A decade of Cupid Stunts: Liar, liar: Spider, spider: Numpty storage: Pay up Berlin: and a cow bell ban.

More of the same at the Castle this morn-wet/dry, calm/windy, cold/cold and sunny/cloudy, no progress on fettling the garden but I did manage to remove several weeks of grime from the Honda with some “no water” cleaner/polish stuff and....an hour later it rained.....

According to the Eton dorm boy

We will have the pleasure of living with ‘austerity’ until 2020, the Prime Monster reckons that the programme of spending cuts, initially planned to take five years, is now likely to last for the entire decade.

But, in a typical Tory tosspot way he said “that he still wants to cut tax but that any reductions would have to be funded by even greater public spending reductions.”

And added; “Now, that doesn’t mean that you can’t cut people’s taxes...You can do exciting and radical and Conservative things at the same time as having difficult overall spending choices.”

As well as “He does not believe that Britain should leave the EU and says he will never campaign for an “out” vote in any referendum.”

And finally; “I think the sense I get from people is, look, 'I know you’ve got to cut public spending, I know you’ve got to get the deficit down, I know you’ve got to make sure our businesses are competitive, I know you’ve got to do all these things, but I want to know that as we get out of this mess, it won’t be the same group of people that benefited in the past. There won’t be a splurge of public spending, mass immigration, wasted money on welfare, bankers paying themselves enormous salaries when they’re not delivering safe and effective banks. I want to know that in future a hard day’s work means a hard day’s pay.’”

 

Har bleedin har.....

And staying with the lying git

In a speech in March U-Turn Cam said: “We need to look at innovative approaches to the funding of our national roads – to increase investment to reduce congestion. Road tolling is one option – but we are only considering this for new, not existing. For example, we’re looking at how improvements to the A14 could be part-funded through tolling”

And one of today’s headlines-Motorists face paying tolls on an existing stretch of road in Britain for the first time under new plans.

Ministers have proposed to impose tolls for using an “enhanced” 20-mile section of the A14 in Cambridgeshire, the increasingly congested key road linking the East Anglian ports to the Midlands by freight traffic. Along with the new privately run road, two new sections will be built on either side for local traffic.

 

Make your own minds up.

Over the briny to the left

 A Brentwood, Tennessee woman says she wants out of her apartment lease because her home is infested with brown recluse spiders.

In the past couple of weeks alone spider traps around her apartment have collected about ten of the poisonous pests. The spiders have been showing up since April.

"I was leaning over my sink, and I grabbed my towel. And there was just this ginormous spider in my towel that I was about to put on my face," Artrip said.

When more kept coming, Artrip notified the management at her apartment complex, Mission Brentwood.

"I asked as soon as I found out they were poisonous spiders if I could switch apartments, and they told me, 'no, let us try to take care of it,'" Artrip says.

A pest control company told Artrip she would have to leave so they could dust the area, but that still didn't do the trick.

Nasty....

 

Still in the home of the Numpty and the land of lots of teeth

 A burglar has been arrested in the US after he got his head stuck under a garage door - for nine hours.

The man, 53, tried to hold open the roll-up door with a piece of metal during his midnight raid on a store in Brockton, Massachusetts.

But the metal slipped and the heavy door rolled down, trapping the would-be thief's head against the concrete floor, reports the local Enterprise newspaper.

He was discovered the next morning by store manager John Rodriguez who says the man told him he was trying to fix the door.

"I happened to walk in and he was there," he said. "I saw that little head sticking out."

Mr Rodriguez called the police who charged the man, after taking him to hospital to be checked for a large bruise on the back of his head.

 Plonker...

Back in what is left of Europe

The sleepy hamlet of Mittenwalde in eastern Germany could become one of the richest towns in the world if Berlin were to repay it an outstanding debt that dates back to 1562.

A certificate of debt, found in a regional archive, attests that Mittenwalde lent Berlin 400 guilders on May 28 1562, to be repaid with six percent interest per year.

According to Radio Berlin Brandenburg (RBB), the debt would amount to 11,200 guilders today, which is roughly equivalent to 112 million Euros ($136.79 million).

Adjusting for compound interest and inflation, the total debt now lies in the trillions, by RBB's estimates.

Schmidt and Mittenwalde's Mayor Uwe Pfeiffer have tried to ask Berlin for their money back. Such requests have been made every 50 years or so since 1820 but always to no avail.

 

I do hate a welcher

And finally: 

Across a smidge

Judge Erich Kundergraber ordered a farmer in the state of Styria to remove the bells after locals complained that they couldn't get any sleep because of endless clanging.

Initially the owner refused to remove the bells from his herd, arguing instead that they were an Austrian tradition and helped to calm the animals.

However, Judge Kundergraber visited the field near Stallhofen, in the foothills of the Alps and ruled in favour of the farmer's neighbours.

The cows were left free to roam the field at night but could be heard clearly throughout the village, especially as the cowbells banged and scraped against their metal feeding trough.

Despite the farmer appealing against the ruling it was decided that there was no need for the bovines to have cowbells if they were kept within an easily visible, fenced field, with the judge adding that these collars were not a traditional feature of rural Austrian residential areas and did not need protecting.

HA! I laugh at cow bells; try living next to Farnborough since it became an “airport”.

That’s it: I’m orf to bake some Graphene

And today’s thought:

UK toll road

Angus

DWP in the surgery: Up your debt: Crabby crab: Thick Knicks: and a smashing Taxi.

There is definitely meteorological activity at the Castle this first day of November, damp, dull and dingy, the study is partially crowded with ailing laptops and last night the dear little Kiddlies came round begging for stuff that will make them even fatter and rot their teeth.

So I left them a small bag of “goodies” on the portcullis, some nice Hot sweets out of the bag and some chocolate which will give them some exercise-isn’t Ex-Lax a wonderful invention....

 Also in Blighty:

It seems that the Dept of Witless Pillocks

Has got together with the Piss Poor GMC to harass GPs into “encouraging” patients with long-term illnesses to find a job.

The Department for Work and Pensions responded to a General Medical Council consultation to suggest that doctors should regard a patient returning to work as an “essential” indicator of successful clinical treatment.

Niall (dickhead) Dickson, the chief executive of the GMC, said the phrase was inserted because there was a lot of evidence that “productive activity can be life-enhancing”. “We don’t want to suggest doctors become policemen of the state,” he said. “It has to be where it is in the patient’s best interest that encouragement and support is given.”

A Department for Work and Pensions spokesman said: “Being in work is good for people’s health and well-being and most people with common health problems can return to work with the right support, which is why the department is committed to helping those who can work back into employment, while ensuring those who are too sick to work receive support.”

 Looks like there will be redundancies at the Job Centre Minus then...

And allegedly:

Britons have taken on the highest levels of debt since the height of the recession in May 2009 as they struggle to fund the rising cost of living, official figures have found.

Households have amassed £208.6 billion of outstanding debts in credit cards, bank overdrafts and other loans, equivalent to £9,070 for every household in the country.

In the past year household debts - excluding mortgages - have risen by over £5 billion, the biggest annual increase since the recession, the Bank said.

In the last month alone, Britons have increased their debts by £629 million.

Economists said that the figures show that people are having to borrow money simply to fund their day-to-day living in the face of rising inflation.  

No shit...

East to the land of expensive gas and crap cars

A man wearing a Russian soldier's cap was following a group of crabs as they walk alongside the curb of a rural road.

The man catches one of the crabs and holds it up to his face.

The crab clips onto the man's nostril, making him scream out in pain, but that doesn't stop the crab.

It continues to clamp down as the man's nose starts to turn white from the pressure

Though the first minute of the clip is the pursuit, the action comes in the last 15 seconds.

Go on have a laugh...

East even further to the land below Il Jong Kim’s place

The government of South Korea has ordered all government employees to start wearing thick underwear—the high-tech thermal kind preferred—to stave off quickly rising energy consumption levels.

As of January 17^th, public servants in South Korea must turn off all heating devices from 11:00am to 12:00am and 5:00pm to 6:00pm. In addition, at all other times the heating cannot be set any higher than 18-degrees Celsius, or 64-degrees Fahrenheit.

To prevent a possible blackout, the government is encouraging its employees to be extra frugal with their energy use. Long johns are okay, but thermal underwear is recommended. If employees are going to waste energy to stay warm, better they waste their own.

Sounds a bit like the advice given to those in fuel poverty in warm old Blighty.

And finally:

Back in the land of expensive oil and tractors

A drunken taxi driver was caught naked by police in Moscow following a rampage in which he smashed into 17 cars.

City police became aware of Vitaly Grodi's erratic driving after he ignored a road sign and refused to stop.

The driver bumped into 17 vehicles including a police van – reports The Russian News & Information Agency RIA Novosti

He also narrowly avoided hitting a school bus.

The driver was finally caught by officers who were shocked to find him in nothing but his birthday suit when he emerged from his cab.   

The taxi driver told police he was unhappy and had decided to get into his cab following an argument with his girlfriend.

Bet he wasn’t even wearing a seat belt.

That’s it: I’m orf to chase a Neutrino 

And today’s thought: Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.

Angus

Saturday Snippets

I.D. cards U-Turn; Killjoy; C.A.L.M; Spiky Wags; and Death wish Numpty.


Another week over and deeper in debt, unless you are an MP that is, and can exploit a loophole in expenses rules to claim thousands of pounds of public money without the need for receipts.

Parliament’s failure to demand proof of purchases for items costing less than £25 led to an abundance of claims for household goods and bills of £24, or just under.

Many MPs submitted several claims each month for miscellaneous items valued between £20 and £25, which were automatically paid because the parliamentary fees office did not have the power to ask to see receipts.


Alright for some.









And I see that Boris’s team is shrinking almost as fast as the economy Tim Parker, the First Deputy Mayor and Chairman of Transport for London (TfL), has stepped down from both jobs, saying it was inappropriate for him to hold them as an unelected official.

The loss of Mr Parker comes soon after Mr Johnson accepted the resignations of Ray Lewis, another deputy mayor, over allegations of financial and sexual misconduct, and James McGrath, a senior adviser, for inappropriate comments he made about immigrants.

Doesn’t the Government have someone unelected at the top? Oh yes it’s Gord, I wonder if...........
..Nah, too arrogant.

First up:

Up his own exhaust pipe

The Chancellor suggested that biometric passports, which carry the same information as ID cards, would be sufficient.

In an interview in The Daily Telegraph today, he said there was “probably no need” to “go further” than the new passports, paving the way for ID cards to be scrapped. Although he claimed later that he wasn’t going beyond existing plans, his intervention could spell the death knell for the project.

Ask not for whom the biometric bell tolls, it tolls for Labour.

Isn’t the world miserable enough?

Not according to body language and relationship consultant Estelle Pollard. Ms Pollard says that employees need to keep their guard up at the office party in the same way they would in the office, remembering that it is an extension of the work environment.

She recommends only one glass of wine or mixed spirits.

And she says the same cautious attitude should extend to what you wear.

If you could not get away with it in the office, you should not be wearing it to the party.

"You clothes can be more festive than those you wear to work every day, but they shouldn't be too revealing," she said.

She says treating the office party like a singles bar is also definitely a no-no, and even the most innocent flirtation should be avoided.

But the office party can also be a chance to impress. Handled in the right way, it can improve your chances in the office.

And what are her top tips? Thank the boss for putting on the evening, for their support over the previous year and make sure you remember to say goodbye.


God; I bet her house is a bundle of fun over Crimbo.

Don’t you just hate that?

There you are sitting on the sofa semi-comatose while “watching” a programme about the mating habits of the one eyed purple people eater when the adverts come on and your ears start to bleed from the volume, making you scramble to find the remote before permanent damage is done.

No longer in America it seems; Democratic Senator Sheldon Whitehouse has unveiled separate legislation that would require television advertisements to be no louder than the programs during which they appear, and a similar proposal is pending in the House.

"The Commercial Advertisement Loudness Mitigation (CALM) Act of 2009" would require the US Federal Communications Commission to regulate the ads' volume.

"Every day millions of Americans are barraged with abrasively loud television commercials," Whitehouse said in a statement that declared it time "to dial down to normal the loudness of these ads."

The legislation, which would require the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) to set new rules, was unveiled with year-end holiday advertising booming and with campaign commercials ahead of the November 2010 US mid-term elections set to launch in earnest.

In a June fact sheet posted on its Internet site, the FCC said loudness was subjective and that broadcasters and program producers had "considerable latitude."

"Manually controlling volume levels with the remote control remains the simplest approach to reducing excessive volume levels," it said. "The 'Mute' button on TV remote controls is also useful to 'blank' excessively loud audio."


Or in other words “not my problem”, blame the user not the provider.

Handbag hogs

African pygmy hedgehogs have become the latest must-have handbag accessory, prompting condemnation from animal welfare campaigners.

The tiny creatures are said to be stealing the hearts of rich women, including footballers' wives and girlfriends, ousting designer dogs like Chihuahuas from their handbags.

At five inches long, owners have told breeders they prefer the hedgehogs to take in their bags because they are easier to maintain than dogs.

Their popularity has been cemented by the variety of colours buyers can choose between – from albino to apricot and chocolate to salt and pepper.

However, animal welfare experts are outraged that the hedgehogs, which sell for around £250, are being marketed as fashion accessories.

Diana Mather, a self-styled etiquette and style guru, said: "These lovely little animals should make a perfect present for the trend setter who has everything.

"They're ideal for designer mums to give to their children.

"The African pygmy hedgehog is a delightful little creature which is increasingly seen gracing designer kitchens and peeping out from the handbags of our fashionistas."

Piss off, what will happen to them when they go out of “fashion”?




And finally:

The mind boggles!

An Australian man has been photographed sitting on a dead whale while it was being eaten by tiger sharks in an attempt to dispel myths about the predators.

Leon Deschamps, 32, said he wants to show that the sharks are not merely blood thirsty killing machines and was prepared to put his own life at risk to prove it.

The conservationist from Shark Bay in Western Australia - said people perceive all sharks to be the same and that tiger sharks are victims as a result.

"We fear tiger sharks because we do not understand them," he said.

"They are lumped into the same group as great whites and bull sharks, just because they are a type of shark, but their feeding and predation habits are completely different.

"We must be more species specific when we talk about sharks.

I want to bring the animals into the public arena, educate people so that they know they are not blood thirsty killing machines.

"Tiger sharks are not constantly aggressive. And now people can see that, after I threw myself into the middle of a feeding frenzy.

"I wasn't scared because I have educated myself about the animal.”

"It was an amazing experience, a once in a lifetime opportunity and wild horses would not have stopped me from doing it."

A spokesman for Australia's Department of Environment and Conservation warned that touching whales was illegal and people were not to interfere with sharks because of the risk of attack.

He said of the stunt: “This is highly irresponsible and dangerous behaviour and puts people’s lives at risk.”


Personally I think that one less Numpty in the world is a good thing, carry on Leon.


Angus

AnglishLit

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