,000km above the Earth from where it can keep a constant watch on developing weather systems.

The spacecraft is the 10th Meteosat platform to go into service since 1977.

Its pictures will soon be feeding into the daily forecasts provided to the public by national meteorological agencies right across Europe.

That’ll help-I can do the weather for nowt-just have a look out of the window.....

Dahn quite a lot to the right hand side of the Med

Allegedly the place where ex-Nazi El Papa lives has registered one of its worst budget deficits in years, plunging back into the red with a (EURO) 15 million ($19 million) deficit in 2011 after a brief respite of profit.

The Vatican on Thursday blamed the poor outcome on high personnel and communications costs and adverse market conditions, particularly for its real estate holdings.

Not even a (EURO) 50 million gift to the pope from the Vatican bank and increased donations from dioceses and religious orders could offset the expenses and poor investment returns, the Vatican said in its annual financial report.

The Vatican said it ran a (EURO) 14.9 million deficit in 2011 after posting a surplus of (EURO) 9.85 million in 2010. The 2010 surplus, however, was something of an anomaly. In 2009 the Vatican ran a deficit of (EURO) 4.01 million, in 2008 the deficit was (EURO) 0.9 million and in 2007 it was nearly (EURO) 9.1 million.

Seems that Him/Her upstairs maybe a Banker.....

West to the home of the weird and the land of mug shots

The Capital Times reports that Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop was arrested last week after residents complained of excessive drinking and drug use near Reynolds Park in Madison. Authorities say he was arrested in another local park last April after police found a loaded handgun in his backpack.

He's tentatively charged with carrying a concealed knife, and possession of drug paraphernalia and marijuana.

Beezow is in the Doo-Doo then...

East lots of imperial miles and then some more

In the Kamchatka Peninsula of Russia is the only geyser field in Eurasia and the second largest concentration of geysers in the world. Approximately 200 geysers exist in the area along with many hot-water springs and perpetual spouters.

The valley is one of the few places in the world where geysers occur naturally, along with Yellowstone National Park in the U.S. and sites in Iceland, Chile, and New Zealand. In Kamchatka more than 20 large jets and 200 smaller thermal springs punch through Earth's crust in a 2.7-square-mile (7-square-kilometer) area.

Over thirty geysers have been named; among these was the Giant geyser (Velikan), capable of producing a jet of water reaching up to 40 meters. At least 20 such geysers erupt on a stretch of the Geysernaya River Basin in the Valley of Geysers, along with dozens of smaller gushing vents and hundreds of hot springs. The largest of these geysers erupts with 60 tons of water once or twice a year.

But at least it is warm there-who says you can’t learn anything on this blog?

And finally:

Back in the Norf of submerged Blighty

An out of control Volkswagen Sharan mounted the pavement and crashed into the reception area of John Stokes Ltd in Tipton, West Midlands on Tuesday.

The footage of the crash, which was captured on firm's CCTV, showed a woman walking in front of the business just seconds before the people carrier drove into it.

The vehicle is seen tearing through bricks and windows before being brought to an abrupt halt by a metal safe.

Minutes before the crash, business owner Dene Stokes, 59, was standing in the reception area, which had undergone a £25,000 refurbishment the previous month, with a client.

At the time the people carrier hit the building he was on the phone talking to his son.

Should have had a No Parking sign on the front of the building...

 

That’s it: I’m orf to check out some Gluons and Muons

And today’s thought:

Catching the Javelin Olympics

Angus